2022 February

Tuesday, February 22, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Frozen Penis] It was just reported that a Finnish Olympics skier’s penis was frozen during an event. His name is hard to pronounce so we’ll just call him ‘Stubby”.
Now, with coming from Chicago and working outdoors in the winter where the wind chill had been recorded a minus -51degrees, I’ve had my toes, fingers, ears, and nose with frostbite, but I can’t imagine how a penis would get frozen if it was kept where it belongs–inside your pants. Link
Is the Konk News website a Leftist or Communist oriented site?


[Meat Eating Artist] Fun fact! We have never found a cave painting of a salad.

60 may be the new 40, but the 100-dollar bill is now the new 20.


Sign at zoo.

[Generation 180 is a group that advocates for the elimination of the petroleum industry”] What’s wrong with that? I wish there were more conservatives who were against global warming sped up by the oil industry.


[Buck Rodgers] “Buster” Crabb’s real name was Larry (Editor: You know you’re old when you can’t find a picture of Buck Rogers on the internet.)

Watching Key West real estate and looking between the lines at some realtors buying a listing not worth 1/2 the asking price, but whatever the owner thinks. I’ve seen some of these junkers tied up for a few years by the greedy few.


Someone painted a Roadrunner tunnel on a wall. Beep! beep!

There are more road idiots in West Palm Beach than the Keys. I pulled over directly to the side of the road for an emergency fire rescue with lights and sirens blazing. The “hood rat” behind me does not pull over, but actually cuts in front of the rescue vehicle and passes me. God help us all.

89% of rapist are walking free.

We ordered our free government Covid test two weeks ago and haven’t received it.
[The New English] The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!


Alfred E. Neuman
is 70. He’s no longer worried.

[Inflation] Amazon Prime started at $79 and it just went up to $139 a year.
[Big Pine Library Book Club] March 19th’s book is A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles. In 1922, Count Alexander Rostov is deemed an unrepentant aristocrat by a Bolshevik tribunal, and is sentenced to house arrest in the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin. Rostov, an indomitable man of erudition and wit, has never worked a day in his life, and must now live in an attic room while some of the most tumultuous decades in Russian history are unfolding outside the hotel’s doors. Unexpectedly, his reduced circumstances provide him entry into a much larger world of emotional discovery. Full Menu > Book Club

There is no greater attraction then the human connection.

If science was never questioned, you’d still be drinking cocaine, giving kids cough syrup with heroin, spraying people with DDT, and smoking the cigarette brand your doctor recommended.


It’s 2066, the phone rings, the robot answers, “What’s calling?’

[Aztec Sacrifice] Different kinds of sacrificial stones were used for different classes of victims; the usual one called a techcatlis. This table-shaped stone was about waist high, and stood as an inverted pyramid. Six priests officiated, five of whom held the arms, legs, and head, of the victim, who was stretched upon the stone in such wise as to throw his chest well forward. These five had their faces and bodies painted black, with a white line around the mouth; their hair was bound up with a leather band, and ornamented with tufts of coloured papers; their vestment was a white dalmatic, striped with black.
The sixth priest was the celebrant whose vestment varied according to the feast, or the deity, to be propitiated. His head was adorned with coloured plumes, and in his ears were gold enjomaments, set with green stones


Whoever said, “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

[Subsidy Gusher] There are a couple of basic truths about oil and gas companies today‐‐they are highly profitable, heavily subsidized, and well‐connected in Washington. While this scenario makes for a very lucrative business model, it has and continues to needlessly cost taxpayers billions. Link
[Computers] Remember just a few years ago when your computer would freeze and you’d have to spend way too long trying to un-freeze it.
This came in a long batch of political memes I received overnight.  I did what I usually do, look through them then flush – not forward as I have friends with differing letters after their name on their voter ID card.  However, this single meme seemed (to me) to say it all – for all citizens of this USA.