2021 August

Friday, August 13, 2021

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.
The Un-social Media with 60,000 Monthly Followers

[They Said It Couldn’t Be Done Department] I fixed my sewing machine. It was either fix it or throw it away and I paid too much to throw it away or ship it up to Florida at great expense. So, after looking at it for months I started to take it apart. It took THREE hours to take off the plastic case. It was assembled brilliantly; the engineering was remarkable. It wasn’t meant to be disassembled by an amateur. That’s for sure. There were hidden screws that could only be accessed after removing certain pieces. Aargh! I couldn’t find anything wrong so I wiggled all the parts I could, put it back together (minus a few pieces), and plugged it in. It worked!
[“Curly tail lizards”] These big lizards have shown up in the last year or two. Curly tails have been around ever since I can remember. You mentioned you saw them in Cuba. Have you been violating U.S. law visiting the communist island? (joking) Next time you go, bring me a bottle of Havana Club!
[Robin is Outed] Robin becomes a bisexual icon in new Batman comic. There’s a new LGBTQ superhero on the block, but DC Comics readers already know him well. The latest issue of Batman: Urban Legends, a monthly anthology series, revealed that the Caped Crusader’s longtime sidekick Robin, specifically the Tim Drake version of him, is bisexual. Video
[“Drive-thru vaccines without scheduling”]  Call Walgreens 3058721371 or drive thru pharmacy to schedule vaccine. It’s really not that difficult


[Masks or Death] Why bother wearing a mask or getting vaccinated when you can die like a medieval peasant.

[Swimming Hole] Long-awaited Big Pine swimming hole project moving ahead. Link

The world’s most powerful animals, ranked Strength, in numbers. From the strongest to the weakest. Link

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.  ~Arthur C. Clarke

1960 DiDia 150 (aka The Dream Car) hand made custom once owned by Bobby Darin.

[Gardening] A friend suggested horse manure on my strawberries. I am not doing that again. I’m going back to whipped cream.


Meet the world’s newest carnivorous plant. This North American herb uses its glistening, reddish hairs to snare bugs. Link

[Housing Crisis] “FKOC hopes to house 140 more people.” I can rent out our under house rooms to Haitins for $1 per month, is that legal?
[Stuff the Bus] Florida Keys children need our community’s help! With nearly half of Keys families unable to afford life’s basic necessities, many children return to school each year without the school supplies they need to succeed. With many local families still struggling with the effects of COVID-19, our United Way is helping local children and equipping schools to safely educate them. How can you help ensure local children are equipped with everything they need to succeed and excel in school? By joining the United Way of Collier and the Keys’ efforts to raise funds for “Stuff the Bus” before August 31. 100% of contributions go directly to fund the needs of Monroe County schoolchildren. Link
[Friday Joke] An Irishman and a Mormon were seatmates on an airline trip.  After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”


: “All people think about is sex these days.

[Hurricane 9] My kids asked me why they name hurricanes after people and not just a number? Kids are smarter then they look.

What will it take to wipe out the entire population of mosquitoes in the world? If the last Ice Age couldn’t do it, I’m hard pressed to imagine what could. The other alternatives are poison and genetic engineering. Link

Get vaccinated, because if you die from COVID-19, someone will pry the gun from your cold, dead hands.

Capital Gains Tax question from last week, the tax is either 15% or 20% based on your income. Also remember the tax is only on the amount of the gain on sale, not the total amount of the sale. Contact a tax accountant for good advice.

[Friday Joke] 1. My mother taught me about weather. “Your room looks like a tornado hit it.”
My mother taught me about religion. “You better pray that comes out of the carpet.”
My mother taught me about time travel. “If you don’t straighten up I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.”
My mother taught me about osmosis. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
My mother taught me about the circle of life. “l brought you into this world, I can take you out.”
My mother taught me about envy. “There are millions of less fortunate children in theworld who don’t have wonderful parents like you.”
My mother taught me about receiving. “You are going to get it when we get home.”
My mother taught me about genealogy. “Shut that door. You think you were raised in a barn?”
My mother taught me about justice. “One day you’ll have kids. I hope they turn out just like you!”
My mother taught me about logic. “Because I said so, That’s why.”
My mother taught me about stamina. “You’ll sit there until your spinach is gone.”
My mother taught me about irony. “Keep crying. I’ll give you something to cry about.”