2016 May

Friday, May 12, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

legal[Lawsuit] Florida Keys Aqueduct Authority and Monroe County intend to contest grinder pump lawsuit calling it a last-minute attempt by a small group of people to delay the completion of the Cudjoe regional sewer system.

This “last-minute attempt” is not so last minute at all. Victims of the grinder pumps have been loudly complaining since they first heard of it years ago, but as FKAA’s latest statement indicates, they haven’t been listening, hence the lawsuit. Link

coconuts 700x175
[“FTR goes local”] “Hey, look over there!” Ah yes, another classic case of misdirection. FTR Guy and his ilk, having created a monster they can’t control, want you to look elsewhere and hope the problem goes away
porta-potty-rowIf it’s okay for a transvestite to use any bathroom they feel like, what about the rest of us? Why not use any bathroom that is currently available? How many times have you stopped for gas after a long trip and had to pee so bad your eyes turned yellow and your back teeth were floating? As you turned the corner there were 3 guys in line but no one in the woman’s room so you knocked–no answer–and you went in for relief. No big deal. You’re at Daytona BikeFest and there’s 100 Porta-Potties scattered throughout the venue and none are marked Men/Women/Transgendered. Oh, hey, there are a few marked Handicap but that’s because of another law, the ADA. No one is running around looking for gender specific Porta-Potties. What’s the big deal as long as its adults your talking about, however if you throw young children into the equation there should be some common sense used
[“Zika fear”] According to the Blue Paper if someone is going to make a bundle of money from their work, we should question that work. That sounds like another conspiracy thing. Oxitec’s genetically modified mosquitoes released in the Keys should not be questioned because they’re going to make ooodles of dollars if successful. They should be questioned about the implications of introducing an imitation bug into our environment. If not, we’re doomed.
old-wooden-bridge-fishing-camp[Development] The Old Wooden Bridge Fishing Lodge is his investment. If the new folks are in keeping with all the regulations & zoning then they should be allowed to do what is legal. It’s tough to do business in the Keys, Big Pine Key more so than most. We have several endangered & protected species here, we remain an area of Critical State Concern that brings in the Feds and the Army Corp of Engineers. Much red tape, time & cost will be encountered before anything can be done. My wife and I grew up on Big Pine Key, our kids grew up on Big Pine Key, so I have mixed feelings about any changes, but fair is fair. If the new owner meets all the requirements, so be it.

The past, like the sea, beats inside me like a second heart. I will miss it. We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster. So now I have to sit here until one of us is dead.
one dollar walking

So you, FKAA, are going to mandate that I sell you part of my postage stamp-sized yard for $1.00, and then make me rewire my entire house so I can provide electricity to your equipment.  Will I also be ordered to put gas in your trucks?  Do your laundry?  Bring you Sunday dinners? And then pay for my water twice—once coming in and a second time going out? Something is wrong in Paradise.

Do the doctors in the Keys take lessons in Advanced Banking and Investing along with their medical courses? Seems like it!
The street game to sucker punch people is a game of cowards. Hitting old people for the fun of it is like stomping a kitten. You punks need to be ventilated between the eyes. I am 75 and really wish you’d try it on my 45 caliber butt, sucker
gift card

Gee, I just won a $5000 Walmart Card and I never went there in my life. God is good! God owns Walmart!

A way to stop texting while driving would be to have a 10-year old in the car. Kids that age are very aware of rules and will be sure to remind you how quickly an accident can happen. Even if you think you’re the master of the text message—you’re not!
dna 230h


Find out about yourself and your DNA. The National Center for Biotechnology Information advances science and health by providing access to biomedical and genomic information. Link

Millions of Hindus plunge into Ganges River in India to wash away their sins. (Note: It doesn’t really work). It is a sacred honor for them to wash in the most polluted river in the world. I watched as hundreds of the faithful bathed in what appeared to be a green toilet. What are they thinking? Video

[County and FKAA – Off the Rails] She said what I just wrote only better. Link

Monarch Butterfly recovery receives blow from winter storm kill. March winter storm in Mexico killed millions of the butterflies. An MSU researcher is helping assess the impact. Link
FKAA is in contract negotiation with the union. Not everyone is allowed to belong to the union, even lower paid employees with the minimum benefits; and not everyone that can join does. The union is weak because they lack the ability to call a strike. But they do have good employment lawyers to quell management abuse. It’s the CWA union (Communication Workers of America). A bottom tier employee who is not allowed to be in the union told me that the management email calling for a 10% reduction in workforce is just management subterfuge to help get the union to agree to no significant pay increase and more lost benefits. “Okay, everyone stays employed but they effectively work for less.” That would be in character. I think the CWA should call the bluff. If FKAA did lay off 10% of the workforce, they are so stupid that they would lay off the non-Bubbas, who tend to be the most competent and most productive. The FKAA infrastructure is falling apart faster than they can replace or even maintain it, and now they are trying to run sewers that are built as a time bomb with a short fuse. How well do you think they can hold it together with just glad-handing, bull-slinging Bubbas available?
blood-pressure13My girlfriend went to W/D on Thursday to get a blood pressure test. it was 10 to 5 and the woman behind the counter of the pharmacy said they were closed and that the machine was taken away. I thought that was strange. CVS’s machine wasn’t working properly and Walgreens does not have one.  I just called and vented my feelings to the customer care department at W/D. She told me that they had done a ‘big research’ before deciding to close, but that’s all that she said. I asked how they could do this, especially to so many elderly people who live on this island and rely on them?  She said she would write down my comments. (Ed: Update: We sent our investigative reporter to Winn Dixie Friday afternoon and there was a man hooked up to the blood pressure machine, so I guess it’s still there for now.)
The sewers will make a difference.  Every year just before mini season for the last 15 years, I have looked at the clarity of my canal on Little Torch Key.  It’s always clean and clear, however, after mini season, when all those from Miami, who are piled up in these trailers, sometimes as many as 20 on one toilet, it only takes a couple days before the beautiful clear canal is shit brown in color.  I cannot wait for the sewers to be operational.
FKAA executives have decreed to management that they want a 10% reduction in the FKAA workforce. But don’t expect a 10% reduction of your bill!
Instead, expect poorly maintained infrastructure and customer service that rivals that of infamous Comcast. Are they insane?The Cudjoe Regional Watewater System is just beginning to connect, is already having serious problems, and FKAA is way understaffed to properly maintain the system already. This is especially true since they promised DEP that they would do routine flushing to compensate for a reckless design that does not meet bare minimum standards. DEP accepted that “reasonable assurance”.
Consider the DEP required minimum annual maintenance for grinder pump customers. Incorporated by reference into the Florida Administrative Code is the following language:
“6. Installation of the system including on-lot facilities. Routine annual inspections of on-lot facilities include removal and/or visual inspection of the PU [pumping unit], controls, warning system and other ancillary items….., Routine inspection of pressure sewer main appurtenances should be made a requirement. Shut-off, air-release, and pressure-sustaining valves should be inspected at least once per month and exercised. Maintenance of air release valve assemblies should be performed as dictated by these inspections. Pressure sewer main flushing should be performed as required and with the necessary precautions for preventing cross-connections. Pressure sewer systems shall be administrated in the same manner as gravity sewers or treatment facilities. A central authority shall maintain ownership and responsibility for all components of the pressure sewer system.” (So much for FKAA’s threats of making you own and maintain your own grinder pump. It ain’t allowed by Florida law!)Pressure sewers are extremely labor intensive. A utility in Central Florida with a hybrid gravity/pressure sewer system monitored labor expenses. The pressure sewers cost 40 times that of the gravity portions, per connection!

How does FKAA management expect their people to handle the huge increased workload with only 90% of its current work force? Either there is not a lick of common sense at the executive level of FKAA, or this is the first step towards outsourcing the work to private contractors. Who on the FKAA Board would be in favor? Toppino you say?


Happy Friday the 13th

Bids in George Zimmerman gun auction top $65M! Bidding on the 9 mm Kel-Tec PF-9 pistol began at $5,000 and had reached more than $65 million by 5:45 a.m. Video
accurate-home insp 700x175
Anti-virus pioneer (and accused murderer) John McAfee warns on mobile phone snooping. Link


[Screwing Us] Have you noticed that your 8-ounce cup of yogurt is now between 5.3 ounces and 6 ounces?

Marathon’s Royal Furniture is about ready to build a 15,000 square foot showroom. Video
cybertronpc[Geek Report] I recently retired my six-year-old Dell XPS desktop PC for a new gaming rig from CybertronPC although I’ve never played a game in my life and have no intention of ever doing so, I wanted the speed and power this rig offered at a really good price. I’m sick of waiting for even one second when I click something. Never again will I have to wait for anything other than the normal confines of my fast (59MB/second) internet connection. This sixth generation Core i7-670 Intel processor is so fast it’s like going through a black hole.

3.40 gigahertz Intel Core i7-6700, Multi-core (4 total), Hyper-threaded (8 total), 16GB DDR4 memory—real, real fast, 1 TB hard drive–big

120GB SSD. A solid state hard drive is the biggest improvement anyone can make to a computer. On it I have the operating system and all software. With this solid state drive I am on line in just 30 seconds from the time I push the power button to my first search on Google!

NVIDIA GeForce GTX 970 video card takes up two bays in the case and runs three 22” monitors without a hiccup. My old rig went through 5 motherboards in six years because of the demands of 3 monitors. This monster solves that problem and many more.

The operating system is Windows 10 Home which I think is the most intelligent OS ever made. Just speak to it and it does what you ask. Link

camera flash clipart


Photographer, Mr. Larry Blackburn, please put a haze filter on your flash for in-door close-ups. You make us locals look like the walking dead. If you do not have a haze filter, use a Kleenex over the strobe to soften the flash!

30 new hotel rooms, a 100 boat dry storage racks barn, a restaurant and a bunch of jet skis might be a little too much “progress” for the neighborhoods at the Old Wooden Bridge fish camp. Is it still a fish camp then?
Uber and other ride-sharing services could soon be operating in Key West, as city officials say it’s time to take another look at the currently banned businesses.

It’s time to stop protecting old business models like taxis and hotels from the new business models that people want like Uber, Lyft and AirBnB. Did they protect the cassette tape manufactures when the CDs became popular? Taxi companies and hotels need to change their business models and stop ‘raping’ the consumer. These new services are what the people want. Let us have it. Stop protecting dinosaur businesses who rip us off at every opportunity.

fat exercise bar[“Fat people”] Face it folks you don’t know squat what a diet is and how it works. Your body is an engine and it requires fuel to run. You put fuel in the tank by eating.  If you don’t put enough fuel in the tank for the engine to run by not eating enough the engine will not stop. It will look for stored fuel like fat which is why you diet. If you put more fuel in the tank than what your engine burns during the day two things could happen depending on what type of fuel is used. Simplistically, two types of fuels are available. White fuel and non-white fuel. Excessive consumption of White fuel–sugars, assorted carbohydrates, low-fat products are among the villains that are stored as fat. Excessive consumption of protein is not as harmful as it’s mostly eliminated. I used this logical method of fueling my engine and went from 264 lbs to 183 lbs in under nine months 6 years ago and this morning I jumped on the scale—185 lbs!
Fad diets don’t work. Only proper nutrition along with regular exercise do
An outbreak of yellow fever in Angola could go global. Could happen here as it did before. Link
old-car4The Florida Keys Southernmost Car Club (FKSCC) holds its monthly Show & Shine this Sunday, May 15th. This event is for the lovers of classic, custom, and street rod automobiles of all years and makes. Fords, Chevys, trucks, sports cars, and chrome loaded motorcycles. If it cool and on wheels it will be here. This fun afternoon event starts at Noon, ends at 4pm at our great location at the Sugarloaf Lodge, MM17, on Sugarloaf Key. Prizes, 50/50 good food at the Pizza Restaurant and cold beverages available at the Tiki Bar. Bring the kids to enjoy these beautiful relics of the auto world. Vote for the Peoples’ Choice and that classic will take home a beautiful Plaque! This is a FREE event. Club members are seeking new members for a full schedule of shows & events. Annual membership is only $25, and comes with a free club T-shirt.
[Question: Do you trust the FKAA?] The FKAA lawsuit is “frivolous and without merit,” county and water company officials said. “Trying to stop the sewer system” they claim in their press release. False!

Oh sure, they’ll say that, actually they’ll say anything it seems, but there are about a thousand or so folks who got intimidated and were given a half-baked grinder pump system, having to rewire their homes, paying for electricity, and accepting said system along with an easement onto their property when we were promised a gravity system. They lied!
There’s a lot of merit in this lawsuit in my opinion. Glad these ladies had the guts to bring it.

nira-tocco 700x175
clubbing computer


[Vandalism] To get even with your boss, reset the computer system password to a scrambled password by just mashing the keyboard to reset it. The only way to get the system running is to do a clean install of the OS. All information will be gone!

[George Carlin’s 7 Dirty Words] That was from a different time. Now we hear those words in songs and on cable TV as we become desensitized to class. Video


For all you Hemingway wannabees, first look at the real man. And then buy yourself a thick turtle-neck sweater. Link

Twelve Cuban migrants landed on Big Pine Key early Wednesday morning. The 11 males and one female plus their rustic vessel, known as a chug, arrived on the oceanside of the island about 6 a.m. and will now receive free everything from the government until they can land a good job and make all the money they always dreamed of.


What are the rules or laws for rain gutters on a house and storing the waterVideo

Dear Big Pine Key City Hall:   May I introduce myself?  I am Lou Shepherd, the Urban and Community Forestry Programs Coordinator for the Florida Forest Service in Tallahassee. Perhaps you can help me. Would you check on this and get back? I am updating my records. May I ask you to take a moment to have someone answer (4) quick yes/no questions?   Is a city staff member devoted to parks, tree care or environmental management?   Does your city have a tree ordinance?   Does your city have an advisory tree board or department?   Would your city like to receive assistance on your urban tree canopy by the Florida Forest Service?   If you would like more information, please identify the person and provide their contact information.   Thank you for your time.
wind chime heart


Wind chimes are made from the metallic bones of robots that tried to overthrow us. Hang them outside your house as a warning to the others.

[“Marathon Legalizes Pot—almost”] Cannabis is illegal. It can treat cancer, PTSD, seizures, anxiety, glaucoma, stomach disorders, and depression.  Which means no money for the pharmaceutical companies. Which means it will stay classified as a narcotic for a while longer.
Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
There is only one thing wrong with the sewer company’s sewer system design. It won’t work. That design has not worked in any area it has been tried in, so why are we allowing it to continue? Why didn’t they design a fully closed system like all big cities have?


[Beer For Breakfast] Before coffee became popular, watered-down beer was often served for breakfast in the United States. In the early days drinking beer was safer than drinking the available water. I wonder if that’s how they invented Lite beer?

Since the CT has forbid the publishing of national political and governmental posts, nothing seems to be getting feedback from the people anymore. The secondary National Politics page sucks! Nothing is getting done in the Keys
garbageman old

[Garbageman] If I am outside when the refuse truck comes I help the guy dump my cans. I will say I never want to arm wrestle him, but come to think about it, if I was younger, I’d be doing that just for the exercise. Those guys have to be the strongest and healthiest guys on the street besides a mailman!

