2014 April Uncategorized

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsThe Original Unsocial Media
Anonymous Letters to the Editor with Pictures
Published Daily by Noon Since 2002
No Saturday Edition

april15 tax


The Taxman cometh!

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Don’t try to navigate the Contents Passage on a falling full moon low tide–duh. I made it in barely, and immediately turned around and tried to get out, but the water was real skinny and fast flowing.  I raised my motor and was able to, sort of, surf over the grass bogs — bump, bump, bump — and get my butt out of there before I had to spend the night waiting for the next full tide. I would have waited, but I didn’t have enough beer. The adrenaline rush was worth the risk.

[“Vandenberg tax benefit”]If the Vandenberg generated that much money in the community, then the lump sum taken from our sewer fund should be returned the way it was taken –in a lump sum. If the money from the Hickory House and the Vandenberg were return to it’s rightful fund, then the additional finances needed to install all gravity lines would be reduce dramatically. Term limits start at the voting booth. Voted informed.

[Sewers] Based on my experience down here for some time, there is zero chance of the County Commission, Florida Keys Aqueduct Authority, Florida Department of Environmental Protection, US Fish & Wildlife, and its head park ranger stationed on Big Pine, to change course re or challenge installation of grinder pumps.

I told them yesterday that all of the above government agencies are in cahoots, if not actively, than passively. Further talk is futile, and gives the horse more chance to get even farther out of the barn. On Big Pine, the horse is only just sticking its nose out of the barn; down the way, a different story.



Did this guy slap a motor on his bathtub and call it a boat? How would you like to be in that in rough seas?

Summerland Key man dies in weekend auto crash. Link
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chicken-francaise15Hi there and Happy Tuesday from Springers Bar and Grill. Today’s Italian special is chicken francaise. The perfect light meal for this warm and sunny spring day. So come join us on the patio.

Wednesday Special : Seafood Étouffée
Thursday Special : Pesto chicken on ciabatta
Friday Special: Stuffed shrimp

Tonight we have a special treat for you. Award winning guitarist Doug Yeomans will be playing on our patio with the Doerfels. In 2004 Doug Yeomans was inducted into the Buffalo music Hall of Fame. The Buffalo Music Awards have named him the best bluegrass, country and all around guitarist. He has played lead guitar for the broadway shows Ring of Fire and Ain’t Nothin But the Blues. This is a musical event your not going to want to miss. So join us tonight for a toe tappin, boot stompin good time.

There’s Always Something Special at Springers.

Ebola spreads to a city of 2 million! Video



Human Nature, summed up in one picture.

[Muslims] It’s been one year since 3 people were killed and 183 were injured after two explosions near the finish line of the Boston Marathon.
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dildo15[Fish Has A Dildo] Norwegian fisherman Bjorn Frilund posing with a cod he caught in Rauma, Norway, and the an orange-colored plastic dildo he found inside the fish. This is one that didn’t get away. An amateur Norwegian fisherman who caught a large cod, gutted the fish and found a large orange vibrator. “I was astonished. It was totally unexpected, I had never seen anything like this before.”

Frilund thinks the fish mistook the sex toy for food, in particular a tasty mollusk. “Fish eat all kinds of different things. And the dildo looks like what the fish eat. We have a kind of mull-coloured octopus in Norway, maybe the cod thought this was one of these and ate it.”Frilund, 64, thought the sex aid may have been thrown into the sea by a “frustrated woman on a cruise”.

[Gun Nuts] Isn’t it just beautiful, a responsible gun owner is doing things with a  firearm that are entirely with in the laws of the land and someone who disagrees with him is having a cow  proclaiming  that the Constitution should protect us from such individuals.

brain walks out

[Sloan’s Memory] You may not remember it Sloan, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. You left the CT and vowed never to return because you threw a fit when Deer Ed wouldn’t disclose the email addresses and true identities of your critics. This was around the time that you were assisting that other mentally challenged individual in her election bid for Sheriff. Good times, good times. Do you recall when you saw a cloud and insisted it was actually a UFO? You were always good for a laugh then and continue to amuse today.

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[“Auto Train”] It cost me about $500 one way but that includes car transport, passenger transport (1), private sleeping room (sleeps two), and a very good supper and breakfast in a beautiful dining car. I took a sleeping pill and slept soundly all night.

It saved about 900 miles of driving plus a hotel for one night so it’s not really that expensive. Full bar on board too!

[Workers Fail Compilation] Oops, oops, oops! Video


[The Movies] The running with scissors post was a laugh. Holywood just picks up a bunch of rubber stamps and creates another script to make money with. Most of the summer blockbusters are rehashes of older movie or prequels. Writing talent is all but done. “Ironman XIVII”?

[“Auto Train“] Does the auto train go any further north? or out west?


April 15, 1912 the RMS Titanic sinks at 2:27 AM off Newfoundland as the band played on!

[How to Park a Ship Redux] There’s a beach on the coast of Russia where they beach ships to dismantle them, it’s been in operation for many years and ships come from all over to be salvaged. Very dangerous working conditions at the facility. Video

[“Sea Level rising”] I will repeat it one more time: sea level is not rising. In the 30 years that I have lived on this rock and made my living from the water, the level has not risen one inch. I repeat the water has not risen at all. It is all a LIE. Stop being a sheep, and do your own research. The ice caps are not melting, the sea levels are not rising, and for the love of all that is holy the air temperatures have been cooling since the late 1990’s.

I just wish that I could show you do the observations that I have made and the high water marks from non wind driven tides. Storms do not count.

IE logo

[Browser Talk] I don’t use Internet Explorer so how can CCleaner remove 5,830 Temporary Internet Files from it?

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Google buys drones of its own. Solar powered drones! Search giant purchases Titan Aerospace in move that confirms tech world’s vision of internet’s future. Link

Hey Ed, you fixed the missing characters at the end of the line! Either you really know your shit or you’re lucky, but either way congrats.



It used to be that if you could reach the bar, you’d get served, but no more, at least not for this little feller.

[BP Musicians] Yeah, plenty of players alright. And they only know ‘Mustang Sally’ and ‘Moondance’
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[Illegals] The present administration is calculating the number of returned illegals that are pouring over our borders. They round up a  group just crossing the border and send them back immediately. It  might be thousands every week. They count this as returned illegals. Technically true, but not what any thinking American had in mind when they talk about returning illegals. We are talking about illegals that have secured employment and residence in the U.S.
[Wisdom] In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.  ~Lao Tzu



[Fishing the Keys]The sailfish are thinning out but the dolphin are filling the void. Link

I checked out the Amtrak website a few days ago about the auto train, and picked some random date in April. It was $500 for 2 adults plus $232 for the car. There are some cheaper seats available but not on the dates I tried. It is an Amtrak train, so check out Link
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cannibal no shirt

Two brothers re-arrested in Pakistan for cannibalism. Again? Link

Didn’t Amtrak used to go from Miami? I thought I took a train from there to the Titusville area one time. Met a pretty girl too.
[CT Not Displaying Right] Hi Ed, This stuff sucks doesn’t it! Sometime you think the technology isn’t ready for prime time.  Anyway, yes it clears up nicely when I turn my phone sideways, but I have an Android too.

tequila floor


[“Every local tells you how long he’s lived here in his first breath”] It is because we cannot believe we haven’t died of liver disease!

