2018 June

Friday, June 15, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

Click here to send in a post or something else. Contact Us
Comcast was out Tuesday so I used my cellphone’s Hotspot app to watch a movie on Netflix. After calling Consumer Cellular to turn it on (no one tells you you have do this) I watched the movie. Before I watched another, I figured I’d better check my data usage. Good thing I did because my data plan allows for 5 GB a month, but the movie used 2.5 GB! Half of my monthly allotment; and if I went over that amount I would have been charged extra. Next time I think I’ll just read a book.
[Another Reason Drugs Aren’t Legal] Opposition to legalization of drugs is powerful: not only from corrupt politicians who are protecting traffickers but also from tens of thousands of people gainfully employed in the criminal justice and penal systems. Cops, guards, clerks, judges, etc. The worst were the lawyers, be they Colombians or Americans, are leeches who swim in the same cesspit as the traffickers. They, too, must be brought to justice, and relieved of their ill-gotten gains. Viva Colombia!
[From the Right Guy] Irma is deeply affecting the Keys. The canals in my ‘hood are screwed up, the forests on BPK are a massive pile of dead wood just waiting for ignition.  We know many who have decided to pull the plug.  On my little street alone, 4 families are selling out.  One of my reasons is that I’ve been “doing” hurricanes since 1964.  As a cop I’ve worked in them, done rescue work, etc.  I guess it’s just battle fatigue. I’ve gotten to the point that I dread June 1, and I don’t really begin to relax until mid December.  We bought 47 acres up in NE Tennessee–no hurricanes!
County’s Rowell’s Waterfront Park reopening still unknown. Link
If you rent equipment or anything in the Keys, read the contract before you shell out boohoo bucks and have a heart attack. All the extra charges suck. Then they charge for delivery! Pirates are alive an ill in the Keys.




When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.  With vodka–lots of vodka!

[Airlines Boo] There is a charge to send and extra bag of $25, but when you get your credit card statement the charge reads $32.84. I guess they add on different things just to make a few more bucks.
[“Thank Central Florida for algae loom in Lake Okeechobee”] You can also thank Big Sugar and the Army Core of Engineers for screwing up the waterways. And above, all don’t forget to give credit to our sterling politicians for allowing this to happen.


We can’t throw rice at a wedding because birds can’t digest it. What about the miles of rice fields around the world? Don’t the birds eat that grain? Or is wedding rice dried and grass rice is soft before being dried?

[Friday Joke] Marriage in Heaven. On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. Being good Catholics, the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
St Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out” and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three weeks, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
“Yes” he informs the couple ” I can get you married in Heaven”.
“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
“You must be bloody joking” says St Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.
“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple”.
“OH, COME ON!” St Peter shouted, “It took me three weeks to find a priest up here. Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”
Orchid Society June’s newsletter. Our June 17 meeting will be held at the Fort. This will be the last formal meeting of the season, celebrated as usual by greeting the new Board & eating pizza. 1PM. Pizza at 1:30. It is also Fathers’ Day, so salute old dad with a slice.  Bring your “Show & Tell” plants! Full Menu > Ongoing Events




[“Inter-racial madness being force upon us”] Bwaahaha! I’d love to see “Mr. White as new fallen snow” take one of these test. Hell, if I could afford it I’d take one too. I think it would be fun to find out.

[1,300 New Affordable Housings] State tells Keys to add affordable housing. Will that hurt hurricane evacuations? Link
[“Philanthropist T. Denny Sanford over-charged people”] Yes, T. Denny Sanford overcharged customers.  Many people overcharge customers, but very few of them donate millions and billions to charities.




Nine months after Irma and there are still miles of communication cable draped on the S. sides of two bridges, and through the mangroves West of Big Pine Key and elsewhere.  Who owns this cable?  It looks hazardous.  No one wants to touch it, lest they get electrocuted.

[Electricity, Conservation, and Regulation] I’m Beth Ramsay-Vickrey and I’m running for the KW Utility Board. I’m the one candidate who has worked on our local electric, utility, and conservation policies and issues for more than 10 years.  My foray into electricity and conservation issues began shortly after I moved back home to the Keys in 2006; to No Name Key. While I already knew the benefits of grid-tie solar, I quickly found out the limitations of stand-alone solar, and I saw/heard/smelled first-hand the harmful environmental effects of the numerous generators running (day and night) to supplement the limitations of stand-alone solar.

