2012 December

Friday, December 28, 2012

(The Coconut Telegraph is not published on Saturdays, December 29)

an bongo obama

In 2013 I intend to beat the drum of Gratitude and Praise….and you?

When I was a teenager, I used to brag all the time about how great I was and all the cool stuff I had. One day my Grandmother took me aside and said, “Let other people sing your praises if you are that good- to do so yourself just makes you look bad. ”  I have found that her words still hold true today. Self promotion should only be used by actors and politicians.

an_sweetsWe had a Christmas Cookie Exchange party a week or so before Christmas. I made a few phone calls to the people I hadn’t run into, explaining that it was women only, and that “cookies” could be anything from fudge to brownies. Received a text back stating, “You must have dialed the wrong number; a) I have a penis and b) I gave up muffins because they cost me too much money. 

I almost cried I was laughing so hard. Actually, some men showed up, ate cookies, and left by 6. To stay for the actual party they had to be dressed in drag. Happy Holidays, and thanks for the smiles.

Rockland Key Big Box update. Link

an_RIP[RIP] Ray Halverson, known to most of us as Chef Ray, passed away on 12-24.  Chef Ray was a shy man with a good heart and a quiet personality.  He was a graduate of the Johnson and Wales School of Culinary Arts and was truly a master chef who loved baking and pastry making.  Anyone who ever tasted one of Chef Ray’s creations, may it be a simple Italian repast or a sophisticated Beef Wellington would tell you that he excelled as a chef.  I had known Ray for many years and always enjoyed talking with him about various kitchen techniques and recipes.  We both spent many years in Arizona and loved real Mexican food and Chef Ray could whip up an enchilada, a chili rellano or a chicken mole with the best of them and, if you closed your eyes for a moment, make you feel like you were dining in Old Mexico.

Ray fell to a demon he fought often, but he always had a smile and something nice to say.  He was a friend and will be missed.  He may be gone from the kitchen of our life, but the good Lord and the Angels will be eating well tonight.

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[“Hippies and Cowards”] Typical of the clueless to think anyone against guns are cowards and not men of honor, bravery and thought.



I was ecstatic about the reported phenomenon of Razorbills so far south because now my recent sighting of Thick-Billed Murres won’t have to go in the “figment of my imagination” file.  About two weeks ago I identified several of these Murres on the water where a large pod of Bottlenose dolphins were.  We were in Hawk’s Channel southeast of Little Palm Island at the time.  Both Razorbills and TB Murres are in the same family (Alcidae) and both species on the East coast have nearly identical ranges, so to have these Murres down here would also be highly improbable.  Truly an exciting event for serious birdwatchers.  

Mexican pot traffickers plant pot in American forests. I watched a TV special that was no more than a photo op for the hundred, yes 100, agents from various groups with guns, to raid a small field with two hippies in sleeping bags to watch over it. The hippies still got away from the hundred agents.

Legalize pot and end all the foolishness on law enforcement’s part and allow the pot smokers any foolishness to be had. Link


[Holiday Driving Tip] Take your driver’s license picture drunk, so if you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.

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[SUFA Shelter] The County seems determined to pursue its witch hunt against SUFA.  Five people who were good enough to volunteer to try to help out are going to have to hire lawyers when they’ve done nothing wrong. And the county is too stupid to even realize that absent any criminal acts, they are immune in any case under the Florida Volunteer Protection Act (F.S. 768.1355).



[Another question about semiautomatic rifles] Is a high capacity magazine more likely to jam? 

It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

dead29[Suicide]  The principal of the Key West Collegiate School, a Stock Island charter school, died Wednesday after shooting herself at a Broward County gun range, authorities said. Adri Stewart, 30, was shot at the Pembroke Gun and Range on Southwest 19th Street in Pembroke Park. She was taken to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood, where she died.

The Broward County Medical Examiner’s Office has ruled her death a suicide due to a note she left behind for her family. Broward Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Keyla Concepcion said the note “mentions nothing” about being distraught over the Newtown, Conn., school massacre.

The Key West Collegiate School opened in August 2011 but has struggled with both administration and enrollment. In September, it had around 40 students. At first it was run by parents but it’s now operated by Academica, a Miami-based company that specializes in running charter schools. In August, school board Chairman Todd German called Stewart a stabilizing influence.

an spins guns


[“What good is a firearm if it is locked up”] Guns should be locked up. Especially when you have a retard for a kid. It’s called responsible gun ownership. 