Watch what you say about “Large Marge” She is a personal friend of mine and many others.
National politics is back. Click on this link to send your national political post anonymously. No one will know your name or email address, [Well, maybe the NSA will] not even me. FTR is going to be the new national politics editor. Do not fear, FTR promised to post everything, even if he hates it, he’s that kind of guy. 
Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil. I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here
from the right


A POSTER OPINED: “Leftists think when government gives money to people, it’s a form of charity. It’s not. Charity ennobles the willing giver and creates responsibility in the receiver. When government confiscates one man’s wealth to give it to another, that’s a subsidy. Subsidy increases the thing subsidized. Always. Every time. Everywhere. Subsidize poverty, you get more poverty. Subsidize illegitimacy, you get more illegitimacy. Subsidize black, gay, women, or minority victimhood, guess what? More victimhood.”  Blacks are poorer in leftist cities because of leftism. End of story.”

FTR’S RESPONSE: Amen. And thanks for taking the time.


A POSTER OPINED: “USMC Gunny E (ret.) just got owned by FTR. His post is textbook left-speak…not one single fact, a bunch of name calling, and then a demand to just admit you’re wrong. Only then will he give you the time of day.  More proof that working together, civil debate, and respect for others opinions and compromise are more than the left-wingers are capable of.

FTR’S RESPONSE: None necessary. Thanks for taking the time.


              ———————FTR’s BOTTOM OF THE PAGE————————-

I had a conversation with Dan Coll the other day.  He tells me he is a candidate for the County Commission.  Dan is an interesting guy with an interesting back story.  His parents fled Cuba in ’60; they recognized that Castro and his philosophy of governance were fundamentally corrupt.  Like socialism everywhere, it deprived Cuban citizens of basic human rights, and was certain to devastate their country.  They fled with their very young children to Miami.  Dan was raised in Miami and his family taught him the values of our American freedom and our system of governance.  There is not a Cuban who fled Cuba in the 60’s who does not have horror stories of the Castro regime.

Dan is proud of his American citizenship and feels an obligation to contribute to our American way of life.

Dan is a Keys resident since 1994. He has been a successful local businessman. More importantly, he has “given back’ to our community by serving the public.

He told me that he is very proud to be a mentor with the Monroe Schools “Take Stock In Children Program.”

Dan is the incoming President of the Lower Keys Rotary.

He is a volunteer instructor with The American Heart Association, teaching advanced cardio life support, and management of multi casualty incidents to practitioners.  And he is a volunteer instructor at FKCC in management of hazmat incidents.

Dan became a volunteer firefighter with the Big Pine Key Fire Department.  Deer Friends, cops and firefighters run into harm’s way to protect us, while we run away.  Dan became an EMT, and later a licensed Paramedic.  That experience led him to start a business to satisfy an urgent need for ground transportation for Keys residents needing medical attention in the mainland hospitals.  He started an ambulance company here on Big Pine.  The enterprise was successful and he ultimately sold the business.

Dan told me that he has been in several businesses, all successful, over 30 years.  He emphasizes that experience has taught him how fiscal responsibility is vitally important, not only to business, but especially to government.  He promises to bring sound fiscal judgment to the Commission, and to make positive contributions to the future of our county.

Dan is convinced that Government must practice the same frugality necessary for any business to survive.  He assures us that if elected he will do all in his power to avoid any scandals, either fiscal or ethical, on the part of Monroe County government.  He believes that goal can only be realized by putting proper financial controls in place.  Dan believes it is equally important to manage our county employees so that they understand and abide by the rules of their employment.  County employees must also be made aware that they too have an obligation to be good stewards of taxpayer money.

Dan is adamant that he is not beholden to any special interest, nor will he become beholden to any special interest.  His obligation will be to the taxpayers of Monroe County, and he assures us he will always vote for the good of all the citizens, rather than for any special interest.

Dan has made himself available to all who wish to talk to him by providing his cell phone number. 305 872 1111, he says he’s available 24/7.  

Any other local candidates, Democrat, Republican, or Independent, who wish to communicate with the CT community, can send copy to FTR, and I’ll do my best to post it. It may be necessary to edit it for length, etc.. Please be advised that FTR will NOT publish any letters supporting or slamming local or county candidates. State and national candidates are fair game.

National Politics. Your name and email address are not required. Please be civil.  I Have Something To Say About National Politics–Click Here