For those who still may wonder about the “conservation” aspects involved with electrifying No Name Key I say this:  Neither pollution nor waste is “conservation”. POLLUTION:  Generators produce 300% the CO2 emission as Fl. grid electric, and most of the homes on No Name Key were using generators on a regular basis.  Since the power was turned on to No Name Key 5+ years ago, the generators have gone silent & the air and noise pollution from those generators has stopped. WASTE:  Many of the homes on No Name Key are second homes, and those solar systems are still producing power even with no one there to use it.  That power, not placed back into the grid, is wasted; and waste is not conservation. But, the most relevant thing to the discussion of No Name Key electricity, or any areas electricity, is the regulation aspect. Keys Energy is an autonomous body enabled by State Legislature (Chapter 69-1191, Laws of Florida). No County, City, Municipality, etc. has the legal ability to regulate an electric utility, period. The Public Service Commission, and courts, have taken the position that to allow such could endanger the integrity and reliability of our Country’s electrical system.

As part of my 3+ years work updating our new 2030 County Comprehensive Plan, this legal inability for local governmental regulation over Keys Energy is now clarified in our Comp Plan: “excluding electricity over which the Public Services Commission of the State of Florida exercises jurisdiction”. Through my work with Keys Energy, the County, the State, the PSC, and USFWS, I understand our electric, utility and conservation issues, because I’ve been successfully working on these policies in a positive and productive manner for more than 10 years.

[Friday Joke] I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the bar to do some work. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender, ‘What’s the wifi password?’
Bartender: ‘You need to buy a drink first.’
Me: ‘Okay, I’ll have a beer.’
Bartender: ‘We have Molson’s Canadian on tap.’
Me: ‘Sure. How much is that?’
Bartender: ‘$8.00.’
Me: ‘Here you are. OK now, what’s the wifi password?’Bartender: “‘youneedtobuyadrinkfirst’; No spaces and all lowercase.”



[Pickup Truck Tool Box] Aluminum diamond plate with two soft-opening lids. You can open lids from the sides without having to climb into truck to open the box. One large compartment. Sliding tray inside for small items. No-drill mounting hardware included. Same key locks both sides; two keys included. Waterproof, heavy canvas cover rolls over cargo to protect cargo from rain or prying eyes. $150. Link 

[New Animal Shelter in Key West Cost $8.4 Million] When it rains overnight in Key West, Matt Royer will often wake up worrying about dogs. “I’m afraid if I hear rain, I think the whole place is flooding out,” said Royer, director of operations at the Florida Keys SPCA’s Key West campus, located in dilapidated digs on Stock Island. “It’s going to be amazing to be someplace that’s safe and not going to fall apart on us.” Link
R.I.P. Jerry Scott formerly of Summerland Key. You were a good friend, neighbor, morning walk and evening drink partner. You’ve been missed.

[Japan Lowers its Age of Adulthood to 18] The news has info about different countries having different legal ages for adulthood. Even US states have different ages. Then there are different ages for male and female. So much for One Human Family! Time to get everybody on the same boat. Video

State list: Link

[Friday Joke] Lawyer and his children. A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home.  He was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said, he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place. He couldn’t say he had no children, because he couldn’t lie (as we all know, lawyers cannot, and do not lie. Haha). So, he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their 12 kids. He took the remaining kid with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent. He loved one of the homes, and the price was right. The agent asked: “How many children do you have?” He answered: “twelve.” The agent asked, “where are the others”. The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad-look, answered, “They’re in the cemetery with their mother.”

MORAL: It’s not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words, and don’t forget, most politicians are lawyers.

[Friday Joke] In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to an African jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, “You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he’s really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.”

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
“Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.”
“Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I’ve represented my country in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of …” Here the colonel interrupted, “Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f**k off.”

[Lights, Lights, Lights] My freaking neighbors keep their outside spot lights and flood lights on all freaking night making sleep impossible sometimes. No, I will not buy blackout curtains. There has to be a law about this light pollution! Or is it legal to BB gun them out? Some people just don’t give a damn about others.

[‘Seven Guitars’ Review]  It is a riveting revival of August Wilson’s take on black life in the 20th century. The world according to August Wilson — a world churning with life and death, lovemaking and violence, uplifting dreams and hard realities — is back onstage in South Florida with the opening of M Ensemble’s “Seven Guitars.”

