Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.
The Un-social Media with 60,000 Followers
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 [It’s ‘Apocalypse Right Now’] Holy smokes. It feels like we are living through the first vertiginous 15 minutes of a disaster movie, maybe one called “The Day After Tomorrow Was Yesterday.” Heat waves are getting hotter. Forests are ablaze. Floods are obliterating. An iceberg nearly half the size of Puerto Rico broke off from Antarctica. Florida’s fleurs du mal, algal blooms known as red tide, have become more toxic because of pollution and climate change. They are responsible for killing 600 tons of marine life, leaving beaches strewn with reeking dead fish. It’s Mad Max apocalyptic. Crazy storms that used to hit every century now seem quotidian, overwhelming systems that cannot withstand such a battering. Link |
| [Frankenskeeters] Beginning next week, fewer than 200,000 genetically modified Aedes aegypti male mosquitoes will emerge from Oxitec’s designer boxes. Another 200,000 bugs will hatch the following week and every week thereafter for a total 16 weeks as part of the second phase of a local mosquito control effort. The potential swarm of at least 3.2 million bugs is being released by the private company in partnership with the tax-supported Florida Keys Mosquito Control District for the first time in the U.S. Link |
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| [Friday Joke] Their three kids, all successful professionals, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. “Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed Doctor Son No. 1. ‘Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time to get you a gift.” “Not to worry,” said the father. “Important thing is we’re all together today.” Lawyer Son No. 2 arrived. “You and Mom look great. Dad, I just flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.” “It’s nothing,” said the father, “We’re glad you were able to come.”Just then the Architect daughter arrived, “Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”After they had finished dessert, the father said, “There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed work hard, scrimp and save, and sacrifice to send each of you to college. Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.” The three children gasped and said, “WHAT? You mean we’re bastards?” “Yep,” said the father, “Cheap ones, too.” |
 Another untrue wrecking legend is the story of unscrupulous men hoping to cause a wreck by placing false lights on shore. This simply wasn’t done because it wouldn’t work. Mariners are not attracted to lights. Quite the contrary, the sight of a light warns them that they may be standing into danger. Furthermore, for lights to be seen any distance at sea in the era of oil lanterns, they had to be specially designed and constructed, great in size and candlepower, operated by complex mechanisms, and mounted at considerable height. In all the wrecking court cases, there is no instance in which the master of a wrecked ship alleged that he was led aground by a false light |
| [I Am The God OF Hell Fire] Crazy World of Arthur Brown – Fire ‘We lost Greenville’: A California town is overrun by the Dixie Fire. Imagine losing everything! Video |
 [R.I.P. Bob Hellemn] Robert (Bob) Hellemn has passed. Bob was my neighbor on Summerland Key, one of the old guard. He later left the Keys. The few of you who are left may remember his fishing boat the Rebel Yell. Bob was a Navy vet, a father, grandfather and wonderful friend to all – a faithful follower of Jesus Christ. He was preceded in death by his wife Lorraine – another beautiful soul. I do know he made one last trip to the Keys with his kids earlier this year, he did say he enjoyed himself but missed what was the island chain he dearly loved. RIP brother. |
| [How Evil Thinks] I’ve made my final decision that if I know this virus is going to kill me, I will take as many pharmacists, lawyers, actors, musicians and politicos with me by giving them one big juicy kiss. |
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| [Friday Joke] Sunday Morning Sex. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 90 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong.” She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.” |
 [Capital Gains Tax] I want (need) to sell my rental property as I’m too old to maintain it or handle the problems associated with being a landlord. The bigger problem is if I sell it I’ll be libel for about 28% capital gains tax. That 28% is the difference of me being able to live comfortably or left scratching my arse. Is there any way I can avoid that ghastly tax? Any ideas how I can keep my money? |
| [Dearth of Channels] I accidentally rebooted my AT&T TV to allow all channels to come through so I could re-edit out the channels I never watch. Out of 9,945 available channels, I have only 9 that I want to keep! Wouldn’t it be nice if AT&T just charged me for 9 channels? Viewing the other 9,936 channels almost made me drop all the TV crap completely. And you wonder why Americans are turning into drones. Bruce Springsteen – 57 Channels (And Nothin’ On) |
 Does anyone know why it is so hard to buy a vape pen? The online sites are all sold out and have been for months? |
| [Friday Joke] The Key Deer Refuge Center is a joke. It’s been there for over a year and they have more excuses than good reasons for not opening it to the public. Red tape, my fanny! Weak leadership is more like it. |
| [Watching Young People] Viewing the county sheriff website never fails to amaze me. If you spend any time in downtown Key West, not bar hopping, but just walking, you see the same type of people as on the website. My wife tells me about the people drinking, carrying on, “they’re on vacation having fun”. Having fun is no reason to lose your damn mind! Having fun gets very old. |
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| [Friday Joke] Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?” The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 420 yard hole in one! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?” |
 [Watching Olympics] Athletes performing almost impossible feats, things I couldn’t do even at a young, strong age. Then the judging. Take off points for this, some more for that. I wonder if these judges ever performed or tried to perform any of this, or are they armchair quarterbacks. |
| The August AARP calendar is here although they’ve been closed for over a year the calendars just keep coming. Full Menu > Ongoing Events |
 Office 365 is now Microsoft 365. Microsoft 365 includes everything you enjoy in Office 365, like premium Office apps, and 1 TB of cloud storage, plus new subscription benefits. You’ll be charged the next recurring payment for your subscription soon. On Friday, September 3, 2021, we’ll charge $99.99 plus applicable taxes to your Visa card. Your subscription will continue for 1 year.P.S. It also includes the Microsoft cloud, OneDrive, that is worth the hundred bucks by itself. |
| I wish. |
 Learning how to play the guitar article which has just been released. “You should also think about the budget before you decide to buy a guitar. For instance, you will be spending a lot more money on buying an electric guitar than you would on buying an acoustic guitar.” That is incorrect unless the beginner is buying all high end equipment because the cheapest electric guitar you can buy online is quite a good instrument (and usually includes a practice amp) whereas the cheapest acoustic guitar you buy is junk and almost impossible to play. If a guitar is hard to play the student will get discouraged and stop learning. Buy a cheap electric for your first guitar. The bonus is you can practice it without the amp and not drive everyone in your house nuts. Link |
| [Bitcoin] Iceland is rapidly becoming a hub for cryptocurrency mining because energy is cheap and it’s so cold the computers stay cooler using far less electricity. Crypto mining in Iceland uses more electricity than the entire island. Video |
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| [Tourist News] An ear-biting 45-year-old Port St. Lucie man was arrested Thursday after biting part of a man’s ear off during an altercation at a Stock Island hotel. Link |
 [Lesson] A professor gave a balloon to every student, who had to inflate it, write their name on it and throw it in the hallway. The professors then mixed all the balloons. The students were given 5 minutes to find their own balloon. Despite a hectic search, no one found their balloon.
At that point the professors told the students to take the first balloon that they found and hand it to the person whose name was written on it. Within 5 minutes everyone had their own balloon. The professors said to the students: “These balloons are like happiness. We will never find it if everyone is looking for their own. But if we care about other people’s happiness… we’ll find ours too. |
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