2018 June

Friday, June 22, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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[Canal Cleanup on Hold] I have attached an article concerning the contractor that started the clean up of the canals in the Keys and then bailed out due to no profit. Make sure you read the last part about getting help from the NRCS.  The money has been committed to Monroe County and bids from marine vendor contractors have been submitted.  The county will vote on who will end up with the contract early July.  The work should start late July to early August.  We have been assured that Port Pine Heights will be included in this clean up.
Thanks a lot dickhead.[?]



[Children in Cages] Politicians are fine with children being shot in schools. Don’t hold your breath for their outrage about children being confined in cages.

[“Tile contractors from hell”] Your pictures don’t seem to show the damage you describe. Where’s the tiles that came lose? All I can see is a little grout coming lose. It looks like they used sanded grout (usually for wide grout joints of 1/4″ or more) instead of un-sanded grout for your narrow joints. A solid sub-floor is very important to keep the grout in place too. As for your claim, you’ll have a hell of a time trying to collect and it could take many months and many thousands of dollars. First you must prove the installation was faulty at a hearing of the Construction Industry Board witch is hard to do. Then you take their judgement to a lawyer, then go to a court hearing or arbitration, etc. It’s less stressful and much faster to remove the floor and subfloor if indeed, it is improperly installed. It’s cheaper too.
[“Liars lie”] “The big lie” The expression was coined by Adolf Hitler explaining the use of a lie so colossal that no one would believe that someone could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously.



[“Elbow tendinitis”] The only solution I found was to get the brace, and wear it everyday, all day. Eventually it made the nighttime pain go away. It really works!

I have a little skiff 16′ that I would like to launch at Cudjoe Key on Blimp Rd. Can anyone let me know what the issues are out there? Also, I was wondering if the buoys for the coral heads by Little Palm made it through the storm. (Ed: Number one is the same as anywhere else in the Keys–running aground, but there’s plenty of water there. Check the tides. Make sure there’s enough water at the ramp when you return so you can get your boat out. Don’t go anywhere without a chart. Yes, to number two.)
[“Voice-overs”] Deer Captain Doom and Gloom, the reason animated movies have voice overs by actors is because they are actors and can act to bring a big budget cartoon movie to life. You can’t have some nice person off the street do the voice overs. It just wouldn’t work. Try it. If you don’t understand that about movies you’re gloomier than folks think you are already. Successful actors have talent. Don’t resent actors because they are successful, be happy for them. Don’t be jealous of their fame. B-movie director Ed Wood said all you need is one good actor to make a movie. He’s right, when that one good actor is on screen you can’t take your eyes of them.

[Mayors Ball Set For January] The Florida Keys Children’s Shelter has announced its committee for the 17th Annual Mayors Ball for the Children taking place January 12, 2019 at Casa Marina Resort, Key West. The black tie event features dinner, dancing and auctions. For more information, contact 305-852-4246 x222 or

[“Shady real estate agent”] I don’t understand what your question is. First you state that you gave your house away due to imminent foreclosure in 2016, and then contradict that and state that your son and you opted out of the deal. In the middle of the post you reveal that you learned that you own the house outright anyway, so I wonder who could have possibly foreclosed on you; and also how could any sentient human being not know if they own their house or not. But since you and your son opted out of the deal, as you made clear, then just keep living there or sell it, for a profit hopefully. Since nothing happened, in the long run, as you, again, “opted out of the deal”, who would you sue and for what?
[Separating Children From Parents] Sad as it may be, it’s a great way to stop illegal aliens. Who would want to emigrate knowing it will cost you your children!
[Sound Underwater] Underwater, you hear as a whale does: Sound waves bypass your eardrum and vibrate the bones of your skull, allowing you to hear frequencies as much as 10 times as high as you’d hear on land.
[Day Labor] One thing I liked about L.A. is that if you need day labor you can go to any number of street corners and hire a Mexican laborer. I wish there were something like that here. So often I need someone for just a few hours work and can never find anyone.



The traditional Chinese dress with a Mandarin collar is called a qipao.

Hundreds of canals were junked up by Irma. Now, $49 million will help clean the worst. Monroe County will use $49.2 million from a federal grant to clean canals still filled with debris from Hurricane Irma nine months after the storm struck. Link
[“Contractors from hell”] was this contractor licensed in Monroe County? If so, I would contact Code Enforcement and find where to lodge a complaint.
[Senior Center Activities] LINE DANCING. The Dallas MacDonald Senior Center on Key Deer Boulevard behind the firehouse is happy to announce that Line Dancing will continue throughout the summer months. Summer is a good time for beginners because smaller classes mean extra individual help is available. No previous line dance experience is necessary. There is never any charge for the classes, which are open to all comers.

Beginner classes are held at the Center on Key Deer Blvd. on Big Pine Key on Mondays and Wednesday 4:00 to 5:00 pm. Intermediate dancers meet on Monday & Wednesday from 3:00 to 4:00 pm. On Wednesday a special advanced class runs from 1:30 to 3:00 pm.  For information call Lou: 305-745-2864.

COMPUTER CLUB. Among the many other ongoing activities at the Center, an active Computer Club meets the 2nd and 4th Saturday of every month, 10 am until noon. The purposes of the club are to help the new computer owner to get started; figure out how to use new equipment; to help users with any problem they may be having with their hardware or software; discussion of current trends in computer technology.  There is no official teacher, and this is not a structured class. Teaching is on a one-to-one basis. Anyone can teach if someone needs help and he has the knowledge.

Even advanced users can have problems now and then, and there is usually someone present who has an answer. Just show up with your laptop and your list of questions.

An important service is to provide free Internet connection. Several computers are available for anyone to use. There is no charge for the use of the computers or wi-fi connection, and no fees or dues for the Club.

COMPUTER CLASS. Complete novices are invited to join an actual computer class that meets every Friday. The class, which is held from 1 to 3 pm, covers the very basics. Imagine the thrill when you can finally set up an account and e-mail pictures to your grandchildren!


[Mold on Leather] We don’t have a/c so any leather goods get covered in mold when left in the windowless closet. We have to keep our shoes and jackets (or the leather will crack) in the living areas in order to protect them from the mold. Are there any practical solutions to this problem? Would wrapping them in plastic help? How about one of those vacuum seal bags? Might cloth bags be the answer as they still let some air in. We tried those moisture-sucking tubs but they filled up in a day.

[Three Jobs] Tourist: What do you do with your fee time?
Local worker: What free time–I live here!
Wikipedia’s list of lists of lists (or you could just Google your subject). Link




There’s a new house going up by the Tropical Bay Bridge.

I’m Debbie Halama and I am running for County Commissioner Seat 2. My mission is to provide the Lower Florida Keys with an authentic voice in the Monroe County Commission.  District 2 will be represented by someone who actually lives here, works here and genuinely cares about the people here. I am your neighbor your fellow business owner and somebody who wants to make a difference. I have raised Two sons in this community starting from kindergarten to my youngest just graduated from Key Collegiate High School in May. I know the challenges of the family’s in this community and will work with the commission to achieve the best quality of life for everyone!
[1875 Exploring the Congo River] The object of the voyage was two-fold: first, to finish the work of Speke and Grant in exploring the great Nile lakes; and, secondly, to strike the great Lualaba where Livingstone left it, and follow it to whatever sea or ocean it might lead.  The story of the descent of the great river is an Iliad in itself. Through hunger and weariness; through fever, dysentery, poisoned arrows, and small-pox; through bellowing hippopotami, crocodiles, and monsters; past mighty tributaries, great first-class themselves rivers; down roaring rapids, whirlpools, and cataracts; through great canoe-fleets of saw-fighting, teethed, gnashing cannibals fiercer than tigers;  through thirty-two battles on land and river, often against hundreds of great canoes, some of them ninety feet long and with a hundred spears on board; and, at last, through the last fearful journey by land and water down the tremendous canon below Stanley Pool, still they went on,  and on, relentlessly on, till finally they got within hailing and helping distance of Boma, on the vast estuary by the sea; and on  August 9, 1877, the news thrilled the civilized world that Stanley was saved, and had connected Livingstone’s  Lualaba River with Tuckey’s Congo River! After 7,000 miles’ wanderings in 1,000 days save one from Zanzibar, and four times crossing the Equator, he looked white men in the face once more, and was startled that they were so pale! Thus, the central stream of the second vastest river on the globe, next to the Amazon in magnitude, was at last explored.
[Robo Calls] There are several possible methods to reduce/eliminate spam/robo calls. The one I tried only works with VOIP (I have this for my Spectrum/Bright house landline where I live now).  It’s called Nomorobo.  I subscribed and in four days I have had zero spam, anonymous, or robo calls.  Zero!  Last week I was getting 4 to 10 daily. I am very pleased and remember, as always, free is for me.

If you have a VOIP landline and are having robo call issues perhaps you should try it. It’s working beyond expectations for me.  Link

[Allow Immigrants] It is so cruel to separate a family when they are invading another country. Let the invaders take over everything, go to work, and pay our taxes.
[Slow Pokes] The problem with the 18-mile stretch are the people driving at or below the speed limit who increase their speed when they get to the passing zone.
[“Nigerian scam”] That is a classic – perhaps one of the best yet. I am going to respond immediately with my SSN, bank account and routing number as well as a credit card with expire date and CVV, a left thumbprint, photo ID, and passport number as I am sure I am entitled to this $78M. Anyone see a problem here? I’m going to be rich soon! A top secret, so please don’t tell anyone.
If US1 is FDOT, why does Monroe County Sheriff’s Office patrol & respond first? It seems FHP only comes if there’s a fatality. Does MCSO get paid from the state?
The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, June 23, 10 am at the senior center.  Hope to see you there. Full Menu > Ongoing Events


[Crooks] Check kiting is a form of check fraud, involving taking advantage of the “float” to make use of non-existent funds in a checking account. In this way, instead of being used as a negotiable instrument, checks are misused as a form of unauthorized credit.

[Lionfish] Wanted dead, not alive: the lionfish. You can make $5,000 if you get rid of them. The FWC’s Lionfish Removal and Awareness Day Challenge, running through Labor Day on Sept. 3, calls on both recreational and commercial fishermen and women to harvest lionfish and submit photos of the first 25 lionfish. Video
[“Row homes”] That’s what we need, thousands of row homes! Just think if the Keys could be developed into a new Detroit or S. LA. millions of trailers and row houses could fit here. Of course, I would be long gone from this New Tijuana nightmare.



[Booze] Thousands of years ago man discovered fermentation and alcohol. Just hours after that, he discovered the one night stand.

[Master Race] The world needs to be dived into sections. High rollers, low-renters, Holy rollers, pirates and gangsters, The real working class, and several other sub-divisions. Licensed breeding is a must do ASAP. Culling out the unfit is a must, else we are not going to make it.
[Political Correctness] So many idiots, so many losers controlling our lifestyles and futures in government and in the media. What happened to guts and testicular fortitude? America has been castrated by the bleeding hearts, holy rollers and merchants.



This post card was sent in by someone who knew Deer Ed lived atop the Aquarium in the 70s and was the night watchman there.

[?]What pisses me off about do-gooders is they hate everybody who do not agree with their ideas. They stick their stupidity in to people’s business and make unwanted waves. Legalize prostitution and they will all disappear.
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