2017 August

Friday, August 18, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002
Published Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.

Special Eclipse Edition. Monday, August 21–eclipse day!

In zip code , you will see a partial solar eclipse. The eclipse will peak at 2:56:57 pm EDT, when the moon obscures 71.3% of the sun.

The Capris –There’s A Moon Out Tonight

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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages (Deer ol’ Ed too!)

Wetstock 13, one day of Peace & Music, is just around the corner and will start rocking Sunday September 3 at noon (Keys’ time). It will be bigger and better than all the previous Wetstocks. It’s hard to believe that this is the thirteenth time my friends and I have been putting this party on. Six bands are lined up to come and rock throughout the day.
Ukelele’s in Paradise
The Rockin Bob’s
Karen Weber and The Funkin’ Conchs
The Lady A Band
Catagory 4 Band
The Ray West Band
Bring the family and enjoy the waters off Picnic Island. Please have all your boating safety gear and show courtesy to all the boats around you so we can have a safe and wonderful day of Peace & Music. Take only pictures and leave only foot prints.  ~Flip-Flop Bob

[“Honoring the past“] There’s nothing wrong with removing undesirable statues and religious tributes from public property. That is not their rightful place. Museums, memorials and religious property are their proper places, not public property. None of those undesirable things should ever be disrespected no matter your beliefs.
[Our History] The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history. If you don’t know history, then you don’t know anything. You are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree.
Understanding and letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key
Why isn’t our crumbling infrastructure being fixed? It seems like it’s the only agenda item all Americans agree on.



Eclipse for Dummies.

[A Heard of Cops] I would love to know what’s up. Tuesday as I was coming back from KW I ran into 3/4 of our total law enforcement who seemed to be on a bridge about 5 miles south of Bahia Honda. FWC was running across the road to look over the bridge, a fleet of Sheriff’s cars were strewn up a side road on the ocean side, no news of it that I can find.


Whatever happened to Camp David, the president’s retreat? Did Trump sell it?

Marathon Liquor & Deli’s April 29, 2011 special interest agreement gave Lucignano the Plaza Grill expansion only requiring 75 parking spaces, falsely based on a required 110 parking spaces which should have really been stated at 138 parking spaces. Even then, Lucignano has never met the inappropriately reduced number of parking of 75. The overly generous 74 City count does not meet the accommodated City requirement. Yet the City of Marathon is trying to find a way to again accommodate Lucignano wanting to add 24 more seats to his Deli. An interesting side note to all of this is the fact that Mike Cinque has now found a way to involve himself into these negotiations with Ralph Lucignano and attorney Chris Waldera in meetings with the City of Marathon. Why?

Those of you who think that this is just some little issue between two businessmen who do not like each other, are sorely mistaken and very short sighted. Ralph Lucignano and Mike Cinque have taken advantage and abused the City of Marathon for years and for some strange reason, which may soon come to light, the City of Marathon has always accommodated them with all their needs and requests. Their friends have benefited as well, and I hope one day someone will look more closely at the benefits and approvals given to Dennis Zecca and the Marathon Marina and RV Park!

If these people are not stopped, it will only continue and certainly get worse. When they get away with what they have done, others follow. You only need to look at Greg Coldiron and see what he allowed and then caused to happen at Knights Key with the Sunset Grille and also at Keys R V and Trailer Park. Coldiron clearly used the City of Marathon to help his agenda.

Everyone has self interest! It is the job of government to serve the best interests of the greater majority and our Community as a whole, as opposed to the special self interests of a few. The City of Marathon needs to get it right, finally! I believe that the City is trying but we have a culture that is difficult to change. With a new City Manager and City Attorney we have that chance, but it will not be easy. The culture is deeply ingrained, the needs continue, and the fear is great. Do not be afraid! Do not quit! There is much work to do but it will be worth it! Marathon is worth it!  ~Bruce Schmitt

[Friday Joke] The Wedding Night. Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat.  He said, “Mike, let me tell you something.  On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, ‘Here, try these on!’

She did and said, ‘These are too big, I can’t wear them.’

I replied, ‘Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that night we have never had any problems.”

“Hmmm,” said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Jane, “Here try these on.” She tried them on and said, “These are too large, they don’t fit me.” Mike said, “Exactly, I wear the pants in this family, and I always will.  I don’t want you to ever forget that.”
Then Jane took off her pants, and handed them to Mike.  She said, “Here, you try on mine.” He did and said, “I can’t get into your pants.” Jane said, “Exactly, and if you don’t change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.”

They lived happily ever after–sort of!




How ’bout a shot of truth in that denial cocktail. There is more than enough hate to go around. Now let us fill the news with whose hate is the most hateful. Sad indeed, very sad.


[Hate] The only reason for an American to hold a Nazi flag is if it has been captured in battle.

Being President doesn’t change who you are, it reveals who they are.  ~Michelle Obama



Look, I met Midland! Their new record drops Sept 22 and is called “On The Rocks”. They are very good in concert as well as each of them being extremely cute and talented.
Midland – Drinkin’ Problem

[Eclipse on NASA Television] Programming begins at noon EDT with a preview show hosted from Charleston, South Carolina. The main show begins at 1 p.m. and will cover the path of totality, featuring views from NASA research aircraft, high-altitude balloons, satellites and specially-modified telescopes. It also will include live reports from Charleston, as well as from Salem, Oregon; Idaho Falls, Idaho; Beatrice, Nebraska; Jefferson City, Missouri; Carbondale, Illinois; Hopkinsville, Kentucky; and Clarksville, Tennessee. For details, satellite coordinates, and broadcast timeline. Link

In addition to the NASA TV broadcast, live video streams from locations across the country will be available. Link



[The Future is Here] See anything like this going on?  You may want to read the book (1984)  to see if this is where we are.