Self defense in the home can be accomplished with one weapon and they make all kinds of next-to-the-bed devices to secure them. It’s not about being Quick Draw McGraw, it’s about being able to respond. My EDC(?) is always within reach, everything else is under lock and key — and I don’t mean left in my car like the Deputy did.

Getting smacked out with Ginger, Graham Bond and the whole crew. London 1970.

Ginger Baker´s Air ForceEarly in the Morning


[RENO 911] On cell phone etiquette in theaters. For those of you that received a new Smart Phone for Christmas, think twice before you take it into the movie theaters this long weekend. (Adult language!) Link

[School Guns] Please don’t forget that Sidwell & Friends [school] also has Secret Service Agents because of the Obama girl’s attendance.


I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning”. If it was a good morning I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.



This week Venus gradually sinks lower in the dawn, Mercury below it sinks a little faster, and sparkly Antares climbs higher — beginning an apparition that will bring it into the evening sky next summer.

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[Big Box Store on Rockland Key] Nobody is interested, due to the extremely miniscule population of potential spenders, compared to the miles needed to get there, and the road’s access.  Box stores hire companies to survey, explore, investigate potential expansion locations. And then the box stores talk to their accountants and the decision is – nope,  not there, not for only maybe 35,000 residents, because, right off, the top 15% of the population is subtracted as non-shoppers.  People north of MM 80 are not going to drive south of the 7 Mile Bridge when they can go north and get more stores. Yes the drive is a pain, but worth it.

That’s the reality. Next introduce the ridiculous county building fees, taxes, infrastructure and impact fees – all a brick wall roadblock. And wait until the potential builder(s) finds out about the impending sewer costs–the death blow.   If MonroeCounty is serious about any new commercial building, they’re going to have to give away the store, including waiving all sewer related fee obligations. 

Makes the little mom-pop stores look better, huh.

[How to add the Coconut Telegraph to your iPhone home screen] Go to > Press the Arrow up function. > Press. add To Home Screen. Magically an icon “on the coco tele…”  Appears on the home screen. 
(Sent from my Hewlett-Packard 5710-A dual-column gas chromatograph with flame Analyzation detectors) 

an_fly2There once was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened upon a large pile of fresh cow manure.
Since it had been hours since his last meal and he was feeling hunger pangs, he flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out. He ate and ate and then he ate some more.

Finally he decided he’d had plenty. He washed his face with his tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away. But alas, he had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground. He looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when he spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall. He’d found a solution! He realized if he could just become airborne he’d be able to fly again. So he painstakingly climbed to the top of the handle. Once there he took a deep breath, spread his tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air. He dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor. Dead fly.

The moral of this sad story is never fly off the handle when you know you’re full of shit

Nira Tocco has a beautiful new listing in Doctor’s Arm. Video tour

Nira Tocco has another beautiful new listing. This one’s in Eden Pines Video tour

an grim reaper walk


[Dead People] From General’s to singers; Passages 2012: Moments define their time & ours. Life is moments. Link

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bruce schmitt

[Murder-for-hire target: ‘I am so frigging angry’] The man who says he was the target of a murder-for-hire plot that unfolded throughout this month in Marathon says he remains fearful for his life. “You can imagine what it’s like to get a call from the FBI and they tell you there’s a hit out on you,” Middle Keys Realtor Bruce Schmitt said Thursday. “I planned to spend Christmas with my family, and I didn’t get the chance. I am so angry. I am so frigging angry.” Link

[SWAT does serve a purpose here] On Stock Island they served a warrant for pot. They got a little under half a ounce, less than a felony, from some seriously hungry non-violent offenders. Maybe Colorado had the right idea with their new shoot the police law. Sure keeps them honest.

Principal shoots herself. Life is so fragile. People, come together! Link


[Smoke Screen] Flatulence Filtering Underpants. Link

[Lecture series on Florida Keys and Florida Bay Science] Registration is open for Florida Keys Community College’s non-credit “Sanctuary Seminar” lecture series. Come learn about the Florida Keys and Florida Bay marine environment through presentations by experts from the National Wildlife Refuges, Florida Keys Reef Lights Foundation, National Park Service, University of Miami and Inwater Research Group. Lectures are Tuesday evenings 6:30 p.m. – 8 p.m., January 15 – February 19, at Florida Keys Eco-Discovery Center in Key West. To register, contact the FKCC continuing education department at 305-809-3185. The registration fee is $19. Bulletin Board

[Sighting] Who else has seen the donkeys pulling a cart with 2 people in it?  Riding around Big Pine Key.  No kidding!



