2014 May

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

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The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media. Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures. Published Daily by Noon Since 2002. No Saturday Edition

scam20[Scam] Dump the pumps. The whole sewer project should be dumped. Go back to step one. Has there every been a factual study done showing that the septic tanks are in fact polluting the waters around the keys. None that I am aware off. Cudjoe gardens has been water quality testing the local canals and all their testing came up with acceptable water quality. The tens of millions being spent on this project is a total sham forced on the keys home owners by the State of Florida. This is a total waste of money whereas in a few hundred years all of South Florida will be under water from rising sea levels. Then no one will really give (dump) a shit (into) about the sewer system
[Crooks] Get it in writing from Overseas Outfitters in Marathon.  I have spent $1500 with them in the last 3 years.  I purchased two bikes at $500 each last year.  At the time we purchased these bikes we were told verbally that we would receive a free bike tune-up on each bike within one year of purchase.I took both bikes to Overseas Outfitters a week ago and told the gentleman who owns the store that I was returning within the year for my free tune-up.  I told him I had the receipt to prove it was within the year. I told him the bikes had only been ridden 5 times since purchase because of the sewer construction, but we were bringing them in as our year was almost over. He did not say a thing and did not look at my receipt.

I returned today to pick them up and was told by another person (the owner’s son, I believe) that I owed $100 ($50 for each bike) for the tune-ups.  I told him (and was supported by my fiancé who also heard the original statement that we would receive free tune-ups within a year) that we thought the tune-ups were free in the first year.  I also told him I had a coupon at home for 50% off a tune-up, but did not bring it as we thought we were getting these for free as agreed.  The outcome was $100 on my credit card.  Not even an offer to reduce one tune-up by 50%.  I will be taking my bike business to Key West from now on.  <>

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comcast20[Comcast] You will think this story is exaggerated but it is totally true. In January I started basic cable TV in Big Pine Key with Comcast Xfinity. In March, Comcast Xfinity initiated internet service and equipment purchase/lease on my “TV only” account without any authorization or explanation. When confronted, they just say they are investigating why it happened, but this is two weeks later and they still have no explanation. They did discontinue the internet portion of my service, however they refuse to return my money they debited out of my bank account, saying their “system” is not set up to issue a refund check. All they will do is issue a credit to my TV account which will apply to future charges. This amount is approximately $140. My monthly TV account is only about $24.
Do not trust Comcast. Look them up on the net. They are among the worst or maybe the worst! Do not let them have access to your bank account.
(I know the satellite TV companies aren’t much better).
2d Nature Landscape and Design Service’s Memorial Day Special Ends June 1. 10% off your first month for new monthly maintenance accounts when you mention this ad.
cop chases donut
[Too Fat To Chase Crooks] Sheriff Ramsay has initiated some really good programs.  May I suggest starting one to help his overweight deputies get down to their AMA recommended weights
[Crooks] The mayor of North Miami has been charged with using a radio show as a recruitment tool in an $8 million mortgage fraud scheme. An indictment unsealed Monday charges Mayor Lucie Tondreau and three others with wire fraud conspiracy.  Tondreau turned herself into police this morning.
[Citizen Review Board of KW Police] Most of the candidates were asked, if hired, how would they deal with City Hall trying to dismantle the CRB because it only processed 2 complaints last year? The stock answer, agreed with by CRB members, was only 2 complaints last year indicates how well the CRB is watch-dogging the KWPD, all the more reason to keep the CRB! That, and the CRB was overwhelmingly approved in a city referendum in 2002, and City Hall cannot dismantle the CRB!
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nigeriaThis Bob Thaves cartoon should be sent along with all Nigerian email scams.
[6 Dead on Reef] Six divers and snorkelers have died since April in the Keys. All were older people ages 48, 52, 54, 55, 69, 71
[Flats Fishing] I mostly poled my father’s small Boston Whaler. His home on Lower Matecumbe Key was on the ocean side, the bottom was rock hard, and when I stayed there, every morning I was out at dawn wading that flat with a spinning rod and a few live shrimp in my pocket. Bone fish liked that flat before the sun got up and put them in bright light.The last time I killed a bone fish, because I wanted it mounted, was maybe early 1967. My Father and his wife, my brother and his girl friend, and my wife and I were staying of Christmas at what we called “The Fish House,” which is what the original owner had called it. A big cold front came down from the mainland, the wind was howling in from the north, the coconut tree fronds were whistling, and the flats were stirred up and muddy. We were headed back to Alabama the next day, and it would be a while before I would be back down to where I so loved. So, yeah, I got in the whaler and took it down to the rock hard bottom flat off of what now is called Anne’s Beach.

Over the years, I had seen a lot of bone fish on that flat, but had never caught one there. The wind was blowing directly down the flat, so I eased the whaler to the upper end of the flat, cut the engine, baited up two spinning rods with live shrimp, laid the rods down with the butts on the rear seat and the middle of the rods angled across the gunnels so the shrimp could barely dangle in the water.

fly fishermanI picked up the push pole I had made, shorter than the push poles guides used because the whaler was shorter and lower to the water than the flats boats the guides were using, also affectionately called an idiot stick, and started trailing the pole behind the boat like a rudder.

The wind blew me down the flat fast, the water was milky white, opaque, no way to see fish under water. Maybe 50 yards above the flat’s lower edge, where the flat dropped off into maybe fifteen feet of water, a bone fish tale popped up into the air. A big bone fish tale. The tale of an insane bone fish. Bone fish didn’t go up on flats in that kind of weather.

I reached down and picked up the anchor and eased it into the water off the stern, because there was no way to stick the push pole into that rock hard bottom and in that way stop the boat from running over the still tailing bone fish. The anchor line came taught, somehow the anchor found purchase on the hard bottom.

I cinched the anchor line off on a cleat, the boat held its position. Waves slapped the transom, but the fish kept tailing maybe 20 yards below me. The water was so choppy, the fish must not have heard the waves slapping the transom; otherwise, the fish would have bolted to deep water.

I picked up the spinning rod to my right, I spin-fished right-handed, opened the bail and flipped the shrimp down wind right next, like a few inches from, the big tail waving in the wind. I closed the bail, felt the fish pick up the shrimp, watched the line go taught, set the hook – shazam! Off to the races that fish went, straight over the edge of the flat into deeper water. Close to a 100 yard run, before it stopped and I started working the fish slowly back toward the boat.

Maybe ten minutes and several shorter runs later, I had the fish in the landing net. It was by some measure the longest bone fish I’d ever caught, but it seemed thin, and it had a scar on its tale. I figured it was around 10 pounds, my largest bone fish by maybe 2 pounds. I unhooked it and put it on the bottom of the boat, pulled the boat back to the anchor, got the anchor off the bottom, drifted the boat off the edge of the flat into deep water, cranked the 18 Mercury and headed back to my father’s place to show off the miracle.

“Oh, that’s nice,” was the consensus reply. Not, “How’d you catch that fish in this howling wind?!” Not, “Great job!” Not, “Are you going to have it mounted?” Not, “Why’d you kill it?” Boy, what a blah hero’s welcome.

Undeterred, I carried the miracle back to the whaler, to take the miracle and the whaler up to Bud n’ Mary’s where my father kept the skiff in the boat barn when he was not down. We were leaving the next morning, and it was time to take the skiff back, and it was time to show the people who worked at Bud n’ Mary’s, and any flats guides hanging around, the miracle.

In that kind of wind, I had to be careful not to launch the whaler off a wave in such a way that the wind flipped the whaler over backward on top of me. The run up to Bud n’ Mary’s took longer than usual, therefore, but I arrived safely, making the last part of the run on the inside of US 1, using the little cut next to the rocks to ease into the main channel near the bridge, just above which is Bud n’ Mary’s.

A couple of flats guides I knew were there, and two men who ran Bud n’ Mary’s. They laughed when I said I’d caught the miracle tailing just above Channel Two Bridge. “You caught it nigger-fishing in a channel,” one of them said. My efforts to persuade that I indeed caught the miracle tailing met more laughter. I was flummoxed. I really wanted their recognition.

