2017 June

Friday, June 2, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures



[“To many Americans, Memorial Day has lost its meaning”] To lots of people, Memorial Day signifies the stupidity of men who were not brave enough to say, “Screw war. Stop killing and eliminate hate.”

That will never happen. What good has come to America from the Korean War? Vietnam War? What good has come from the Afghanistan War? The Iraq war? None. We lost, or are losing all those four wars. All for nothing and just a terrible waste of American lives, not to mention the millions of people we killed.

It’s a boy!” I shouted with tears running down my cheeks.  It was at that moment that I vowed to never visit Thailand again.
[Marathon Building Department] People around here hate Comcast first and the building department second. Maybe the building department’s recent screw-up will move it up the ladder. This week their computer broke and they closed. The thing is, they didn’t tell any of us. They just closed without even putting a note on their door telling us when they would re-open. The not on the door only gave their regular short day (8:30 am to 3 pm). They have so much contempt for the homeowner they wouldn’t even put an informative message on their answering machine. All you get was a message telling the caller that “The person you are trying to reach is unavailable, please leave a message” (and no one will call you back). I called Key West and the nice lady there told me about the computer problem and that they would re-open today, Friday.

Such contempt for the public is not surprising considering the way they treat you when they are open. They answer your question so fast that you can’t understand the complicated details and when you ask for clarification they get snarkey or treat you as though you were stupid. They don’t consider that the average homeowner almost never applies for a permit; or maybe if they do apply it is only once every ten or fifteen years, and is totally ignorant of the process. They don’t even have a sample permit to use as a guide.

They are often late for inspections (ask anyone who is waiting for a sewer approval) and don’t offer any excuse, but when you are late they go into crazy Nazi mode and fine the hell out of you. Who wants to be treated as an inferior by some minor bureaucrat? Not me. I think they must be trained by Comcast’s inefficient staff.

[Proper Dimensions for a Boat Ramp] It’s a serendipitous thing that a poster discussed the Blimp Road boat ramp.  I used it for the first time last week also.  Here, County Commissioners, pass this article over to someone in charge who is a boater and cares. Link
[Sewers Discrimination] Why are a few residents singled out to pay for an electrical permit for FKAA’s grinder pump? pay to install electricity to their grinder pump? pay to power their grinder pump? And then get charged double for water? Those of you not burdened with the expense of grinder pumps don’t give a damn and that’s why FKAA can penalize those of us singled out to get grinder pumps. Running a 220V pump 24/7 isn’t cheap. Why are we being singled out to pay so much when none of the other residents have to?
Is Mangrove Mama’s up for sale again?


[Monkey Business] 2 monkeys were paid unequally; see what happens next. Video

[Two Seasons in the Keys] A couple of weeks ago it was winter, last week it was spring and yesterday it was summer because I had to take four showers from sweating so much working around the house.


Thursday was the start of hurricane season. It looks like it’s going to be a doozy with 11-17 named storms and 5 full blown hurricanes!

Does anyone know any more about predicting hurricanes by any weird method or old wives tales?

Tuesday’s Jersey girls post was hilarious. And I thought Oscar Wilde died years ago.
Sandbar in Islamorada Tuesday. This is a long way from the Keys that we knew as kids. Party time in Islamorada at the famous or infamous Sand Bar. All those boats are, in fact, high & dry. They will remain aground for a long time. Drinking a few too many beers, thinking, “Who cares the tide will float us off in a few hours. Right — about 6. No shade, no bathrooms & a cooler full of bad judgement can leave you with way too much sun and you’ll dehydrated. Not a good combo. My hope is the kids are OK & everyone was able to continue enjoying themselves. This is not done, the damage to the flats, soft coral & very special & delicate sea bottom may end all parties on sand bars. More will be revealed
[Afraid of Actors] Actors amaze me because they think they are smarter then the average bear when they live in twilight zone. They are cut throats at making a living and think their s**t does not stink.  They want to rule me.
[Kill Potheads] Hey potheads, weed makes you stupid. What were you thinking? That it makes you smarter? If you are stoned you are so stupid that you don’t even know how stupid you are. It’s a wonder we don’t just refer to people that are stoned as just being stupid. If we could stone all the stoned stupid people to death a lot of our problems would be over. Look at the arrest log. Weed, weed, weed. Smart people don’t generally get arrested. Stoned, stupid people do–you dope. Stoned, fat and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Deer Ed, about attracting attention to posts. Have you tried shiny objects?
Jimmy Webb featuring Brian Wilson -MacArthur Park. Video



Who knew that Colonel Sanders had so many cousins?

