2016 June

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures


The Jamies – Summertime, Summertime

[“Gated resort to protect the rich from us”] No, just God no. You have this already, it’s all just up the road in Miami. Why do you want to take a peaceful, quiet area of nature and turn it into another destination just like the rest of Florida? Furthermore, if you pave it over and make it the “exotic locale” you think it should be, who is going to work there to serve you (and the rich)? Affordable housing in the Keys is already an issue, do you really believe that people from the mainland are going to drive the 135+ mile stretch of the Keys to work and wait on you? I’m not certain what reality you live in but it’s an interesting one and short-sighted one to say the least. If it’s so bad that you have to resort to calling people names and degrading their homes, maybe you should move to a place where it’s more suitable to your liking instead of wanting to change it to what you think it should be. We all have opinions, and we all know what those are like.

Keys folks, don’t let your guard down, speak up. If you do not speak up, before you know it, the way of life in the Keys will be long gone. We run like hell in the summer from where I live to the home in the Keys because it too once was like the lower Keys but has been “developed into resorts for the rich and dignified”. Hell, you can’t even get down the road or take your boat out without sitting in traffic for hours in our town up north. Call your reps, attend the meetings, express your grief, let your voice be heard. I do not have a complete dog in this fight, I am only a part timer there, but definitely have experience with where this is leading and it in fact leads to what I mentioned above.

dog puppy lick4

Note to poster about AR-15. When trying to get any point across to gun nuts you have to be very accurate because they will focus on the nomenclature of the arms you mention and not the point you are trying to make. It’s similar to trying to keep a puppy’s attention.

Vacant office buildings should convert their spaces to small efficiencies to help the affordable housing issue. Yes, I understand the County will balk at it, but …
Restroom-Cafe[Winn Dixie Bathroom] Not one toilet without piss or shit in it. A bathroom sign hanging low enough to hit your head, no employee wash stations so they share our bathroom of no soap, no hot water, no toilet that can flush because they are full of waste. It’s disgusting and a health hazard. I’m sick of it. If you want change take your phone in the rest room, document the mess and contact the health department. I’m sick of human waste in the bathroom, water pressure that won’t flush a feather down a toilet, much less what is left in a toilet. We trust their produce’s cleanliness and their meat. Clerks handle our change at the register with no soap or hot water after they urinate in a full toilet that won’t flush. Locals are not hand-me-down shoppers and tourists don’t give a damn. They are here for only 10 weeks and they don’t care what we live with. I’m sick of it. I talked to Kyle, the manager, and showed him every toilet stall–no soap, no hot water. His reply, “Call corporate.”
Your store is unhealthy, disgusting. I’m calling the health department and you should be closed!Laugh people. It’s your food. It’s only time until you feed that crap to your kids and you may lose them.
[Do-nothing Congress] After all of Congress’ speechifying they didn’t pass one single gun bill out of the four they had.
[“Is it safe to tour Key West”] No! God no! Stay away from here. Go to Orlando and play in the family fun parks where it’s safe.



Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.   ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store

I look both ways before crossing a one way street. That’s how little faith I have left in humanity.
zoning[Keep Zoning Rules] I have mixed emotions.  I do agree that the marina property should be allowed to do whatever the owners want to do with their property.  What I also believe is that they should be restricted to doing the improvements under the restrictions of the current zoning.  When the people of the neighborhood bought their property they were given certain protections by the current zoning.  For example, other zoning changes across the highway were allowed given that the zoning change was a change to a more restrictive zoning use not a more liberal use.  When the owner changed his mind about the zoning change they were not allowed to change back to the less restrictive use zoning.

If you or I requested that our home in an IS-zoned subdivision be changed to a MU-zoned home we would be laughed out of the place because our neighbors would be unfairly subjected to a property with a less restrictive use in the neighborhood.

I heard “Hurricane” Dave died. Can anyone verify this? I knew him so long that he was a normal tile setter, and had a dog that he actually took good care of, and a truck. I’ve known many who came here normal, but something happened. Dave’s dad was a rocket scientist. I’m sure there are lots of stories.
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My wife finally learned how to turn on and, basically, use her new smartphone. If she gets the vibration thing going, divorce is next!