In 2012, Florida was a state where a lifeguard got fired for saving a life, a woman got arrested for riding a manatee and a man repeatedly used 911 as a phone sex service. Think that’s weird? It gets worse… Link 

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[Alternative Energy] As of this posting I don’t know of any posts on these sites that have an anti agenda concerning alternative energy, when reading what one says about the inadequacies of a green energy curriculum and the extrapolating that out as an agenda which is against forms of alternative energy per-se is simply a bad read on the content of said post, what the poster is attempting to say is that the size and scope the economy requires for it to function is at the present time way beyond what alternative energy can supply, so many people in the environmental movement have cultivated a warm and fuzzy public image of alternative and green energies while attempting to regulate your behavior and downsize your life style, there is a an apples and oranges comparison when attempting to use isolated examples like a home on no name key, or a friend of who ever, and attempting to make green energy the energy of the world before the tools to do so are in place, these attempts are usually done by pseudo intellectuals that have no real working knowledge of what make the world go around, in a nutshell when the time is right for these types of energy to take their prominent place on the world stage they will, as private entrepreneurs will be aware of the fact, in the meantime we will be subjected to endless Gov. types trying to push a limp rope through a long culvert ala Solyndra.


[Hairy Armpit] A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?” The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink!” The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?” Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!” The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “Tell me, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?” The drunk replied, “Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina.” 


You can not run A/C on a solar grid, the Sun doesn’t shine at night. If your batteries run down to 11.5 D.C. amps your inverter will shut down. The batteries can not start the compressor very many times, if at all. If it worked that easily everyone would be using it in the United States and the world. Why can’t you understand that? I have solar and batteries, and two invertors. It will not work and I have a small window A/C that I use a generator to run. If solar would run it I would not buy gas for the generator. If you really want to know the truth come over and I will show you. Not what someone told me. I know someone told you that they can, but it is B.S. It can not be done–period. That is why most people on No Name want the grid.



‘Stormin’ Norman’ Schwarzkopf, lauded Gulf War commander, dies. Link

[“What good is a self-defense firearm if it is locked up”] The problem in Connecticut occurred because there wasn’t a well blended security approach and a means to secure the weapons against their possible misuse. For instance, no weapon not under immediate physical control of the owner should have been secured in a gun safe. A small battery operated light switch should be over the combination dial so it can be seen and opened in near darkness.

A bedside pistol in a hidden recess panel in the wall with a hidden quick release catch (known only to the owner). Also having means to wake one before someone entered the property/house/bedroom should have been employed. (locked door, motion detectors, barking dog, driveway alarm etc.) Advanced warning is everything.

People need to learn from these errors in judgment and do a lot more “what if’s” and practice diligent discipline in securing their homes, property and weapons, especially in who to trust use of those weapons to.

Disarming the nation isn’t the cure, just leaves us more vulnerable to invaders, insurgents, terrorists, criminals and nutcases. Perhaps in small land mass countries like Japan and England they can depend solely on the police and armed forces and disarm the general population to avoid these minor domestic issues, but not such a large country as the U.S., which is still very rural in most areas.


[Bugs] Speaking of the Monroe County SWAT team, when was the last time the Bug Guys sprayed the ‘hoods?  Are they on vacation with their salary raise? The mosquitoes are as big as house flies and the no-seems are blocking the sun. Get to work people.



Colorado rest stop?

[Captain Doom and Gloom] “Semi Long-Winded Tomes” Thursday’s posting was Out There fer shur! Just think if posters like that were to run the governments?  Dog help us!

There should be a law making Americans be adopted first.  Too many people, too many religious nuts, and too many useless eaters. Link

[Where’s Mr FTR?I hope he’s not ill”] Does someone pursuing intensity affect their physical health?
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[Government Spending] How long do you think your loved ones could live, if you put $46 of every $100 you spend on your credit card, That’s what the Fed’s are doing. 

The Benghazi Report and the Diplomatic Security Funding Cycle. Link 



Pat Condell for President. Link

The Right-wing sites are saying Obama hired the Connecticut killer in order to have an excuse top disarm Americans and create a Socialist country. I am really afraid of the Right’s delusions, paranoia and narrow world view. It would have been the ruin of our nation if they had won the last election.

From the Right

 (Ed: FTR is on sick leave)