2023 June

Friday, June 9, 2023

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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The Big Pine Key Library has re-opened after a complete refurbishment, from floors to furniture, and it’s beautiful!  Please stop by on Saturday June 10 for the Open House, complete with refreshments!
The Opening Ceremony is at 10:00 with remarks by Roman Gastesi, county administrator, and Michelle Lincoln, county commissioner.  Story times for the little ones are at 11:00 am and 3:00 pm. The staff will be offering tours and demonstrating technology throughout the day. Come and check out a book using the new technology, it’s easy!  ~Theresa
The American Nazis were thinking big. They were going to overthrow Hollywood. They were going to lynch twenty top Hollywood stars and moguls—an all-Jewish roster including Samuel Goldwyn, Louis B. Mayer, Al Jolson, Eddie Cantor, and Charlie Chaplin—and leave the bodies hanging in public places to maximize the terror. Their propaganda read, “Buy Gentile. Employ Gentile. Vote Gentile. Boycott the movies. Hollywood is the Sodom and Gomorrah where Jewry controls vice, dope, and gambling.” There were plans to use gas grenade launchers to put cyanide into Jewish homes, to throw a beer hall putsch just like Hitler’s that would coincide with the mass robbery of munitions from a National Guard armory, and to blow up a munitions plant in San Diego.
[A Challenge on Gun Policy] Those who think there is nothing politicians can do to reduce gun violence need to ask themselves why there has been so little violence carried out in the U.S. with full machine guns since the 1934 National Firearms Act. Previously, the Tommy gun wasn’t uncommon.
[Friday Joke] A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the women, and at knife point, asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money. The man started sobbing and said, “Take anything you want, but please untie the rope and free her.”
The thief said, “You really love your wife.”
Man, “No, she is my neighbor’s wife. Mine will be home shortly.”
Did Jimi Hendrix set fire to a good Stratocaster, or one just used for his show? They cost around one or two thousand dollars for a good one. Were the guitars he used in his show “stock” Stratocasters or customized ones that he burnt with lighter fluid? I saw him do that and he used Ronsonol lighter fluid, so it wasn’t any special lighter fluid formulated not to damage the guitar. I know the first time he did that, it was the custom guitar that he was playing, but I wonder about the other times he burnt them. Link
[Internet] 8.3 million places in the US still lack broadband internet access. Explore the FCC’s newest map of high-speed internet availability in the United States and see what it reveals about your location. Map

What happened to phone operators? Now the only operator you get is trying to sell you something

[Friday Joke] Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir?”
Sir: “Like winning an argument with my wife.”
Waiter: “Rare it is.”
[Vaccines] J&J’s COVID vaccine taken by 19 million Americans is pulled by FDA after it was paused ‘out of an abundance of caution’ over rare blood clot concerns – which led to a plummet in demand. Link
I told myself that I should stop drinking, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talks to himself.
[Celebrate July 3d With Us] Lower Keys Rotary needs community support for the July 3rd Fireworks event at Big Pine Community Park. In collaboration with Monroe County BOCC, this year’s fireworks event features the world’s largest Key Lime Pie, fun & games, food & drinks, 50/50 raffles, and more!
Join us to continue to support our mission of supporting the Lower Keys Community! Link
[Friday Joke] Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.
They say we can have gatherings with up to eight people without issues. I don’t even know eight people without issues.
Theme parks can snap a crystal-clear picture of you on a roller coaster going 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what’s your plan?
The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the ark.

Redneck engineering
at it’s finest.

Big Pine is the only place that celebrates July 3 and not July 4.
[Friday Joke] Why did the sandbag go to therapy? It had issues with weightlifting.
What did the sandbag say to the beach ball? “You’re just full of hot air!”
How did the sandbag feel after a long day at work? Drained and a little sandy.
Why did the sandbag refuse to go to the party? It didn’t want to be the “baggage” of the group.
What do you call a sandbag that tells jokes? A pun-dbag!

Donald Trump charged with illegal retention of classified documents. Ex-president is being prosecuted for violating Espionage Act and obstruction over documents held at Mar-a-Lago and has been summoned to court next week. Link

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[No Live-aboards] This is the first time in all the years that I’ve been going to the Kohen boat ramp that there were no live-aboards. There used to be a whole community of people living on their boats. Where did they go? The ramp used to have a barbecue grill and several chairs and a pretty good community of boaters. There used to be a group of old men passing the time in the early evenings. This is the view north to Annette Key with Little Spanish Key in the far distance.
[Friday Joke] Two engineering students were riding bicycles across a university campus when one said,
“Where did you get the great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said, ‘Take what you want.'”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.

[FKAA] 200,000 gallons of sewage quietly leaked in the Florida Keys — some during a hurricane. Link

I’m the frugal guy that reuses painters tape. I also reuse N/A pins that are put up but not used.
[Friday Joke] United Flight Attendant announced, ‘People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
On landing, the same stewardess said, ‘Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have. ‘ As the plane landed and was coming to a stop, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: ‘Whoa, big fella, WHOA!
Family of mom whose parasail hit Florida Keys’ Old Seven Mile Bridge takes new action. The family of an Illinois woman who was killed in a Florida Keys parasailing tragedy last year has expanded a lawsuit against the owner of the boat. The suit now also targets the boat’s captain and mate, as well as the resort where the boat was docked. Video
[Friday Joke] I don’t understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects. But this is definitely an exception!
Do you have feelings of inadequacyDo you suffer from shyness?
Do you wish you were a better conversationalist?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
Do you sometimes feel stressed?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon. Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you’ll overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it, but women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side Effects May Include: Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

[Bambi Alert] Deer are giving birth again. Be extra careful driving because the little one freak out and act stupidly when startled.

The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 6/9/23 at 8:16 am.