Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.
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Here’s a little known fact: The Easter Bunny originally came from Easter Island.
|[Dummy] When I was young, I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to rearrange the letters “PNEIS” and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered “SPINE” are doctors today, while the rest of us are on the “Coconut Telegraph.”|
|[Boris Johnson’s Hairdo] Anyone happen to see prime minister of UK Boris Johnson’s hairdo, or bird’s nest? You think other world leaders have to giggle every time they are in face-to-face meetings?|
|[Friday Joke] This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. As he approached the line for the third time he said, “Look, I’m the manager, and if you don’t let me unlock the damn door you’re never going to get in there!”|
[Recipe Banana Bread] follow me on Facebook for more recipes.
|[Hexane] Do veggie burgers contain hexane? Probably not, and many vegetable oils and your THC vapes are extracted using hexane. Don’t worry about it when cooking with veggie oils, as if its there at all, it is gone with the heat. Rice bran oil is better for stir fry IMO. Rice bran is otherwise wasted. Link|
|[Burning People] After the earthquake had destroyed three—fourths of Lisbon, the sages of that country could think of no means more effectual to prevent utter ruin than to give the people a beautiful auto-da-fé (the burning of a heretic by the Spanish Inquisition) ; for it had been decided by the University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few people alive by a slow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible secret to hinder the earth from quaking. In consequence hereof, they had seized on a Biscayner, convicted of having married his godmother, and on two Portuguese. This auto-da-fé actually took place, some months after the earthquake, on Lune 20, 1756|
|[Friday Joke] Two elderly ladies, Dotti and Judi, were talking about their grandchildren. Dotti said, “Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I never hear from them. Never receive a thank you message.”
Judi replies, “I too send my grandchildren a very generous check. I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit.”
“Wow! How come?” remarked Dotti.
“I don’t sign the check!”
How to tell time.
|[Chemicals] ‘Forever chemicals’ upended a Maine farm and point to larger problem. Link|
|Last local car show till October will be Easter Sunday. This is our last SHOW & SHINE of this season on April 17th Noon to 3PM at the Sugarloaf Lodge MM17. After church and before Easter dinner. This is always a free event to all lovers of classic, custom, sports and street rod automobiles of all years and makes. There is plenty of room for parking show cars and outdoor seating in the grass under the trees with prizes and a plaque for People’s Choice and 50’s and 60’s music from our new sound system. Bring the kids to enjoy these beautiful relics of the auto world. Visit our new web site www.floridakeyssouthernostcarclub.com. The Club is seeking new members. Join at the show (only $25) and receive a new style Club shirt and Club sticker. For more information contact Dick Moody 305-942-1758.|
|[Don’t Point] People used to get hanged for pointing back in the old days, or else they were burnt. Death by burning at the stake was very painful. There were laws against pointing, once upon a time. If you pointed at a cow and it got sick, everyone knew you were neck- deep in the Black Arts.|
|[Friday Joke] A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?””We’re taking Easyjet,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“Easyjet?” exclaimed the hairdresser.. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?”
“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Easyjet’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a £5 million remodeling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”
“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
He said, “Who the hell did your hair?”
I guess this is how the garbagemen tell you they don’t take dead tvs! How come there are no garbagewoman?
|Are there any ROGO class action lawsuit started yet?|
|[John Donne] Plague poems, defiant wit and penis puns: why John Donne is a poet for our times. Master of the Revels at a time of persecution, Donne broke new ground with poems that burst with sexual desire and intellectual curiosity. Link|
|[Friday Joke] Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home !
Husband: I’m not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don’t do birthdays.
Husband: I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Officer: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown, I think. Never really noticed.
Officer: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Officer: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Officer: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Officer: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2016, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate-controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up.
Officer: Take it easy sir, we’ll find your truck.
The feeble paper sign reads “Do not steal bike” and is posted above a rusted-out derelict bike in the mangroves.
|Venereal disease was said to have been first brought from Hispaniola, in the West Indies, by some followers of Columbus who were later employed in the siege of Naples. From this latter circumstance it was at one time known as the Neapolitan disease.|
This isn’t snow in the Keys it’s froth whipped up by high winds last week in the mangroves that has been there for over a year.