2017 June

Friday, June 23, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures



[Springer’s Closing] My neighbor just let me know Springer’s is closing next week. It’s been sold to another buyer and is supposed to close, renovate and re-open as a sports bar in a month or so. Hopefully the new owner can learn from Bucktooth Rooster how to run a restaurant here on the Pine.

[Friends] There are few things more satisfying in life than a few friends gathered around the table sharing a big bowl of pasta and a couple bottles of wine.
[A Sailor’s Sailer] Joshua Slocum built a boat and sails it alone around the world without any money in 1897.
“On the following morning, April 14, only the tops of the highest mountains were in sight, and the Spray, making good headway on a northwest course, soon sank these out of sight. “Hurrah for the Spray!” I shouted to seals, sea-gulls, and penguins; for there were no other living creatures about, and she had weathered all the dangers of Cape Horn.”
Winn Dixie. Shop our weekly ad. Link


The Key Lime Pie Band & Friends did a video/song. It’s sharing the special place that Key limes hold in our history, life and heritage. My hopes are that it will make you smile and remember just how our lives are different from the rest of the world. We are island kids. Feel free to share. Video

Flu vaccine ineffective for age 65 and older last winter. Link


[FTR Succeeds!] The Florida Keys Mosquito Control District commissioners will soon be limited to three four-year terms. This is in no small way to be credited to the From The Right Guy who lobbied for term limits.

[“Mad bird disease”] Thanks for the guess on the berserk doves. I have about a dozen feeders out, so the Cardinals are doing fine, and apparently word has gotten out so that more species turn up every year. Love watching the Cardinals teach the babies to eat from the feeders. The doves may always be rude and crude, but I suspect they’ve been eating some fermented fruit. This has definitely not been normal behavior.


I saw my wife’s old raggedy-looking toilet brush so I bought her a new deluxe one with an under the rim feature and even put a bow on it! She’s pissed. Women?

[Living With A Resort Workforce] Lousy, lazy and drunken work force. I have hired a few of these types and even given some of them a second chance. Even given a few a third chance. They don’t change. They are still lousy, lazy drunks. And some are even thieves.
[Develop, Develop, Develop] How can there be any doubt whatsoever that the Road Prison property should be used for affordable housing? Nothing else even remotely makes sense. Not everyone needs or wants to live on a canal-front single-family house. Build apartments with reasonable density and dozens of families will have a place to call home instead of being displaced every other year.




The toll booth on Card Sound Road is being replaced by a machine.

[“Pay them $25 to $50 an hour“] You are kidding of course? Reality is any wage paid must be more than the value of a person’s output plus material costs, over head, insurance, utilities, and any other cost to the employer; then allow a small percentage for the employers’ profit. That is reality.

So, in effect, that $25 to $50 per hour has to come out a gross production output value of over $350 per hour of employment plus non-employee expenses such as building rent, shipping, taxes, etc. So now you can figure how many burgers I would have to flip to make my gross and pay the cost to have me flip those dead animals?


[Craftsman Table Saw For Sale] This is a once in a lifetime great deal. I have a craftsman table saw in great condition with an upgraded fence. This picture does not do it justice it is in much better condition than shown here. The only reason I’m selling it is because I am moving north. Let the exodus begin. I just need to move because of the high cost of living in the Keys. Asking $350 or best offer. 305-304-1132. Dave

[Friday Joke] The politician went to go out to the local reservation and to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited.

“I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!”
The crowd went wild, shouting “Hoya! Hoya!”.
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm.

“I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!”
“Hoya! Hoya!” cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
“I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!”
The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting “Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!”

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.
“Sure,” the Chief said, “but be careful not to step in the hoya.”


[Johnny Limbo & The Hats He Made] The hat Meri-Lynn is wearing in the video is her mom’s. It was made by Johnny Limbo when they both worked at the Buccaneer Lodge in Marathon over 50 years ago. The hat makers in Key West were blown away with the quality & condition the hat is in. Johnny Limbo was a entertainer who did a limbo act in a speedo. The ladies loved him & he loved the ladies (I digress). That’s a story of its own. Video

[Palm Tree Mechanic] I twisted off two exhaust studs on the engine head when replacing the muffler on a Kohler 20 hp engine this week. “Dismayed” is not strong enough to describe the feeling. They snapped off short leaving angle-jagged nubs that were not very accessible to grab with vise-grips or to flatten and center-punch for drilling, but I found a solution that may help others.

I threaded on a rod coupler, or more like hammered one on in one case. Then I got a drill bit that just fit through the rod coupler and drilled a crater in the end of the broken stud that was well centered, thanks to the rod coupler’s guidance. Then I switched to a small drill bit to make the pilot hole. After about 4 hours of dulling drill bits and generating a lot of metal shavings and sweat, I had a very nearly perfectly centered hole through each stud that left only the threads to remove with a die tap.

The common recommendation for removing broken bolts or studs is to drill a hole in them and then screw in an “easy-out”. My experience with that method has been mixed between either a successful removal or an easy-out snapping off in the broken bolt. Even when using an easy-out, the first thing needed is a well centered drill hole, and the rod coupling trick works very well for that.

Another recommendation given on the internet is mig welding a nut onto the broken stud and then using a socket wrench on the welded nut. Not that I had a mig welder available, but if I was welding something to the broken nub, it would be a piece of bolt, and I would just use a few washers under the nut to take up the space where threads were destroyed. For me, it doesn’t have to be pretty or new, it just needs to work well.



What religion is this? The cult of Mr Potato Head?

[Non-denominational Sex] Want to have sex with an “X”?  When asked their sex, some are going with option X. There’s a growing consensus that gender isn’t just about male and female. Video
[Essay Contest] The Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce continued their tradition of encouraging creative writing with local 8th grade students by holding their annual Essay Contest.  This year’s topic truly related to what a Chamber of Commerce does. “The Keys are well known for many festivals and special events.  If you were going to create a new festival or celebration, which would attract both locals as well as visitors, what would it be and how would it be celebrated?” All the essays were thought-provoking and interesting for the committee to review, but they narrowed the winners down to:
Kelsie Fountain, Stryder Graft and Michael Walker from Sugarloaf School and Carolina Zabinski from the Big Pine Academy.Jason O’Brien, Manager of the Summerland branch of First State Bank, and Steve Miller, 2nd VP, LKCC Board of Directors, made the presentations of gift cards contributed by First State Bank and Chamber Bucks courtesy of the Lower Keys Chamber.  The members of the Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce are proud to support the education of our local youth.
[5 Tolls For Tourists] Yah! Sadly, this will require those Toll-By-Plate readers strung out over US1 along the way, but think of the reduced traffic! Especially if they price it so by the time you get to the Lower Keys you actually have to be able to afford to get here. Hell yeah.  Thin out those too broke or too cheap to pay the tolls and we’ll reduce the damage they cause.

I say put in Toll-By-Plate readers 5 bridges. One on Card Sound is already in. That’s a $15 toll just because of the view.

On US1 put a $10 toll right before Gilbert’s. That way those weekend warriors pay to play for the day. Another $10 in Islamorada before the Post Card Inn and Theater of the Sea, so the weekend ruiners from Miami will pay to play for the day. The next one should be in Marathon right before the 7-Mile Bridge, so anyone wanting to come past 7-Mile pays for the privilege. And the last one right at the triangle entering and leaving Key West. Charge those suckers twice.

The best part is the BOCC is already saying the tolls would not be charged to Monroe County residents. Let’s see how many of the cheap night shrimpers, taco nighters, order-one-meal-and-split-it types come down. It’s time to charge the carpet baggers and part-timers here-for-the-weather types, for the damage they’ve done and continue to do. Heck, we should institute this idea for the entire state and put the money towards our roads and bridges.

I had a friend tell me as she was moving away, “Sunshine don’t pay the bills.” It’s time for the tourists to pay them

[Too Few Sharks] Sharks were once plentiful and often experienced by divers along the Florida coast. As in many places in the world, those shark populations are now severely depleted and seeing a shark is a rarity. In “Now, More Thank Ever, Sharks Count”, pioneering divers recount their experiences decades ago of seeing many sharks when diving. Unfortunately, we have only their memories and not recorded data. This film introduces a new citizen science program called SharksCount, a program to enable divers to count and record the sharks that they see on their dives. With SharksCount, Shark Savers is building a new, international database of shark sightings to help the cause of shark conservation. Video
[Too Many Sharks] Most of the sharks that come through our area in the spring and summer months have not yet reached maturity.  All of the sharks seen off the Keys in the past year have been older juveniles or sub-adult sharks in the 10-14 foot range.  There are too many of them in the Keys.

One hypothesis that researchers have is that the sharks are passing by the Keys as they migrate into the Gulf and are spending time feeding on large fish, like amberjack, which spawn offshore during the spring.

[“False Bombardier Beetle”] Holy Lord above, was that photo of the bug large enough?  I almost fell out of my hammock!
Love is the child of illusion, and the parent of disillusion.
[Cheese and Tinnitus] Scientists discovered a compound in cheese that appears to reverse hearing loss and tinnitus. The US military is now testing to confirm the finding, and just to make the results definitive, they are using a very high dose via a cheesy drink equivalent to 5 lbs per day of cheese consumption. Now, I really like cheese, and I like Kefir but the thought of a cheesy drink kind of makes me gag. And just think what it will do to your bowels. You’ll be craping bricks, if they’ll even come out.
[World Refugee Day] How refugees enrich their new homes with hope, resilience and grit. Link


First aid kit for Muslim terrorists. Apply directly on the wound.

[“Remodel my kitchen and 2 baths”] Here are a few recommendations of licensed contractors I’ve used: Rutherford Construction on Summerland – he works on my place and I’ve seen a lot of his work. Not the cheapest, but they’re good.
Pinewood Construction on Summerland – Another good contractor and a really good guy, too!
Hendricks Construction on Cudjoe – An artist, if you’re willing to spend for craftsmanship – Rich and his team.

[Another one bites the dust] Springer’s is closing the doors. It will be interesting to see what it morphs into; likely a sports bar.

[Stupid Tourist Questions] Working at Little Palm Island Resort, I had a guest ask, “Do you live around here or do you drive from Miami everyday?” Love those stupid tourist questions!
Full Menu > Stupid Tourist Questions
[“Can I trim the vacant lot next to me with about five gallons of diesel”] Another one who brought down his New Somewhere Else ways with him. What happened to live and let live in the Keys?

Deer Editor, any chance you can send these e-mail addresses to DEP for residence monitoring. He’ll find out what’s protected in the Keys and what’s not.

[Self-Reliance Awards] The Board of Directors for the Lower Keys Chamber of Commerce is pleased to announce their first-ever Self-Reliance Scholarship Award Winners: Marathon High School winners were Truman Berger and Carlie Meehan presented by Cathy Hoffman, Chair, Scholarship Committee, LKCC Board of Directors
Key West High School winner was Bopha Rath presented by Cathy Crane, Treasurer, LKCC Board of Directors
Collegiate Academy winner was Trent Halama presented by Denise Bays, Secretary, LKCC Board of DirectorsOur Chamber, which serves an area from the 7 Mile Bridge through Stock Island, has grown to a point where we are able to put some funding behind our support for education.  This $1,000 award per student is not an academic one, instead, it acknowledges students that have used their inherent resources to work through exceptional circumstances.The Chamber’s Committee spent a lot of time reviewing the applications that expressed how the students conquered challenges that impacted their lives and resulted in them being better, stronger young people.  They plan to continue these types of scholarships going forward as a way to give back to the community they serve
Panhandling is protected by the First Amendment right to free speech, and a New Orleans suburb’s ordinance requiring a panhandling license “offends the United States Constitution,” a federal judge ruled. Link

[Cheap Meals] Spaghetti and sauce is easy to cook, you don’t need a master chef and it’s cheap. Thy average meal costs $1 or less to make at wholesale buying prices. It is fancy junk food like the burger joints. No, it’s not for the Yankees, but for you rednecks. The real expense is for the booze!

[Friday Joke] Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:  Two Prostitutes – $50.00.

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them, and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail. At that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “Jesus Saves.” One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?”

“Well, that’s a little different,” the officer said. “Their sign pertains to religion.”   A few hours later the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car.   He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:  Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter $50

[Government Lottery] Why doesn’t the US Government have a weekly lottery of 1 million dollars by picking a random Social Security number? It would cut out all the free-loaders and illegals. You can only win once too! 52 million dollars is chump change to the Fed.

When a charter school is dissolved or otherwise terminated, all district school board property and improvements, furnishings, and equipment purchased with public funds automatically revert to full ownership by the school district, subject to any lawful liens or encumbrances. If the school’s accounting records fail to clearly establish whether a particular asset was purchased with public funds, then it is presumed that public funds were used and ownership of the asset will automatically revert to the district.
There’s a plan for a state-and federal-funded project of a water observation platform at the Big Pine Community Park. What a good idea!


The Summer solstice in the Northern Hemisphere was at 12:24 AM on Wednesday, June 21.  Summertime, Summertime — The Jamies

The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, June 24, 1o am at the senior center.  Hope to see you there. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
Those scented anti-static dryer sheets are a toxic chemical bomb. Up to 10% of the weight is chemical, and some are known carcinogens, while others trigger asthma, pulmonary irritation, reduced respiration, and eye or throat irritation. Acetaldehyde and benzene are common and have no safe level of exposure, yet are totally unregulated in dryer sheets. Some of the chemicals react with air to produce formaldehyde. Acetyl hexamethyl tetralin, isobornyl acetate, quaternary ammonium compounds, acetone, 1,4-dioxane, and phenethyl alcohol were also found by analysis of emissions. This crap is not just on your clothes, it is spewed out into the neighborhood in dryer exhaust, poisoning your neighbors and wildlife. Scented laundry detergents and fabric softeners were also found harmful, and a percentage of those products end up in the water. Testing revealed that 44% of scented laundry products (including so-called “green” ones) emitted a carcinogenic air pollutant. A quarter cup of white vinegar in the rinse cycle will safely reduce static without the toxic bomb. A little peppermint essential oil can add a safe fragrance if desired. Link
[Fake Fiber In Your Food] Nutritionists harp about getting enough fiber in your diet, so Big Food uses that as a marketing tool to convince you that their manufactured foods are healthy. But often their fiber content is manufactured and actually harmful. For example, Polydextrose is a highly processed ingredient invented by a Pfizer Drugs scientist in the sixties that can trigger stomach cramps, gas, and diarrhea. General Mills boosts their fiber content with xanthan gum made from fermented corn or soy that is usually genetically modified and doused with heavy duty herbicide. Other Frankenfibers have been found to knock down beneficial gut bacteria and cause digestive complaints. High fiber yogurt? Who believes that is natural? Best to get your fiber as Mother Nature provides in whole foods. Like the whole orange instead of juice, whole grains, real veggies, nuts, etc. Chances are that if a big corporation is involved, so is some fraud. Corporations got no soul, got no karma- its only about getting your money.

[The Last Ones]
Born in the 1930s and early 40s,
We exist as a very special age cohort.
We are the Silent Generation.
We are the smallest number of children born since the early 1900s.
We are the last ones.

Respect is for those who deserve it, not for those who demand it.
[World Domination] Amazon, Google, Facebook, Microsoft, and all the high end corporation are attempting world domination through food and water controls. They now control all the information, analyze all and let you think you think for yourself. Freedom was nice until is went away back in 1965!


[Uniforms] Pentagon wasted $28 million on uniforms for Afghan soldiers, report says  The forest camouflage pattern picked by an Afghan official may be inappropriate for 97% of the country, according to a government audit. Bungle in the jungle? Link

[Border Wall] Only a business man could come up with the concept of a solar wall. The higher it is, the more solar space is available. Link
Since 1981, UWFK has worked with a wide variety of nonprofit partners throughout Monroe County. This year, they will increase their direct community investment impact by over $30,000, bringing their grants distribution total to nearly $200,000. Along with this dramatic increase in grants, they are also working with partners to find new ways of helping working families in the Keys. These new direct service programs provide free tax preparation services, free books to build home libraries for young children, preschool scholarships for working families, financial literacy classes for the public, and much more! Video






[For Sale]
2008 Nissan Rogue SL. All-wheel drive, pearl white, new tires, cloth interior, custom CD complete with Bose stereo system. This SUV is as sporty as it is elegant.  Complete with sun/moon roof, authorized Nissan dealer service report (15 page clean Carfax).  One owner, garage-kept.

This SUV is as contemporary as it gets and shows pride of ownership from front to back; it’s a vehicle that would be a keeper, a real beauty! 126,000 miles. $8,500. Call Billie at 305-747-0200 for a test drive

Prostitution should absolutely be legal in New Jersey. Link

[Piss Ants] If you’re new to the Keys and are invaded with those little piss ants, the only remedy is Terro. Pour a few drops where you see the ants and they will drink the stuff and die. Repeat that until the drop stays undrunk and the ants are gone. Nothing else works.

I heard about Grimal Grove on Big Pine Key. Could you tell me your experiences with it?
[Mote Marine on Summerland Key] Saving coral reefs one coral at a time. Video


[Richest Person in Each State] Florida: Thomas Peterffy who is worth $13.2 billion.
Someone I have never heard of. Maybe why I’m not rich? Link

[Pay or Die] Just think how horrible it would be if all insurance and health care freebies were to disappear and make people carry their own weight paying for their problems. Would it make men, men again, and woman, woman again? This is why America is not going to make it; because of all the greedy bastards wanting everything for free.  If this happened America would be just like 90% of the rest of the world.



“My card, Sir…”

[Sewers] Less than a half inch of rain was officially recorded April 17, and the daily flow at the Cudjoe poop plant shot up over 300,000 gallons! That was double the day before, and total flow reached 74% of the permitted design. The week’s average effluent quality was considerably skewed downward that week, so that single day’s treatment quality may well have been horrible. One might then wonder what the treatment quality will be like when that quantity is a daily occurrence on sunny days when enough sewer connections are made.

Regardless, that rainy day inflow & infiltration (I&I) at 300,000 gpd amounts to about 32% of design capacity. FKAA designed for only 5% I&I (unrealistically low anyway), and the transmission system that carries poopy water across the bridges to the plant is maxed out for pressure loss at that 5% rate. In other words, based on the real world data and their Polyanna design, on a rainy day, everything flushed may not get to the treatment plant.

But all those most responsible for this half-assed sewer system are retiring with fat pensions before that happens, so they won’t actually see it. They will just watch it on TV with the rest of the country. It’s not too late to fix it, and any competent civil engineer with wastewater experience knows how, but it would take admissions of inadequacy, millions of dollars, and a delay of connections. Don’t expect any of that from the arrogant people that are recklessly spending your money and bragging of their achievement.


[Booze] Modern medicine has determined that drinking rum with ice, scotch with ice, vodka with ice, tequila with ice, and whiskey with ice is bad for your health.  So obviously it’s healthier to pass on the ice.

My wife told me she wanted to spend $5000 to get her breasts enlarged.   I said, “Look, just get some toilet paper and rub it between your breasts a couple of times a day.”  She said, “Will that work?”  I said, “Well, it sure worked on your ass.”  That’s when the fight started.
[Get off the Beaten Trails at the National Key Deer Refuge] Join us for the 4th annual National Key Deer Refuge sponsored Ranger-Guided “Summer Nights Adventure Program”.  Visitors and locals are welcome at these free, kid-friendly, nature-oriented walks and bike rides. Meet at the Refuge Visitor Center, (179 Key Deer Blvd in Winn Dixie Plaza, on Big Pine Key).   Attendees are encouraged to wear sturdy footwear (that is ok to get wet), bring bug spray and a camera to capture the moments.  For details, or information, contact Kristie Killam at 305-304-9625 or  Come on out, we guarantee a fun time!
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