[The King Is Dead!] In 1977, Elvis Presley died at age 42.

My wife came home and said, “The doctor put me on an exercise program.  I have to walk 3 miles a day.”  I said, “That’s great.  This time next week you’ll be 21 miles away.”  That’s when the fight started.


Did anyone lose a hubcap on Key Deer Blvd? Or is this folk art from the long lost Keys?

[Sadistic Fur Trader Captain 1811] “A man who could deliberately leave, nine of his fellow-creatures to perish on the Falkland Islands; who could throw one of his sailors overboard, at the Island of Woahoo; who could offer the Indians at Owhyhee a reward for the head of one of his own officers; who could force from his ship four of his men in a storm, to perish at the mouth of the Columbia River; who could witness unmoved, from his own deck, three of his men left to perish on the Columbia bar.”


Jim Stiles passed away on Saturday morning. They removed his life support on Friday, and he went peacefully the next day. At least he had a morphine drip. Jim was a long time Piner and technician at the former Monkey Islands. As of late he’d been a Key West taxi driver and faithful patron of Coconuts.

[Friday Joke] ​A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.” The father asked, “Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?”

The little girl said, “I don’t know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.” The next day grandpa died.  The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The next day the grandmother died.

“Holy Moly, thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.” Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, “God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.” He practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?” He said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”

She said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me this morning. My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson.”


[Traitors to Their Country] “Upset with the removal of Confederate statue of Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee from a downtown park in the South” By that poster’s logic we should be revering statues of Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin, Idi Amin and now Maduro.

[Hates Winn Dixie] Perhaps you’ve noticed around 6 months ago or so there was a Grand Opening in the Winn Dixie plaza when WD changed its name to SE Gro. which is owned by Lonestar Enterprises LLC in Dallas TX. We were promised changes, and changes we got. I began to notice a lot of items with nationality recognition and products I’d been buying at that store for over 20 years disappearing from the shelves. Replaced by SE Gro. items that were advertised as “just the same” but weren’t. Cheaper products at cheaper prices. Produce for cheaper prices from foreign markets mostly way past their freshness, replacement coffee in smaller containers for higher prices, so far beef from foreign countries identified in letters so small that you literally have to search to find it and then it’s a notice that it had been inspected by the USDA (I wonder what percent was sampled?). No wonder WD, SE Gro, or Lonestar enterprises LLC are regularly in financial limbo. Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s across the 7 Mile to Publix I go.
[Stupid Signs] I agree that those 511 signs are ugly and next to worthless, but what bugs me more are those idiotic giant electronic signs that tell us not to text and drive, check tire pressure, etc.  I was returning to the Keys Saturday when one of these signs said traffic was fine ahead, but in reality, the eighteen mile stretch was backed up all the way to Key Largo. Typical government project–they put them up but fail to give us important information. Maybe the person in charge of the alerts on these signs was taking a very long break
[Transfer Of Deed Restricted Affordable And Workforce Housing] Clearly, the County has in place a procedure for ascertaining that deed restricted property is only transferred to individuals who qualify under the terms of the deed restriction.

The question now regards enforcement of that policy.  It’s acknowledged that this is not a perfect system for confirming adherence to County policy when transfers are made.  What will it take to create a perfect system?  I would be more than willing to assist in any way.

Perhaps, one thing that would help would be to require that an approved “Affidavit of Qualification For Affordable Housing” be included before the County Clerk can accept the transfer of deed.

My understanding from a conversation with the County Clerk is that his office currently has no involvement beyond filing what is sent to them.  Perhaps if the Clerk’s office required the approved “Affidavit of Qualification For Affordable Housing”, mistakes could be avoided.  ~Larry Murra

[2017 Bocce Summer Season Is About To Begin] Everyone welcome. No experience necessary. Get a team of at least 4 friends together and start playing! Meet us at the Bocce courts at Big Pine Park on Monday, August 21st at 6:00 pm to sign-up.  League play begins the week of the 27th.  $100 per team and $25 per player. Please call or email Kim Livingston for any questions. 305-304-2025 or
No one is “denying” that the solar eclipse will occur, but no one is trying to stop it either by sending billions of dollars to the UN.  Why is that?




Going spearfishing?  Forget about the sharks.  The most dangerous thing in the water is probably your buddy.

Big Pine Key Winn Dixie’s Weekly Ad
[Spanglish word of the day] Bishop. I took my old lady to a big fiesta.  She got drunk, fell down and I had to pick the bishop!


The 2017 Key West Film Festival is less than 100 days away from opening night.  Here’s what you need to know. Link

Services will be held this Sunday for the cremated critters who perished in the Mangrove Mama’s kitchen fire. Locals only may attend![?]
[Head In The Sand] I’m curious, how do we know that the driver that ran into a crowd of protesters was an “alt-right”, whatever that is?  Why isn’t what he did being called road rage?  Could it be the whole thing was staged for political reasons?  It wouldn’t be the first time. Someone seems hell-bent on starting a civil war in this country and their minions are more than happy to oblige.
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