2012 December

Friday, December 7, 2012

(The Coconut Telegraph is not Published on Saturdays-December 8, 2012)


Middle Torch Key loves the mosquito fogger truck driver! We haven’t had a mosquito truck fog our back yard in years and without even a (neglected) request from us, they called us, then they showed up and treated all of our property – 2.5 acres – just like the old days.

As if from a spaghetti western, this person suddenly rode into town, killed the bad guys, and then disappeared in a cloud of dust – thankless and without a just reward. Please accept our humble and sincerest appreciation in lieu. Nice job Enjoy your karma. (And, as if on cue, we’ve got family arriving here fromSeattle tomorrow morning!)

[Same Sex Marriage]  If you think you are going to get the same sex after the marriage that you were getting before the marriage, I have got some very sad news for you!


The overpaid Mosquito Control Board approved hundred of thousands genetically modified mosquitoes being released in the Keys as an experiment. Don’t worry, though, they said its safe. Do any of these scientists live here? Why are we the guinea pigs? Link 

[Junk food] I tried a McRib sandwich for the first time today, one bite and I tossed the rest. One of the most disgusting things I have ever tasted.


[More bar wisdom] I like alcohol more than I like people.

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[Space, the last frontier] The wunderkind Elon Musk founder of SpaceX can send 5 tons of supplies to the International Space Station for just 60 million dollars. Delivering that same payload through United Launch Alliance Delta flight costs $300 million and a government space shuttle flight costs upward of $1 billion.

[Joke–How’s Your Day Going] There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d cry! I can’t stand to see a man crying.” “This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve;  then you show up and drink the whole thing. But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

[Galleon Bay Verdict] It looks like the county should put aside some of that BP money to pay for the Galleon ruling ($3.5-5 Million) before they repair the 7 Old Mile Bridge.

[Earth at Night] This new global view of Earth’s city lights is a composite assembled from data acquired by the Suomi National Polar-orbiting Partnership (NPP) satellite. The data was acquired over nine days in April 2012 and 13 days in October 2012. It took 312 orbits to get a clear shot of every parcel of Earth’s land surface and islands. This new data was then mapped over existing Blue Marble imagery of Earth to provide a realistic view of the planet.

The image was made possible by the satellite’s “day-night band” of the Visible Infrared Imaging Radiometer Suite, which detects light in a range of wavelengths from green to near-infrared and uses filtering techniques to observe dim signals such as city lights, gas flares, auroras, wildfires and reflected moonlight.

The day-night band observed Hurricane Sandy, illuminated by moonlight, making landfall overNew Jersey on the evening of Oct. 29. Night images showed the widespread power outages that left millions in darkness in the wake of the storm. 

Michigan is now a right-to-work state meaning that a worker doesn’t have to join a union to work. This is a big move. The unions have strangles business for far too long. Will Illinois be next?

Did you know that a Twinkies driver can’t unload Hostess Ding Dongs. He has to call the Ding Dong loader to do it.That’s unions at their worst. No wonder the company folded.


The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission announced Wednesday the 2013 Python Challenge. Python permit holders and the public will compete to see who can harvest the longest and the most Burmese pythons. The next step is to place a bounty on the reptiles.

At the root of every gray hair, there is a dead brain cell. Someone had to remind me,  So I’m reminding you, too.  Don’t laugh, it is all true! Perks of reaching 50  or being over 60  and heading towards 70 or beyond:

1.  Kidnappers are not very  Interested in you.

2.  In a hostage situation, You are likely to be released first.

3.  No one expects you to run —  Anywhere.

4.  People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask,  ‘Did I wake you?’

5.  People no longer view you as a  Hypochondriac.

6.  There is nothing left  To learn the hard way.

7.  Things you buy now  Won’t wear out.

8.  You can eat  Supper at 4 PM.

9.  You can live without sex  But not your glasses.

10.  You get into heated arguments  About pension plans.

11.  You no longer think of speed limits  As a challenge.

12.  You quit trying to hold Your stomach in no matter who walks  Into the room.

13.  You sing along  With elevator music.

14.  Your eyes won’t get  Much worse.

15.  Your investment in health insurance  Is finally beginning to pay off.

16.  Your joints are more accurate meteorologists  Than the national weather service.

17.  Your secrets are safe with your friends  Because they can’t remember them either.

18.  Your supply of brain cells is finally down to  A manageable size.


Yes, we really need a Walmart on Rockland Key!

Diversity is just another way of saying you’ll settle for less than the best.


Simon’s Cat in ‘Santa Claws’ Link

[Keys Energy Services’ Senior Citizen Discount] To qualify for the discount you will need to be 62 years old and have an annual household income that does not exceed $30,396.00. The Customer Charge is reduced from $15.03 to $5.50. You can fill out the application right on line and hit submit; or you can stop by our offices and fill out a hard copy version. I hope you find the process simple. Link

[Evicted Tenant] Congratulations, you sound like you will fit right in.


Florida is changing our auto license tags next year. The new tags supposedly will make it easier for red-light and toll booth cameras to read tag numbers and, I guess, write more traffic tickets. Click the link to vote for the tag of your choice. Link

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The world will end in 15 days on December 21, the Winter Solstice. It’s getting closer!


The 2012 presidential election broke the $2 billion milestone in its final weeks, becoming the most expensive in American political history, according to final federal finance reports released Thursday. The reports detailed a last-minute cascade of money from mega-donors and an onslaught of spending by the Obama and Romney campaigns and “super” political action committees.

Wouldn’t it be nice if money could be raised this easily for worthy causes like feeding and helping needy Americans instead of bozos running for public office.

Micky D’s on Pine Key. The only reason there is not one is because Mc Donald’s has not chosen to build one. There are many National franchises all ready on Pine Key. It would be very hard to stop Micky D’s or Sub-Way or Wendy’s if they want to build here. There is highway frontage ,some with a business all ready built and some vacant that are zoned just for a Micky D’s. It has nothing to do with our BOCC. 


Audi e-bike is an extremely emotion-inspiring sports machine. The prototype cycle combines an electric drive and muscle power. Head of Design Wolfgang Egger comments: “As a high-performance e-bike for sports and trick cycling, it features the Audi core competences of design, ultra, e-tron and connect.” The Audi e-bike Wörthersee puts in its first major appearance at this year’s Wörthersee Tour, the 31st meet for Audi, VW, Seat and Skoda fans; trial biker Julien Dupont and downhill specialist Petra Bernhard will demonstrate their stunts and street bike skills. 

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With the Christmas holiday near, Key West has selected their annual Christmas song.  This year’s selection is “Don we now our gay apparel.

[Treasure] New facts emerge in gem case. Link


It’s been getting pretty deep down there, lately, maybe it’s time for an animated cartoon, most of us can relate with!

[Keys to lose Kid Bucks] Florida’s subsidized school readiness programs for low-income working families have 68,000 children on their wait lists, but state efforts to fix the system have only muddied the waters. Link


A photographer caught this horrific picture just seconds before the speeding train mashed him to mush. The man was pushed on to the tracks.

Ailing White Heron gets a second chance. Link


[Baby Face] Dolphin ” Santini ” a Mom again. Link
Baby Face, You’ve got the cutest little baby face. 

[Snake Contest] Trust America’s weirdest state to come up with a special solution to its snake problem.Florida’sEvergladesswamps are infested with Burmese pythons that prey on endangered native species, so the state’s Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has launched the 2013 Python Challenge to hunt them critters down. A $1,500 prize will go to the person who kills the most pythons, while $1,000 will go to the person who snares the longest one. Sorry, road kill pythons will not be eligible. Is anyone else wondering if Floridians have watched that “Whacking Day” episode of The Simpsons one too many times.

At what point did chunky become “athletic body” and obese become “average”? If you drink everyday, smoke, or have a BMI(?) over 15% you aren’t an athlete. Try looking at the local honeys on Plenty Of Fish ( . They’re some Scary-Mary’s on that site, scary enough to keep me single rather than mingle


The next workshop of our computer club is coming up this Saturday, December 8, 10 at the senior center.  Hope to see you there. Bulletin Board

I’ve always debated which is worse being a copy of Newark or Philly after the riots or maybe of a mining town in the West after the gold ran out or a town with a McDonalds. I’d pick the McDonalds. Do you know how many people the average McDonalds employs? Maybe we could just to get McDonalds corporate to just send the money and keep the restaurant — or maybe not.

If it’s clear late Thursday night, December 13th, keep a lookout high overhead for the shooting stars of the Geminid meteor shower. The Geminids are usually one of the two best meteor showers of the year, often beating out the Perseids of August. And this year there’s no moonlight to interfere.

Under a clear, dark sky, you may see at least one Geminid per minute on average from roughly 10 p.m. Thursday until dawn Friday morning. If you live under the artificial skyglow of light pollution your numbers will be less, but the brightest meteors will still shine through.

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Florida Cannabis Action Network in cooperation with the other leading cannabis reform organizations are preparing handouts for you to download, print and pass out at meetings like these in your community.

If you aren’t ready to speak out at a legislative meeting, consider downloading something from our Action page and getting started by passing out our information in your community. Not ready to get out on the streets? We understand, but please, you can always send our pre-written, easy-to-edit, click-and-send e-mails to help you know what to say. Link


How to read your losing Powerball ticket.

