2018 September

Friday, September 14, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​​

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[WiFi, UPS and HQ for Disasters] Monroe County emergency department, or whatever it is called, focuses on one thing — evacuation. They do the same old thing year after year. We need new leadership because new blood brings new ideas and after Irma it became clear they were shortchanged in the idea department.

They leave, but a lot of us stay. Why don’t they ask those of us who stay what we need instead of having people who’ve never been through a disaster do our planning for us? I’ve stayed for all the hurricanes in the Keys and I know what we need. The times have changed. What we need now is WiFi and UPS. It may sound like a joke to those of you who evacuate, but to the thousands who stay WiFi and UPS is all we need. We already have some water and a little food stored.

As soon as US1 is cleared they should allow UPS to deliver to selected spots along US1 where we could pick up our orders. As more roads are made safe, delivery could be expanded. They could deliver chainsaws, pressure washers, tools, batteries, inverters, food, generators, water and a ton of other stuff. Everything we need.

Wifi mobile stations placed strategically on US1 would allow us to go out to the highway and be able to contact those who are worried about us; and to place orders for UPS to deliver. A few weeks after Irma Verizon set up a mobile wifi trailer, but it was only good for Verizon customers. Every relief agency I went to told me to go online to file for assistance. These volunteers were so untrained they didn’t put two and two together and realize there was no way to get online.

There was absolutely no coordination with the relief agencies along US1. Most didn’t have simple signs telling us what they offered. You had to go to each one and figure out what they offered. Few wanted to waste time getting so much wrong information from untrained volunteers. The only signage these groups had was a fancy one with the name of the organization, but not what they offered. (The US Army Corps of Engineers’ trailer didn’t even have a sign, neither did FEMA. You just had to know.) They were too clueless to write their offerings on a piece of cardboard, paper or even debris and put it out front on US1.

If I wasn’t trying to secure my property I would have set up a table and a big blackboard and write the name, location and offerings of all the relief agencies down here creating, in effect, a central headquarters for assistance. No one knew what to do or where to get help. FEMA should have done this, but they didn’t have their act together either, and they kept moving their location. You might think it foolish to have a blackboard to organize the agencies because it’s so low tech, but there was no electricity or internet so low tech would work just fine. We just didn’t know where to go or what to do.

[Friday Joke] The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tarnpacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string.

[Germany’s First Genocide] Running from 1884 to 1918, Germany’s colonial history in Africa was relatively short, compared with that of other European countries, but still scarring. German colonizers killed tens of thousands during their reign over all or part of modem-day Ghana, Togo, Cameroon, ‘Rwanda, Burundi, Tanzania and Namibia.

[Sewers] “The Florida Administrative Code does not allow individuals to own and operate part of the collection system” Where in the code can I find this information? Thanks
[Omnidirectional Car Wheels] Get into the tightest parking spot easily. If you’ve ever dreamed of having a car that can move sideways then you might like to get a set of these omnidirectional car wheels. Video
We were moving furniture to a very rich woman’s house in Key West when she sat down and started to play the beautiful brand new Yamaha grand piano. She was real good and sounded just like Glenn Gould. We all stopped in awe until we realized the piano was a player piano and the rich lady was just running her fingers over the keys. That was really weird–her pretending to play in front of three construction workers. I still don’t know what to make of it or what she was thinking.
[NFL] I would like to thank Nike for donating millions of dollars in merchandise and clothing for the world’s less fortunate whose biggest worry isn’t getting all butthurt over an ad. I would also like to thank the NFL players who donated over $100 million in hurricane relief and fund raising to help the people, who’s lives were torn apart, get roofs over their heads and food on their tables. The NFL found out a that good deed never goes unpunished. I wonder how much the NRA donated?
[Combat Deaths] In WWII America and her allies lost 800,000 men fighting the Germans. Our other allies Russia lost a whopping 27 million!



Bitcoin explained -funny. Video

[Hurricane in North Carolina] They should evacuate to the Keys where it’s safe!
[“Chauvinistic view”] Grabbing a “woman’s” butt. Why a woman’s butt? Why not any butt? Looks like the editor took its way editing again!


Honey is the only food that will never go bad. You can store it for years and it will never spoil. Why? Because the bacteria that spoil foods are smart enough not to eat bee barf!

Marathon Moose Lodge Open House Saturday, September 15. Video
In the late 1930s, fascist burned books they opposed politically.  By 2018, fascist were mostly illiterate and burned their shoes instead.



[Sometimes You Just Can’t Win Department] My neighbor, a carpenter, lost all his tools to Irma so he just went to N.C. to buy a large trailer so the next hurricane he could load his new tools and drive it out of the hurricane area. He’s in the middle of the hurricane now.

The wife wanted to buy a new car, a small SUV. After looking at these disfigured dildos, there is no way I will spend $20, $30 Gs or more for such ugly bent up machines. The Jeep is the only one left with balls! SUV Link




It looks like some friends of the recently passed Captain Charlie had a little celebration for him at the Kohen kayak ramp. You can barely see the Sailor Jerry label curled up on one of the signs in the upper left.

[Hurricane Blame] Hurricane blame happened here too. Link
[Safe Driver?] I get email from companies that will off a percentage of my auto insurance if I take their safe driver course. I am thinking of suing them and my insurance company because who says I am a worse drive than the next person? I have been driving for 60+ years with not one accident or ticket and have been trained to drive race cars on a track, am a licensed truck driver and I also have a piolets license. Now tell me who should get a discount?





[Merry Xma$] 9-12-18 Costco, Greenville, SC

[Banks] Remember when we put our money in banks to keep it safe. Then the banks made rules to use that money for themselves and give us a tiny bit of the profit. Now the same people want to charge us to keep our money and use it for the same profit making and we get zilch! Don’t you just love the way capitalism rips us off anyway it can.



[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Link

[What Termites Can Teach Us] Roboticists are fascinated by their “swarm intelligence,” biologists by their ability to turn grass into energy. But can humans replicate their achievements? Link




I though my cat got out, but it was only this little masked sea grape thief.

[Six Little Stories] When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them. That’s trust! Link
If the zombie apocalypse were to occur, we should fortify the biggest boat we can find and anchor it offshore. If possible an aircraft carrier. We’d set up a governing committee based on naval practices with some democratic principals. We could call it Waterworld! We’d send out death squads to eradicate all zombies and gather food and fuel.



[Corrosion] I’ve always had trouble keeping the lights on the boat trailer working until I found CorrosionX spray. After washing the trailer I squirt a little on the wire connection to the tail lights. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve had a problem.

[Z Shaped Folder] I’ve often needed to put together a document folder for customers, but loose-leaf ring binders are too bulky for just a few sheets of paper or photos. It would be nice if I could buy a z-type folder that I could tear off just the right number of sheets and save the rest for the next time I need them.



[Cherry Blossom Time] What do they do with all the cherries they have in Japan and D.C.? Who picks them? I want to know.

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