2018 September

Tuesday, September 11, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​​

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[“September 14 deadline to install grinder pumps”] Still no ruling on Louise Delaney’s hearing that requested Judge Koenig to interpret the Monroe County Ordinance and State Statute language that both say that central sewer is available if the utility has provided a connection point at your property line that can be accessed by a gravity sewer pipe from your house. The County’s lawyer tried to convince the judge that their grinder pump low pressure pipe was almost a gravity pipe. He did not buy that bunch of malarkey but did not immediately rule.

Last week, FKAA sent out unsigned, undated certified letters to those grinder area citizens who have not “granted” an easement to FKAA. The letter threatens that those people will have to buy, install, and maintain their own grinder pump station if they do not give in. The Florida Administrative Code does not allow individuals to own and operate part of the collection system, so I believe the threat is even more illegal than just extortion. I would tell them to put the damned grinder pump on the road shoulder and power it themselves. When they have your gravity connection point to your property line, you will see about connecting. FKAA allowed very little time to respond, so perhaps they know that Judge Koenig is about to rule against their feeble arguments in the Delaney case.

Happy 9/11 Day! It’s been 17 years since the war in Afghanistan and we have no idea what we’re doing there. No exit strategy. No plan at all. Killing terrorists? Yes, we get a few here and there, but the majority of Afghans hate us because we are invaders. They’ve never been conquered and aren’t about to be conquered now. If someone invaded the Keys wouldn’t you do all you could to get them to leave? Ask them why they kill Americans and they will tell you because we invaded their land. Then you switch to American news and it’s never mentioned. Our news just says we are protecting America. Not! What has changed in the 17 years of occupation? Nothing. Drones and spies are the only way to kill terrorists over there. Hearts and minds? If the Keys were invaded would we give the invaders our hearts and minds? Never!
New Park could replace old restaurant in Islamorada. Link





Yay! I see that the Sombrero lighthouse is broadcasting again. Maybe it has been on for a while, but I quit looking when it had been offline for over a year. It is nice to have local offshore conditions available again. Here is the direct link.

[“State’s mandate to build hundreds of affordable housing”] I can’t see it any other light than to attract more workers to the Keys. I’m sure if you followed the money to find this project’s backers and supporters you’ll find it filled with those who profit from development. I’m sorry for the Keys and those who think this will help the workers. These workers will have to compete with those other newcomers who move here for the promise of low rent. That will mean as soon athey’re filled they’ll want to build more of them and on and on until cheap housing and traffic and congestion occupy every inch of the Keys that isn’t refuge land.
Do you know how to catch wild pigs?” There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the professor noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt.
The professor asked the young man what the matter was. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country’s government and install a new communist regime. In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked: “Do you know how to catch wild pigs?”
The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke.”You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come every day to eat the free food. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.”
The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare entitlements, medicine, drugs, etc., while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time as the government forces us to participate in many of these programs whether or not we want to.One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch, and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself. If you see that all of this wonderful government “help” is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to share this with your friends. God help us all when the gate slams shut!  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store Joe.
[Chauvinistic View] If person is sued for grabbing a woman’s butt by some meal-ticket-hunting-bimbo-bastard, doesn’t that make the lawyer a pimp and the defendant a prostitute? If not, why not?



Great interactive hurricane storm tracker. Link

[Mosquitoes] When you help turn around any organization, the way we did at The Florida Keys Mosquito Control District in the past 7 years, there are always going to be some employees who liked the old system better. Mosquito Control was no exception.  There were many great employees at Mosquito Control in 2011 when we started the turnaround. Most employees stayed, and many are still there today.  They accepted the increased demands placed on their merit-based performance and annual review.  Some employees who yearned for the “good old days” retired and did so with health insurance for life, paid by the Monroe County taxpayers.  This is an example of the old system and one of the many reasons why the old system had to be changed.

As an elected Commissioner, I want to be fair to the employees because they are very important to our success.  But I also have to be fair to the taxpaying citizens who pay the bills and expect a cost-effective mosquito control that really functions.  Among my many responsibilities as Commissioner and Board Chair, I must be sure that everyone who works at Mosquito Control actually earns their pay.  That is what the taxpayers expect of me and what I expect of each employee.

The changes that have been made at Mosquito Control in the past 7 years have been broad sweeping, very effective and a real team effort.  These positive changes were made possible by the hard work of many great employees, our very professional Executive Director and her staff, and the Board of Commissioners. The results speak for themselves and we have kept this community safe from mosquito-borne diseases.

[Pollution] almost half of all old tires are burned for fuel. Tire energy has more energy (BTUs) than coal, but tires burn dirt requiring energy to burn the particulates.
The Key Lime Pie Band, aka “PIE” band , aka KLPB opened the Irma Recovery Celebration at our beautiful water front Park here on Big Pine. Everything was free, all kinds of food, soda pop, bottled water, cookies & cake. The music was excellent, Key Lime Pie Band, The Coconut Cowboys, Rickey Valido, Miami Lites & James Norman. The music started at 11 am and went on all day. This was a very special celebration, the PIE Band was honored to be part of it. Thank each and every one of you for the kind words & complements. The treat was ours. We are Piner Strong, all of us. Blessings & good stuff to you all.   ~The Key Lime Pie Band
Hurray! The Dion’s on Summerland Key is finally open and they’re selling gas for 20 cents a gallon less than the bloodsucker who owns the Shell stations.  (Unfortunately, it’ still 20 cents a gallon more than the Dion’s on Big Coppitt.)


[Hurricane] Don’t bother me with hurricane information. I’m opting out of hurricanes this year. I will no longer participate.

[Grinder Pump] I moved from the Keys to Ponce Inlet, FL a couple years ago. When I built my house I was told I needed to install a grinder pump. I had to purchase it, install it, maintain it, and pay for the power to run it. I don’t understand all the hub-bub about the deal you get in the Keys?
[Don’t Need Hollywood or the NFL] I’ve been sick and needed a doctor. I’ve encountered trouble and needed a police officer. I’ve lived through times of war, when our nation needed our military. I have even needed an auto mechanic, a plumber, a house painter, and a lot of other every day people and services. but I have never, not even once, needed a pro athlete or Hollywood entertainer for anything!   ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key.
[‘Cracked’ Bridge] The designer had a great sense of humor. In China they’ve built a glass bridge over a very deep canyon and installed a digital screen in the middle of the floor which plays fake cracks. Imagine the reactions of the unsuspecting. And what a twisted sense of humor. Hope this guy had a dry set of skive drawers with him. Video
John Oliver appeals to Florida in the most Florida way possible. The host of HBO’s “Last Week Tonight” calls on the state to pass a voting rights amendment in November. Video
Our Florida Keys Living United Through Irma publication celebrates the work that our non-profit partners have accomplished since Irma, and expresses our gratitude to the many supporters who gave generously to help Monroe County recover. Together, we can continue to inspire hope and create a better, stronger Florida Keys community. That’s what it means to LIVE UNITED. Link
[Nike] Imagine living in a country where a shoe ad is more controversial than a school shooting.




This blue heron was scratching lice I guess, but it’s the first time I’ve noticed the long thin feathers on the back of its head and neck.

Wanted: deep sea fishing charters for divorce settlements. Must include lawyers and wives charters. Charter price is unlimited.
[Sunscreen Police] Hawaii’s Waikiki Beach has banned specific sunscreens. With Hawaii leading the charge, many destinations are moving to ban reef-damaging sunscreens. Here’s the why, where, and what of the matter—plus some handy tips for picking your own eco-friendly sunscreen. Link





[Hat Lady] The most notable cashier in all the Keys. The Winn Dixie hat lady. She’s a lot of fun and always smiling.

[#HimToo Movement] Les Moonves, chairman and chief executive of CBS Corp., will leave the company after six additional women accused him on the record of sexual harassment or assault. Link
[Pay For Grinder Pump] I moved from the Keys to Ponce Inlet, FL a couple years ago. When I built my house I was told I needed to install a grinder pump. I had to purchase it, install it, maintain it, and pay for the power to run it. I don’t understand all the hub-bub about the deal you get in the Keys?


[Head Gear] Before hats, people wore hoods. They eventually evolved to hats. Than they devolved back to hoods.

[Order Your Credit Freeze] A misunderstood freebie that you actually want. Beginning Sept. 21, a year after the Equifax data breach, consumers will be able to get free credit freezes that are meant to protect them. Link
[“Threatening letter”] After receiving a letter sent over the holidays from I think, Julie Choen, I decided to check my old files and came across a letter stating “March 2015 Monroe County Commissioners require that all parcels served by low pressure collection systems Provide an Easement by October 31, 2015.”

Who the hell do the Monroe County Commissioners think they are telling me that I must give up my property?  In my opinion the commissioners on the rich side of the 7 Mile Bridge, particularly those living in the corporate city of Marathon, hate Big Pine Key and the rest of the Lower Keys and have done everything in their political power to stick it to the Lower Keys. Enough is enough. Who made you a god, that you can decide that a man must give up part of his homestead. You were elected to be public servants not dictators, this is America not some banana republic— oh wait, I guess it might be.

Netflix is great, but the instant play feature sucks in the Keys because of terrible wiring from the phone and web companies. I like the fast service I get ordering the DVD’s. My family wants to drop all regular cable because of the commercials. 5 minutes of show and 15 minutes of commercials, sucks.
Sling TV Link
It turns out Nike could care less if it loses a few bucks from those above 35 years old because of the cop-hating Kaepernick’s plight they praise. Nike has only 10% sales in the U.S.A. and 90% in the rest of the world.
[?] How is it legal for any company to get federal funding (our tax money the Feds have) to create a product then charge us citizens to see or buy it? I call this a piracy or worse.
The illegal alien problem can be easily fixed by using the same stuff they used in Vietnam. Defoliate Mexico, Cuba, and any s**t hole I don’t like. Just do it!
If you have no talent or are ugly, just become a country music singer and make millions!
[?]Fred is fine. Turns out it was fake news.  There is picture confirmation that Fred is fine. Man, the instant pissed off response was amazing
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