Friday, April 1, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

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Wetstock 17 Coming to an Island near you! Sunday May 29. (Editor: This is not an April Fool’s joke, I hope.)

[Security] Don’t leave your browser open on your computer all day. That’s a good way for the bad guys to hack your computer. Your browser contains most of your passwords and is a pathway to your devices.
[“Oscar slap”] There isn’t a G.I. Jane 2 movie. Cris Rock got exactly what he deserved for making fun of Jada Smiths hair. He has a history of making jokes about her. Will Smith’s vulgarity right after the slap was the only thing he did wrong. With the vulgarity he brought himself down to the loud mouth comedian that he slapped who without the F word or racial insult would not be able to complete a sentence. He is loud, obnoxious and not funny at all. I refuse to even watch a movie with him in it.
[Big Pine Key Glass Works] My Dad lived in Big Pine Key for years, he passed away recently and left a small plate with an Apache male figure on the front (circa 1972). I was wondering if this was made by the Big Pine Key glass company. If so, does anyone know how many were made? I have a few other pieces, perfume bottles and a paperweight. If you could give me a name of someone who would know, I would appreciate it. Thank you. Full Menu > Big Pine Museum > Big Pine Glass Works
Toni Fruehauf
Smithville, TN
(615) 464-3195
[Free Frangipani] Free plumeria cuttings. White Plumeria are on the driveway close to the street. Yellow Plumeria (Celadine) are in the back yard (so they don’t get mixed up).  Take as many as you’d like.  21023 7th Ave. E., Cudjoe Key, MM 21 305-744-0558
[Old Files Clutter] It shocks me to wake up to reality when I look through the hard drives on my computer and realize 99% of the files are useless electrons taking up space and brain power. Nobody gives a damn about old files or old humor, especially today’s kids. They are into their own little worlds of texting. I deleted 160.9 GB of fantastic pictures, cartoons, data and jokes scrapped with one click. Poof, gone forever!
[“A lot of people need to attend driving school”] Really? I think you should include yourself, honey. Do you even live here? Drivers like you are the number one problem on that 2-lane highway I’m sure most would agree. You argue that driving 10 miles an hour below the speed limit is just fine and dandy? Sure, if it’s a four-lane highway like Boca Chica and you want to drive like a 90-year old you can do it in the right lane, but the Keys are mostly two lanes. (And even in a four lane there are morons driving at or below the posted speed in the fast lane–the passing lane.) Next time you’re driving like a clueless jerk, take a look in the rear-view mirror. You will find a mile or two of very frustrated drivers stacked up behind you. This is known as a “train” and you are the hapless, intensely irritating conductor. This is illegal. That’s why those out-of-towners got the ticket. People driving so slowly are a main cause of accidents; the drivers behind get pissed off and start doing things they shouldn’t, like following too closely, and out of frustration, recklessly passing.  That’s not right either, but they will, and do. It’s just a fact, human nature. And aren’t you the naughty girl driving 46 mph if no one’s looking? Speed up granny!
[Russian Propaganda] The Russian military, house by house, is liberating Mariupol from Nazi gangs. The fighters are acting decisively, toughly, quickly. Each high-rise building is combed up to the roof. There is very little time left before the complete liberation of Mariupol from the Bandera underground. Video
Unfortunately, the “Sterilization Of Imbeciles” project wasn’t carried out, and they keep breeding like rabbits!  Out of thoughtfulness, the project’s name was changed to “Politicians”.


A fart is a burp that didn’t make it up the hill.

[Friday Joke] This Is real punny. I would whine about how bad these puns are, but I’m a groan man.
I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
I didn’t have money to pay for my battery, so I charged it.
[Spam] I’m reluctant to sign up for any new website because it guarantees more spam every day in my inbox for the rest of my life. Any time you give your email address to a website you will get an email from them, and others, for the rest of your life.
[Rich Politicians] 50% of those in Congress are millionaires while in the rest of us, only 1% are millionaires. Let that sink in and tell me again how you become a millionaire earning $174,000 annually? How can these wealthy people relate to the rest of us and know how it feels to scrape by?
[Friday Joke] A little girl is serving her father tea while her mother is out shopping. The mother comes home and the father says, “Watch this!” The little girl goes and serves the mother tea. The mother responds, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”

[Roasted Children 1520] On the road were found many loads of maize and roasted children which the Aztecs had brought as provisions and which they left behind them when they discovered the Spaniards coming.

[Oceania Cruises Travel Restrictions] Please be advised that the United States Department of the Treasury through the Office of Foreign Assets Control has issued a series of comprehensive sanctions against various countries, and specifically, Crimea, North Korea, Sudan, Syria and Iran. These sanctions limit the ability of cruise lines to conduct business with these countries and their citizens, which includes allowing certain citizens of those countries to sail onboard our ships. Accordingly, it is Oceania Cruises’ policy that if you are a citizen or resident of one of these sanctioned countries, we will be unable to accept your booking unless you can satisfy the following conditions: (1) proof of citizenship in a non-sanctioned country; or (2) proof of residency in a non-sanctioned country and (3) evidence that you are funding the cruise, including all onboard charges, through a bank associated with a non-sanctioned country.
The April AARP activities calendar is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
[Outlaw] In 1875 Australia, if the State declared you an “Outlaw” all citizens were encouraged to kill you—no questions asked.
[Another Teetering Democracy] No Prime Minister in Pakistan’s history has ever completed his term in office. Pakistan constitutionally is a democratic parliamentary republic with its political system based on an elected form of governance. Since the establishment of the current system in 2003, Pakistan is one of the youngest democracies in the world.
[Friday Joke] Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St Peter who says, “Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, “I want to be Sophia Loren,” and, poof, she’s gone.
The second says, “I want to be Madonna” and, poof,  she’s gone.
The third says, “I want to be Sara Pipalini.”
St Peter looks perplexed. “Who?” he asks.
“Sara Pipalini,” replies the nun.
St Peter shakes his head and says, “I’m sorry, but that name just doesn’t ring a bell.”
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. St Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, “No sister, the paper says it was the ‘Sahara Pipeline’ that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months.


A face only a mother could love. And where did he get those blue swim fins?