2016 May

Friday, May 20, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

scuba frog[Dive Report] After months ashore with injuries, unsuitable weather, or no buddy to dive with, I finally got offshore on Saturday, alone in a tiny boat with a failing water pump. Really nice day, but I burnt. The water was clear enough that I could see the sand next to the patch reef in 70 feet of water to drop the anchor. I expected the water to be warmer. It was brisk jumping in and 75°F on the bottom. I was wearing trunks and T-shirt and shivering. I expected a fat black grouper but only saw shorts and huge lionfish. I did see a mutton snapper of about 12 lbs, but he swam by so close that I could not shoot normally and tried a hip shot. Those almost always miss and this was no exception. The lionfish were where I could not shish-kabob them on my free shaft to keep them a safe distance, so I exited without dinner, cold, anticipating another meal from the freezer, but happy.

I did a SNUBA – anchor ride – exploration drift dive inside the main reef line in about 25′ of water as a second dive. I was getting bored of grass-sand-grass-no fish slow drifting in too-cool water when I saw angelfish in the grass and finned over to them to discover small hogfish foraging and that I was being circled by 3 or 4 large sharks (lemon sharks?). I knew I was near some structure, and I was. I lucked onto a flat patch reef with two sizable holes in the hard rock bottom. No lobsters hiding in the holes, but instead there was a red grouper in each and two green morays in one and two spotted in the other. One red was obviously short and the other was probably legal since he had that huge beer gut they develop, but I was not 100% sure and besides, I would probably have to fight for him with a few big sharks, so he is still down there guarding his hole.

Now that a couple of days have gone by, I am staring to itch where the clothing stopped and the flesh began. It’s sea lice season! Mother’s Day to Father’s Day every year. The best remedy is rubbing alcohol liberally applied, and that will work before you break out in itchy bumps to stop it, or afterwards to quell it.

[Sewer Lawsuit] Have you seen or heard the public disinformation campaign by FKAA and the County about the putting the grinder pumps in the public right of way litigation? The innocent plaintiffs are being accused of first just trying to delay completion of the sewers, then of being self-serving in not caring how much the sewers cost all us taxpayers, and then later in the press release of just trying to collect payment for the easement.

What’s this all about? I think I know: The Complaint asks for a jury trial, so instead of just trying to mislead (or intimidate or buy off) a judge, they need to steer public opinion to believe that this is a frivolous lawsuit by self-serving troublemakers. Shame on Konk Life for publishing the obviously canned press release under “Editor” authorship. There are 6 experienced Florida licensed lawyers that reviewed this Complaint before it was served and did not find it “frivolous” or “without merit”. Is the Keys jury pool so gullible as to believe what FKAA and the County are saying? Have they been deceived before? Could it be that these 3 homeowners just don’t want to pay extra to have a County/FKAA sewer pump station planted in their yard? The officials talk equitable treatment, but we know it has never been so and certainly not in this situation. Let the pure light of truth dispel the darkness of deceit!

palm reader



Amazing mind reader reveals his ‘gift’. It is not what you might think and something to behold for the modern times we live in.  Video

I guess lionfish aren’t really a problem in Florida waters as only 8000 were killed on the second day at Pensacola lionfish roundup.  Maybe they could send some to the Keys to get the numbers up (sarcasm)? Link
grouper-meMay 1 was opening day for grouper season, my favorite eating fish. It’s always a welcome sight to see a fine grouper in the box, Black, Red, Gag, I don’t really care. They are mild, firm white meat and make dinner a real treat. Sandwich, fish fingers, baked, broiled grilled or blackened. Yep, a fine fish. I use the head and carcass to make fish stew or chowder, one of my families favorites. Good stuff.
[“Dying deer”] The Refuge Managers probably do not care to help the suffering doe, nor are they interested in humanely putting it down. The Refuge should admit that there are too many deer on BPK. Between the deer and the iguanas, much of our foliage is without leaves
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[Higher Education] These kids are going to college on pot. Taxes from legal marijuana sales will help send 25 students to college in Southern Colorado.  Link

Can anyone convert a VCR tape to a disc? Video
1 front[For Rent] Located in the center of the National Key Deer Refuge on Big Pine Key is this secluded, large 3-bedroom house with two full bathrooms and central air conditioning. New stainless steel appliances. Large deck outside the living room. Newly painted interior. House is on stilts with a concrete ground floor where the laundry room and storage rooms are located. The laundry room has washer and dryer hookups. The house sits on two wooded acres that includes a lovely pond. No dogs or smokers please. Yard maintenance is the responsibility of tenant. Utilities are not included. $2400 a month, plus first, last and $1000 deposit. ($5,800 is needed to move in). House will be shown on Tuesday, May 24 and available to move in on June 1. For more photos see Link  Email for appointment
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[Tool Box] I’m looking for a small can of oil with a screw-on cap that won’t come off in my toolbox. Spray cans don’t work because the start spraying when a tool hits the top. All little cans of oil I’ve found so far have little plastic tops that just sit on top of the tip. They always get lost or fall off.


[Hukilau Restaurant-KW] Any stories about this place? Can’t wait to hear them. I worked there 3 years. I have a bunch. Maybe I’ll put some staff pictures from 1985 if anyone remembers this place.

[Dying Deer] Deer Ed, I’m usually somewhat quiet but I got to scream today. I truly hope that the person who wrote about seeing a broken-jawed dying Key deer suffering on a Sunday did what any real conservationist would have done and put the distressed animal down if no state officials were available. Mon-Fri 9-5 are the office hours. Why did you allow the deer to suffer knowing nobody would answer the phone until Monday at regular time?
crawfish two[3rd Annual Crawfish Boil] May 29th at Springer’s Bar & Grill. Fresh from Louisiana with all the fixins’. Mark your calendar!

Mondays – Gumbo with Rice

Tuesdays- Meatloaf Sanwich or Dinner – Just like Grandma’s

Wednesdays- BBQ Pulled Pork Special

Thursdays- Mexican Special – Hmm Hmm Delicious

Fridays – Fish n Chips – Made with homemade beer batter. Have it with Malt Vinegar if you like

Happy Hour: Every Day from 11 am – 7 pm – Yeah Baby!

fight dem repWith what is going on in this country right now and the CT dropping the National Politics, what good is your blog anymore. The people want to bitch and moan about everything, but the CT seems to cull everything important. Has the junta stepped on you that hard? Why not put that Political Section back into the CT, but at the bottom of the script? That way your draw will come back and the CT will regrow what they cut off. We all know the “other page” for political stuff is “watched” and that is why smart writers will not Sign In. BB is watching everything so it doesn’t matter if both sections are one. The CT is the only local soap box we have in the Keys. The local papers are ‘controlled’ to the point of silly propaganda rags. Bring back our CT! (Ed: No. Go on social media, it’s made for uniformed emotional arguments, hatespeak, and insults. I hope the CT is for civil discourse.)
[“I hate Sears”] I went to to order an ice maker. I went to PARTS, entered the model number, and then ICE MAKER. All I got was an ice maker screw for $3.99 plus shipping and expedited delivery for an additional $32 and change. I called the number and the lady said I shouldn’t use the Sears website for parts, but to use another of Sears’ websites for parts.

I don’t know how they stay in business. If they were Amazon I would go to their only website and enter ice maker for refrigerator model number and I would have the item here in 2 days and free shipping. That’s how you stay in business!

[“Affordable housing”] To the person who posted the asinine diatribe about ‘affordable housing’ here in the Keys ‘ruining his tropical paradise sans Hawaii’. The convenience store clerk who turned the gas pump on this morning so you could pump that gas, the grocery store clerk who rang up your groceries, the waiter you ordered dinner last night from and the cook and prep personnel who made that dinner, can’t afford your mortgage, your taxes and your disdain. Have your gas delivered by truck to your house, have your food delivered by truck to your house and, btw, go pump it and cook for yourself you ungrateful person. I’m a Lower Keys homeowner, retiree who understands how the real world operates and understands not everyone are clones.
vodka-graceYou can tell good vodka by feeling it. Pour a little into your hands and rub them together. Additive-free vodka will evaporate like rubbing alcohol-clean and dry. If the vodka feels oily and your hands end up sticky as they dry, that means sugar or glycerol was used to mask imperfections. You’ll also notice that lower-grade vodkas thicken in the freezer-a telltale sign of additives.
[Bassackwards] You must remember this. Racecar spelled backward is racecar. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Go figure.
My body is a temple, but it’s one of those temples in Thailand where they let the monkeys poop all over the place.
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[“Dying deer”] If you were to have done the humane thing and shot the suffering deer you would have had your name ruined and gone to jail for doing what the refuge minders refused to do.

[Control] Henry Kissinger has stated, “If you control food, you can control people.  If you control oil, you can control nations.  If you can control currency, you can control the world.”
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[Hotel Recruitment in Key West] A Multi-Employer Hotel Recruitment Event, hosted by CareerSource South Florida, will be held Thursday, May 19th from 9am-4pm in the Professional Building located at 1111 12th Street, Suite 308, Key West.  Staff will be recruiting for Front Desk, Guest Services, Housekeeping, Events Manager, Executive & Sous Chefs, Cooks, HR Coordinator, Maintenance, Landscaping, Painter, Electrician, Restaurant Managers, Food & Beverage and much more.

Employers seeking qualified individuals include:  Casa Marina, Fairfield Inn & Suites, Hilton Garden Inn, The Gates Hotel, The Marker Hotel, The Reach Resort, Southernmost Beach Resort, 24° North Hotel, Sheraton Suites, The Westin and Sunset Key.

Attendees should be dressed in interview attire and bring several copies of their work experience or resume, verifiable references, copies of any certifications and acceptable I-9 documentation to demonstrate authorization for work.  Employers may request a background check and/or a drug test.  Some employers will also require an online application and assessment. Career Advisors will be on hand to assist in the application process and resume preparation.

Participants may pre-register on  For additional information call 305-292-6762 or email

cocker spaniel


I never complain about Keys restaurants because the last time I was in Cambodia we had cocker spaniel omelets for breakfast.

Current status of sanctuary zoning & regulatory review. Link


Drone fishing for tunaVideo

[“Changes coming to Big Pine fish camp“] The author says the County wouldn’t approve, but the info from the County Planner says he could have 46 units. Disingenuous? Dunno. Another trailer park down? Link
[Overcrowded Thai Island Is Closed] This is what they should do to the Keys. No more building. Koh Tachai is a popular destination for Thai and foreign tourists. Video
TequestaA long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, an Indian tribe named Tequesta, living on the mainland, decided that when they went down to the islands for their annual fishing expeditions they wanted something to eat besides all that stinky seafood. Up there where they lived they pigged put on venison burgers, venison steaks, and venison jerky, so one of the tribal young turks said, “Hey, why don’t we capture a bunch of our pigmy Virginia White Tail deer and next time we go down we turn them loose so we’ll have venison to eat around the camp fire. So they did and they made sure they replenished what they harvested. Jumping centuries ahead the Indians disappeared and the white man came and took up the hunting and eating of venison, but they weren’t as conservative as the Tequesta and soon they realized that they would soon run out venison.

From the testimony of one of the participants in ’52-’53, Jack Watson and some of his buddies, including Jim W., related this when he brought his boat to Sea Center for repairs. They went up to the ‘Glades, captured Everglades whitetail deer, brought them back and turned them loose. Think that the red savages weren’t smart enough to come up with that? All the first colonists brought with them were farm animals across thousands of miles of ocean.

Now we have the Florida Keys pigmy white tail deer. I want to personally thank the Tequesta Indians for starting something that has kept the Monroe County Commissioners at bay from their ultimate goal to pave the Keys from Key Largo to Key West.

[Grant Money] United Way of the Florida Keys has announced that it will distribute a total of $155,000 in grants to 15 nonprofit agencies in 2016-17.

Grant recipients providing access to nutritious food include:
– Star of the Sea Outreach Mission– $25,000 for a Keys-wide food distribution program
– Keys Area Interdenominational Resources (KAIR)– $15,000 for their food pantry in Marathon
– Florida Keys Outreach Coalition– $8,000 for the Loaves and Fishes food pantry and residential meal program in Key West
– Burton Memorial Church– $15,000 for the Daily Bread Food Pantry in Tavernier
– Metropolitan Community Church– $3,500 for food for home-bound seniors in Key West
– Florida Keys Children’s Shelter– $14,000 for food at the children’s shelters in Tavernier and Key West
– Wesley House– $10,000 for the Inez Martin Nutritional Backpack Program in Key West
– Independence Cay– $8,000 for the soup kitchen in Marathon
– Florida Keys Healthy Start Coalition– $6,000 for supplemental nutrition for children and infants throughout the Keys
– Monroe Association for ReMarcable Citizens– $5,000 for the Food and Individual Training program throughout the Keys

Grant recipients providing early childhood or after-school care include:
– Marathon Recreation Center– $18,000 for after school care
– Southernmost Boys and Girls Club–$10,000 for summer programming in Key West
– Bahama Village Music Program– $5,000 for after school music education in Key West
– Burton Memorial Church– $10,000 for childcare scholarships in Tavernier

Grant recipients providing safety net services:
– Florida Keys Outreach Coalition–$2,500 for “Quick Assist” emergency aid and referral in the Upper Keys

The 2016-17 grant recipients were selected based on a scores calculated from a rubric submitted by United Way board members and community volunteers who reviewed applications and visited agencies in each region of the Keys.

The 8th Annual Dragon Boat Races, May 14, 2016, Sombrero Beach in Marathon. Video
Congress is overhauling an outdated law that affects nearly every product you own. It’s a start. We really don’t know what gets into our bodies or washed into the water etc from all the products we use, and what the effects are. Link
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If you are in need of a handyman, make sure you do not do business with a man in bpk named Bill Cope.  He has absolutely no skills at all in any type of home improvement. He is a liar, a thief, and a con artist, and overall a useless human being. Do not let him steal your money like he did mine.  ~
pool 3 ball rotate

[Honest Thief] To whom it may concern, thanks for returning the “3” ball.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, Rockin’ ya’ Right at the Light for over 30 years!

Local developers are hoping to build a new $12 million, 68-unit rental property on Stock Island. Bart Smith, part owner of Sunset Marina LLC, said the project will feature 23 market-rate and 39 affordable units (‘affordable units’ ha ha) in addition to the current housing already at the site, which is located on the same side of the marina as the Monroe C County Sheriff’s office headquarters
war dog memorial



[Dogs of War] These dogs gave their lives to save our lives. Video

[Development] Your Florida Keys National Wildlife Refuge Complex is now accepting any public comment on the proposal to construct a new Visitor Center on Big Pine Key.  The Press Release is attached and the deadline for comment is June 17, 2016.  More information can be found on our website homepage with links to documents and how to submit comments.  Hard copies of documents can be found at our current Visitor Center and Administrative Offices on Big Pine Key. Link
Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
The national political page gets too intense-for me universally, politics are a joke. I learned from my 30 years in the military how to pick my battles, and Politics are something that I have no ability to influence or change so why waste time debating with others who also can’t influence anything. Getting all hyped up by something that I have no control over will cause ulcers. It’s not worth it

[GMO Asprin] Bayer confirms takeover talks with Monsanto. German-based Bayer said in a short statement that its executives had met recently with their Monsanto counterparts to privately discuss a negotiated acquisition of Monsanto Company. Video

Good bye Keys, you were grand while you lasted. “Billion dollar Keys”? When did you get here? Many of us locals were here before you got here and said good bye to the Keys we loved when you all started coming here trying to make it a billionaires paradise. We miss the old days of good neighbors, affordable fresh local seafood and cold beer. It used to be if someone smelled like fish they were making money. Now if they smell like fish, their Depends are full. $8 pints and fried Sysco crap is what you clowns brought down from NewPhillyYork, nothing else. Bye bro, I won’t miss ya’.


[Microsoft Solitaire Collection] Free premium week on Windows 10. Video

[Windows 10] One thing gone, actually two, are the built in games Freecell and Spider Solitaire.  I liked them.  They are gone.  Oh you want spider solitaire; you can find it on line, wait through a commercial and play it on half your screen cause the other half of screen is box for advertising. online spider solitaire sucks. Link
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