Your new Disneyworld mascot is not funny, cute or worthy of your site. A 2-year old child died, please show more thoughtfulness to those hurt by that situation. Video

[Energy Efficient] I read in the Citizens that the new Key West city hall was designed to get a LEED platinum rating. LEED is a building rating system that supposedly ensures that the building is energy efficient and environmentally friendly. The LEED platinum rating is their highest level and certainly the most expensive to obtain. I wonder who decided to build to this level? It made the building much more expensive, not to mention the additional consulting fees. My main concern is the LEED rating system has come under scrutiny- many LEED rated buildings are not as efficient as standard ones. Check out the following article. Link
red riding hood wolf granny

No matter how stupid you feel, remember that Little Red Riding Hood couldn’t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn’t her grandmother.

[More Rules] NOAA Fisheries is seeking public comment on a draft environmental impact statement for Amendment 37 to the Fishery Management Plan for the Snapper-Grouper Fishery of the South Atlantic Region (Amendment 37).

NOAA Fisheries is proposing to manage hogfish in the South Atlantic as two populations: Georgia through North Carolina and Florida Keys/East Florida. A population assessment determined that the Florida Keys/East Florida population isundergoing overfishing and is overfished and, therefore, in need of a rebuilding plan. The overfishing and overfished status of the Georgia/North Carolina population is unknown.

The draft environmental impact statement for Amendment 37 analyzes a range of alternatives for actions, which include:
Modifying the management unit for hogfish.
Establishing a rebuilding plan for the Florida Keys/East Florida population to increase hogfish biomass to sustainable levels.
Specifying commercial and recreational annual catch limits and accountability measures for the Georgia/North Carolina and Florida Keys/East Florida populations of hogfish.
Modifying or establishing fishing regulations for both populations of hogfish, including minimum size limits, commercial trip limits, recreational bag limits, and a recreational fishing season.

For more information, please see the frequently asked questions section. Link

[“Assault rifles”] I have read some twisted rhetoric on this blog over the years and, like that piece about assault rifles, they make little, if no, sense at all. People who have ill-informed ideas about things should first analyze what they say, by writing it down then reviewing it days later so some logic might jump out. Typically on the topic, most people have no idea it is illegal to own a true assault rifle with fully automatic firing capability. If I saw a “hunter” in the woods with such a weapon I would walk away from him knowing he is not a hunter, but a cowboy!
amphitheaterThe design of Truman Waterfront Park’s amphitheater is not in keeping with the historic environment that people come to Key West for. Why couldn’t they build a gabled roof instead of that round concrete slab? A metal roof on square columns would be in keeping with the tradition that we brag about to tourists, but seldom put our monies where our mouths are. Another erosion of Key West architecture. Small thinkers–all.
[Change] Two guests from the mainland are staying for a week and the first thing they mentioned was, “What happened to these Keys? They look like a plastic tour guide with all the ridiculous aluminum highway railings, signs, pathways, cross overs, and other junk.” I think this is their last visit.
walking stick figureHas anyone noticed the ‘walker’ that I have seen almost every day in the Big Pine-Cudjoe area?  At first I thought he was a DOT worker because of his bright vest, but he covers much more ground than any DOT person could. And the unlit cigarette is always there. Is this a Key’s character story in the making? Maybe another Forest Gump?
Being one with one’s self is comforting. People can bring you down.
[“Why did you move here”] I moved here too in 1974. My reason was that a friend told me there were a lot of woman here. My friend was right. I didn’t even know KW was an island and there was a long stretch of islands south of Miami. I was only interested in woman. My friend said I could stay with him on his 50’ schooner. The night I got to KW I was witness to the sale of his schooner and we slept in his old Ford sedan called the “Whale” along with his carpentry tools. Good thing he was right about all the girls!



[Sandal socks] Why?

