2016 December

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures



My husband and I welcomed 13 Cubans to America this morning, Sunday December 18th after 7 am.  They took 18 hours to come over and were ecstatic after they landed at the end of Long Beach Road on Big Pine.

[Flyboard Air Demo] This is amazing! I understand they are going to open a rental at our park. Video
marching-toyKey West Nutcracker ~ what a stunning performance at Tennessee Williams fine Arts Center.  The professional ballet dancers were extraordinary, and the local kids adorable.  The sets, the costumes, the choreography – everything was over the top.  Kudos to Joyce Stahl who heads up these outstanding events.  I only wish more people took advantage of the exceptional cultural opportunities we have in Key West:  the symphony is world-class, the many musical performances are always enjoyable, the plays are well done.  Take a drive, people, and spend a little money to support the arts.  You won’t be sorry you did.
[“Key West Sanctuary City”] We don’t have anywhere for our low paid workforce to live now, where are the immigrants going to live? More importantly, who’s going to support them? Not me, I can barely pay my bills as it is.
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[Bucktooth Rooster] The locals are coming in and loving every minute of it. We have people coming back twice a day telling us how great the portions or the prices are reasonable. A typical Rueben Sanchez is from $9.95 to $11.95. Consider if you had two of those and two iced teas you would still be around $26. Not sure how a poster can arrive in the $40 range? They must’ve had some appetizers as well. (This sounds like the group of disgruntled employees which we had to let go because they were not what they told us they were. They have been posting negative comments on all the websites.) We had a very successful three days with people returning over and over again. Why don’t you give it a try yourself? I think you’ll see you can actually share a sandwich with somebody. ~Rob
maya-dog[Dead Dog] Maya, formerly of Big Pine Key and Eden Pines, suffered a stroke Friday and was dead on the 17th.  She was almost 14 years old and was able to enjoy her great big private back yard and magnificent mansion in Indiana.  Her family is sitting Shiva and we wanted to let her previous caretakers in the Keys know that she is in heaven after living a fabulous life in La Jolla Shores, the Keys & Indiana.  A baby aspirin at bedtime kept her going along with supplements to keep her joints lubricated. Her final years were spent on the lake boating with a tube ride once a summer and the bark park which was always happening year ’round.  We would like to thank the nice people who loved our old English Sheepdog who has rejoined the universe.
[More Rules] Through January 17, we’re requesting public comment on proposed regulatory changes to implement the South Atlantic Council’s 10-year rebuilding plan for the Florida Keys/East Florida hogfish stock.  These changes include substantial reductions to the commercial and recreational catch quotas, an increase in the commercial and recreational minimum size limit, a reduced recreational bag limit, a commercial trip limit, and a 6-month recreational fishing season.
eyebrows-rocky-horror[Eyebrows] Does anyone do microblading in BPK? Also known by a variety of names such as eyebrow embroidery, microstroking, feather touch and hair like strokes is a form of permanent makeup that provides a means to partially or fully camouflage missing eyebrow hair with the appearance of simulated hair using fine deposits of cosmetic tattoo pigments. The technique of implanting pigment after the creation of fine incisions in the skin may date back thousands of years, however the trend towards using the technique for eyebrows may have emerged in Asia in recent years. Link
Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear.  ~Edgar Allan Poe

sanctuary-city[FTR] Key West Sanctuary City?  It is reported that some elected officials in Key West are supportive of the notion of permitting Key West to devolve from being a law abiding city to a city that considers itself to be above the law–a sanctuary city.

Have these officials forgotten their oath of office?  They swore that they would support the laws of the United States and the State of Florida.  They swore to uphold our laws and our Constitution.  Have they forgotten that oath, or do they consider themselves above the law? If local officials can deem themselves immune from immigration law, can they also deem themselves immune from laws that address misfeasance and malfeasance?

You must question the reasoning of these officials.  Are they convinced that the notion of sanctuary jurisdictions has popular support? If so, they are wrong.  Recent polling reveals only about 13% of Americans support the notion. Conversely about 63% of us are opposed.  And, a substantial majority believe that legal action should be taken against such jurisdictions, even more believe that all Federal funding should be denied to such jurisdictions. Key West tax payers, you must ask yourself if you are ready to break the law, then to pay more in taxes in support of a, perhaps, well-intentioned, but foolishly illegal undertaking.

Perhaps the elected officials feel that they are protecting the oppressed.  Actually, illegal aliens, if so “protected”, are certain to be targeted by greedy employers who will get very cheap labor.  Laborers who are scared to death to quit an oppressive employer.  Or to report an oppressive employer. The sanctuary city movement encourages exploitation of illegal aliens. Look about Key West and ask yourself if you believe that all immigrant workers amongst us are legally in the USA, then ask yourself if you believe that they are being paid on the books and are being paid a fair wage.  Is it reasonable to believe that a contributing factor to our locally low wages is the impact of illegal aliens? I believe that it is.

work-for-foodPerhaps the Key West elected officials are actually seeking to deliver a brand new pool of cheap labor.  Please consider the fact that those illegals protected by sanctuary jurisdictions will likely pay no taxes. But they will substantially burden our civic resources. If KW were to become a sanctuary jurisdiction, the city certainly would become a magnet for illegal aliens.

Virtually all illegals, save minor children, made a purposeful decision to come to our shores.  They made that decision with full knowledge that their presence on our shores was in violation of our law.   They came here with the specific intent to break  our laws. Nearly all deserve nothing more than humane treatment and the due process protection that is afforded them by our laws and our constitution.

Shielding them, hiding them from justice, would be not just wrong, it would be reprehensible. There is no up side to permitting KW to become a “sanctuary city”, no good can come from it.

Bucktooth Rooster will begin serving breakfast on January 6!


If you are a Christian say, “Merry Christmas.”  If you are Jewish say, “Happy Hanukkah.”  If you are from Mexico say, “Feliz Navidad.”  If you don’t like any of those say “Happy Holidays.”  I won’t be offended but rather I’ll feel grateful that you said something nice to me.

[Boycott Shell] Shell gas stations In Big Pine, Ramrod and Summerland Keys totally suck. Their gas prices are way too over inflated, even more than Key West. I just purchased gas in Marathon for 40 cents less a gallon than these shysters charge. I know they may swindle money from naïve tourists, but all locals should send a message by boycotting Shell now!
Seems like the traffic on US1 is already at Jan/Feb levels. Part of it, I think, is that they changed the timing of the light at Big Pine; much more south/west bound traffic goes through per green light. Avoids back-ups on US 1 but makes it much harder for people trying to get out onto US1 from all the cross streets including Key Deer Blvd. (Have you seen the back-ups there?) US 1 has killed 25 people so far in 2016. I feel like I’m cheating death every time I travel on it. Be careful out there!
ornaments-redIt’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone. He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.
~Coconuts Bar & Package Store wishing you all a very Merry & Blessed Christmas <@)}}}><
[Zsa Zsa Gabor Dead] “Men have always liked me and I have always liked men. But I like a mannish man, a man who knows how to talk to and treat a woman – not just a man with muscles.” Ms Gabor didn’t date men, she married them–nine times! She famously said, “I’m a marvelous housekeeper. When I divorce them I keep the house.” Video
[Southern Cops Have A Way With Words]
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” (My Favorite)
speeding-ticket4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? OK, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” (National Crime Information Center )
13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, here is your ticket
Is Billy Causey and Bicycle Joanie Nelson still alive and kicking?



My Elf on a Shelf has been making Mexican porn with Dancer for extra cash.

This is the best Christmas!  Love, happiness, kindness and all the best to everyone at Habitat for Humanity.  Wishing them continued good karma and divine intervention on everything they do because good wins over bad all the time.  God’s love wins
[“Legalize pot”] For those of you who can’t wait for legal weed – just know that if you go to purchase a firearm there is a question on the Federal form that asks if you use drugs and names marijuana in the list. Since weed is still technically a Schedule 1 drug like cocaine, heroin, etc. that script (which is electronically filed in today’s Facebook world) automatically disqualifies you from making the purchase or owning that firearm. Federal law supersedes State law so that ends the “legal in my State defense”
bagel-hot-on-plateEvery time I enter Bagel Island I’m greeted by the staff with a friendly hello. They know most customers by name and are always professional. Not only are their bagels the best in the Keys, but after trying a lot of different items from their menu, the food beats out all other restaurants on Big Pine Key with freshness and quality. The pricing is set for locals to afford. The owner, Tim, is the mastermind behind the creation of homemade sandwiches, delicious smoothies, coffees and various cream cheese offerings – which are made from scratch and cooked and prepared to order. A special shout out to my favorite girl at Bagel Island, Jocelyn, who runs the front counter with ease and control. Whether there is a long line or no one in the place, she goes above and beyond to make sure everyone is happy and taken care of. Keep up the great work folks! (Editor: They used to advertise here, but got so much business they had to stop.)
[Sewers] a neighbor said it cost him over $3,000 to connect his sewer and abandon his septic tank.


[Name That Bird] What kind of ducks are these that have a different kind of webbed feet? They’re very plump and would probable make a good meal if I could find some way to smuggle a few out of the park.

[Russian Hacking] I know Trump is saying there’s no evidence, but it’s common in internet security to reveal the results of the investigation and not share how the investigation was done or else the hackers will know how to cover their tracks in the future.  Based on my history in the industry, you can bet there’s lots of evidence.  I trust our CIA a whole lot more than the Kremlin in this debate
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[Fat] If you had to choose between eating tacos and getting fat or not eating tacos and staying slim would you choose hard or soft shells?

aloe-vera[Aloe] The miracle of nature was the great Mexican aloe, or maguey, whose clustering pyramid of flowers, towering above their dark coronals of leaves, were seen sprinkled over many a bro ad acre of the tableland. As we have already noticed, its bruised leaves afforded a paste from which paper was manufactured; its juice was fermented into an intoxicating beverage, pulque, of which the natives, to this day, are excessively fond; its leaves further supplied an impenetrable thatch for the more humble dwellings; thread, of which coarse stuffs were made, and strong cords, were drawn from its tough and twisted fibers; pins and needles were made of the thorns at the extremity of its leaves; and the root, when properly cooked, was converted into a palatable and nutritious food. The agave, in short, was meat, drink, clothing, and writing materials for Mexicans. The many uses of aloe are only comparable to the many uses of the palm tree in the tropics.



[Increase Condom Sales] American retailers could take a lesson from their British counterparts.

[“Key West Sanctuary City”] Russian ambassador to Turkey shot dead by police officer in Ankara gallery. It can happen hear. Link  Berlin Christmas market attack. Video
[Crooks] Two influential Miami developers once heralded by Florida Keys officials for building affordable housing have been sentenced to federal prison for illegally inflating building costs and fleecing $36 million from taxpayers regarding projects on the mainland. Carlisle Development Group CEO Matthew Greer, 38, of Miami Beach, was sentenced this month to three years in prison and ordered to pay $16 million to the government, according to the U.S. Attorney’s Office. Company founder Lloyd Boggio, 70, of Coconut Grove, was sentenced to nearly five years in prison and ordered to pay $7.1 million to the government. These arrests prove that there is no such thing as affordable housing, just market rate housing and scammers.




Henry Heimlich, life-saving maneuver creator, dies at 96. No, he didn’t choke.

[U.S.S. Grant] Northern papers came back to the soldiers with these stories exaggerated. Because I would not divulge my ultimate plans to visitors, they pronounced me idle, incompetent and unfit to command men in an emergency, and clamored for my removal. They were not to be satisfied, many of them, with my simple removal, but named who my successor should be. McClernand, Fremont, Hunter and McClellan were all mentioned in this connection. I took no steps to answer these complaints, but continued to do my duty, as I understood it, to the best of my ability.
Looking for since Sep 11, 2013 Glenn R Reber Age: 65 Born: 02/06/1951 Norristown, PA Big Pine Key, FL Key West, FL Glenn R Reber is 65 Years old. Glenn’s phone numbers include (305) 872-2084. Glenn’s possible relatives include Beth Ellen Corroy. Glenn’s most recent address is 31531 Avenue, Big Pine Key, FL 33043. Glenn previously lived at 430122 PO Box, Big Pine Key, FL 33043, Avenue, Big Pine Key, FL 33043 for 2 years, 122 Po, Summerland Key, FL 33042 for less than a year, 122 PO Box, Summerland Key, FL 33042 for less than a year, RR 1 POB 745G, Big Pine Key, FL 33043 for 4 years, 745 RR 1, Big Pine Key, FL 33043 for less than a year, RR 1, Big Pine Key, FL 33043 for less than a year, 122 PO Box, Big Pine Key, FL 33043 for 3 years, 122 PO Box, Big Pine Key, FL 33042 for less than a year and 786 RR 5 POB, Big Pine Key, FL 33043 for 2 years.

Beth Ellen Corroy is 58 years old. Beth’s phone numbers include (305) 872-2388. Beth’s possible relatives include Glenn R Reber


Behind every angry woman, stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

[Sewers] I’m not sure how many times folks have to be told about the sewers. You don’t have to physically hook-up within 30 days.  The letter is a form letter mandated by the municipality and triggers the billing for the sewers.  This is done all over the country, when the municipal service is made available, the beneficiaries need to start paying (whether or not you hook up, the service is available to you).  Otherwise, municipalities would never work (can you imagine only paying taxes for the roads you drive on or the traffic lights you use).  The county commissioners have repeatedly said this, as well as FKAA, since the serwering began many years ago (Cudjoe regional is just the last piece)

We hooked up to Cudjoe Regional as soon as it was available and have had 0 issues or concerns with the contractor, FKAA, or the service. Don’t let the whining of a few represent the majority’s experiences

[Cannibalism] One detestable feature of the Aztec superstition of sacrifice, however, sunk it far below the Christian. This was its cannibalism; though, in truth, the Mexicans were not cannibals, in the cannibal no shirtcoarsest acceptation of the term. They did not feed on human flesh merely to gratify a brutish appetite, but in obedience to their religion. Their repasts were made of the victims whose blood had been poured out on the altar of sacrifice. This is a distinction worthy of notice. Still, cannibalism, under any form, or whatever sanction, cannot but have a fatal influence on the nation addicted to it. The idea is so loathsome, so degrading to man, to his spiritual and immortal nature, that it is impossible the people who practice it should make any great progress in moral or intellectual culture. The Mexicans furnish no exception to this remark.

The civilization which they possessed descended from the Toltecs, a race who never stained their altars, still less their banquets, with the blood of man. All that deserved the name of science in Mexico came from the Toltecs. The decay of science and humanity began with the Aztecs and their sacrifices. (they only ate the arms and legs)

contribution-for-presents-in-paradise[Donation] The LKCC Board of Directors voted to support a local organization, Presents in Paradise, which provides toys & clothing to more than 100 needy children in the Lower Keys. Board President, Bill Kinsey, matched the LKCC donation on behalf of Lower Keys Tackle, allowing for a total contribution of $500.00 to this very worthwhile organization.  If anyone else wishes to donate funds, they should contact
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