2018 May

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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[Rolling Weed Guard] The latest issue of Fly Tyer magazine (Summer 2018) includes an article written by me entitled The Rolling Weed Guard. It is a how-to about a simple weed-guard that I invented, with an accompanying story, which keeps flies from being fouled on branches, rocks, weeds, oyster shells, or other obstacles.
Thanks to all who either helped me or encouraged me to do so (especially Bob Mead). My apologies to Lane Autrey who did all the photographic work, and who I credited in the cover letter and on the thumb drive, but the publication mistakenly named me as the photographer. ~Edward Michaels

The world is full of bad people, evil people, doing bad things. Evil is real & it must be confronted at every level. Not all of us have the ability, fitness, or are capable of correcting the wrong doing. There are some who can & will. When those few stand up & attempt to right the wrongs that are being inflicted on an animal, person or America, the very least we can do is support them. America should never be anyone’s door mat–ever! God Bless America & all she stands for.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key. Piners rock!



[Word Of The Day] Clew. A ball of wool, the thread of which might be used to guide one’s path in a maze or labyrinth. “Clew” is the origin of our word “clue”, meaning a fact or principle which, being taken hold of & followed, might lead through a perplexity or difficulty.

[Fire] Homeless man arrested in March house fire on Rockland Key. Police have arrested a homeless man on charges of arson and burglary in connection with a dramatic March 12 house fire on Rockland Key that choked an entire neighborhood. Link
Keep bringing the tourists down, their money is green just like the waters.


[Key West 16-year-old pimped out for $100] A 16-year-old Key West girl told police she was “pimped out” in March by her 18-year-old friend for $100, according to a Key West police report released Monday. Raymond Leto, 18, was arrested May 7 on charges of sexual battery of a victim between the ages of 16 and 17 and of living off the earnings of a prostitute who is a minor. Link

[Puerto Rico] I found this quote on Twitter about Puerto Rico. I couldn’t help but notice the similarities that people are saying about the Keys on the CT.

“Prediction: Puerto Rico will continue to be ignored until property values hit rock bottom. At that point real estate investors will sweep in to gobble up all the prime beach properties, and other than the serfs left behind to serve the elite, gentrification will displace all else.”

After getting estimates for yard work, and healing up from my heart attack, I now am a firm believer in bringing back slavery. It must be that all the workers in the Keys are gay because they really like to stick it to us!



[Loose Leaf Filler] Remember these? (damn you’re old!)

[Lava Circles Dogs] Two dogs who were missing for 10 days in Puna, Hawaii were found on Sunday morning surrounded by lava. Link
[New Disease] Does anyone else have burning lips, nose and tongue from some sort of fumes in the Keys?
[Modern Home] Amazon and Lennar are teaming up to create a new kind of smart home. Developer Lennar Homes is building a new gated community in Miami Lakes that will be comprised entirely of smart homes: houses that integrate Wi-fi and voice-activated technology in every room, with Amazon providing technical support. Video
[Bums] The News-Barometer this week features an article about the county commission’s discussion of fuel load clearing in the woods on Big Pine.  What would better serve the community would be the discussion of doing something about the bums who live in the woods and keep starting the fires!


The latest Political Correctness statement is that parents should ask permission to change their babies’ diapers. Can you picture that? “Little Billy, you just shit your diaper, can I change it for you?”

Costa Rica announces ambitious plan to ban fossil fuels and become world’s first decarbonized society. Link


Why are there no square tortillas?

[Trailing Interest] Everybody needs to be aware of “trailing interest”. My wife thought she had closed out several store credit cards only to find she still owed money. Luckily my wife can sell ice makers to Eskimo’s in February and in 30 minutes these people were willing to do anything to help.

Trailing interest is the amount of interest that accumulates in the time frame between sending a credit card bill and reception of payment. Also called “trailing interest,” It is applicable when balance is carried on a credit card. It can be considered an unfair practice because unless you call your issuer and ask for the exact amount of the bill on the date you expect your payment to arrive, you’ll still owe interest on your next bill, no matter if you make purchases or not. Also called “residual interest,”

Thank you Big Pine Key for 35 years of support. Without you we would be just another nameless bar that went out of business. One of those stories that starts like this: “Do you remember what that place was before it was a real-estate office?” Meri-Lynn & I have grown up here, raised our kids here and hope to finish out our lives here. You can count on Coconuts aka The “NUT” to put Piners first, always. Thanks again.  ~Joe/Coconuts
The fat cat’s yacht (not that I’m jealous or anything) sat on Rock Reef until it broke apart and leaked diesel fuel. Where were the saviors of the Keys? The only winner will be the State, as they’ll collect a fine–maybe. If the owner couldn’t call SeaTow or Boat U.S. he probably won’t be able to pay a fine
[Gold Theft Trial] Was he a lookout in the theft of a $550,000 gold bar? That’s now a question for jurors. The alleged accomplice in the 2010 theft of a 17th century gold bar from a Key West museum opens this week in federal court.

Jarred Goldman is on trial for the theft that his alleged cohort has already admitted to in exchange for a lighter sentence. Link

There is a pool to see how many Instant Houses will be stuck up our arses by the end of this year. Also, another pool for newbies and still another pool for the increase of crime in the Keys. “Oh, look, there’s a spot of land, let’s put 20 houses there!”




Buried 1957 Plymouth, unveiled 50 years later. Link

[Grammar Police] It’s “couldn’t care less” not “they could care less”.
[Tourism Is Bad] A study has shown that tourism is bad for the environment. Tourism is the generator of more carbon emissions which is bad creating more greenhouse gasses speeding the melting of the glaciers causing the rise of sea level. So if we don’t want to have the Keys under water, disband the Tourist Develops Council and save the planet.


[Time Lost] Why music can literally make us lose track of time. Have you ever been so captivated by a piece of music that you’ve lost all sense of time? Or the opposite – been forced to listen to music so monotonous that you feared it would never end? Link

The more I read the news the more I see the BS that the media is pushing to dumb down Americans. Whatever I read, it is the same depressing propaganda written for a four year old. Isn’t truth sacred anymore? or is it just profiteering of the NWO.
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