I told the men at Bud n’ Mary’s to put the miracle in their freezer and give it to the Al Pfleuger Taxidermy rep the next time he was by there. They said okay. I called my father’s house, arranged for someone to drive up and get me. I was really bummed out. , And, I was really proud, because caught that big bone fish tailing on a flat, when nobody else in the Keys was fishing the flats that day.

It was the last bone fish I would kill, but it was not the last bone fish I would catch. I was in love with bone fishing, and would catch and release quite a few more, most of which while I was wading the rock hard flat in front of my father’s home, or pushing his whaler with the idiot stick.

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[Battery Explosion]
The GPS was placed in its bracket in the windshield and left in the sun. The battery overheated. I would bet this also applies to cell phones, tablets, digital cameras, and other devices that use lithium batteries. You think this may be a reason why the US Postal Service will not ship electronic devices that contain lithium batteries any longer?
[Cheats] A trial over whether Florida legisla­tors broke the law when drawing new political maps started Monday with an attempt to delve into the often secretive world of the state’s top politi­cians and their consultants. Groups suing the Republican-controlled Florida Legislature contend GOP leaders ignored a 2010 constitutional amendment that requires them to draw up congressional districts that do not protect incumbents or members of a certain party.
[“Cat Trapping”] I saw a small rabbit on Key Deer Blvd. near Watson. The bunny had tiny ears like the pictures of the marsh rabbit. Can we get the refuge people out there to set up some cat traps? Rabbits were here first, bye bye kitty!
How to use a toilet
for those coming form third world countries and the Mideast.
[Marathon TV Startup] Forget about it. Nobody watches local TV stations. Heck, you can buy one for very little money because no one watches them.
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[No Choice] AT&T is gobbling up DirecTV while Comcast is buying Time Warner. Shortly we will only have 2 choices. Just one example why this is bad for us is that neither one will have incentive to provide better customer service.
[“Injuring Innocent Felines”] Grow some cajones and cut the trap into tiny pieces.
[Sewers] Monday’s Poster wrote “Little Palm Island will be on grinder pumps. A higher number of EDU’s than their number of rooms just generates more dollars for the overall sewer connection.”Sorry Charlie, but that’s incorrect. A higher number of EDU’s than actual room is “fuzzy math” to lower Little Palm’s per EDU numbers so they qualify for central grinder connections (based on the “less than cost per EDU” set by FKAA), instead of getting stuck with an on-site system.

For example, If the total cost to sewer Little Palm is $3,150,000.00 and there were 90 EDU’s (rooms) then the per EDU would be $35,000. But there are actually only 40 rooms, so the per EDU would be $78,750 (way higher than the currently allotted per EDU amount, and they would have to have on-site system).

So back to my question of last week, what is the total cost of the Little Palm sewer project?

logo dept of homeless security20
[Bums Got it Good] Maybe we should all band together and create a Department Of Homeless Security down here?
My wife calls my thingy “Rubiks Cube” because the more she plays with it, the harder it gets.
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Chicken-FrancaiseHi there and Happy Tuesday from Springers Bar and Grill. Today’s Italian special is chicken francaise. The perfect light meal for this warm and sunny spring day. So come join us on the patio.
Wednesday : seafood étouffée
Thursday : tropical chicken wrap
Friday : beer battered fish and chips
Happy Hour 2-7 daily with great drink specials and happy hour menu.There’s Always Something Special at Springers.
[KW Orchid Society] Here is your May 2014 Newsletter. It contains a ballot. If you can’t come to the meeting you may vote by email. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
Friendship,  my definition,  is built on two things. Respect and trust–both elements have to be there and it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble.
silouette yoga
Wavefront yoga is back on the deck at Parmer’s Resort. Join Solaya and Jayne 9 AM Monday through Friday. Get a great stretch and find the peace within you. Call for more information. 305-872-3694
Is there any way to make the font larger? Or make the site iPad friendly? (Ed: It’s already 12pt. Making it larger will throw things off too much. How about pinching the screen to expand the view?)
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[Havana]  A typical narrow street in old Havana.  There  is literally no  trash or refuse on the streets.  Everything is either re-cycled or re-used in some way.  Nothing goes to waste.  Despite the poverty that most Cuban people endure, they are a proud and honest people. Always with a smile
[Sewers] Talk about sharp contrast between local governments. When Sarasota, FL residents united to fight against grinder pumps, the commissioners and utility staff listened to and evaluated the homowner’s concerns, instead of having a facts-be-damned stubbornness. A superior, cost-effective alternative was the result, with all parties satisfied (see below). This is how government is supposed to work.”The committee would like to thank all of the County Commissioners for welcoming us into their offices, listening to our concerns, and finally directing the staff to take a hard look at the grinder pump proposal and see if there wasn’t a better alternative.
We commend the County Utilities staff for working with us to come up with an innovative solution for our neighborhood.”
As John Lennon would say: “Imagine…” Link
[Phish of the Day] “Counsel, My Ex Husband has violated court order in payment of child, spousal and medical support. advise if you handle such case.
Regards, Akemi Koch”
dead dog[1,000 dog deaths linked to ‘toxic jerky treats’] Could these items be a cause in some of the Florida Keys’ dog deaths? More than 1,000 dog deaths may now be linked to toxic jerky treats according to the Food and Drug Administration. The agency says since 2007, there have been almost 5,000 complaints of pet illnesses related to the treats. The majority of those illnesses were of gastrointestinal or liver disease and about a third were linked to kidney and urinary disease.Not even the FDA is sure of what exactly is sickening the pets. They say a common thread in the reported illnesses is that the pets ate a chicken or duck jerky treat, or a jerky-wrapped treat and most of the questionable treats came from China.

Several brands voluntarily pulled their jerkys last year but complaints have persisted. Always check the labels of whatever you feed your pets. Always be aware of what you’re buying and where it’s coming from. But even that is not foolproof.

The FDA says products that are stamped ‘Made in the USA’ could still contain ingredients sourced from China or other countries. Dogs may have specific signs of sickness including vomiting, diarrhea and lethargy. If your dog has any of those symptoms contact your vet right away.

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What’s in a name?
The May 16 issue of Key West The Newspaper (aka The Blue Paper) was very good. Two articles by Michael Welber were especially interesting; they dealt with the short-sightedness and lake of responsibility of the Kew West city commission and the Marathon City Council, respectively. Also interesting were all of the pics of the Key West Songwriters’ Fest. I had no idea the Fest was so huge. Duval St. looked like it was Fantasy Fest! Unfortunately, there was also an article by vocal Key Largo local John Donnelly who has become known as an anti-wildlife and free-roaming/feral cat fan. The issue can be read at Link
[Holy Crook] A Miami pas­tor was sentenced Monday to six months in jail for peddling bogus examples of some of British artist Damien Hirsts signature paintings.
How can I make the print larger? (Oh, oh, this is the second email I received today about small print. I just checked the site on a smartphone and it looks like my new server did away with the ability to pinch to enlarge the screen. If I cannot fix it by Thursday I’ll have to make the font larger causing the CT to be over a mile long.)
[“Calling tech support repeatedly for the right answer”] I just take my pc to Staples once a year for a tune up. It’s not worth the stress trying to understand what the dothead [racial slur] is saying.
National politics is back. Click on this link to send your national political post anonymously. No one will know your name or email address, [Well, maybe the NSA will] not even me. FTR is going to be the new national politics editor. Do not fear, FTR promised to post everything, even if he hates it, he’s that kind of guy.
Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil. I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here
Bush knew about the situation within the VA.   Why didn’t he do anything about it?  Oh yeah,  he was busy making more wounded warriors in his trumped up Iraq war
from the right
Perhaps you will remember newly minted President Barack Obama speechifying that the VA was a terribly troubled institution, that vets were not receiving appropriate care, and solemnly promising to fix the problem by throwing long tons of money at the problem. He emphasized that as a nation we owe a tremendous debt to our vets and that they were being ill served. In case you forgot you can see and hear him at the link.va20Now we learn that Obama was actually warned about the specifics of the near criminal mismanagement of the VA system. The Washington Times has just reported that The Obama administration received clear notice more than five years ago that VA medical facilities were reporting inaccurate waiting times and experiencing scheduling failures that threatened to deny veterans timely health care. Team Obama did not act on those warnings even though they threw long tons of tax dollars at the VA. Now the VA malfeasance has turned into a growing scandal. Vets may have died as a result of VA mismanagement.

