2017 August

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002
Published Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.

Click here to send in a post or something. Contact Us
[Boat Ramp Review] This weekend was my first use of the upgraded public boat ramp on Little Torch Key since the work was done. The dock lumber repair was decent, but the lack of common sense otherwise was truly disappointing. First, the paranoia about cutting mangroves. The reason the Keys are covered with mangroves is that they are very hardy opportunistic rooters. They grow in places where they afford no habitat or erosion protection such as within the confines of a concrete public boat ramp.

On Little Torch, the ramp design retained the invasive mangroves growing at the ends of the docks and the road. On the south side, the mangroves were trimmed down so that there is a possibility of flinging the bow rope from your boat over them to tie-up to the dock when launching alone. The mangroves tower high on the north side between the road and the north dock so there is no hope of clearing them with a bow line. On the north side, on the canal end of the dock, the mangroves were left high and hanging out over the ramp entrance, so the boater cannot just slide up alongside the dock. The captain has to steer out and around the mangroves and then nose into the dock. Good luck if the Bimini top is up (we watched an entanglement). That complicates the solo boater and risks damage to boats if one is occupying the south dock.

Protecting mangroves that invaded a boat ramp is just beyond stupid.
Across the street in the parking lot, it looks like the only improvement was a fresh topping of limerock. Boaters are confused about how to park, so spaces get blocked. There is a small tree (green buttonwood) occupying and obstructing a front corner of the parking lot. With that tree removed, trailers could be angled in on both sides of the lot, creating several more parking slots.

Our driver had to park way down the road Sunday because some moron parked stupidly and wiped out the two remaining places. On Saturday, a compact car with no trailer occupied a slot that could have taken a truck and trailer. He could have parked in front of the tree

[Diver Down (for good)] Sunday, a 58-year-old man from Amarillo, Texas, died after beginning a dive on French Reef off Key Largo.




Summer tomatoes.

[Honey] I’ve read that if you use honey produced locally to where you live, it can relieve allergic re-actions. The pollen collected by the bees from local plants cures local allergies. I believe it’s called immunotherapy.

[Opioid Crisis] Tiger Woods is the new poster child for opioid abuse.

[Miami Drivers] I just took a trip that lead through Miami. Here are a few helpful comments about what to expect from the drivers if you head up there and take the turnpike.
1.  Will always migrate to the left lane if possible any way possible
2. Will never yield no matter what the signs say. It is not ‘macho’ and yielding shows weakness.
3. Never make eye contact.
4. Will weave through traffic at speeds 10-20 mph over the speed limit terrifying most other drivers.
5. Will never merge until they get to the front of the line of cars.
6. Miami drivers are usually armed with more firepower than you can afford.
If you think about honking your horn or saluting these wacko drivers with a middle finger remember item 6!


[Moving Sale] Saturday 8/19/2017 Sands Rd & Ave C, Big Pine Key. Furniture, beds, couches, chairs, tables, clothes, men, women, children. fishing equipment. household appliances, tools. A little bit of everything! 8a-12p

[1887 African-Arab Wedding] There is but little love-making among the Arabs. The affair of matrimony usually commences by a present to the father of the girl, which, if accepted, is followed by a similar advance to the girl herself, and the arrangement is completed. All the friends of both parties are called together for the wedding; pistols and guns are fired off, if possessed. There is much feasting, and the unfortunate bridegroom undergoes the ordeal of whipping by the relatives of his bride, in order to test his courage. Sometimes this punishment is exceedingly severe, being inflicted with the coorbatch or whip of hippopotamus hide, which is cracked vigorously about his ribs and back. If the happy husband wishes to be considered a man worth having, he must receive the chastisement with an expression of enjoyment; in which case the crowds of women again raise their thrilling cry in admiration.



[My wife] She left a note in the fridge saying, “This isn’t working, goodbye.” I opened it and it works just fine.

[Sewers] Does anyone know what the grinder pump contractors are doing all over Little Torch Key this week?  I received a notice in the mail from FKAA, pretty much telling me they would be on my property in the next few weeks, (now that FKAA owns my front yard).  The truck has a generator on the back.  There couldn’t possibly be a problem, could there? A little added irony: the contractor name is Nugent.  Yes, I know it’s spelled differently, but ironic just the same.




Now you can now summons an Uber driver right from Google Maps.

[Timeshare For Sale] Marathon Key Beach Club timeshare. OK, I didn’t make the smartest move years ago when I purchased this 2-bed room timeshare.  A person gets one week a year and that assigned week is called Week 7 which is President’s Day Weekend. Yearly maintenance is $750 yearly, no club dues. Does anyone want it for $100? (305) 395-0588

[Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee] Death and hate follow the city’s plans to remove a statue of Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee from a downtown park.

The rest of us should not be surprised if there is violence at any rally sponsored by the “alt-right” and their neo-nazi brothers in arms, especially to honor the great general of the Civil War–their favorite war after Hitler’s war.

