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Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
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 [Drunken Accountants] I had a small food business in Old Town and hired a well-respected accounting firm on Flagler Avenue to keep me legal. I paid him monthly but started getting bad mail from the State about unpaid taxes and missing reports. We eventually got it straightened out but I still quit that firm. Trying to keep me as their client, the head accountant apologized and said the man who handled my account was an alcoholic and was fired for f**king up.
I had a small food business in Old Town and hired a well-respected accounting firm on Flagler Avenue to keep me legal. I paid him monthly but started getting bad mail from the State about unpaid taxes and missing reports. We eventually got it straightened out but I still quit that firm. Trying to keep me as their client, the head accountant apologized and said the man who handled my account was an alcoholic and was fired for f**king up. I then hired a nice guy, (Editor: name deleted for liable reasons), I sometimes had drinks with him at the Green Parrot. He had a lot of business in town and seemed smart. Months later I got a notice from the State about late tax filings and called him and he said he paid the taxes and the State probably hadn’t processed it yet. I saw him a few days later and asked about my taxes and he told me it was all taken care of. I phoned him a week or so later when I received another nasty letter and also ran into him in Old Town on several occasions. Evert time I’d ask him about my taxes and that I wanted a receipt proving they were paid. He kept offering different excuses. Pissed off, I again went to his office and got more excuses. I threatened him with violence if I didn’t get a receipt. One afternoon several days later, I was drinking at the Green Parrot and saw him pull up on his Vespa and park it on the sidewalk in front of the door. I rushed out and lifted his helmet off his head so I could punch him in the face. He started screaming and begging me not to hit him in the face as he had just gotten it rebuilt (I suppose, another mishap). I felt bad for him; he looked so pathetic, so I pulled out his wallet and found the title to the Vespa and physically dragged him inside the Parrot and forced him to sign the title over to me on the bar top. He said his behavior was because he is an alcoholic and has seen the error of his ways and was going to AA meetings and just went to the bar to meet someone. Yeah, right. Never believe a liar. I don’t know what I did with the Vespa, I didn’t want one. I hired another accountant to straighten out his mess. This one was not an alcoholic. |
 [Grass For The Stupid] Our County is trying to charge more fees for use of public lands. Now they are considering charging for parking at Rowell’s Waterfront Park, Veterans Memorial Park, Pine Channel Nature Park and Higgs Beach. Greedy. Guess they need to pay for the new grass they want to add at the Big Pine Community Park. They had a fine green area, dug it up and added a sprinkler system and now they want to dig it up again and add new grass so they can dig it up and later add a pool. Call or write to your representatives and ask them to stop wasting our money |
| [Canals] I don’t think there is a 5 mile per hour speed limit in canals around here, only a no wake rule that effectively reduces boat traffic to 5mph. |
Low Low Tide |
| [Bad Situation] You’re in your home watching TV when someone knocks on your door. You go to open the door and are greeted by a bad guy. What do you do? Scream and cry. Run from the intruder? Slam the door and lock it? Remain calm and ask what the person wants? Grab the hidden gun you keep by the doorway and start shooting the intruder until it is over? Now who was that person? A criminal invader? Your partner or loved one? Your high school basketball star? Your neighbor whose wife is in the hospital? A cop? Now add race to the description. This should tell you what kind of person you are. Video |
 [Whiten Your Teeth Naturally] 6 home remedies. Link |
| [The Great Unwashed Misinformed] I read this site with sincerity, but still cannot believe some posters’ statements that are so obviously twisted from anything near the truth, that I sometimes just click off the site and let my stomach settle down! The Political section especially has a few very ill posters who have such hate for everything they are downright dangerous. (Editor: That’s why I separate the political stuff from reality. It’s hard to believe that some people are so ill informed and hateful that they make important statements based on what they would like to see happen instead of facts.) |
[Native Plant Finder] Just enter your zip code. Link |
 [Black History Month Isn’t About Equality] Have you ever heard a Black stand-up comic not make fun of White people? Can you imagine what would happen if a White comic poked fun at black people’s hair, slave talk, backwards hat, holding handguns horizontally instead of vertical, or wearing their hats backwards, or their pants below their hips with their boxers showing? The fallout would be giant. |
| [Political Extremes] Too far Right is Fascism and too far Left is Communism. Neither one is acceptable. |
 I’m new to being retired, but this morning I made a huge tactical error. My wife asked what my plans were for the day and I said, “Nothing.” So now I have a crapload of plans for the day. Rookie mistake and I know better. |
| [Foods to Make Your Body Alkaline] A blood pH level that’s too acidic can throw the entire body out of whack, potentially leading to muscle loss, chronic back pain, bone loss, high blood pressure and stroke. Link |
 Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Junior admitted that he is putting his life in danger by speaking out about the assassinations of his uncle and his father, and that he “takes precautions” to ensure the CIA doesn’t kill him. Link |
| Age Is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. ~Groucho Marx |
 Installing a WiFi antenna can boost internet speeds all around your home. Get faster and more reliable WiFi wherever your laptop goes. Link |
| [Killing Our Kids] In 2019, before the coronavirus pandemic, there were 1,732 gun deaths among U.S. children and teens under the age of 18. By 2021, that figure had increased to 2,590 children killed by guns. Still, a certain group of people won’t do anything about it, except pay empty lip-service to the problem. Link |
More infants seem to be allergic to cow’s milk—but nobody really knows why. Some experts question whether the formula industry is to blame. Link |
| [Back Off] Can I feed the deer? That’s a definite no. Can I pet the deer? If you are close enough to ask this question then back up now! You need to be able to fit the length of a school bus been you and a deer. What if a deer approaches me? They don’t know any better, but you do. Back away…keep going…yes, that’s better. What if I break the rules? Lives are at stake. You will be fined a minimum of $250! |
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| [Florida Keys man fatally shot by girlfriend] Brittany Holbrook says he strangled her. He said, “that b**** shot me in the back.” Link |
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Can boba tea pearls actually be dangerous for one’s health? a woman took to TikTok to warn viewers about her scary tapioca pearl experience. Link |
| [Missing Sub] Search mission continues for missing Titanic tour sub. Video |
Happy Juneteenth. Video |
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| The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 6/20/23 at 9:28 am. |