2015 May

Sunday, May 2, 2015


Published on  Sundays

Submit anything of a positive nature, but no national politics or sewer stuff unless it’s breakthrough stuff to
(Ed: Although all advertisers’ contracts have expired I’m still going to display their ads for free until they get used to the new CT. Hopefully they will all want to keep advertising.)
[Study: Keys outdrink other Florida counties] A survey released this  month by the University  of Washington shows local residents are drinking at higher rates than our Miami neighbors, or any other Florida county for that matter. Madison  County, Idaho, had the lowest levels of binge drinking  in 2012, while Menominee, Wisconsin, had the highest rates of binge drinking.  For heavy drinking,  Hancock County, Tennessee, had the fewest heavy drinkers and Esmeralda County, Nevada, recorded the largest proportion of heavy drinkers.
1all-stbd-18k2003 Yamaha Four-Stroke 225 Hp Outboard Motor. Model F225TXRB. Extremely well maintained. Only 454 hours. Perfect working condition. Top performance. Good fuel economy, very quiet, powerful and clean. $8,000. REDUCED TO $6,950! Must sell to buy a bigger motor.
Extras: Yamaha gauges. Tachometer and multi-function gauge (new in 2012)
Helm control (new in 2012)
Control cables (new in 2012)
Key switch (new in 2012)
Wiring harness (new in 2012)
Clymer repair manual
The motor is on a 21.6′ bayboat and can be tested from the Little Torch Key boat ramp.  Link
Why can’t computers recognize slashes or any other keyboard symbol when naming a file? They recognize periods, underscores, and dashes. What do they have against slash marks, commas, etc?
Condition are perfect on the reef.
The next meeting of our Big Pine Computer Club is coming up this Saturday, May 7, 10 am at the senior center.  (The wi-fi has been repaired)
Keys Energy Services only has records before 1999.
hms_centurion_capturing_the_spanish_treasure[1741 Rounding Cape Horn in the HMS Centurian] After coming on board the Centurion Man of War Saumarez was appalled at what he found. Almost everyone was infected with the scurvy and badly demoralized. Forty men had been lost since they came through the Le Maire Straits and most of the crew were unable to perform their duties. On each watch no more than 70 seamen could be mustered, while the marines were all either sick or dead.
I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2,000 of something.
[Nut] The Nut is more than a lounge and liquor store on Big Pine Key: The sky goddess, Nut was usually shown stretching over the world, with her hands and feet touching the earth.
The two CVS stores in Key West don’t offer advertised discounts because they say most of their customers to those stores are tourists, so f**k them. Boo CVS!
Jet ski injuries
in 2013.
I have a small rental cabin in VT and was wondering about how I could advertise it in the Keys. Can you do something like that?  I just thought it was a good destination for Keys folks who want to come north for a visit in the summer. Here is a link to my ad on Link
Dry Tortugas National Park
in 2014 generated $4.1 million for the local economy and visitor spending supported 46 jobs, according to a new report by the National Park Service. In 2014, 64,865 visitors to Dry Tortugas spent $3.8 million in communities near the park. Factoring in the 46 jobs, the overall economic benefit reached $4.1 million.
Art is how we decorate space; music is how we decorate time.
bruce jenner
[Bruce Jenner] It should be Bruce Gender!
[Sex In Odd Places] My future wife and I were sitting at a table at the Rose Tattoo in Key West years ago and I called the entertainer Keith Bomfrey over for a laugh. We had a drink and he went to pee and came back saying he just f**cked “that redhead over there” while they were waiting in line for the restroom. To prove it, he caught her eye as she walked back to her party and she returned his smile in an obvious knowing way. That bugger got more good looking girls than anyone I know. It didn’t hurt that he played and sang at the Key West bars and was good looking too, and had a rollicking good time personality.
happy cat fast
What a nice thing a cat is if it has personality.
I’m annoyed when people refer to eating as “having a bite“. It seems so sissyish.
[Naval Tragedy
] The USS Sturtevant (DD-240), pictured here in the 1930s, strayed into the U.S. Navy’s minefield leaving the Keys in 1942 and was sunk with a loss of 17 men.
[Poor Signage] “Syrian Arabia Welcomes You” Sign on the Syrian border with Lebanon.
dragon-boat-race[Dragon Boat Race Origin] To-day being the fifth day of the fifth month (Chinese) of 1848, was the festival of dragon boat-racing. Several dragon boats filled with rowers, rather paddlers, were contesting this afternoon in the harbor. The water was thronged with boats filled with Chinese to see the sport. Many of these boats, and almost all the junks in the neighborhood, were decked with green branches, also with streamers flying. The origin of this festival is said to be as follows: In very ancient times one of the first officers, perhaps Prime Minister of government, gave offense to the emperor. The emperor banished him. He was so downcast on account of the emperor’s displeasure that he went and drowned himself. The emperor afterwards repented of his act, and on inquiry after the man learned that he had drowned himself. He sent out boats in every direction to search for his body, and also to make offerings to his spirit. His body was not found. But from that time to this his body is thus searched for every year and his spirit thus appeased.
~from Forty Years in South China (1894)
Ladies, if a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
glockinspiel2From the kids who rocked out Led Zeppelin on xylophone, now rock Ozzy’s “Crazy Train.” Video
[Conspiracy Man] I recently met up with an old buddy of mine who happens to be a retired Military and Federal Agent with an extensive background in several key Federal positions. We were sitting at the bar having some drinks and conversing about when we were kids and current events (since we went to school together). While having our drinks, we were watching the Baltimore riots on the pubs TV’s, and I mentioned, “You know, ever since 911 I’ve noticed a trend creeping up on us that I don’t think many Americans are aware of.” He asks “What’s that?” I responded, “Well, after 911, the Patriot Act was implemented, which has totally done away with the Constitutional rights of Americans. Due to this event DHS was created. TSA was implemented, and it’s all being run by private contractors, yet people think they’re federal employees and they’re not. These people they hire at TSA seem to have an education as far as a GED can get them, yet, they abuse their
authority. Passports are no longer issued by the government, they are now issued by private corporations. The prisons in the U.S. have been sold to private corporations also. The supreme Court bends over backwards to any corporate demand. It looks like our government as we knew it has been taken over by the corporate elitists. We no longer “elect” the president of the U.S., It seems the president is “selected” by the corporations who want things done their way, and then the president hires ex-corporate executives in key agency positions.”He then replies, “Is that all you’ve noticed?” I replied “No, I also have noticed a lot more gun violence all of a sudden portrayed by the media. I’m aware that todays media is owned by 6 major corporations when 20 years ago the media was owned by 50 different corporations. I’ve also noticed that when a real reporter investigates a true scandal or conspiracy, he himself is suddenly discredited with some kind of scandal or is permanently silenced in some kind of accident or suicide, and the same with some politicians. But what I’ve really noticed is that all of a sudden cops are made to look like bad guys and using excessive brutality and shootings”. He then asked me, “Why do you think that’s happening all of a sudden?”I said, “Well, it looks as though the new government needs to eradicate the 2nd amendment in order to achieve their goal. So the controlled media is doing what it takes for the people to begin an up rise causing violence and chaos on the streets, while demanding an end to police violence. Being that after 911 many false flag operations have been conducted with the cooperation of federal and local police agencies’ along with the cooperation of the media. It’s like this sudden violence is orchestrated to create the cry from the people to bring law & order back. Then that’s when the new government will impose a new federal/military type police force which will conduct themselves something like the Gestapo did. This is why DHS oversees every law enforcement agency, and has recently purchased (again) several billion rounds of hollow point bullets, military vehicles and gear. it looks like it’s all going to happen pretty soon too”! He then replied, “You hit the nail on the head, ’nuff said buddy.”
Gulfstream triptych
by artist Michael Haykin.
[Life Is A Breeze In The Florida Keys] The weather on this tiny spec of land I call home has been incredible. Somehow the view of the ocean just gets better and better. It’s a breezy day this morning and the wind is coming straight off the ocean. Sitting on the porch gives me the perfect perspective to observe all that is going on around me at this moment in time. The sound of seagulls flying above, the water lapping against the rocks below and the wonderful smell of the sea. Somehow the gentle wind in my face is cleansing to my soul. Like anyone else, it’s easy for me to get wrapped up in everyday stuff and forget the important things in my life. Mornings like this bring me back to the things that really matter. My wife just handed me my morning coffee accompanied by a smile and a kiss on the cheek. It suddenly occurs to me that this is truly what it’s all about. Taking time to just be in the moment, right here, right now. The world is never going to stop spinning but we can choose to get off for a little bit. That is what my coffee with my wife does for me. I get to hold her hand, stare at the ocean and sip my espresso, I believe this is perhaps as good as it gets, right here, right now.
skunk wink slow
Why do rednecks call skunks polecats?
Meet Dr. Forest “Marathon’s Medical Corner” presented by Fishermen’s Community Hospital. Video
[Jail Time] 7 out of every one hundred people in the US are in prison. If the 2,000,000, plus prisoners were a State it would be the 37th largest state in America. We imprison five times more people than any other developed country, yet we’re no safer.
[Tribes] The Ibo (nee Igbo) and Yorūbá are the two main tribes in Nigeria. Naturally they don’t get along. The Yorūbá is the tribe with scarification on their faces. Different scars identify which clan of the tribe they belong to. Wouldn’t a name tag or tattoo be an improvement?
[Cubits] A unit of measurement that matched the length of the Egyptian King’s arm from his elbow to the tip of his middle finger.
headlights blink slowly[Is it illegal to do the following?] If I am driving and I pass a cop car on the side of road running radar and I continue down the road and as I approach an oncoming car, is it illegal to flash my lights at him to alert him that he/she is approaching a cop car on the side of the road running radar?
We will be gearing up for Wetstock 11 which will take place Sunday Sept. 6, 2015,
brandon-maddox[Brandon Maddox] I am a nationally touring Country Music Artist with songs that have reached Top 15 on the charts. I have written over 1,000 songs, have one on a movie soundtrack, appeared in the TV show Nashville, just was sponsored by BackporcH Guitars, and was Monster Truck’s Artist of 2014.I ran across your site while looking for publications in Big Pine Key whereby I could promote my debut appearance at Springer’s Bar! Would you mind helping me spread the word? I’ve attached a flyer you can use if you so choose to help me get the word out about my show on May 4th coming up next Monday. I would really appreciate your help on this! Below, is some information about my music and some links as well to where you can hear some of my original songs. Link
[By The Numbers] 31%. Percentage of higher education students nationwide who take at least one of their classes online.  ~Babson College42%. Percentage of people in a survey of 31 emerging and developing nations who said they feel the Internet is a bad influence on morality. ~Pew Internet Research300. Number of hours of video that are uploaded to the video website YouTube every minute. ~YouTube$5.4 billion. Total forecast value of global revenues from connected fitness trackers in the year 2019.  ~Parks Associates205 billion. The number of email messages sent and received each day. Of this total, 93 billion are consumer-related messages and 11 billion are business-related messages.
CheapShots will not be in the Keys this weekend as Dr. Corbridge is ill. We will be back down the last weekend in May. See you then.
Can someone identify this type of ship? Is it a sloop, schooner or brigantine? Isn’t a brig a square rigged ship?
[CT on Sundays] Hi Formerly Fred, Such good news. You made my day! I do believe that’s the wisest idea. My heart really sunk on reading that there was no more Coconut Tele. Think this is quite the way to go on keeping all happy out there. As the saying goes, “Inquiring minds need to know” And I need to know twice as much!
[Quit Smoking] Join us for a free tobacco cessation seminar! This one-time, 2 hour program will provide you with educational materials, guidance from a certified Tobacco Treatment Specialist and a 2 week supply of NicoDerm CQ patches all for free! Link
Get wifi from a mile away? I doubt it. Link
3-Brothers-Pizza!This week was fun. My friends Joe & Bev Delia stopped by and we went to Seaside Heights for boardwalk pizza. Yeah, I know everybody takes pride in their local pizza, but I’ll put Jersey shore boardwalk pizza up against any of them. Bev left her jacket at Joe’s aunts house so I pulled my old staff jacket from Joe Cella’s Ships Bar out and it fit her perfectly, so I gave it to her and said “Gauranteed if you wear this on the boardwalk, somebody will recognize it.” Sure enough, we were walking along the boardwalk and from behind I hear, “That’s a really old jacket!” It was a couple of guys about our age who used to go there for the Go-Go Lunch. I forgot to tell Bev that detail
Welcome Back Kotter! We knew you couldn’t stay away for very long. Video
zombie walk2
[Zombie Infestation Simulator] Be prepared. This simulation shows how fast it takes for zombies to spread across America. double click on a place for the first zombie to start its infestation. This simulation is what physics doctoral students do in their spare time. Link
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
I was just refused a credit card from Chase because my birth certificate was handwritten and not computer generated. I tried to explain to the lady that they didn’t have computers 72 years ago.
[Phishing] This came with the subject line: Fed Ex Delivery.    Of course, there was an attachment titled ‘Fed Ex Delivery doc”.”We have an International Cashier Bank Draft/Cheque package worth the sum of $800,000.00 USD in your name at our office. Open attachment for more details. ” I don’t think so!
whiskey on the rocksHow about restaurant bashing?  Here’s my beef against Boondocks and I believe they should be held accountable for their policies.  I and others have noticed a decrease in the size of the portions.  I’ve found this to be true on their sandwiches and the bang-bang shrimp appetizer.  They also water down their drinks but charge premium prices.  I recently ordered and “Old Fashioned” which is bourbon, bitters, seltzer water and some sugar.  There was no alcohol at all that I could taste.  I told our server who didn’t believe me and they would not improve my drink.  I have been told that the standard pour of alcohol in most drinks in the establishments around here is 1-1/2 ounces.  Boondocks standard pour is ¾” ounce.   Half.  In a good mixed drink that little alcohol would not even be tasted.  When you order a glass of wine they never fill the glass to the widest part of the bowl which is standard how you serve wine but they short it about a half inch lower than the widest part.I believe they should not charge $6.50 for a watered down drink that everybody else sells with the proper amount of alcohol for $5.50.Am I being negative? We aren’t talking politics or sewers here.  Well, maybe a little politics.  The politics of booze.
Happy Birthday Engelbert Humperdinck! Video.
goodspirits2013Dear (still) Ed, Congratulations on your mostly retired position, and for moving the Coconut Telegraph forward in a positive direction.The spirit of the CocoTele should be informative (yes, I want to know about upcoming events), lighthearted and kind.  Personally I don’t want to read pages of bitching and bashing, so thank you for returning the CocoTele to an informative and enjoyable platform.Good luck! And remember Ed you are (mostly) retired, don’t get sucked back in or down with this, but enjoy our Florida Keys for what they are: a fabulous place to live and retire in peace
Ursula Le Guin’s enduring fantasy saga set on the magical archipelago rich with wizards and dragons. Made for BBC Radio 4 Extra. Hungry for power and knowledge, the young wizard Ged tampers with long-held secrets and releases a terrible shadow into the world. Meanwhile, Tenar is taken away from her home and family to become Arha, the guardian of the ominous Tombs of Atuan. Audio


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