2016 April

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures



Fat Albert floats again!

I wish you could have seen the wild drama I just saw! A big hawk swooped down and grabbed a dove mid-flight. The dove escaped but left so many feathers of all sizes behind that it looked like swirling snowstorm. The hawk was hoping I didn’t see his failure. Besides being bald, I wonder how the escapee fared?
monkey blind tin cup



[Joke] Helen Keller walks into a bar … then a table, then a chair.

Is that our DJ Steve Miller who’s in the Rock and Roll hall of fame? Link
coconuts-charlie-1[Coconuts’ Farewell to Charlie Harkins]  Coconuts had a very nice Celebration of Life for our friend, Charlie Harkins. His brother Glen made it down and I’m sure he was very happy to see Charlie had so very many friends. Well Charlie, you will be missed. Charlie’s blue jean jacket is on display with Meri-Lynn & Linda. It’s well broken in, something that takes years to do. There is no real short cut. I’m not sure who or where it will go from here, I am sure that whoever gets it will feel the love. Farewell has a sweet sound of reluctance. Good-by is short and final, a word with teeth, sharp to bite through the string that ties past to the future. So my friend, we will bid you farewell for now. RIP Charlie.
[“Found finger in yard”] I was riding a motorcycle enduro race several years ago with some friends and we happened across what seemed an old plane crash. We stiffed around and found half a guy’s face. What’s up with that? I would think they’d clean up those sites better than that. It was in December.


[Conspiracy] Trotsky was exiled from Russia in 1929. The first KFC opened in 1930. Coincidence? I think not.

[“Lionfish bounty offered”]  Who the hell wants a commemorative coin, membership, T shirt and name listed on a webpage? Give people money and a chance to live in a decent apartment or house. Shove that other junk.
people hold hands around earth

Bahia Honda State Park will celebrate Earth Day on Saturday, April 23 with free entry from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Live music, arts and crafts, touch tanks, a sandcastle contest, silent auction and kids’ games will be offered. For information. Link

[Comcast] One thing you can count on is that your Comcast bill will never be the same two months in a row. Those thieves slip in a few cents or even dollars somehow and never get caught. I’m sick of calling them every month about my bill. I give up, they win.
[“FKAA and the brilliant things that it does”] I must be missing something about the FKAA? C student civil engineers are not usually called brilliant. But FKAA’s accountants and lawyers are indeed brilliant. They have increased the average water bill by 300% and are laughing all the way to the bank. And they have convinced us that they are doing it for the good of the Keys.
gambling wheel of fortune win

[Lottery] By 1748 the lottery had taken a strong hold upon the innate love of chance. The two first lotteries had been applied to public improvements. The third was formed for the relief of an insolvent debtor. Henceforth we meet it as a common relief in business misfortunes and a natural assistant in new enterprises.

Let’s have lotteries instead of income tax. Those old dudes had it right.

[“Living wage”] Whoever the poster was that explained social “justice and working at McDonald’s” I salute you. I don’t think I remember a post that was more clear and to the point, well written and easy for (even uneducated people to understand). Thanks and let’s hear from you again!
[Privacy] Calling it an issue of victims’ rights, the Manhattan district attorney urged Congress to pass legislation that would require tech companies to give law enforcement a way to access information on encrypted phones and other devices thus ending privacy.
coconuts 700x175
[“ASR (aquifer storage and recovery) wells in Florida”] This is the secret new plan to suck every freshwater wetland, stream, lake and spring in Florida dry and ensure that the highly contaminated AG water that is injected as “storage water” – that of course won’t be stored – will shoot out as submarine groundwater discharge in all of the coastal waters, including the Keys.
help wanted door


Coconuts in downtown Big Pine Key has openings for part time bartenders, mornings and afternoons. We will train. If a few days a week fits your life style the ‘NUT is a very nice place to work. Stop by and fill out an application. Coconut is a drug free work place.  ~The “NUT”

[“Less coal means less pollution”] Just because a couple of coal companies are bankrupt in the USA doesn’t mean less pollution; it means the coal will be shipped and burned overseas in areas like China and India.  The USA’s air, however, will be cleaner. And if you want to research coal a little check out “green” Germany. They are quietly building all kinds of lignite plants to replace their nukes. Lignite plants do pollute and stink.  Link
dog poop rearTo everyone who takes advantage of the wonderful Big Pine Bark Park, might we all remember to pick up after our dogs?  This park is truly a treasure, and it is up to every one of us who uses it to keep it maintained for everyone’s enjoyment.  Leaving a dog inside the fence unattended means that he’s likely to relieve himself without the owner seeing it.  That means, if the dog has any diseases, worms, etc., it becomes a health hazard for its fellow canines.  Please, if you’re going to use a public park, follow the rules and respect your fellow park-goers.
[“Mangy deer”] Thank you for your concern about the local deer population. I have also noticed what seems to be an increased number of fawns with this condition. I have forwarded these concerns onto our regional animal disease specialist for recommendations on how to proceed.  ~Adam Emerick, Wildlife Biologist, USFWS

Thanks for your email, and for sharing your concern about the mange issues in key deer fawns. Mange does show up annually in fawns, and can be due to a number of factors, including stress, low quality forage, high deer densities, and other factors.  In general, since mange is a common issue among deer populations, we tend to not treat individuals, as the stress of capture may outweigh the benefit of treating a few individuals.  I have been in contact with Dr. Mader/Marathon Vet Hospital about potential options for treatment that may require a less invasive approach. We are also working with our Endangered Species Office in Vero Beach to better understand our options from the ESA side of things.  We hope to have a resolution to specifically address the fawns with mange on Long Beach Rd. within the next month.  ~Kate G. Watts, Lead Biologist Florida Keys NWR Complex

[“Faith and why all good stuff happened several thousand years ago”] Well, my friend, Miracles happen every day. Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I’m with Mr. Einstein on this one!

[“Lionfish bounty offered”] That’s the best they could come up with? Killing 50 fish is a lot of fish only to get a t-shirt and your name on a website. Big deal.

[Party Drugs] A casino that serves marijuana could be coming to Las Vegas. This is a logical idea. Put all the ‘sin’ in one place. I think drug stores, all over, should sell drugs, liquor, lottery tickets, and anything on the dark side. Put it all in one place. Video
hurricane over florida[Near-Average Atlantic Hurricane Season Predicted in 2016] The 2016 Atlantic hurricane season started off with a surprising bang in early January, when Hurricane Alex formed in the far Eastern Atlantic. However, a near-average Atlantic hurricane season is likely in 2016, said the hurricane forecasting team from Colorado State University (CSU) in their latest seasonal forecast issued April 14. Led by Dr. Phil Klotzbach, with special contributions from Dr. Bill Gray, the CSU team is calling for an Atlantic hurricane season with 13 named storms, 6 hurricanes, 2 intense hurricanes, and an Accumulated Cyclone Energy(ACE) of 93 (these numbers all take Alex into account.) The long-term averages for the period 1971 – 2010 were 12 named storms, 6.5 hurricanes, 2 intense hurricanes, and an ACE of 92. The CSU outlook also calls for a 50% chance of a major hurricane hitting the U.S. in 2016, with a 30% chance for the East Coast and Florida Peninsula and a 29% chance for the Gulf Coast. Link
[Shrimp Chowder Recipe] This is scary good! Of course, substitute the fabulous Key West pinks for the canned shrimp.
1 14.5 oz. can cream-style corn
1 10.75 oz. can cream of potato soup
1 1/2 cups half & half
1/4 cup bacon bits
2 green onions, chopped
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 8 oz cream cheese, cold, cubed
1 4 oz. can small shrimp, drained
Stir together cream-style corn, cream of potato soup, half and half, bacon bits,  green onion and cayenne pepper in a saucepan. Bring to a simmer, over medium-high heat, then stir in cream cheese, until melted.  Add the shrimp, cook a minute or two. Serve with a fresh loaf of bread and enjoy in approximately 20 minutes.
taxi long[Taxis] In the Marathon area (maybe other areas too) these cab drivers drive like they have just watched 8 hours of Nascar races! One would think that they are rushing to perform CPR on someone. They either need to slow down and drive properly or install blinking lights and loud sirens on those contraptions they call taxis.
New device to detect suicide bombs worldwide. Video
[Honey Do] My wife just asked me if I was busy. Nothing good can come from this.


[“Name that bird call”] Whip-poor-will, aka, quail.

[Radioactive Water] Florida Power and Light will address Monroe County residents’ concerns about Turkey Point nuclear power plant’s potential impacts to the Florida Keys’ water supply when the county commission meets on Wednesday. Does the Commission actually think the giant power utility will tell the truth? Investigations are the only way to get big companies to reveal what they hide. These public meetings are just for show.


This beaut was at the Southern Most Car Club’s show last week on Sugarloaf Key.

[Marathon Journal] Why is America so angry? I believe it has to do with our political leaders’ ongoing lies and unwillingness to answer direct questions. This has gone on too long and as a result, problems never seem to get resolved. Political correctness and avoidance of uncomfortable questions has become nothing more than an excuse and a method for not addressing issues. Avoidance response by ignoring the question is a typical political tool that we see too much of nowadays. This avoidance technique is all too common today. Examples can be seen everyday world wide, nationally, across our State and our County, and even in our small City of Marathon which continues to suffer from this disease.

Marathon is my home and will always be my home. I want to be proud of Marathon again! Our current situation in Marathon has improved greatly since Mark Senmartin, Dan Zieg and Bill Kelly were elected to our City Council. The voters of Marathon were very clear in electing these three councilmen, they wanted change and that is the road we are now on. We must be careful not to detour back into certain old bad habits. The potential detours are many and a wrong turn down an old rutted and/or potholed road should not be taken.

Marathon’s number one issue is workforce housing. I do not believe that anyone will disagree with me on this. Anything diverting our focus from this most important need should be removed from this most important path. All ideas and all proposals need to be placed on the table and discussed openly and publically without reservation and without personal bias.

Recently, newly elected Michelle Lincoln Coldiron proposed a time out over one such idea based on her misguided misunderstanding of what it was even about. Michelle was joined by Lott Pansky, her personal appointee to Marathon’s Planning Commission calling for a Tactical Pause. Even more interestingly they were also joined by Michael Cinque, a character from Marathon’s recent past (you can add your own descriptive adjective of what he really is) in a Keynoter opinion letter. This is a most interesting group of people who claim no personal self-beneficial interest in their relationships, their words, their letters, their actions or in their political positions. These three little politicians are all liars, in my opinion!

Let me be clear. Everyone has personal self-interest when it comes to most things. That is most probably a law of human nature. When it comes to laws, regulations, rules and restrictions as it relates to competition and business, even I am not immune. The perfect example was Marathon’s 1500-foot rule which ran for 10 years benefiting Ralph Lucignano. My self-interest was losing income due to a restrictive and targeted law used against me for those 10 years. I was not happy, but by overturning the 1500-foot rule free competition returned to Marathon once again.

When our Political leadership enact unfair laws or even restrict discussion about important issues, they are doing a grave injustice against the People they were elected to represent.

Michelle Lincoln Coldiron may indeed be a mistake in the making. She voted to pay Michael Cinque’s personal criminal legal fees with Marathon City money. She voted to retain Peter Rosasco on the City of Marathon payroll, someone who is a conflicted developer, an admitted wife abuser, and not a very good accountant. She appointed Lott Pansky, her husband’s business partner to the Marathon Planning Commission and tried to get him on our Work Force Housing Task Force. Michelle’s attempts to defend her actions have been lame and most insincere. She needs to accept the fact that the conflicts are clear, and stop asking for forgiveness for her continued ongoing mistakes. Whether Michelle Lincoln Coldiron is stupid or calculated makes no real difference, the result is the same. Michelle had the opportunity to remove Lott Pansky and did not. She is creating unnecessary detours down roads we have followed before that lead in the wrong direction.

Lott Pansky should simply resign from the Marathon Planning Commission, pure and simple. His motives are clear; his methods are bizarre.

Michael Cinque is the most interesting character to now pop his head up. The father of Marathon’s pig ordinance comes out publically in the Keynoter to support his friend Michelle Lincoln Coldiron after she voted to help Mike pay his attorney fees. Of course, Cinque has no clue what he is even trying to say in his letter to the editor but what else is new?  Michelle and Michael make a most interesting pair, wouldn’t be surprised to hear about them having dinner together at the Plaza Grill soon.

Michelle Lincoln Coldiron has succeeded in one very clear way. She has exceeded all our worse fears and concerns over her husband, Greg Coldiron, by publically aligning herself with Mike Cinque, Peter Rosasco, and Lott Pansky. She has succeeded in showing us who and what she really is in a way that no one could have imagined or believed, until now!  ~Bruce Schmitt

accurate-home insp 700x175
In 1943, Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann discovered the hallucinogenic effects of LSD.


[“Hemingway was mediocre”] Next to Shakespeare, Hemingway was the greatest writer of all times. He would ponder his work, searching for the perfect sentence. The poster should read more literature and skip the Marvel Comics. Just joking. I know what the poster meant. You have to give yourself over to Hemingway and immerse yourself in his storytelling to really enjoy his books.

[“Lionfish bounty offered”] I fail to see the draw of a shirt, coin, and name added to a list as incentive to catch lionfish. Why not waive the cost of the fishing license for the next year or a few gallons of fuel for the boat?  That would be appreciated more by this particular fisherman.



[Sistine Mechanics] Think about it, you’ll get it.

That posting in the Friday CT edition claiming that the Marathon ASR well works great (although never actually used) was probably written by CH2M Hill. They stand to make big money every time one of these wells is attempted. My information came from the long-time employees of FKAA who witnessed it drilled, tested and fail. Some of the BS in the posting is fairly obvious. For example:

(1) ‘It costs FKAA 25 cents to treat and pump 1,000 gallons of water to KW.’
So why is it again that Keys water is the state’s highest and at $5.84 per thousand may be the country’s highest rate? (Executive salaries?) That $5.84/thousand is on top of the $13.90 base charge even if nobody is home and no water is used. The base charge is to pay the workers and the other minimum operating costs that happen whether water is used or not. The existence of the base charge is one more reason that I am certain that charging for sewer service when people are not yet even connected is not just illegal but possibly criminal.

(2) ‘A drunken engineer was on FKAA property at night experimenting with the ASR well.’
Not only is that a termination offense, it is also a Federal offense. Perhaps this engineer thought that the artesian pressure would drop at night and was trying to prove it? (That actually would not surprise me.)

(3) ‘There are two impervious layers of clay about 400 feet under Marathon that form a sandwich filled with quartz beads, possibly an ancient beach, that now serves as a natural fresh water storage tank.’
That must have been a very beautiful quartz bead beach! Imagine it! Quartz beads gleaming in the sun. Most people know that clay is not impervious, just slow, and not so slow when it is saturated. I have seen productive water wells entirely in clay. Maybe these are vitrified clay? Think about this: If the layers are impervious, then where was the salt water displaced to when fresh water was pumped in? (Or did Marathon gain elevation? A sea level rise solution!) How did they know that there were two confining layers of clay right there that formed a possible enclosed retention area? Do the two layers seal at the edges? (otherwise, the fresh water just slides along under the top layer and out the sides where the confining layer ends, right?). Perhaps the biggest problem with ASR in Florida is that the entire state is criss-crossed with fracture lines that provide conduits through which underground water can travel to equalie pressure. See the attached map of documented S. Florida fractures. As for a “confining layer”, that is what was supposedly existing at the Cudjoe wastewater plant that would keep the wastewater effluent at 80′ down, yet it bubbled to the surface near the wells and the tracers were found in much shallower monitoring wells nearby.

(4) ‘90 million gallons were pumped in and are available for use, tasting even better than the “award winning FKAA tap water”.’
The eyewitness accounts that I heard from involved FKAA employees were that many millions were pumped in but very little was recoverable. One of the big concerns with ASR wells is the tendency for the pre-treated water to absorb arsenic. Maybe that’s why it tasted better? If there is 90 million gallons of drinkable treated fresh water stored underground, then why does the Marathon 1 MGD RO plant draw fecal coliform-contaminated seawater from a shallow well near the Marathon Yacht Club’s deep live-aboard boat basin- that is still not connected to Marathon central sewers? Why is FKAA proposing to build a bigger new RO desalination plant there for emergency use? FKAA should be able to just open that valve to allow the 90 million gallons of pre-treated water to squirt out of the ground, filter it, chlorinate it, and pipe it to the distribution pump station, right?

(5) ‘CH2M Hill won an engineering award for this Marathon ASR success story that has never been used.’
Not surprising considering that Mathews Consulting won a design award for the fatally flawed Cudjoe Regional Wastewater System that does not meet the most basic minimum standards of wastewater design! Could it be that engineering excellence awards are bestowed to bolster the credence of the colossal failures against criticism? It’s important to keep public confidence up so officials can get away with saying “I trust our engineers”, and so that still more public money can be diverted to idiotic experiments.

You can believe anything you want, even the boasts of salesmen or the denials of bunglers.

[Crook] Stock Island fisherman, Raul Rioseco, who pleaded guilty last month to filing a fraudulent BP claim after the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico was sentenced to a year in federal prison and to pay more than $100,000 in restitution.
[“Backup”] I don’t understand why you unplug your external HDD. How can it backup if it’s unplugged? If you want, buy another and keep it plugged in so you’ll never lose a file again. They’re cheap.

external-hard-driveI had the same problem with Norton. Boo.  I tried all the others, only to be told something isn’t compatible, etc, when I really need it. Now I only use Windows Backup. So many of you let your fear get in the way of saving files. Why do people make backing up so complicated? Plug in the external HDD, tell it what, and when, to back up, and forget about it until you need it. It’ll always be there and you’ll never lose another thing again. Someone complained recently about external HDDs, saying if the electricity goes out it would be useless. Sorry, sonny, but if there’s no power ever again, there’s no need for computers because we’ll be in more trouble than just losing a few files! Anyway, after the apocalypse is over and power is restored your files will still be on your external HDD.

Lower Keys Medical Center, which has come under fire from members of the community in recent months for its handling of patient grievances, among other concerns, paid fines imposed by state health officials earlier this year for violating its own patient grievance policy and failing to properly investigate incidents.
quartet chamber orchestra[Free Concert] “Concerts with a Conscience” The Keys Chamber Orchestra along with several soloists and small ensembles will be performing 2:00 p.m. April 24th at the Dallas MacDonald Senior Center, 380 Key Deer Blvd (behind the fire station) on Big Pine Key.  The theme is water and animals and all donations will be forwarded to the Special Olympics.  Bring the kids, parking is limited so if you can’t find a good spot, just park at the church or shopping center and walk on over.
[“Faith”] If god really has a plan for you then what is the point in praying?
I’m looking forward to Conch Republic celebrations, too bad Sir Peter won’t be with us. I’m not sure what happened to the ‘great bloody battle’ re-enactment that was always so much fun.  Does anybody know if it’s happening and when it’s scheduled? (Ed: Call 305-296-0213)
I’m a plumbing contractor who just visited two homes that got stuck with FKAA’s infernal grinder pumps to offer a sewer connection estimate. Although both put the pump station as far as they could away from the house, the piping will not be the big expense. The electrical will be a major undertaking for both these places. One is an older, very modest little home on a dry lot and the other is an expansive, appealing open water home listed for over a million dollars. Both have major complications with the existing electrical configurations and access that I expect will cost at least double the cost of the pipework to get a wire to the pump disconnect switch. All this extra expense is just to subsidize County construction cost by providing the electrical for the unwanted pump that never should have been on private property in the first place. This will be especially hard for the working, single parent homeowner. Unconscionable.
nira-tocco 700x175
[Big Pine Pervert] Guy Charles Lovering, a 51-year old Big Pine Key man was accused of exposing himself and masturbating at Coco Plum Beach on Thursday. Lovering was cited by Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies with first-degree misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs and issued a notice to appear in court. Deputies responded to the beach about noon after receiving complaints of a man being nude and conducting inappropriate sexual acts in public.

I’ve got a son who is allergic to bee stings. My first wife was a chemical engineer and she told me that insect stings generally are acid based and our remedy was to have some household strength ammonia and cotton balls on hand. It worked excellently. I’ve used it on myself and very quickly the pain decreased and the swelling and redness quickly subsided. Give it a try.

[“Faith”] I was reading about the Scopes Monkey trial a hundred years ago. Today it’s hard to believe that that out of 939 high school teachers, 16 percent still believe God created man in the last 1,000 years and 42 percent of Americans don’t believe there’s such a thing as evolution!
uscg licensed captain logo

[“Drug test’s cost”] The Maritime Consortium will take care of your drug testing and yearly report stating that you are enrolled in a random drug testing program as required by the coast Guard.  After your initial drug test the yearly program cost is only $65. The pre-employment test is $55 for the first year only. (800) 775-6985 Link

Pavlov’s was and must still be a great bar! My girlfriend used to give me head and other pleasures in the women’s bathroom in the mid 90’s. It’s great to have a pornographic memory.
Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
 [“Fire ants”] I didn’t know they had a stinger! I’ve been getting “bit” by those little bastards for far too long. I hate them. I even keep a container of fire ant killer in my truck, just in case I see some.
wolf in sheep clothing[“Lionfish bounty”] In the American Colonies  a bounty of ten shillings was paid for killing old wolves. Blackbirds fared hard in Portsmouth, where every householder was required to kill twelve before the tenth of May, under penalty of two shillings, and with a premium of a shilling a head for all over twelve. This was to serve as a protection for fields. By 1715 the population was not yet sufficient to protect farmers from wolves and foxes. The old bounty was increased, and rewards were offered by Portsmouth for blackbirds and crows, and by Providence for gray squirrels and rats. A few years later still higher bounties were offered for wild-cats and bears.
[“Lionfish bounty offered”] In connection with FWC’s lionfish roundup attempt, leave it to a government agency to offer crappy incentives to do something that their workers cannot.  No one wants your little coins, you of little brains.
I, for one, do not believe a single word that comes out of Curtis Belche‘s[?] mouth.
[“Name that bird”] Chuck Wills Widow
Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)