2024 April

Friday, April 19, 2024

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If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up. Why doesn’t replacing cashiers with Self-Checkouts make prices go down?
[Friday Joke] Jeff opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.   He quickly phoned his best friend, Sammy. ‘Did you see the paper?’ asked Jeff. ‘They say I died!’
‘Yes, I saw it!’ replied Sammy.  ‘Where are you calling from?’

[Home Security] Paintball-armed, AI-powered home security camera. PaintCam Eve also offers a tear gas pellet upgrade. PaintCam Eve supposedly will guard your home using the threat of volatile ammunition. Link
[Free School] UWCK is taking applications until April 25th for its Marine Science Educational Advancement Scholarship, aiding Monroe County residents pursuing degrees in marine science and/or marine technology-related fields. A dedicated Scholarship Committee will review applications, considering factors such as educational achievements, career aspirations, involvement in school activities, references, and financial need. Link
[Sick Cicadas] This gnarly fungus makes cicadas hypersexual. As we wait for this spring and summer’s “cicadapocalypse,” when trillions will emerge across the Southern and Midwestern United States, some of the bugs may face a predicament that sounds straight out of science fiction. A sexually transmitted fungal pathogen exclusive to these periodical insects called Massospora cicadina can control them like “a puppet master.” It causes the infected cicadas to act hyper-sexual and infect other bugs before they eventually die. Link
[Health Advice] Stop posting your problems on Facebook and start drinking alcohol like the rest of us.
[ATM Security] A very useful tip while withdrawing funds from an ATM. Press ‘cancel’ button twice before inserting the card. If anyone has set-up the key pad to steal your PIN code, this will cancel that set-up. Please make it a habit and part of every transaction that you make.
[Amazon Prime Movies] “Thanks to Samsung the program is brought to you ad free after the following message” (ad). Sick society.

[Cassettes]  I just found this old tape, so I gave it a play. I don’t recommend it at all. ‘Head Cleaner’ – worst band ever!
[Movies] Movie furniture and railings break far too easily. Anyone who is thrown or falls on anything breaks it, no matter what it is. I’ve never seen such fragile railings or coffee tables.
Allman Brothers guitarist Dickey Betts dies aged 80: Musician best known for group’s hit song Ramblin’ Man passed away ‘peacefully’ at Florida home. In Memory of Elizabeth Reed
[Friday Joke] Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
The man said, ‘I do, Father.’
The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’
Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
‘Certainly, Father,’ the man replied.
‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and asked, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’
The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this.  You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die, yes.  I thought you were getting a group together to go right now!
[Home Schooling] Here in my home state of South Carolina, they take home schooling seriously.
[Wisdom From the Almost-dead] I asked one of my friends who has crossed 70 and is heading to 80 what sort of changes he is feeling in himself? He sent me the following very interesting lines, which I would like to share with you. Link
[The Old Days] I would like a smart reader to explain the pros of having Stock Island and Key Haven combined into Key West. Stock Island has always been the workers community, and Key Haven, the owners of the businesses that employ the workers.
[Banking at Bernies] ‘Dead Man Banking’ This is the moment a woman wheeled a corpse into a bank and allegedly tried to get him to ‘sign off’ a loan in her name while holding his head up in front of suspicious staff who asked why he looked so pale. Bank employees started filming the pair and ended up calling for an ambulance and police as she used her hand to keep the deceased pensioner’s head upright and told him: ‘Uncle, are you listening? You have to sign it. I can’t sign for you.’ Video
[Big Pine Book Club] This Saturday’s discussion will be at 10am and about One Brilliant Flame by Joy Castro: Key West, 1886. The booming cigar industry makes it the most prosperous city in Florida. As a rebel base for the anticolonial insurgency in Cuba, it’s also a tinderbox for six young friends with ambitious dreams. Link
[Photos] Awe-inspiring landscape photos showing off Earth’s beauty. We’re biased, but our planet is seriously beautiful. Photos
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[No Amnesty For Crimes Back Then] Charles I, the king of England, Scotland, and Ireland, was executed on Tuesday, 30 January 1649 in London. The execution, carried out by beheading the king, was the culmination of political and military conflicts between the royalists and the parliamentarians in England during the English Civil War, leading to the capture and trial of Charles.  The parliamentarian High Court of Justice had declared Charles guilty of attempting to “uphold in himself an unlimited and tyrannical power to rule according to his will, and to overthrow the rights and liberties of the people” and he was sentenced to death by beheading.
[The Sky Is Falling!] NASA says part of the International Space Station crashed into Florida home. Video
[Idiot Delivery Guy] The FedEx guy left our package in the spare tire of my boat trailer where I found it by accident after complaining to Amazon for 2 days about the missing package. Note to delivery guy: That big wooden thing near the boat is a house where you should deliver packages.
[Gas] You’re paying more for gas in Florida this week. Will pump prices go even higher? Just like a yo-yo, gas prices in Florida are going up and down, down and up. Now, they’re up again. Link
[Kayak Excursion] The Florida Keys Wildlife Society proudly announces our next excursion this coming Tuesday April 23rd. Big Pine Kayak Adventures is sponsoring this fundraising event with 100% of the proceeds benefiting the Refuges of the Florida Keys. Please meet at the Old Wooden Bridge Resort & Marina 1791 Bogie Dr, Big Pine Key at 6:00 p.m. so we can get you set up with a kayak and gear. We’ll be departing about 6:30 p.m. Call Bill with your questions 305-872-7474 and then sign up on the events page of Space is limited so reserve yours now. Reserve your kayak

When technology can read your brain waves, who owns your thoughts? New law could limit the ways neurotechnology companies collect and share sensitive brain data. Link

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[Friday Joke] A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.  The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, ‘Sir, have you been drinking?’
‘Just water,’ says the priest.
The trooper says, ‘Then why do I smell wine?’
The priest looks at the bottle and says, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again!’
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 4/19/24 at 9:30 am.