Todd German’s Centennial Bank evicted me and my family from our foreclosed home. Thanks for working with us guys. Lets be sure to suck Todd’s c*** guys.


CheapShots is coming back to the Keys Dec 15-17 giving free 3-year rabies shots for cats and dogs. Call for times and schedules Bulletin Board.

[Music] Hooray! Friday is here. Low desert rock–awesome video. Kyuss – One Inch Man


NSA Whistleblower: Everyone in US under virtual surveillance! Link

No Name Key saga continues. County hoisted on their own petard! Link
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[Captain Doom and Gloom] It is amazing that in this time of recession and lack of a good customer base, the local establishments seem to shun locals at higher levels then during Gold Rush Season. Why is that? Are not we lowly locals entitled to some f**king respect like those heavy pocket snowbirds? And you demand big tips from us too? F.U.

Tricks of the Trade
Woman are like large telephoto lens, in that anything in front of or behind their 10 inch focal range, is a blur.
Never offer your bar stool to a fat chick. Other chicks will know how horny you are.
If more than two broads come into the bar, find out which one is driving, then hit on the ugly one.
Always eye up the bar crowd for a chubby Italian chick. You might not get laid, but you will get a good breakfast.


Muslim doll that no one know what it says because no one has the nerve to pull the cord.

[Going out of business] Everything must go. Formerly A.T.B Canvas at 22828 Overseas hwy. Sale begins today and ends Saturday. Everything needs to go sewing machines materials, rolls of Sunbrella, and vinyl and other industry hardware.

I can’t help notice how the news is being overloaded with a lot of talk about the “fiscal cliff” and “making the rich pay their fair share”. What is a person’s fair share? When income tax was first enacted, in 1862, it was around 3 per cent, and that was needed to payoff our civil war. Prior to that, the government was run off the tariffs collected on imports. Well, it hung in there, and in 1913, congress passed the 16th amendment to the constitution, giving itself the power to tax the crap out of us. So it seems to me, that our elected officials have pushed hard to get to the top of this “fiscal cliff”. As a matter of fact, they’ve been so busy getting there, they even forgot to take the time to do a budget the last few years.

So here’s the rub, if the government does go over the cliff, so what, we’ll elect a better one.

[Old White men] It’s just not old white men who are out of touch, old white woman are too. Look at the pictures of the Tea Party and other right wing groups and you’ll see whose in those groups. They haven’t had an original thought since they were young. They cling to old, outdated ideas and shout old, outdated slogans and want things like they were when they were young. The only thing these old folks have going for them is they’re the ones keeping our entitlements in tact (while preaching against them).
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The Constitution is not an instrument for the gov’t to restrain the people. It is an instrument for the people to restrain the government-lest it come to dominate our lives and interests. – Patrick Henry

From the Right

Every now and then Mr. Obama says something that I can absolutely agree with.  Such a time was in August of ’09 when he said that raising taxes in troubled economic times is not a good idea.  He went one step further, and said it was not good economics.  Ever! Watch this Link

Please ask yourself if we are now in economic trouble. It is highly likely that tomorrow’s (Friday’s) BOLS jobs report will tell us that our unemployment rate is once again above 8%. While we are not technically in a recession, we are only a gnat’s nut’s away. I ask all of our liberal pals to tell us how raising taxes on anyone will encourage economic growth!  When you’ve decided on your answer, ask yourself how raising taxes on any American will benefit our nation. They can’t because it won’t. The Obama demand to raise taxes is nothing more that naked and dirty class warfare.

I agreed with Mr. Obama’s ranting in 2008 when he condemned increasing our national debt limit.  Watch this Link. I still do. Nonetheless, he now wants to raise our debt limit … again. Incredible! Even worse, he now is demanding that he alone have the sole power to raise the debt.

While you’re listening to the nattering class talk about the “fiscal cliff”, and listening to them gin up hatred for the Repubs on the issue. Please remember that the only reason that we are now facing the “fiscal cliff” is because the “fiscal cliff” or “sequestration” legislation was Obama’s idea, and Obama signed the damned legislation!!!!!.

Read all about it in the Washington Post, hardly a wellspring of Right Wing thought Link. In the article, WaPo, gives the Obama claim that sequestration is  a Repub idea 4 Pinocchio’s. Liar….liar… the Presidential pants are on fire!


Part 2) Special Kudos to whomever the artist is who placed the Christmas decoration on the 7 mile bridge. Mrs. FTR and I were on our way back to BPK from the big city of Marathon the other night at about 9:30. Then we saw the tree. The tree scene is absolutely spectacular. It is ethereal as it glows out of the night, seemingly suspended in mid air blackness. It is simple, stark, and beautiful. Thanks to whoever took the considerable time, trouble and expense put it up.  It is classic. Thanks again. FTR.