2021 October

Friday, October 15, 2021

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Fighter Jets Past Their Expiration Date] The new F-35 fighter jets are closer to movie starfighters then past fighters, but so what? China and Russia have missiles that can defeat any countermeasures that our newest fighters have. The F-15EX doesn’t even have stealth! On top of that the F-15EX’s cost $87.7 million, the F-35’s cost $77.9 million and has stealth. The F-15EX’s operating cost of $27,000 an hour, the F-35 costs $36,000 an hour. Who can afford a fleet of those? Also, where will we get the young pilots to fly a fleet of those ridiculously complex planes? The military is looking for the next fighter, but the enemy’s missiles are too sophisticated for any aircraft to survive (ours are probably even better). And these fighters are far to costly to produce in the quantities they think we need. The generals are still fighting the cold war with outdated tactics. In the future all battles will be fought from over the horizon. Pilots won’t even see the enemy. Drones should be what we fight future battles with not expensive manned aircraft. Drone pilots have the exact same information about the enemy as do the fighter pilots. Both planes are (basically) driven by a joystick. If a drone gets shot down no one cries and we save ninety million.
[Friday Joke] I’ve never met a blonde that didn’t have an open mind. Just look through their ears.
Are redheads really aliens from Mars?
Have you noticed movies today are all castrated family affairs. Tarzan would be dating Cheetah.
Speaking the truth can get you shot only by liars.
The fool gambles, but the intellect deals the cards.
[Vodka] To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive.
To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking,  let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew without the dangers and fumes of chlorine.
To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
Using a cotton ball, apply vodka.  to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
And silly me! I used to drink the stuff! And a lot more…


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[Key Fobs As Alarms] Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won’t stick around. After a few seconds, all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime
For students throughout the Florida Keys, school just got a little better.  The United Way of Collier and the Keys announced that over $45,000 was raised to help Monroe County students this year.  These funds are the result of two efforts – the United Way’s Stuff the Bus campaign coordinated with Tools for Back to School from Publix. This year the amount of money raised by Stuff the Bus and Publix’s Tools for Back to School is legendary,” said Superintendent of Schools Theresa Axford.  “This is such a great thing the community does to support the needs of our kids. The school district can’t say enough about this program and we have a big heart full of thanks for Publix and United Way of Collier and the Keys for all of their support.”
Welcome back to our Show & Shine car show! The new season begins Sunday, October 17th from noon to 3PM at our great location MM17 at the Sugarloaf Lodge. As always, the Peoples Choice Award gives everyone a chance to vote for their favorite ride at the show. Any questions, call Dick at 305-942-1758
[Celebrity Chef] Bobby Flay is quitting the Food Network when his contract expires. They are offering him a paltry $80 million, but he wants $100 million. I wonder if he can collect unemployment? Or he may have to make do with the income from his 19 restaurants. He may have to cut down on jalapenos to make ends meet.


[Hooter] This labor shortage is crazy. Look, they’re down to just one boob!

Choose your leaders with wisdom and forethought.
To be led by a coward is to be controlled by all that the coward fears.
To be led by a fool is to be led by the opportunists who control the fool.
To be led by a thief is to offer up your most precious treasures to be stolen.
To be led by a liar is to ask to be told lies.
To be led by a tyrant is to sell yourself and those you love into slavery.
~Octavia E. Butler
[The Show Must Go On] Khodynka, Russia, where on the 30th of May 1896, the last Emperor of Russia, Nicholas II was crowned. On that day, half a million people gathered for the festivities. When word spread that gifts were being handed out, the crowd got out of control. The resulting stampede led to over thirteen hundred people being crushed to death. The gift that caused the stampede was one bread roll, one piece of sausage, one pretzel, and one gingerbread cookie per person. Despite the tragedy, the bodies were cleared, the festivities continued.
Regarding the “fantastic” video of numerous Cuban immigrants arriving on Smathers beach. I see nothing at all fantastic. I see a breakdown of security of our borders and ports! They probably would have made it if not for sunrise.
[“What was O.Z.’s real name?”] O.Z.’s real name was Steven (something).

[“Big pumpkin”] I’ve always liked pumpkins for their versatility. You throw a pumpkin up in the air and it comes down squash
[Good Cop] Michigan cop who pulled over elderly man for speeding ends up setting up his TV after the distressed 79-year-old explained his wife is sick and he was trying to find someone who could help with installation. Link
[Captain Doom and Gloom] Enough land has been cleared to build 14 Big Pine Shopping Centers. WHY? Because the real estate junta want more low rent housing for the riff raff to pay rent. Big Pine Key will be renamed New Detroit or South LA, soon.
[Friday Joke] The 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying. The other nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.  Then she remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior’s bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to  have one last talk with their spiritual leader. The nuns asked earnestly, “Mother, Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us.”

She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said, “Don’t sell that cow.”

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife, but she figured out I was only after my money.