[Sewers] Has anybody thought of starting a class action lawsuit against the FKAA? I realize that the lawyers get most of the money, but you don’t have to pay anything and you get to watch them (FKAA) squirm!
[Rain Barrel] While in Miami I went looking for a 50-80 gallon water tank intending to capture rain water to be used for boat rinsing and yard uses.  I checked the Northern Tools and Harbor Freight stores because I thought I remembered a variety of tanks in stock.  The vision was to simply add a gutter off one roof eave and collect rain water and to supplement the 18 gallon rain barrel I installed about 10 years ago.  Selection was lacking, the only large tank was a 100 gallon tank.  I had hoped for a tank with a little more height and a less width by length footprint, but as it was the only tank in stock my choice was limited.

I had a couple of locations in mind to place the tank, but once I got it home I found it fit very well next to an AC unit and thought might as well pipe the AC condensate into the tank until I can get around to adding the rain gutter to fill it.  Oh my!  We know small water leaks and the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet can add up quickly, but I was not expecting the condensates drip to accumulate so fast. In 48 hours maybe 20 gallons were collected. No need for a rain gutter.  Link

[Key West Orchid Society] We’re on summer hiatus till the Fall. Deer Ed, thanks for your support and we’ll be back for our October meeting. A small club like ours appreciates your efforts and makes a difference in our numbers. Regards, Marie on behalf of KWOS
[“Gringos who love Latinas: I love the northern prejudice”] Why do you always say comments like this are from northern people? You rednecks are one step above my dog, and think like her! Locals are a lot more numb and out of touch than northerners.



[Suicide] Although based in Tavernier Amanda helped wildlife throughout the Keys. She will be greatly missed. Suicide is nothing to joke about.

[“Only one dive shop on Big Pine”] And it was for sale! Yes, it’s sad the Keys are losing their top dive destination in the world rating, but let’s face it the tourists coming down here are not divers, nor are they in shape to dive and in many, many cases they won’t will not under any circumstances swim in the ocean. I’ve heard it from a few tourists from the N.E. Instead of Underseas dive shop we’re getting a 12-pump Tom Thumb gas station, with a new Tom store and (drum roll please) I hear a Subway franchise. I liked this place a lot more when you lived here because you had the fortitude and desire to, and not just because you can afford to!


[Squat Toilets] The easiest way to allow boys and girls to use the same bathrooms is to use a squat toilet. No doors, no booths, no seat, no toilet paper, no nothing but a smelly hole in the floor and a bucket of water to wash your hand!

[Walmart Delivers] In its latest effort to compete with online giant Amazon, Walmart is testing a delivery service using its own store employees, who will deliver packages ordered online while driving home from their regular work shifts. Link
Sewers are in. That frees up the septic tank carrying capacity crap and allows those in tourist development to widen US1. What? They’ll never do that? Heh? The only reason parts of US1 was 4-laned was so they could be connected one day. I imagine they’ll 4-lane as soon as the new plantings FDOT is putting are rooted. Pray for wind and high water this summer. It’ll blow away the fru-fru and make this place look like it’s supposed to — like islands!

I know that name, Bob Rainek.  He operates Rent My Island.  Keys Friends: Please steer clear. TripAdvisor: “To sum it up, if you want to be disappointed, sponsor organized crime and help individuals launder there money, book a holiday with this company.” Link

[The Yoiker] Another chance to hear nature in which sound recordist Chris Watson captures the remarkable chants of Andé Somby, a Sami yoiker. Yoiks are traditional Sami chants, which come from the earth and are largely inspired by natural world. Audio



An old veteran I know celebrated Memorial Day by laying out his old uniform (the cat had no respect). I salute you, old friend!

[How Come?] Why are there insurance companies? Why can’t people pay their own way?
Why does the government stick their noses in peoples’ business?
Why do retailers make so much profit on a cheap item?
Why do we have guns and weapons and armies?
Why do people have more kids than they can control?
Why do people want everything for free and do not want to work for it.
Who do schools not teach us how to work for our livings?
Why do people who are not making anything get to be rich?
Why does TV have so many commercials?



[Blocked Filter] My friend asked me to look at her air conditioner and try to figure out why it wasn’t cooling as well and why her electric bill was so high and why it never turned off? I found this clogged filter!

[Anglers] The 34th Annual Big Pine & Lower Keys Dolphin Tournament is this weekend.  Register between 5-7 pm on Friday at Sugarloaf KOA.  $500 per boat. For more info visit our website or give us a call at 305-872-2411. Link
One of the things that is a classic trope of the religious bigot, is while they are denying people’s rights, they claim that their rights are being denied; while they are persecuting people, they claim to be persecuted; and while they are behaving colossally offensively, they claim to be the offended party. It’s an upside-down world.  ~Salman Rushdie



[Predicting Hurricanes] A long time ago I was listening in on some old vatos talking about the upcoming hurricane season. One man said, “It’s going to be a mild season. My sea grape tree is so full of fruit it’s sure to be a weak season.

[FDOT Dumbest Agency] On the west side of Marathon where the highway lanes go from 4 to 2 FDOT put Bicycle symbols on the southbound shoulder when there’s a bike path right next to it! That’s just about the dumbest god damn thing I’ve ever seen.

[“Hooking Up” with a Billboard] My buddy’s girlfriend says to me, “My girlfriend really wants to get with you”. So out on the boat we go! “Cool” I’m thinking. Well, the clothes start to come off an, you guessed it, she is all tattooed up, a total turnoff, absolute deal beaker. I don’t know if she looked like a billboard or a pretty girl with a lot of skin disease. Ladies, your bodies are beautiful. When you pay someone to ugly them up, it really bums me out, and a lot of other guys get turned off too. In years past the tattooed lady was an oddity in the circus’s freak show.

[Friday Joke] Reunion joke. Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.
The second guy says: Damn, that’s terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travel agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30, 000 sq ft mansion, specially for his friend.
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons.
The fourth friend who earlier had gone to the restroom returned and asked:
What’s going on? What are all the congratulations for?
One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
And then he asked, What about your son?
The fourth man replied: My son is gay and he makes a living dancing at a nightclub.
The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.
The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.


In 1912, Capt. Charles Thompson was fishing aboard the schooner Somoa and harpooned a whale shark, pictured, near Seven Mile Bridge.

[Good Time To Buy Car] U.S. auto sales fell for the fifth straight month in May, bolstering expectations for the first annual sales decline since 2009. The figures added up to just over 1.5 million vehicles sold and a 0.5 percent decrease.
I just went through the USDA Food Nutrition Database and figured out all the foods we eat are poison. We should be walking around continuously picking berries, eating deer poop and drinking fresh water! Want to die faster? eat “health foods”, drink caffeine, and sit at your computer all day!
I see that FDOT is going to start the landscaping work through Summerland Key soon. I sure hope that they repave the road & fix all the pot holes in front of the new Mote Marine building while they are at it. Its getting dangerous to maintain control.
tah-DANCE is an all-dance production performed by the students of the various free dance classes offered throughout the year at Marathon Community Theatre to anyone wishing to participate.

This year’s title for the show is “One More Time.”  Similar to the TV show “So You Think You Can Dance,” tah-DANCE takes you behind the scenes to see what happens during the weeks, hours and minutes leading up to the grand performance.  tah-DANCE includes Bollywood, Tap, Hip Hop, Egyptian Folk Dance and other styles of dance and MCT will be performing in partnership with students and adults from the Marathon Rec Center, Body Language and Islamorada Fitness.

Tickets are on sale now for $12 at the box office located at 5101 Overseas Highway in Marathon, by phone at 305-743-0994 or online at:  tah-DANCE will be performed on Saturday, June 10 at 8:00 p.m.

For more information about Marathon Community Theatre or for volunteer opportunities. Link



[Tattoo] The news just reported some dude died from an infection he got from a tattoo after swimming in the Gulf 5 days after getting said tat. One more reason to not get inked up.

[Success] I heard that the best way to be successful is to always finish what you start.  So far today I’ve finished 4 tacos and two shots of tequila.
The Autism Society of the Keys (ASK) invites you to join us for a free workshop in Key West on Tuesday, June 6, beginning at 6:30 p.m.  The workshop will be held at the Grace Lutheran Church located at 2713 Flagler Avenue. Workshops are designed to inform participants of resources available to your child and family and to create and provide continuing support through personal interaction with other families who are living with autism.  Resources include financial assistance with co-pays for doctor visits, help with transportation costs, specially programmed iPads, swimming lessons, special needs equipment, and first-hand experience with the family challenges of autism. Autism is a group of developmental disabilities that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges and is the fastest-growing developmental disability today.  One in 68 children is affected by autism and includes hundreds of children in Monroe County. For more information, contact Jill Campbell at 305-942-5172 or email:
[Hates Celebrities] Who some people consider celebrities, I’ve no desired to be near. Stephen Colbert, Kathy Griffin, Rosie O’Donnell. Are they the kind of people you would want to hang out with? Obnoxious is what I call them.
The Paris climate accord was signed in 2015 and under the agreement, every country submitted an individual plan to tackle its greenhouse gas emissions and then agreed to meet regularly to review their progress and prod one another to ratchet up their efforts as the years went by. 190 nations signed the agreement except those bastions of care (sarcasm), Nicaragua and Syria.

The accord signals a race to developed methods or machines to comply with the accord and that will create many jobs.

I just went through a stack of stand-up comedian DVDs and realized all the ones who “rocked the boat” politically are dead or out of business. What’s this tell you? Don’t make jokes about the mob, the Fed, the bankers or retailers!

I wonder who will get Kathy Griffin‘s new years gig. How about Gilbert Godfrey? Bobcat Gold-something? Tell you the truth, I’ve never seen Kathy what’s-her-face do anything I watch for more then a few seconds. Just another talent that committed career suicide. Link

I stopped to look at the prices for the new storage place on 11th St. in Marathon. They must be out of their minds.
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