2018 February

Friday, February 23, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​

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[“Contractors too costly”] OK, so you don’t want to pay Keys prices for Keys contractors. Call up home, wherever you’re from. Ask a crew to come down, rent a house, get electric, water and cable hooked up. Then pay them so they can afford the rental, eat groceries and pay for their time in the Keys. Oh, and make sure your sub-contractors get a license to work in Monroe County and pull the permits – cuz I’m watching! Or, let the work crew crash at your place, you pay for their food, beer and spending money and the work. Palm trees and sunshine don’t pay the bills, if you moved here for cheap living, you screwed the pooch on that one.
I remember Tommy T. I always would see him carrying grouper across the highway from Summerland Seafood. I know he got cancer or something and Marcus took him to the shaman in Costa Rica. He looked great when he got back, but 6 months or so, he was gone. He was born on Munson Island now called Little Palm. Lots of memories in the Keys. These people made such an impression on you that even partying as much as we did back then we still remember
[Tiny Houses] Unless someone puts up cheap housing like tiny houses (shipping containers) on stilts which could be as little as $30,000 a piece, this place is going to go down the toilet despite the sunny weather and warm breezes that everybody thinks is so wonderful and irreplaceable.  Investors and developers ought to stop talking about how much they love the Keys, how great the fishing is, and how wonderful the locals are, and invest in the Keys with housing.  Put your money where your mouths are.
My heart hurts. God bless Mark Moss in Heaven. He helped so many good people. Love and kindness to his family and deepest condolences on this loss.
[Thoughts and Prayers] At current rates of use, world could run out of thoughts and prayers by as early as 2019. Link
[Aluminum Polish] I looked all over and there is no aluminum polish that will remove the oxidation on my diamond plate truck box. Brasso says it will polish aluminum, but it doesn’t work on oxidized metal.



[Adopted] Despite his parents’ reassurances, Bill couldn’t shake the nagging suspicion he might be adopted.

[Observations from yesterdays BOCC meeting] Last Day for free residential drop off of hurricane debris at transfer stations is March 24th.
D.3 – Three County owned lots in the Lower Keys were selected as sites for demonstration ‘tiny homes.’ (RFP for developers is next step) Big Coppitt, NE of the fire station, Cudjoe, across from the Sheriff substation Ramrod, NE corner of Indies Dr.
D.4 – Post Irma temporary travel trailers & TVs – There are about 220 temporary trailers, 100 in unincorporated and 120 in municipalities.
D.11 – Canal cleanup memorandum – State will provide $6M to unincorporated Monroe by hiring, directing and paying the contractors then invoicing the County who will file for reimbursement by FEMA then pay the State back. 50% payment due to the state in 18 months, and 100% due in 24 months. County will pay its share – either 12.5% or 5%.
D.12 – Discussed retention of FEMA trailers past June. No progress.
F.2 – Discussed plan to move Marathon airport runway 40 feet to the north – FAA requirement. Completion date 2023.
G.2 – Land Authority will pay 75%, Islamorada will pay 25% to purchase a $1.5M property on Windley Key for affordable housing. Habitat will (likely) build and agreed to at least 50% rental.
J.1 – The mooring field at Boca Chica basin (40 balls) will proceed to the next phase – permitting. Still looking for shore based facility.
J.5 & 6 – Approval to proceed with inclusionary housing for some commercial expansion and an exemption from residential inclusionary for post Irma residential recovery.
J.11 – Quarry Partners development agreement ratified – Murphy votes no.
L.1 & 2 – Approval to add $7.2M for increased area coverage of Cudjoe Regional Wastewater (added to SRF loan).
M.4 – Lively discussion of moving Bayshore residents to the new Poinciana Gardens to free up land to move KOTS. County unwilling to force decision to move on Bayshore residents.
M.9 –Resolution to encourage State & federal officials to improve and fund mental health laws had the section on second amendment rights removed.
P.3 – Approval to proceed with revision of the County sign ordinance to comply with constitutional rights.
R.3 – Approved temporary housing in RV and mobile home parks for 180 days with 180 day extension possible.
R.7 – Approved $3m from 304 fund to purchase replacement for 3rd Trauma Star  helicopter (damaged by fire).   ~ Bill Hunter
[Carry A Gun] I stand behind you in line at the store with a smile on my face–and a gun under my shirt–and you are none the wiser, yet you are safer for having me next to you. I won’t shoot you. My gun won’t pull its own trigger. It is securely holstered with the trigger covered. It can’t just go off. However, rest assured that if a lunatic walks into the grocery store and pulls out a rifle, I will draw my pistol and protect myself and my family and therefore protect you and your family. I may get shot before I can pull the trigger, but I won’t die in a helpless blubbering heap on the floor begging for my life or my child’s life. No, if I die it will be in a pile of spent shell casings. I won’t be that victim. I choose not to be. As for you, I don’t ask you to carry a gun. If you are not comfortable, then please don’t. But I would like to keep my right to choose to not be a helpless victim. There is evil in the world and if evil has a gun, I want one too.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key
The one thing I can say about FTR Guy is that he’s consistent. His party says something, he automatically gets in line. This weeks’ enemy of the people — the FBI. Sure, it’s easier to blame others than face the elephant in the room. So much for “The party of personal responsibility.”
[Bad Food] Is there a contest to see which establishment gives the best Shiites after eating there? It would be a hell of a close race.
One day you’ll hear that Billy Graham has died. Don’t you believe it. On that day I’ll be more alive than ever before! I’ve just changed addresses.  ~Billy Graham
[“Contractors too costly”] I loved the comment of local contractors charging a $100 of dollar an hour. Like Rudy Krause and Toppino guys. What a joke. Your loving neighbor. Gauging. Thank God for the out of town contractors that came down and provided great services for a fraction of the price. God bless them.  ~
[How To Make A Drano Bomb] Kids are putting Drano, tin foil, and a little water in plastic drink bottles and capping it, then leaving the bottle on lawns, in mail boxes, in gardens, on driveways etc. just waiting for you to pick it up intending to put it in the rubbish, but you’ll never make it. If the bottle is picked up, and is shaken even just a little, in about 30 seconds or less it builds up enough gas which then explodes with enough force to remove some of your extremities. The liquid that comes out is boiling hot as well. Don’t pick up any plastic bottles that may be lying in your yards or in the gutter, etc. Pay attention to this. A plastic bottle with a cap. A little Drano. A little water. A small piece of foil. Disturb it by moving it; and BOOM!! No fingers left and other serious effects to your face, eyes, etc. Link
FTR is back? I thought he might have been getting an education.
[“High cost of rentals”] In a recent post a small business owner complains about the high cost of rentals and feels that because of this all the grunts that he is able to get to work for him will leave the Keys and he will then be forced to hire illegals to work for him. Where will these poor illegals live that is any cheaper than what the grunts are paying? I was curious because I’m thinking about moving back to the Keys again.  ~Mike Gushee
Tommy T went to Equadore with Marcus to see the shaman to cure Tommy’s cancer. I think they did shaman stuff for three days and Tommy was cured –until he died. I always thought Tommy’s cure was more from the power of positive thinking than mumbo jumbo. When my mother was dying of cancer I flew out there and she was so happy to see her long lost son that she got better for a few weeks–until she died.
What has the FKAA been up to lately? They sure have been quite about this sewer project. Must be trying to figure out how to carry all our money to Switzerland.
Looks like gun sales are going back up and people are hording ammo and firearms. If the government starts using this Florida shame to make laws to confiscate our weapons, all hell will break lose! The bad guys will not turn in any weapons that’s for sure!
Who is footing the cost of all these palm trees being stuck everywhere along Route 1? Looks like a tourist trap garden. DOT has too much money–our money–to play with or is it that they are sucking up to the developers?



An oldie, but still relevant.

Local Waters Clean-up this Saturday from 9-3. Meet at Big Pine Park. We need people in the water in kayaks and boats and people on land. Come be part of the Conch Republic Marine Army!
[The Edge] “I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can’t see from the center.”  ~Kurt Vonnegut

“The Edge…There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.”  ~Hunter S. Thompson

[Friday Joke] Here’s a sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations: A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs. of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He’s still paying off his school loans. This just goes to show you how one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts and prayers for him and his family. He is really a great guy, but more importantly a brilliant veterinarian.
Winn Dixie’s weekly ad. Better is here! Link




[Salt Expires] Just my luck, 250 million year old salt and it expires next year!

[Removing Marine Debris] This Saturday Feb 24th at the Big Pine Key Community Park (31009 Atlantis Drive, Big Pine)  9:00 am the floating army of volunteers returns.

Asking you to all join in on the largest floating group of volunteers removing marine debris in the Florida Keys.  Bring your kayak, canoe, floaty chair, hot tub, or whatever floats and lets clean up All of the Avenues in Big Pine Key.  We need land help too to assist those in the water.  Bring your gloves, bring your hearts, and bring your passion for the water.

We have the support of the Jose Wejebe Memorial Foundation, Costa Sunglasses, Yeti Coolers, FishMonster Magazine, Tom Thumb Convenience Stores, Trianos Taco’s, Sunbelt Rentals, Pizza Works, Reef Relief Keys Vineyard Church and Monroe County, and many more including crisis management teams to lend a thoughtful ear.  Everyone in a single mission to clean up our coastal waters from the devastating impact of hurricane Irma.

A “Floating Band” with Wyatt Hurts and the Pain Killers will mosey via barge around to lift the spirits and provide some great music to motivate us to clean it up!

Coffee, ice cream trucks, education tables, food and information plus hundreds needed on land and water.  Plus a beautifully opened park!   Let’s make a huge difference to the residents of the Avenues, and also all of the critters of the sea.  We need your help.  The water needs your help.  Won’t you join the Army? On the web at



Don’t rock the boat, if you want to stay dry.

[Mexican Fisherman Saved By A Cool Box] Fisherman Marco Lizama survived five days at sea by gripping onto a food cool box.  Video
Port Pine Heights Newsletter for February. PPHO-newsletter-Feb.2018


[Dead Tommy T aka Bearacuda] Memories. Cliffy and Marcus say hello from Ecuador. All is fine. Hi Joe.

With Amazon Prime membership, Amazon Rewards Visa Signature Cardmembers can earn 5% Back at Whole Foods Market; otherwise, they earn 3% back.


Habitat for Humanity of The Upper Keys is hosting a Cocktail Party March 2, 2018. Video

[Irony] The Florida House just defeated the Anti-Assault Gun Bill but passed an Anti-Porn Bill that says porn is a health hazard. This means all bathroom mirrors must be removed, all cell phone selfies are banned, and you will have to pay for a license to buy body lube! Is birth control legal now or free for the inept?
[Friday Joke] Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something? But after Russ hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn’t know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and– lo and behold! — there sat Russ!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?’ Russ replied, ‘I have been in jail.’
‘Jail!’ cried Sam. What in the world for?’
‘Well,’ Russ said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’
‘Yeah,’ said Sam, ‘I remember her. What about her?’
‘Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ‘guilty’.
‘The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’
[“If it were not for guns you would not have a society to have children in, comrade”] Like most 2d Amendment tunnel visionaries, I believe the writer mistook guns in the military, who protect us, for guns in the hands of crazies, who kill out children. There is no way to weed out the crazies. The easiest thing to do is to get rid of assault rifles and anything that fires rapidly. That’s the first step of many to make our country great again.
[Hunker-Down For the Rest of Your Life] The best way to stop terrorism is to stop traveling. No cruises, flights, driving or whatever it takes to make the money people stop this BS. Me and my family are going no where these days!


[Military secrets Declassified] “Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you!” Link

How to drive without arms. Video
[Young Writers Studio] The Key West Literary Seminar announces the Young Writers Studio, a five-day writing program for local high school students that will take place June 25-29 in Key West. Applications are now available at and are due March 20.

The new program is open to students in Monroe County who will be starting their sophomore, junior, or senior years in fall 2018. Students who are homeschooled or have unconventional educational backgrounds are also encouraged to apply. The program is free for selected applicants, thanks in part to a grant from Knight Foundation’s Knight Arts Challenge, which funds the best ideas for bringing people together through the arts.

Participating students will spend five days exploring Key West and learning about authors who have lived and worked on the island through writing exercises, excursions, journaling, and classroom work. Daily writing workshops will be taught by acclaimed writer Victor LaValle, a member of the writing faculty at Columbia University, whose most recent novel, The Changeling, was selected as one of the ten best books of 2017 by USA Today and Time magazine

[We Need More Guns] Looks like some are going to bitch and moan about guns in KW instead of realizing they should be thinking about how the bad guys will treat us when we have no way to defend ourselves. Look what happened to Australia, most of Europe and parts of South America that gave up guns, they all got taken over by bad guys. I will never give up my right to own a gun even if I never intend to use it!
[“Chem trails”] Those are chem trails from the exhaust of the jet engines. The only thing they do is pollute the air we breath with JP4 fumes and make large clouds that decrease the sun getting to the earth.
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