Friday, November 15, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


[Noseeums] Does anyone know of a product that can be sprayed on window and door screens that will stop, or at least, slow down those tiny bastards. (Ed: There used to be such a product, but it was harmful to humans and they banned it. I use the Thermacell thingy. Link

[Movies] ” Is he dead?” “Stick him in the eyeball and see if he flinches.” ~Free Fire



[Boat For Sale] 17′ Boston Whaler, bully net, GPS, hydraulic steering, 100 gallon live well, 4000 gallon pump, 140 Suzuki 4 stroke. Not pretty, but it’ll make a lot of money for you.  Located in Marathon at 20th Street, Ocean.  $7500 OBO (352) 207-6492  Eric

[Caution] The entrance to Coconuts coming from US1 is a crater field.  Anyone entering on a bike or motorcycle is in danger.  Cars must maneuver around the potholes, crossing over the outgoing traffic lane, to avoid damage to tires and undercarriages.  Hopefully the Nut and the County will make repairs before someone gets hurt – or sued
NBC2 investigates illegal charter boats.  Video
This cute little green fuzzy caterpillar was crawling on a wheel rim one day and maybe the same one was hiding on ficus branches I was pruning the next day. Anyway, I accidentally touched him and he shot me with several venomous tiny hair spines. It felt like several wasp stings at once. I pruned him into three oozing pieces and whined all the way back to the house.

The right thing to do is first pull any spines out with a piece of tape. In my ignorance, I skipped that step and applied alcohol since that works on jellyfish stings. Not much effect. Next, I went for the honey which works on wasp or bee stings. I was out of honey, so I tried maple syrup. Apparently, that is a good alternate remedy as the sting subsided quickly instead of the usual two hours. These Io moth caterpillars do not always look like this, depending on their stage of development, but they always sting. Learn them, squash them, but not with bare flesh. Here is a good article with photos showing the stages of caterpillar and moth. Link

[Friday Joke] I invented a new word—plagiarism.
Is there such a thing as a sexual deviant any longer? It seems all the people who I formally thought were deviants have their own letter in the Gay list of letters ((i.e. LGBTD).

[America Recycles Day] On this day, people are encouraged to spread the word about the benefits of recycling and to practice recycling themselves. So be sure to find a recycling program near you so that you can recycle that trash instead of dumping it the trash to fill up yet another landfill. Link

I am not sure why the County Building Department has a phone number. I made 3 calls to Marathon and Key West over two days with a simple question and requested a call back since nobody answered. Now day three and still no call back from either office. I doubt anybody even hears phone messages.



[Kids] I don’t think our kids fully appreciate the fact that we’ve never killed them. Not even once!

[Bearers 1911 Africa] The beginning of an Expedition is always a trying time. The Zanzibaris carry 65 lbs of ammunition, 9 lbs per rifle, four days’ rations of rice, and their own kit, which may be from 4 to 10 lbs weight of cloth and bedding mats. After they have become acclimated this weight appears light to them.
[Road Trash] I believe that 98% of all trash deposited on the side of the rode is by a man, whether intentional or not. Pick up your game boys, secure your loads — it’s the law.
[Police State] I  too have suffered the wrath of the corrupt Monroe County police and legal system. An incidental misdemeanor which I  didn’t even commit, ended me up in jail and cost me thousands of dollars — all to be eventually dropped.

Our militarized, jack-booted  policemen will not listen to reason once they decide they need an arrest for their shift. Once they book you, your reputation is ruined for life, regardless of the eventual outcome; and they could care less. You are in the “system” and that can pop up during  traffic checks , etc., even thought you were acquitted.  I am old and have maintained a totally clean criminal history throughout life but now I am screwed. If you think this is an exaggeration, it’s not.

[Cities] When we get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, we shall become as corrupt as Europe.  ~Thomas Jefferson
[Hate] Hate’s no good if you keep it to yourself.
The Southernmost Car Club’s “Show & Shine” is this Sunday, November 17th from Noon – 3pm.  All are welcome at this free event.  Come meet our new members. A large collection of custom, classic, and sports vehicles can be seen at the Sugarloaf Lodge at mm17. Pickup trucks and one-of-a-kinds may be there too with 1950’s music.  A tiki bar adds to the fun for all.

Yearly membership is only $25, and comes with a free club t-shirt, and many perks, including invitations to all club events. Link

[Friday Joke] A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra-large condoms.
He replies, “Yes, we do. Would you like to buy some?”
She responds, “No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?




The three antlers on this deer is very rare.

[Body Paint] So what if fat people get their fast rolls body painted during FantasyFest. They can be perverted too.
[“Too long receipts”] Yes, yes , yes. I bought 2 overpriced batteries the other day at CVS and they rolled out that 3 ft long receipt. I laughed and refused to take it. I was on the Harley and didn’t have room to haul it



[Pickleball] Do the tennis courts on BPK have markings for pickleball play?

[A Veteran Died Today] He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast, and he sat around the Legion telling stories of the past. Link
[Murky Waters] There is a good data analysis of close to shore Keys water quality monitoring with graphs to make it easy to understand.  The chart is provided on the Friends of the Lower Keys (FOLKS) webpages. You will notice that in spite of forcing everyone to switch to central sewer, the water quality is still generally deteriorating. You will also notice that Hurricane Irma had little effect as can be seen in the samples in September and October 2017. Development (especially big resorts) and the stupidity of government officials in scrimping on the central sewer implementation appear to be the culprits. An additional 1300 ROGO allotments will exacerbate the deterioration of water quality. Think about the real reason why the municipalities and county are so eager to grab those additional development rights. Please support FOLKS with a tax-deductible contribution to help with their legal costs in challenging the additional over-development of the Keys. Link



[Elvis Impersonator] The Taking Care Of Elvis Band. Video

[Gun Nuts] Why do survivalists have so many different weapons requiring so many different types of ammunition? I would think for survival they would want to stock up on only one or two types or ammo for space and convenience.
[“Pareidolia”]  I see a lot of feces when I stare at the moon!  Tons.

[Christmas] Many merchants are skipping Thanksgiving because there is no money to be made from that holiday and moving right into Christmas. I don’t mind if people start decorating early due to their spirit, but skipping Thanksgiving purely for reasons of greed is crappy

[Homeland Security Act pretty much destroyed the 4th Amendment] The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures.