2018 May

Friday, May 11, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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For the third time since the red light was installed at the junction of US1 and the school at Crane Blvd, I witnessed another accident. I would really like to know how many more accidents have occurred there. The first one killed two people on a motorcycle. Ironically, in 18 years of driving by there, twice a day, I have never seen a child within 500 yards of the light.

It’s time to rethink this abomination. What is that light really there for, if children do not ever cross the road? School buses have difficulty getting on US1. Sorry but there are many roads that school busses have difficulty getting back on in the Keys. I live on one.  Simple solution, there is a police car at the school during those hours giving out tickets if you drive over 15 mph.  (another ridiculous idea). How easy would it be to move that officer up to US1 to direct traffic during those school hours, the way it used to be. By the way, there were no accidents or deaths when police officers were there. The truth is, that light was put there under influence from the residents that used our children as an excuse  to have the light installed so that they would be able to get to US1 more quickly.  I really hope that the residents on and off Crane Blvd are happy that they are accomplices to at least one death. God knows what kind of lives those inured have suffered. Wake up and fix this please.

[Friday Joke] A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript so the new monk goes to the old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old Abbot, so the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

“We missed the R, we missed the R. We missed the bloody R” His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old Abbot, “What’s wrong, father?” With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, “The word was… celebRate!”

[“New 40 foot height building rule will make it easier for the developers to build 3 stories high”]  Exactly right and they sold this by lying about rising sea levels and affordable housing- and possibly a few bribes to certain people.
Government letter about the Key Deer. Key Deer Inquiries
 I think the From the Right guy moved out of the Keys.



[Junk Trailers] The County is finally removing the wrecked campers left across Wilder by Winn-Dixie. If we ever have a hurricane & people dump boats, cars & trailers illegal, call them in and take photos of these criminals. This took almost 8 months! Instead of trailering to this vacant lot they could have taken to the Transfer Station for free.

I wonder if the County Commission really read the emails from us citizens or just laugh and hit the delete key? The way things have been going, they could care less about saving paradise. It’s all about the money
The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday,  May 12, 10 am at the senior center.  Hope to see you there! Full Menu > Ongoing Events


[Kīlauea Go Boom] What’s going on with the volcano? Video

[Friday Joke] The Centipede. A young boy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.” But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to church with me and receive blessings?” But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The boy decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time, a little voice came out of the box, “I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
Best Levis commercial. Video
[Orchid Society] Our May meeting will be on May 13 at the Fort, one week earlier than usual because of the Redland Orchid Festival the following weekend.

Sunday the 13th is a double holiday:  Mother’s Day and KWOS Election Day!  If you can’t come to the meeting to vote, you can send in your Absentee Ballot Hand it to a Board member, or Reply to this address.  Just be sure to have it in before the 13th.

We have a new speaker for May, John Romano who has never visited us before. He is an experienced speaker & award-winning hobby grower. The talk will be on the Nobile Dendrobium.  He’ll have plants to sell, and a raffle.  Also, bring in your plants for Show & Tell.

And don’t forget about the trip to the Redland International Orchid Festival on Friday, May 18. Get your check in ASAP so we can know haw many vans to order.  Of course, if you’re a loner you can go the Festival on Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Full Menu > Ongoing Events

PS: Buy Mom an orchid!



If ‘Florida’ is covered, your car tag frame can get you busted. Just ask this driver. Link

Beware of the roofer on Cudjoe Key, he sounds like a very reputable contractor going by a similar name. that’s not the case. Shoddy work and tries to bill for extras that don’t exist. He tried to bill for increase in metal for tariffs that don’t exist yet.




You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.  ~Mae West

[Friday Joke] Are my testicles black? Hank is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.” He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.” The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?”

When are you going to change the Bucktooth Rooster ad. They told us that they would be open for breakfast, and they were for a while, but then they quit serving breakfast. (Ed: Thanks, I’ll change it now.)

[See-thru Engine] Most cars on the road today use a specific type of engine: a four-stroke piston engine. These engines can get somewhat complicated, and because they’re usually built out of metal it can be tough to see what’s going on. The folks over at Warped Perception have come up with a clever solution to this problem by building an engine with a clear cylinder head. Video


[4 Minute Road Trip around America] This is special, sit back and enjoy. The pictures reflect a 4 minute road trip around America by Charlie Daniels.  The monologue begins about 30 seconds in. It’s worth the time. The 4 minutes go by too fast. Video



An aggressive aquarium fish gets plucked from the ocean — and is heading to a new home. A lagoon triggerfish, native to the Indian and Pacific oceans, was captured off the coast of Fort Lauderdale this month. Link

Commercial Space Available for lease at 10939 Overseas Hwy, Marathon, FL 33050 between Doc’s Tattoo Parlor and Cigar Shop. 600 square feet, bathroom, indoor storage space approximately 6′ x 12”, 2 entrances – front and back, US1 frontage – across from Bealls. Electric extra. $790 plus 7.3% sales tax Got questions? Call (305) 395-0588. I speak English only.
[Reason] It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.  ~Jonathan Swift


[Unravelling the Mystery of the Chaco Canyon Culture Collapse] For over 2,000 years, ancient Pueblo peoples occupied a vast region of the south-western United States. Chaco Canyon, a major centre of ancestral Pueblo culture between 850 and 1250 AD, was a focus for ceremonials, trade and political activity for the prehistoric Four Corners area. Link

[Friday Joke] An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, Want coffee.” The waiter says, “Sure, Chief. Coming right up.”

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Want coffee.” The waiter says, “Whoa…! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says, I train for a position in United States Senate. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”

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