Written in the mid-1990s, the sprawling drama is part of the Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright’s 10-play Pittsburgh Cycle (first called the Century Cycle), with each play focused on black life in a different decade of the 20th century.

Set in Pittsburgh’s Hill District, Wilson’s birthplace and the locale for nine of the 10 plays, “Seven Guitars” takes place in 1948. It begins and ends with most of the characters dressed in funereal black, as they eat and joke and mourn the sudden death of talented guitarist Floyd “Schoolboy” Barton. Link

[Hurricane Re-entry] Monroe County revises Florida Keys re-entry policies in Irma’s wake. Agencies with an essential response mission approved by county Emergency Management can obtain placards for their employees that can be placed on their vehicle dashboards so they won’t get held up at the police checkpoint in Florida City. Tempers flared at that checkpoint and another set up in Upper Matecumbe Key in the days after the Category 4 Irma hit the Keys Sept. 10.  This will be the 3d re-entry permit (I think) that they’ve issued, the others didn’t work. They still wouldn’t let us back in. Link

The solution to affordable housing and evacuation models is simple. Let everyone who wants to live in paradise live there. Pack it in like South Beach. Let’s extend the concrete corridor from Port St. Lucie to Key West and inland across the Everglades. Let all those who want to stay during any storm, shelter-in-place. Leave the electricity and water off until the infrastructure is back. Let the vacation rental owners back in when ever they want to fix their rentals and get them back online so they don’t lose rent. The average Keys resident today is not equipped to handle the first 72 hours after a storm. Mind you, I said average, I know people who stayed during Irma, most won’t stay again. The solution of letting Mother Nature and Darwin cleanse the Keys is the simplest way. Rich folks hate inconvenience and losing money.
[Sled Dogs at the South Pole 1911] After Midwinter Day the time began to pass even more quickly than before. The darkest period was over, and the sun was daily drawing nearer. In the middle of the darkest time, Hassel came in one morning and announced that Else had eight puppies. Six of these were ladies, so their fate was sealed at once; they were killed and given to their elder relations, who appreciated them highly. It could hardly be seen that they chewed them at all; they went down practically whole.  There could be no doubt of their approval, as the next day the two male pups had also disappeared.
[“Idiot driver”] Deer Ed, do me a favor and don’t print what I sent you about the driver on the 7 Mile Bridge.  You can never win an argument with an idiot, so I just want to turn the other cheek and drop this. It’ll just be a s**tstorm dealing with an idiot.
[“Winn Dixie’s Plenti Card is going away July 5”] Not true, it’s July 10th. Points can be carried over to their new card if you are registered
[Driving Skill] To the woman who almost killed someone by speeding up on the 7 Mile Bridge and blamed an almost accident on him because she was doing less then the speed limit, which caused him to go faster to get back in the right lane. You acted so sweet, “Oh, I drive the speed limit” and, “I’m so careful.” Let me tell you something lady, I’ve been driving this US1 road everyday for 20 years and I see you a**holes who drive slowly, but when someone tries to pass you, you speed up, and then you get pissed and say that it’s, “his fault”, when you almost killed him! But then you said, “F**k you.” to me?
[Friday Joke] 5 ways for a man to be completely happy.  1. Be with a woman who makes you laugh.  2. Be with a woman who gives you her time.  3. Be with a woman who takes care of you.  4. Be with a woman who really loves you.  5. Finally, make sure these four women don’t know each other!
[Captain Doom and Gloom] Robert De Niro is a nut case and probably a communist. He is definitely a very far Leftist. Most of Hollywood are lefty’s. It is comprised of gender benders and liberal thinkers who want to exercise their rights to free speech. Case in point. It seems like every movie has guns, but libs want to take the general publics’ guns. Sexual assault and rape is rampant, with many playing roles as hookers just to get the $20 mil part they want. We should send Hollywood a message just like the lefty’s do to the public. Quit paying to watch their movies, quit paying for cable, hold die-ins at the theaters and above all, who gives a crap about their self-serving award shows and political speeches. Just turn off the TV, turn off the crap. If you need entertainment, go to a locally produced play, reading, live music, etc. Our local entertainers practice their craft without exposing their views. I love that!




[“Mosquito yard spray”] “3 cans of stale cheap beer.” What I want to know is where do you buy stale beer from?

[No Name Electricity] Is this the same Beth Vickery who pressured any neighbor who did not agree that environmentally sensitive No Name Key should have public electricity?  “Conservation”? Really?
Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *