2016 September

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

puppy-dalmation[Puppy Love] Our 2 month old, 2-pound puppy, “Little Lady Bug”, like most puppies, tends to want to explore whenever the opportunity presents itself. Getting dark, late Saturday afternoon, our little Bug (she has black fur) took off into the mangroves surrounding our waterfront property on LTK and in a split second was lost. Distant whimpers soon faded. We dove into the water frantically looking everywhere to no avail. We presumed our newborn puppy enthusiastically went in the water, and never having learned to swim or navigate through a spider web of mangrove roots, had drowned. Imagine the sudden sadness that overcomes such a loss!

Well, great news. We have a young neighbor who takes his nice boat out whenever he can, especially on the weekends. On his way out he spotted our little Bug with each of her legs literally tied up inside the mangrove roots and halfway under water with the Tide rising and too tired at that point to cry. Most would have continued on their boating trip. Not our neighbor’s son. He heard us calling out frantically for our puppy, stopped his boat, searched back and forth, then guided us swimming in the water to the exact spot where our little black-furred Bug was half submerged, trapped in the roots, completely exhausted but then safely rescued. Our neighbor’s son’s quick thinking and caring helped save the life of our newborn puppy and truly was responsible for this happy ending. Imagine this same scenario but with a human being instead of a puppy. This young guy would have done the exact same thing and, without blinking an eye, would have been the same hero he was to our puppy and us. Isn’t it great when you neighbor has your back! Thank you “AJ”!

[Power Struggle] The post on No Name Key about me using a cord and crossing county land is 100% a lie! Most of the people that fought against electric to No Name lie all the time, that’s all they know. For Ann Press, that is all she did. We have it on record that she said among other things that she can live without electric. She lied; she went and got it. She is the liar of No Name Key. I never got power from any neighbor, period.
bar-14For all you folks in the Avenues who used to shop at Big Pine Liquors, give us a try. Coconuts Drive Thru Liquor Store has great prices on all our bar’s ‘well’ liquor. Vodka, Rum & Gin are always on sale at $7.99 a liter. If you like that we sure would like your business. Most of all, thanks for supporting Coconuts for over 33 years.
To the writer who hasn’t been to Cuba in 36 years. Times have changed–even there. People are not starving over there. Your friend does not bring stacks of American money to spend—the dollar is not accepted anywhere in Cuba because of the 15% surtax placed on it around 2012. People try to sell you dollars they have stashed, at a loss, because they can’t spend them anymore. The tourist stores suck, but the prices are about the same as here. The government stores sell what little they have very cheap, not exorbitant as you wrote. What you call slums I call old Cuba. That’s where I always stay for about $25 a night, including a great tropical breakfast and nice people.

May I suggest that you make a pilgrimage there and open your mind a little. Just because someone posts observations on Cuban life does not mean they approve of their politics or would consider moving there. That’s what I mean by ‘opening your mind’.




The new boat ramp on Little Torch is coming along nicely. They cut grooves in the ramp so we may get additional traction. I like it.

A dung beetle walks into a bar, “Is this stool taken?”


Who owned slaves that built Ft. Jefferson?

[Missing No Name Pub Manager Found]  Jeffrey Dunn, 56, was located near Paradise Drive on No Name Key in good condition. His girlfriend said he left the apartment at 6:30 a.m. Wednesday, saying he was going to get cigarettes and would be home soon. He did not return. Dunn told deputies that he went for a walk after an argument with his girlfriend and got lost. Law enforcement had been searching for Dunn since he was initially reported missing on Wednesday. His SUV was found near his workplace on Big Pine Key with the keys in the ignition.
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Springer’s Bar & Grill

Get ready for our 4th Anniversary Appreciation Celebration on September 18th. Join us for a day of fun! Food and Drink Specials, Lots of Giveaways. The Party is On!
We are now open for business 7 days a week for Lunch & Dinner.
happy hour frufru cocktailLongest Happy Hour in Big Pine Key – Every Day 11am – 7 pm
NFL Sunday Football Party / Every Game, Every Sunday
Try our World Famous Beignets! These delicious French pastries are dusted with sugar and served with homemeade dipping sauces.
sticky-burgerWe are the home of Springer’s Sticky Burger.  Served with Provolone cheese, and yes, peanut butter.
$9.99 Lunch Special w/soft drink or beer
Wednesday is Meatloaf Day, homemade mashed potatoes & gravy and a vegetable of your choice
Thursday is Mexican Day. Specials are always fresh made from scratch
Friday is Fish n Chips Day, Mahi Mahi, homemade beer batter, fried golden crisp. Do you like malt vinegar?
Check out to see our full menu. Y’all come down and see us! 31251 Avenue A, Big Pine Key, Like us on Facebook
[“False submarine information”] I do wish the Internet troll supplying all the false info on submarines would stop. If he’d ever been on a nuclear boat he’d know they don’t throw spent fuel rods overboard, they don’t carry extra propellers, they don’t have big ass cranes, and they don’t carry extra periscopes.
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[Help Wanted] Driver needed for portable toilet company. No CDL needed. 30-40 hours per week. Contact John 305-872-2287.

[Pot Calling Kettle Black] Two former executives for the Rural Health Network of Monroe County charged in May amid allegations they each stole tens of thousands of dollars from the nonprofit filed a police report on Thursday claiming more than $12,000 in personal items they left in offices when they were arrested have gone missing.


$1 toothpaste, Pepsodent or Aimis just as good as the $6 tube because the short time it is in your mouth isn’t long enough to have much of an effect on your teeth. If it was strong enough to make a difference in that short a time it would probably eat your face off. Both toothpastes work the same, they clean your teeth and freshen your breath, but one of them saves you $5.

[Sewers] My friend had their grinder pump hooked up and their septic tank abandoned by a Key West company and it cost them $3000.
This is why women kill men. Brilliant beer commercials from Hahn beer. Video

So who is it that maintains or fixes the anemometers? That’s wind speed indicators for you non-navigators. Seems to me that Mote Marine Labs, I think that’s one of NOAA’s baby’s, gets $5,000,000 for a new building to grow rocks but we can’t get wind speeds from Sombrero reef?

[Something For Everyone] St. Fiacre is the patron Saint of hemorrhoids.




Redneck sushi.

[Plumbing Signs] Hey, Bluewater Plumbing, Paradise Plumbing, Eggetts Plumbing, and whoever else: Stop putting your stupid signs up on every telephone pole in my neighborhood. I prefer my area not looking like Hialeah!
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[Email Scandal] Monroe County government’s top attorney sent a cease-and-desist notice to outgoing Clerk of the Court Amy Heavilin recently outlining concerns about possible deleted emails and the cancellation of critical contracts. The letter also threatened contacting the governor about possibly suspending her of her duties. County officials received complaints that following her defeat in the Aug. 30 primary election, she was deleting work emails, shredding documents, and was in the process of cancelling contracts with two private firms that perform accounting and technology services work for the clerk’s office.
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Deer Abby, I got an email from a female friend who is concerned for me. She got a copy of a selfie with my wife and some guy in a very compromising situation. My question is, can I use this in divorce court? (Ed: You sure can. I use the pictures, I get like that, all the time against my husband in court, but at the last minute he always convinces me it’s his last time, the big lug!)

It certainly doesn’t pay to save. I have $7,400 in an account and received only $0.13 interest last month
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Isn’t Card Sound Road the only toll in the County?

The more I see, the less I know for sure. ~John Lennon
Never forget 9/11. Thank you 1st responders. 10 things you may have forgotten. Many elements of the attacks and the actions leading up to them have receded from the public memory. Link

[Movie Review Sully] I saw “Sully”, starring Tom Hanks, at Regal Cinema tonight. A national hero is tried by the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) to look like flying his airplane like a computer would have flown it, without ever having one practice run at losing both engines to birds under 3,000, after take off, should be held responsible to losing the plane by landing it on the Hudson River, and thanks to NY City first responders, in the dead of winter, everyone on board survived. Had he tried to reach one of the two recommended airports, he would have crashed either into NY City or before reaching Petersborough. Killing all aboard, and who knows how many on the ground? The NTSB even doctored the real pilot simulations. without making that known. The pilot dragged it out of them in a public meeting. Ultimate victorious 100 percent, after the pilot swam the entire Hudson and the lost airplane up the NTSB’s ass

When you are thinking that you are irreplaceable look at these numbers. Video
house monopoly

Since we are discussing housing, I know that in Whistler resident-restricted housing has been developed by non-profit and public entities, and by private developers.  Maybe the Keys ought to do that?

[Housing] So what is affordable?  In the affordable housing scenario, it should require no more than 30% of a household’s income. Growth management regulations, zoning regulations, topographical constraints, and 2nd home demand have been ID’d as externalities affecting our Keys which have led to increased housing prices and displaced local residents.
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[“Toothpaste bad for you”] Of course it is, so use what most of the planet uses, salt. Just dip your brush into the salt, scrub your fangs and rinse. Don’t be so TV’d!
submarine-nuclearUncle Sam developed nuclear powered ships in the early 1950s, long before he developed common sense. Many maintain he still has no common sense. You think he never dumped nuclear waste 12 miles offshore? Yeah, he did….
Wikipedia: “From 1946 to 1970, the sea around the Farallones was used as a nuclear dumping site for radioactive waste under the authority of the Atomic Energy Commission at a site known as the Farallon Island Nuclear Waste Dump. Most of the dumping took place before 1960, and all dumping of radioactive wastes by the United States was terminated in 1970. By then, 47,500 55-gallon steel drum containers had been dumped in the vicinity. The exact location of the containers and the potential hazard the containers pose to the environment are unknown. Attempts to remove the barrels would likely produce greater risk than leaving them undisturbed.”
The NY Times says “Some radioactive waste containers were dumped in the 1950’s in 300 feet of water 12 miles from Boston Harbor, and other containers were dumped around the Farallon Islands off San Francisco.”
“In July 1957, when the Navy was disposing of drums containing radioactive sodium at sea, two drums would not sink, a history of the Atomic Energy Commission says. Naval aircraft were summoned to strafe them with machine-gun fire until they sank.
Adm. Hyman G. Rickover, an early promoter of nuclear propulsion, realized that inattention to safety could undermine political support for naval nuclear power, and rigorous controls for handling radioactive wastes were introduced in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s.” LinkNow it is claimed that spent nuclear fuel is transported to an on land temporary storage facility while they try to find a way to safely store it long term (as in hundreds of thousands of years). So Uncle Sam has been creating nuclear waste for about 70 years so far, has dumped massive amounts of it overboard that he actually admits to, claims he doesn’t dump overboard anymore, and has another massive stockpile in the US awaiting a storage/disposal solution that lasts way, way longer than a steel drum in the ocean 12 miles offshore.And the push is on for more nuclear plants because no greenhouse gasses are emitted. As Carlos Mencia would say, “Dee-dee-deee!” No worries here, though, because “I trust our engineers.”

[Mr Methane – Smoke On The Water] I wonder if we could get this guy to compete in the votes for notes contest? I have a feeling he would blow the competition away! Video

The killer cats are winning! Link
[Internet Proves Everything] Pick any food and do an internet search and some conspiracy nut will have a post telling you how bad it is for you, and cite several sources for his condemnation.
10-commandments-mosesThe Paradoxical Commandments
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.    ~Coconuts Bar & Package Store
Has anybody thought to tell Sloan he is not only not welcome at the homeless shelter but he is also really not welcome in the Keys period! With all his boast and supposed friends nationwide why is he even living in Keys? Why has he not left long ago. Those voices he hears are one day going to turn violent and he will have to be put down like a rabid dog or put into a padded room. Poor delusional schizophrenic, doddering, old fool. With another homeless gold digger hanging on for her payday like his friend Brenda did. Finally, it seems he messed with the wrong guy he found someone who will not back down and is not afraid of his satire blog. Too bad for the world Dennis Ward and Mike Tolbert do not get together and sue him till his blog is taken down. Then he would have no excuse to be in Keys anymore.


[Hawaii Gets Big Sanctuary] Largest marine protected area in the world created. Papahanaumokuakea National Marine Monument expanded. Link

There are other tourist communities where resident-restricted housing is private development.   The town uses its land use and zoning regulations to require private developers to develop resident restricted housing as part of any development.  The planning department negotiates employee housing into the zoning applications. I wonder if the Keys does this.  Does anyone from the Zoning department or representatives of Singh, Spottswood and Schmidts read this blog?
How the iPhone 7 should have been introduced! Video
epipen[“Epipen”] The gripe is the dramatic increase in price for a medication you might need; and yes, there is an expiration date of 18 months. As it gets older it loses its effectiveness. Not exactly a situation you might want to test out when you are having problems breathing
In 1960, on the Greek island of Hydra, a young Canadian poet on a state scholarship, Leonard Cohen, met Marianne Ihlen, the beautiful wife of a Norwegian novelist. The story of their romance. Audio


Oil-rich Venezuela is struggling to feed its own people as a result of a spiralling economic and political crisis which has brought the country to its knees. Audio

[Hurricanes] People seemed to believe that technology had stripped hurricanes of their power to kill. No hurricane expert endorsed this view. It’s just not true.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store



White model Kate Upton rips Black NFL players for kneeling during anthem. Models aren’t noted for their smarts. Link

[Musical Fundraiser] Singing Iguana Productions are presenters of the free music fest and the event is critical annual fundraiser for the local charity, Sister Season Fund, which assists locals in the entertainment and hospitality industries with rent and utilities when they are out of work through no fault of their own. “Last year’s festival was a great success; the energy at Smokin’ Tuna for those two days was electric,” said a grateful SSF President Emeritus Ginger King.

On the program for the 6th annual festival Key West icons such as, Ericson Holt, Nick Norman, Al Subarsky, Clint Bullard, Liz O’Connor, Black and Skabuddah, Dora Gholson, Greg Gerace, James Whithead, Rolando Rojas, Caribe, Tim M Curtis, L.A. Wood, Ray West, Gina Maserati, Michelle Dravis, Robert Douglas, Michael McLoud, Carl Peachey, Michael Festa, Jersey Slim, Frankendread, Rich McKay, Richie Ciavolino, Woody Jenkins, RG Welles, Happy Dog, Tony Roberts, and Ben Harrison, Tony Baltimore, Bahama Village Social Club and so many more.  Adding to the entertainment lineup is the masterful, funny man in a kilt; Will Thompson as emcee.

“We have an awesome lineup including musicians, singers and songwriters performing just for locals,” said co-founder and festival producer Ken Floyd. “Of course, visitors are welcome too.”  “We hope that our Poker Run friends will join us again this year.”  Singing Iguana Productions’ commemorative T-shirts, magnets and CDs will be available as well.

Smokin’ Tuna Saloon is located at 4 Charles St. in Old Town, off Lower Duval. For additional information please contact King at (305) 849-0991 visit




How to build a rainwater collection system. I love this idea. Link

[Pipeline Leaks] North Dakota tribe’s request to stop work on the four-state Dakota Access oil pipeline denied. Link
railroad-workers-bodies1935[Labor Day hurricane of 1935] Eighty years ago, a group of World War I veterans toiling to improve life on the Florida Keys lost their lives in one of the great workplace tragedies of U.S. history. The strongest land-falling hurricane on record in the Western Hemisphere brought Category 5 winds and a terrifying storm surge to the upper Florida Keys on the late evening of Monday, September 2, 1935. The compact Labor Day hurricane of 1935 developed very rapidly from a system that was classified as a tropical storm less than two days before landfall in the Keys.

Brushing the south end of Andros Island, it headed toward the north coast of Cuba before angling unexpectedly rightward and intensifying with astonishing speed as it approached the Keys, passing over the very warm waters of the Florida Straits. As the hurricane barreled across the Keys on Monday night, local weather observer Ivar Olsen measured 26.35” (892 mb) with a barometer that was later tested and proven reliable at the Weather Bureau. This remains the lowest value ever measured by a ground-based station in a tropical cyclone in the Western Hemisphere. (Drop sounders released by reconnaissance aircraft produced sea-level pressure measurements of 882 mb on October 19, 2005, during Hurricane Wilma, and 870 mb on October 12, 1979, during Typhoon Tip). The 1935 hurricane went on to skirt the west coast of the Florida peninsula before accelerating northeastward, reentering the Atlantic off the Virginia coastline and producing rains that topped 16” in Maryland.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store

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