[Vehicle burglaries at 103 mm] Sheriff’s deputies are still completing reports for at least 13 vehicle burglaries that took place in Key Largo overnight Saturday.
dog-poopIs it not the law to pick up your dog poop in Monroe County. Is there not a sign on Pirates Road, Little Torch Key that says you need to pick up your dog poop? Yes, there is. Are you excluded from picking up after your dog if you are elderly and have bad knees? Or because you have a small dog with small poops? It’s still poop. You are just lazy. Pick your dog poop up. Other people walk their dogs on the side of the road too. And dogs probably walk thru your dog’s poop. Do you know a dog’s smeller is 10x that of ours?  If you wish to leave your poop in your yard than that’s your business. But if you take your dog for a dump on the side of the road, pick it up. Being old has nothing to do with picking up poop. Or teach your dog to crap in your yard. Yes, they will poop in there yard.  Or pick it up. It’s simple. Be a responsible pet owner
Subtitles: [Whimpering with resolve]
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Here comes the switcheroo. For years I’ve been listening to various world leaders preaching to their charges that there was no holocaust, that it was just a fairly tale concocted by the spawn of Satan. Now here comes the latest being taught in madrasas throughout Islam. 9/11 didn’t happen as the white devils claim. It was the CIA’ s plot to start a war with the peace-loving Muslims, thereby backing the Jewish plan to dominate the Middle East.

While I’m at it, Russian athletes don’t do dope. According to Putin, it’s a plot by the west to disrespect Russia.

gender-all[Gender] I read the other day that a person in Oregon had a judge declare her as non-gender.  We have straight, LGBT, now we have transgender, a person with a birth certificate that says one sex when that person has “feelings” that they are the opposite sex, and now we have a person who has a birth certificate that says a particular sex but that person checks the None of the Above box. It appears that there has been a shift in the evolutionary path. The Christian God is reported to have created man in his image so which gender is the Christian god? Straight, LGBT, transgender, or none of the above?
You are a fluke of the universe, you have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back. Can anyone take this nonsense seriously when the good old USA is slowly slipping down the drain.
[Surplus Tax Money] According to the News Barometer, on the front page, it appears that the BOCC doesn’t know what to do with the surplus infrastructure sales tax monies. Hey morons, oops sorry, BOCC, I got a suggestion on what to do with the surplus tax monies. Put your turd grinders in the street your own ordinances mandate. Spend the monies as the voters mandated you do. Pay the $1600 each for the traffic bearing grinder pump lids and take the electric off the poles instead of extorting home owners. We mandated you spend the monies on the sewers first. Why are you refusing to follow the mandate of the voters that put you in office?
nun dancing



How come some Catholic nuns dress like Muslim women? Is it out of habit?

In the terrible B-movie “Shark Lake” the cop yells to Dolph Lungren, who is chest deep in the water, “You’re under arrest Drop to your knees!” So what is Dolph supposed to do? obey and drown? I think I could have directed this movie better.
[“Let the people of Little Palm Inc. build us up and make the Keys the exotic local it should be”] The Keys are the exotic local they should be. Take your elitist-self back to where you’re from and learn to spell. I left the mainland to get away from the insurgents of the Northeast. You people ruined your home states making them what they were not. Don’t do it here.
match burn


Gas cap hard to unscrew? Simply take your lighter and burn off the hardened residue that has built up inside the hole.

Join The Sister Season Fund upstairs at Irish Kevin’s, 211 Duval Street, on Wednesday, June 29th from 6:00PM – 9:00PM for the grand opening of the Balcony Bar! Admission is free, donations are welcome.  Cash bar with drink specials and live music by John Solinski. This fundraiser includes a silent auction and 50/50 raffle and all tips at the Balcony Bar will be donated to The Sister Season Fund.  Come out for a fun evening and help support locals helping locals. For more information or silent auction donations call Ginger King at 305-849-0991 or Judy Burrel at 305-393-2164

I’ve had woman in heat (or after my money) tell me they were going to do things to me I couldn’t imagine. Just what do they mean? I can imagine a lot of stuff, but none that I haven’t tried at least once. No one’s ever come up with anything I’d be willing to try especially if it involved pain or bondage. A girl in Asia wanted to stick a knotted string up my butt and pull it out while I climaxed. That’s about the only thing I couldn’t imagine, but there’s no way I was going to let that happen.

Does steak really stop swelling and black and blue if you but it on a black eye?
nira-tocco 700x175
An AR15 doesn’t shoot “hundreds of rounds a minute”. It’s a semi-automatic. You have to pull the trigger every time it shoots.
great-barracuda[Barracuda Limit] Last year, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Conservation Commission approved the first commercial bag limit for barracuda, two fish per person and six fish per vessel per day, which is the same as the recreational limit. On Thursday, the FWC board will vote on expanding the restrictions to include a slot limit for the fish. The FWC staff proposed slot limit is between 15 and 36 inches and would allow for one “trophy” fish larger than the maximum allowed size to be kept per vessel per day for those who want to mount a large barracuda on their wall.

Heart — Barracuda

[“Summerland Key turned into a trash strip of ugly businesses”] Where you from? When did you get here? I’ve lived on Summerland a long time and am happy to shop the market, the liquor store, the hardware store and all the other convenience stores instead of driving off the island. It’s nice to shop by bike. If you don’t like the place, leave. List your house with the realtor in the photo on the CT, she’s nice!
happy smile teethThe six best doctors in the world.
1. Sunlight
2. Rest
3. Exercise
4. Diet
5. Self Confidence
6. Friends
How many times does one need to say, “Excuse me?” before, “Holy shit, get out of the f**g way!” becomes acceptable?
Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
After reading the CT and trying to understand the logic of some of the posters rants, it occurred to me that Ed modifies everything to suit his sheepish spin. The old Ed used to be quite hip on topics until the shift change. What really happened, did some pacifistic sheep or a blonde, bimbo, bible-belter take over the helm? Are there any other blogs with balls left in the Keys? (Ed: Don’t you mean any other blog that spews hate and lies? That’s what you want, right?)
Gun-nuts[Gun Nut Threats] The poster that posted it’s illegal to have automatic weapons knows nothing. Permits are available for automatic weapons ownership. If you know all the inns and outs you too can have an automatic weapon. I love it when the people that know the least about firearms are the ones screaming that they should be illegal as if that’s going to keep them out of the hands of maniacs and imbeciles. The weapons are out there, get yourself a few or shut up. Registration is a joke. Weapons will always be available legal or not. I would love to know how many weapons have been reported stolen in the last five years alone. Sales are up and mambie pambie types think they can stop the will of a % of the people. Buy a weapon or shut you’re know nothing gob you pansies. Look at drugs. Making them illegal sure took care of that problem didn’t it? Want my weapons? Just try to come and take them. If some scum bag comes in your house and demands, whatever…… I will just bet you wish you had a pistol on your hip
[“Coconuts Bar & Package Store” supports Donald Trump”] I find it hypocritical that you discuss your political (and sometimes religious) beliefs here, but do not allow those same topics to be discussed in the bar. By your voicing your opinions here, you are intimidating your patrons who do not feel the same as you. As a local drinking establishment owner, you should keep your opinions to yourself because if any of your patrons choose to voice opposite views, they will be asked to shut up or leave or even be banned.
candle holder flame

It is sad that the grieving display burning candles, carry crosses and flowers and pray to some cloud to appease the Gods for the 49 people who were killed by a nutcase instead of going out and rounding up the invaders and shipping them back to their sand dunes. Same goes for anyone who attacks or invades Americans. Do unto others before they do unto you! they are!

What is with the restaurants in the Keys lately, their prices are going nuts for garbage food and rot-gut booze? It’s off season and they should be back to locals’ prices and better food


[Hates Old 7 Mile Bridge] Okay, The $77 million old 7 Mile Bridge project is without a doubt the winner of the biggest waste of money contest. Congratulations Florida department of money wasting.

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