[Developing Fishing Camp] Any of you moles have any encrypted thoughts about the new development Jim Hendrick is representing on Little Torch Key? When I read about that in yesterday’s Citizen, it felt like a knife had stabbed my guts. In a nap dream a little while ago, I heard, “Little Torch pier”.
Future development includes a resort at the Old Wooden Bridge Fish Camp on Big Pine. Does anybody recall Peg Legs? The resort that was not allowed to reopen on Big Pine and the County then turned it into a park. Pretty funny how the pendulum swings isn’t it?


Polish food is great, just don’t expect to live into your nineties. Up north in Detroit, MI when it’s cold that food can’t be beat!

Reasons woman need to have a kid.
1 A meal-ticket
2 Abandonment Insurance
3 It is the largest thing she’ll ever feel
4 The ultimate ego trip


[“Leather” Belts] Have you bought a new belt lately? I have and every one of them is made of paper or some un-godly material and breaks on the first use. Test a belt before you pay for it. Just do a good pull and if it breaks easily tell the store manager he has been had

Here’s the corrected AARP calendar for May. I forgot it had 31 days. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
seaweed-on-line[Seaweed Caused By Environmentalists] In the last several years we have seen a marked increase in the amount of sea weed coming through the Keys in the late winter and spring.  This year it has increased to the point that the crabbers are not able to retrieve any of the traps because of the sheer volume of the thick, brown weed that is pulling the buoys down in the current.  Recreational anglers are not able to fish many inshore areas because the weeds constantly foul the bait.  Inshore bays that were once truly blue Caribbean-like waters, have gotten to the point that you cannot see four feet to the bottom.

My theory is only an educated guess, but the escalated decrease in water quality is following on the heels of the US effort to use more renewable fuel, i.e. ethanol. The more formerly unused farm lands in the heartland planted and fertilized, the more nutrient is washed through the streams and rivers into the Gulf of Mexico. Seaweed and algae are just plants and all plants thrive with extra fertilizer.

So if you are looking to find someone to blame for the decreasing water quality in the Keys look no further than the environmentalists that are trying to save us from ourselves.

The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, May 14, 10 am at the senior center.  Hope to see you there. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
How, and who do, you see to start a class action suit to fire a public official in Monroe County?
turtle hides in shell[Discovery Saturday: Sea Turtles Hit The Beach] Join our special guests from The Turtle Hospital at Discovery Saturday on May 21 from 10:00 am to 11:00 am. Kids in kindergarten through fifth grade are invited to the Florida Keys Eco-Discovery Center (35 East Quay Road, Key West) to learn all about sea turtles. May is the beginning of turtle nesting season and it is important for everyone to learn how they can help hatchlings survive. The Turtle Hospital will be bringing a live sea turtle and there will be other games and hands on activities. For more information contact 305-809-4750. Space is limited, so please call to register.

Florida Keys Eco-Discovery Center, 35 East Quay Road, Key West, FL, Saturday, May 21, 2016, 10:00 a.m. – 11:00 a.m.

So some Keys Marxist has compiled a list of the only people who produce anything in this world and came up with the entire working class. Really? So the wealthy industrialists and small business people willing to invest in commercial enterprises that create jobs–they’re just useless. Obama has taught you well. Bernie…is that you?
bill-baby[Captain Doom and Gloom]
DEF: Lido n, A ship board trough for feeding gangs of wallets.
DEF: Wine n, Blood from dead grapes that makes people fake couth.
DEF: Booze n, Liquids that separate the men from the cows.
DEF: Guns n, Useless objects unless the bear is big.
DEF: Car n, A transportation devise to house a cell phone.
DEF: Teen n, A young human seeking free everything.
DEF: Senior n, An older human wondering what is next.
DEF: President n, A person that takes orders from their rulers.
DEF: Newspaper n, Propaganda that parrots cannot read.
DEF: Computers n, Something that they will burn like the books.
It is amazing how slow the ISP connections are getting. Have you noticed? We pay for a fast connection only to get tons of spam and pop-up advertising we don’t want or need. Can we sue?

Here’s the corrected AARP calendar for May. I forgot it had 31 days. Full Menu > Ongoing Events

Will a blonde turn as directed by her GPS even if she sees a wall?
Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)