2022 February

Friday, February 25, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

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Ukraine!   Each clip less than 10 seconds long.
How old am I? How about .25 cent drafts!

Our 3-month-old refrigerator light’s out. I read the repair manual, can’t figure it out. It’s in “sabbath mode” We’re not Jewish. Get a serviceman out?

[Russian Lies] Forget politics, Russia is our enemy! Putin’s Internet Research Agency, based in St Petersburg, the Internet Research Agency is better known as the “troll factory”, where bloggers work around the clock to flood the global internet with pro-Putin and anti-western views. Indictment

[A Better Fly Swatter] The fly lands on the salt, thinking it’s sugar. They get thirsty for water, but the cap has rum in it. The mosquito gets drunk, trips on the stick and bangs its head on the rock.
[Friday Joke] Hi, Max. This is Richard, next door. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you’re not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently. I know that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me.  Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you.
RichardMax, enraged, feeling deceived, victimized and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa trying to make sense of it all. Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi, Max, Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” Technology, huh? It’ll be the death of us all.

[Procol Harum] Gary Brooker, Frontman of Rock Band Procol Harum, Dies at 76. Pic: Gary Brooker, vocalist and leader of British rock band Procol Harum, at the piano in 1973

[Messed Up Values] Someone stole $950 worth of items from a Walgreens and there were 309 news stories about it. Another story was about Walgreens getting caught stealing $4.5 million from employees and it got just one single story.
Ethanol in our fuel was promoted to be a boon for the economy, but that wasn’t the complete truth. What the government and ethanol from corn producers hid from us was the overall cost of the production of the corn, converting it to ethanol and the reduced efficiency with the combined fuel. Its report generally estimated a whopping 24% over the cost of the fossil fuel it replaced. So, now let’s ask ourselves, who do you suppose made a bundle of Moola from this scam?  Why are politicians driven to corruption? Obviously that is justification for term limits.
[Adventure] When everything goes wrong, that’s when the adventure starts.

[Turtles Aren’t Worth Saving] I’m all for nature, water conservation, zero pollution, etc. But, we have an economic and societal problem in Florida and the rest of the world, and we’re spending countless dollars saving turtles?
Tree huggers have to get a grip!
[“Calling realtors, the ‘greedy few’”] What is wrong with making as much profit as you can? Who goes into business hoping to make a little profit? Or more likely, who stays in business by making a little profit?

[Alligator] I live in the middle of the island and jog on one of those rock roads every morning before dawn. This morning there was a four-foot alligator in the road. I run in the dark, so from now on I’ll have to carry a flashlight, just in case. The editor’s right: Paradise Does Not Come Easy!
All wars are based on fear. Fear of not enough food, energy, land, security, etc.


What happens if you shoot a flat screen tv? It doesn’t explode like the old ones do.

[Idiot Drivers] Behind a honey (or a guy, it’s Key West after all), driving 20 mph under the posted speed limit. Slumped behind their steering wheel, their head not risen above the seats. Finally, opportunity to pass, alas!
The driver was consummated with their cellphone, their eyelashes could have been used as sunshades they were so long, and the music was full blast! God help us all
Learning is dum!


New appliances break within 2 years but my 1980’s avocado refrigerator boasts, “I will outlive you and everyone you love. I am eternal. I am time itself.”

[3G Shutting Down] Millions of burglar alarms, car safety systems, GPS trackers, medical monitors, and even prisoner ankle tags could stop working when American 3G mobile networks shut down this year – beginning with AT&T on Tuesday. Link


[Jelly Beans] Inside the technicolor factory where Jelly Belly makes its beans. Jelly Belly has mastered making flavors so real they can confound the senses. Link

[Friday Joke] A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life! Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died.

After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife said, “Let him dig. I had him buried upside down and I know he won’t ask for directions.