2021 December

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Will there be another Senior Center?]
The Big Pine Key Key AARP chapter 2466 will hold a meeting at the Big Pine Key United Methodist fellowship hall on Tuesday, December 14 at 6 PM. Any questions, call Jim or Pat Olsen at 872-5755.
[Throw Away Generation] Boy, this new generation is definitely “throw away”. They’ll eat half a plate of good pasta or steak then decide to throw out the rest. They know nothing of our forefathers eating lard sandwiches. My parents and grandparents are rolling in their graves. God forbid we have another Depression, these kids will be lost.

Dear Santa, When I asked you for a 30-year old escort, this is not what I had in mind.

[Phishing Attempt] I am a private investigator and have been contracted by a financial institution to ascertain your relationship to an individual who died sometime ago. He died intestate and left behind an estate worth millions. We have reasons to believe that you may be related to the deceased. For further information, please contact the Assessor at
All of my Everglades tomato plants are pregnant!
The tiny Everglades tomato, Solanum pimpinellifolium, is the closest wild relative of and a progenitor of our cultivated tomatoes, Solanum lycopersicum. Considered by some to be native to South Florida, the species likely originated in Northern Peru and Southern Ecuador where it still grows wild.
[Dead Crook] Bad choice of a place to smash & grab. 28 seconds of graphic security video. Video
[Airplane App] Someone asked for an app that shows aircraft in the sky. FlightAware is the one you’re looking for. Click on Nearby Me and see the detailed aircraft icons: jets, propeller craft, helicopters, small private planes. It shows their paths. Click on the plane of interest and it tells the tail number, what company, altitude, speed. Click on that balloon and tons more info like destination, arrival, terminal, gate, origin, etc.
Shopper rage. Take a pill. Link
[Don’t Modernize Marines] Dear Commandant Berger, In the interest of bringing the Marine Corps into the modern society are contrary to everything our Corps has stood for since its birth. Your push for sexual preferences for women, unisex uniforms, women in the combat arms, allowing transgenders, relaxed female grooming standards and acceptance of despicable tattoos, fraternization at all levels, the vapid attacks on the very culture of the Corps, and its alleged racist/sexist heritage is unacceptable to those who have worn the EGA. Link
When I as a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~Kieth Richard

I figured you should have breakfast in bed on Christmas day. Can you reach the stove okay, Love?

[Telemarketing] Does the Digitone Call Blocker really work? Link
[Drunk Drivers] I don’t troll the Sheriff’s website much, but when I do I’m amazed how many DWI stops there are in this county

[Healthy Eating] Spam sales hit record high for seventh year in row. Link

It’s been months since I bought the book “How To Scam People Online”, it still hasn’t arrived


At last, an all purpose card!

Mrs Winchester was so upset over the deaths caused by the Winchester repeating rifle after a surviving brother stormed into the gunmakers office and murdered 15 employees in retaliation for his dead brother Civil War death by a Winchester rifle. She spent the rest of her years and money trying to restitute. She did this by hiring tradesman for 20 years to remodel her mansion. Remodeling when on around the clock. They tried to prove her nuts. Link
[Self Diagnostics] Mechanics hate FIXD, but your family and friends will love it. FIXD plugs right into your car’s OBD port (every car made from 1996 on has one) and automatically interfaces with the car’s diagnostic computer. It then tells the included smartphone app what is wrong with your car. So no more “you need a new bearing shaft defibrillator” when all that was wrong was a loose fuse. This is the perfect gift for anyone on your list who owns a car and will save them a bundle at the repair shop. Only $20. Link
Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off
Watch these rare ocean creatures caught on candid robot camera. MBARI’s ocean rover can dive miles deep to get crystal-clear footage of mind-blowing marine life. Video
[“Trials are all he-said-she-said”]  Not any longer. Not since the cellphone camera. Now trials are all based on videos. Indisputable facts.
[Race Baiting Exposed] Dave Chappelle hilariously roasts Jussie Smollett. Link


Listen to these amazing fish sounds. Never recorded before. Video

[Istanbul Not Constantinople] It took 24 armies before the 25th, the Turkish sultan Mahmed, succeeded in breeching the great walls of Constantinople. What took so long was that both sides had God on their side. And they both knew it. It was written.
The Four Lads – Istanbul


I’d like to see a tasar app for my phone. Zap!!!

More than 70 killed as tornadoes rip through U.S. states. Link
Disappointers, never disappoint.
Alexander Graham Bell makes the first phone call ever. Moments later he was notified that his car’s extended warranty had expired!

Merry Christmas from the Big Pine Moose club.