Veterans Affairs officials warned the Obama-Biden transition team in the weeks after the 2008 presidential election that the department shouldn’t trust the wait times that its facilities were reporting. ‘This is not only a data integrity issue in which [Veterans Health Administration] reports unreliable performance data; it affects quality of care by delaying — and potentially denying — deserving veterans timely care. Team Obama was put on notice that the problem was long standing.  Team Obama failed to remedy the incredible mess. Now in a shameful attempt to appear to be taking action, Team Obama has “accepted” the resignation of Robert Petzel, the undersecretary for Health at the Veterans Affairs Department. But, it must be noted that he was scheduled to retire very soon anyway.  No disciplinary action of any nature has been forthcoming for these problems, there has been no accountability. Out vets are being victimized by Team Obama. Heads should roll. Why hasn’t Obama and the Democrats taken decisive action to fix the problems?  Please recall that for the first two years of Obama’s first term, the Democrats controlled the House and Senate, they could have conducted investigations or passed new legislation. They did not. Vets died.


YESTERDAY A POSTER WROTE: “Nice summation… BUT as we used to say, I think you are “preaching to the choir.” Keep up the good work, Does Bill O’Reilly know you exist ? 🙂   Your local detractor’s must read your opines as they have to rail against you.

I am at a loss as to why so much of the America I knew, has not comprehended what is happening to the ol’e USA. I keep telling my kids, grandkids, and great grandkids that I am sorry that we allowed this to happen to America. My one grandson is convinced he will need his AR-15’s to defend his family within his lifetime. I have trouble arguing that he is wrong. I have begun to feel like the Jewish people in “Fiddler on the Roof”  as they leave their hometown.

All this greed, personal correctness, Islam (with not Islamic cry against terrorists), and if I do not work, I am entitled to a “free” living with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Charles Krauthammer for president.

FTR’S RESPONSE:  Thanks for the note, no further comment needed. But I do have one question, who is Bill O’Reilly?


A POSTER WROTE: “Did you ever, even for a little bit, consider the idea that just maybe Charlie Crist is right about things?”

FTR’S RESPONSE: That is an excellent question but it doesn’t go far enough. I urge the poster to submit his/her “take” on any issue put forward by Crist. Maybe Crist is correct, maybe not. Write back and we’ll think about it.


A POSTER WROTE: “Colonel Phil “Hands” Handley is credited with the highest speed air-to-air gun kill in the history of aerial combat. He flew operationally for all but 11 months of a 26-year career, in aircraft such as the F-86 Sabre, F-15 Eagle, and the C-130A Hercules. Additionally, he flew 275 combat missions during two tours in Southeast Asia in the F-4D and F-4E. His awards include 21 Air Medals, 3 Distinguished Flying Crosses, and the Silver Star.

Here is what Col. Handley wrote in response to Panetta and Dempsey’s claims there was no time to send help to Benghazi.

Betrayal in Benghazi

col20Phil “Hands” Handley Colonel, USAF (Ret.)

The combat code of the US Military is that we don’t abandon our dead or wounded on the battlefield. In US Air Force lingo, fighter pilots don’t run off and leave their wingmen. If one of our own is shot down, still alive and not yet in enemy captivity, we will either come to get him or die trying.

Among America ‘s fighting forces, the calm, sure knowledge that such an irrevocable bond exists is priceless. Along with individual faith and personal grit, it is a sacred trust that has often sustained hope in the face of terribly long odds.

The disgraceful abandonment of our Ambassador and those brave ex-SEAL’s who fought to their deaths to save others in that compound is nothing short of dereliction-of-duty.

Additionally, the patently absurd cover-up scenario that was fabricated in the aftermath was an outright lie in an attempt to shield the President and the Secretary of State from responsibility.

The White House strategy, with the aid of a “lap dog” press has been to run out the clock before the truth is forthcoming.

The contention “that there were simply no military assets that could be brought to bear in time to make a difference” mainly due to the unavailability of tanker support for fighter aircraft is simply Bull Chit, regardless how many supposed “experts” the Administration trots out to make such an assertion.

The bottom line is that even if the closest asset capable of response was half-way around the world, you don’t just sit on your penguin ass and do nothing.

The fact is that the closest asset was not half-way around the world, but as near as Aviano Air Base, Italy where two squadrons of F-16Cs are based.

Consider the following scenario (all times Benghazi local): When Hicks in Tripoli receives a call at 9:40 PM from Ambassador Stevens informing him “Greg, we are under attack!” (his last words). Hicks immediately notifies all agencies and prepares for the immediate initiation of an existing “Emergency Response Plan.”

At AFRICON, General Carter Ham attempts to mount a rescue effort, but is told to “stand down”. By 10:30 PM an unarmed drone is overhead the compound and streaming live feed to various “Command and Control Agencies” so everyone watching that feed knew damn well what was going on.

At 11:30 PM Woods, Doherty and five others leave Tripoli, arriving in Benghazi at 1:30 AM on Wednesday morning, where they hold off the attacking mob from the roof of the compound until they are killed by a mortar direct hit at 4:00 AM.

So nothing could have been done, eh? Nonsense. If one assumes that tanker support really “was not available” what about this:

When at 10:00 PM AFRICON alerts the 31st TFW Command Post in Aviano Air Base, Italy of the attack, the Wing Commander orders preparation for the launch of two F-16s and advises the Command Post at NAS Sigonella to prepare for hot pit refueling and quick turn of the jets.

By 11:30 PM, two F-16Cs with drop tanks and each armed with five hundred 20 MM rounds are airborne. Flying at 0.92 mach they will cover the 522 nautical miles directly to NAS Sigonella in 1.08 hours. While in-route, the flight lead is informed of the tactical situation, rules of engagement, and radio frequencies to use.

The jets depart Sigonella at 1:10 AM with full fuel load and cover the 377 nautical miles directly to Benghazi in 0.8 hours, arriving at 1:50 AM which would be 20 minutes after the arrival of Woods, Doherty and their team.

Providing that the two F-16s initial pass over the mob, in full afterburner at 200 feet and 550 knots did not stop the attack in its tracks, a few well placed strafing runs on targets of opportunity would assuredly do the trick.

Were the F-16s fuel state insufficient to return to Sigonelli after jettisoning their external drop tanks, they could easily do so at Tripoli International Airport , only one-half hour away.

As for those hand-wringing naysayers who would worry about IFR clearances, border crossing authority, collateral damage, landing rights, political correctness and dozens of other reasons not to act — screw them. It is time our “leadership” get its priorities straight and put America ‘s interests first.

The end result would be that Woods and Doherty would be alive. Dozens in the attacking rabble would be rendezvousing with “72 virgins” and a clear message would have been sent to the next worthless P.O.S. terrorist contemplating an attack on Americans that it is not really a good idea to “tug” on Superman’s cape.

Of course all this depends upon a Commander In Chief more concerned with saving the lives of those he put in harm’s way than getting his crew rested for a campaign fund raising event in Las Vegas the next day. It also depends upon a Secretary of State who actually understood “What difference did it make?”, and a Secretary of Defense who was watching the feed from the drone and understood what the attack consisted of instead of making an immediate response that “One of the military tenants is that you don’t commit assets until you fully understand the tactical situation.”

YGBSM!( You Gotta Be Chittin’ Me)

Ultimately it comes down to the question of who gave that order to stand down? Whoever that coward turns out to be should be exposed, removed from office, and face criminal charges for dereliction of duty. The combat forces of the United States of America deserve leadership that really does “have their back” when the chips are down.


FTR’S RESPONSE: None needed. The author has said it all.

National Politics. Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil.  I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here