[Alt-Right Science] Odd. No one is in denial of America’s Aug 21 total solar eclipse. Like climate change, methods and tools of science predict it.  ~Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson
Your life begins to change, the day you take responsibility for it
[The Military] Nobody has a “right” to serve in the military. Nobody. What makes people think the military is an equal opportunity employer? Very far from it. The military uses prejudice regularly and consistently to deny citizens from joining for being too old or too young, too fat or too skinny, too tall or too short. Citizens are denied for having flat feet, or for missing or additional fingers. Poor eyesight will disqualify you, as well as bad teeth. Malnourished? Drug addiction? Bad back? Criminal history? Low IQ? Anxiety? Phobias? Hearing damage? Six arms? Hear voices in your head? Self-identify as a Unicorn? Need a special access ramp for your wheelchair? Can’t run the required course in the required time? Can’t do the required number of pushups? Not really a “morning person” and refuse to get out of bed before noon? All can be reasons for denial.

The military has one job. War. Anything else is a distraction and a liability. Did someone just scream “That isn’t Fair”? War is very unfair, there are no exceptions made for being special or challenged or socially wonderful. You change yourself to meet military standards. Not the other way around. I say again: You don’t change the Military, you must change yourself. The military doesn’t need to accommodate anyone with special issues. The Military needs to win wars.

[Unite the Right Rally] I am upset with the removal of the statues — you cannot erase history. I have feared violence would erupt at some time over this matter. I have heard that a cemetery has created an area to take some of the monumental statues. We must embrace history. Embrace, don’t erase. It happened. Let’s learn from it, as we always did, it keeps America better then all that!  America is strong because of our past.
Sometimes we forget our service folks, the folks that make our nights out happen. That would include both locals & tourist alike. Servers, both bar & wait staff, kitchen staff, clean up crews. Even the late-night crews that stock the shelves at W/D–all work a late shift. The “NUT” is the spot the late shift goes to unwind, along with tourist & locals that are not ready to call it a night. Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store is open 7 days a week, from 7 am to 4 am. We would like your business. We will work hard to keep you happy and our prices down. Our drinks are the best, our a/c & beer are both cold. Free popcorn & Wi/Fi, and flat screen TV’s everywhere. Our pool room is the only pool room in the Florida Keys! We keep our 9 x 4 1/2-foot Brunswick tables in great shape. 34 years with the same owners — the folks that built it. That’s Amazing! When you say or think about Big Pine Key, the “NUT” should come to mind. It’s the last of the real deals, some would say iconic Coconuts. Piners rock!
[Spanish Word Of The Day] “Mushroom” When my old lady gets into my pick-up truck there isn’t mushroom left.

This morning I tried to put the popular ‘WhatsApp’ text app on my PC & it really screwed things up. I had to restore it to last week. Then I had to reinstall Chrome. Not a very happy afternoon. I should have paid attention and download the PC version not the smartphone version.

[Nonprofit Explorer] Search for nonprofit data. Enter a nonprofit’s name, a keyword, or city. Link
[It’s All Relative] If you could fit the entire population of the world into a village of 100 people, the proportions would be as follows: Link (click to move to next panel)



Glen Campbell (second from right)at one of his first gigs. In tribute to the late Glen Campbell, a special programme of his many and memorable appearances ‘At The BBC’, including extracts from his very last Radio 2 appearance. Audio

[Advice to Despots] You can retain power over people as long as you give them something.  ~Solzhenitsyn
Big Pine Key Winn Dixie’s Weekly Ad
[KW Orchid Society] Our field trip to Marianne Bertini’s is this coming Saturday, August. 19,  1 am to 1 pm. It’ll be hot, so bring your bathing suit. Full Menu > Ongoing Events




German engineering that works pretty darn good, but watch out for those ricochets! Video

You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.
My wife came home from shopping and said, “I was trying to have a nice  lunch but I was constantly interrupted by a very loud obnoxious woman.”  I said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were having lunch with your mother today.”  That’s when the fight started
[Free Financial Literacy Classes] Marathon–United Way of the Florida Keys is offering free Financial Literacy classes to anyone interested in improving their budgeting and money management skills.     Two classes are scheduled in Key Largo in September: Wednesday, September 13 – 10:00 a.m.  Center for Independent Living, 103400 Overseas Highway, Suite 243    Thursday, September 14 – 6:00 p.m. Key Largo Public Library 101485 Overseas Highway, next to K-Mart.

Classes run approximately one hour and 15 minutes and materials are furnished.  The class is entitled “Money Matters” and includes instruction on how to identify ways to increase income, decrease spending, track spending habits,  prepare a personal spending plan/budget to help balance monthly income and expenses, list and prioritize financial goals to help you reach them, identify budgeting tools that help you manage your bills, create a personal workable and realistic plan for your specific circumstances.

This class is absolutely free and is open to anyone.  Additional classes including different topics will be scheduled in the upcoming months. Please call to register 305-797-1704 or email

[Government Mistrust] It’s great news that Florida DOT is getting rid of some of the ugly 511 signs. Let’s see if it actually happens.

[Looking For Glenn Reber for 10 Years] Does anyone have any information on Big Pine Key resident Glenn Reber? No, he does not owe me money. He is a good guy and my former brother-in-law. I have lost track of him and would like to find him. The last I heard he lived in the Avenues. Thanks.
Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *