2017 January

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

The cloud over the new Oceanside Marina hotel is getting darker. For months, questions have been lingering about the appearance of a luxury 175-room hotel on Stock Island when only 17 hotel building rights (called “transient ROGOs”) were on file for the project (instead of 175). Well, things just got worse. There is good reason, this week, to question whether 12 of those lone 17 transient ROGOs even existed or whether they were created out of thin air using false documents. It is a bizarre story, where Oceanside Marina becomes tangled with another Pritam Singh development: Hawks Cay Resort, completed in 2004, on Duck Key. Link
[“Closing Road Prison”] The excuse for closing does not pass the smell test. We must ask ourselves who will benefit? Does a developer want the land?
[Small Inauguration Crowd] In a visit to the Central Intelligence Agency on Saturday, Mr. Trump falsely accused the media of lying about the size of the crowds at his inauguration. Later in the day, Sean Spicer, the White House press secretary, claimed that Friday’s event was “the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration.” The first photo is the crowd at Trump’s inauguration; the second Obama’s. You decide. If the President is lying about one of his “alternate truths” when should we believe him? I’m so confused.
[Alternative Facts] Deer Ed, Why are you permitting political comments? (Ed: Because we are experiencing something no one ever thought possible. This is the most interesting time in our country’s political history. There is nothing to compare it to. I don’t know what’s going on–no one does. As soon as the lies and phony news start again I’ll stop posting it.)

ABATE will be having it’s 16th Annual Chili Cook Off Jan. 29th on Sunday afternoon, right here on Big Pine Key, Coconut’s Bar & Liquor Store is also sponsoring this fun event.. This is a fun day with lots of different home made chili, music, raffles, cold beer & soda pop. Let’s not forget some very interesting folks. We have been working with ABATE for many, many years to make this one of the biggest & best run Chili Cook Off’s in the Keys. Stop by the “NUT” if you’re out & about. It’ll be a fun day

[Women’s March] “Nasty women” rise! At 2.5 million strong, Women’s Marches crush expectations. At least 673 “sister marches” took place as far away as Hawaii and California and from New Zealand to Belarus. Video
[Hit and Run] Late last Friday afternoon I needed to pick up a few items quickly from the Big Pine Winn Dixie. Because most everyone realizes how ‘sometime’ Piners and others drive, I normally park at the other end of the parking lot and simply walk a little way to the store. However, because I only needed three items, against my instincts, I found a vacant parking spot in the parking lot closest to the Winn Dixie. There was a shabby looking SUV on the driver’s side of my car which gave me pause as a potential danger vehicle based on the number of exterior bumps, bruises, etc. on the vehicle. On the passenger side of my car was a vacant handicapped parking space. I came back to my car about 15 minutes later and found that the SUV severely dented my left front fender and just missed taking out the left front headlight by less than an inch. The driver of the SUV did not wait for me to return or leave a note on my windshield or go inside the Winn-Dixie to page the owner of the car they hit. There was a Winn-Dixie employee leaning against the wall talking with another person behind the SUV who told me they saw the hit-and-run and described the SUV.

What is the next appropriate action for the driver of the SUV who caused the damage to my car? He should send an email to the editor of the Coconut Telegraph with his name and contact information so he can settle-up with me for the repair (if the Editor agrees, the hit-and-run driver can write the editor with their contact information, their email not published, and the Editor (who has my email) can then send me his name and contact information). I can’t think of another way for me to get ahold of the hit-and-run driver if they are remorseful and want to pay for the damage. If not, this hit-and-run driver is essentially a coward and will be a victim “what goes around comes around”. Also, I am a full time resident and the Keys are a small world – through the Telegraph and local friends I may learn who you are and come after you with the Sheriff. Plus, do not forget that I know what your SUV looks like without having your license plate based on my recall and that of the two men who saw your SUV hit my car. Sooner or later I will run across your SUV parked or driving on the road. Paying to repair the damage you did to my car may be minor compared to the costs you may eventually pay.

[“Children or your grandchildren”] That is so true. We visited long-time-no-see relatives over the holidays and their whole being was their house in suburbia and their two 4- and 5-year old girls. All conversation was about them or interrupted by them (they were completely without training. The parents never told them “no”, no matter how awful they behaved). They had a professional photographer blow up images of them and the ‘arts’ were placed on the walls in place of real art. When their Christmas card came, yep, you guessed it, it was more like a fold out brochure of the girls. The parents weren’t even pictured or mentioned.
Putin makes fun of Trump’s Inauguration crowds. Beck Bennett brought his shirtless Putin impression to Saturday Night Live. Video
Whenever you see a video of fisherman you know it’s going to end badly. Video


[Women’s March] Madonna speaks out at Women’s March. Controversial as always. The woman’s march drew more participants than the Inaugration and that’s no ‘alternate truth’. Video

The best way out is always through.  ~Robert Frost
[FKAA] Oh, gee wiz, now I can check my water meter from my computer or cell phone. But of course, the program doesn’t work right yet. Welcome to the Keys!
[Crooks] Oceanside Marina Hotel. They only have 17 legally built rooms, but built 175 anyway. What will probable happen is that they will be able to open with just those 17 rooms and a little while down the line they will, quietly, be able to use the rest of the 175 rooms. That’s how it’s done in the world of big development.


A friend has just spent $295 on a penis enlarger. The bastards sent him a magnifying glass. The only instructions were “Do not use in direct sunlight.”

Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.  ~Mary Oliver
Kleptocracy is a form of political corruption in which the ruling government seeks personal gain and status at the expense of the governed, literally meaning “the rule by thieves.” Through graft and embezzlement of state funds, corrupt leaders amass tremendous wealth at the expense of the broader populace. Some of the most egregious examples have occurred in countries with very high rates of poverty. The inherent challenge for corrupt leaders is covertly expatriating and holding money in secure locations where it can be accessed in the future. Generally, that requires international movement of funds. When transfers occur in U.S. dollars or transit the U.S. banking system, federal money laundering jurisdiction is established. The FBI initiates money laundering investigations to trace the international movement of assets and, in conjunction with foreign partners, forfeit and repatriate assets back to legitimate authorities in victim countries. ~From the FBI Political Corruption Web Page

I have asked my friends at the FBI to change the of name Kleptocracy to that of Moroncounty. Anyone wishing to express concerns regarding the lack environmental law compliance associated with the Cudjoe Regional Waste System should contact the FBI at (888) 722-1225. This is especially important if specific laws such as the Endangered Species Act, the Marine Mammal Protection Act, the Clean Water Act or other nefarious activities were observed or determined. The number is to a Florida office.

[Small Inauguration Crowd] Trump calls anyone who disagrees with his “Alternative Facts” liars. Go figure. Who was Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, again? Video
[Lousy Tech Support] “Is it possible to remove music from my dead iPod and put that music on a thumb drive? Is there a person around Big Pine that can do this? It took me a while to gain some great music on that iPod and wish I could get it back.”
I don’t know much about Apple products, but I would log into my iTunes account where you should find all your music. Apple stores all your iTunes forever, just in case your device breaks. You can download all your tunes directly to your new Apple device.
[“People in pain do not get high from using their opiates”] You’ve got to be on drugs to make a statement like that. People who take opioids all the time are always high, they just don’t know it because that’s the only consciousness they know. It’s not like the high you get from marijuana, but a ‘downer’-high and general feeling of well-being. That’s the sad truth. I just hope Mrs FTR gets the opioids she so badly needs. What could be worse than to be in constant pain?
[Women’s March] Ashley Judd Women’s March speech. She definitely put on her big girl panties & spoke. If you didn’t hear it, you should. Video


[“Parking at Winn Dixie’s Fire Lane, but only those with Monroe County plates”] That may be partially true, but I have seen a lot of snowbirds park directly in front of the store-while someone waits in the running car.

[“Closing Road Prison”] The latest News~Barometer says that the cost for the BPK road prison to connect to the Cudjoe Regional sewers is $1.3 million of the estimated $1.8 million in needed renovation (72%) and implies that is the main reason it must close. It was reported that the closure will cost 25 jobs and will result in millions of dollars of lost “free labor”.

I really appreciated the quotation from Dietrich Bonhoeffer on stupidity in the Friday edition of the CT since it so describes local government.
First, if closure results in millions in lost “free labor” and 25 new unemployed people, why doesn’t it make sense to spend $1.8m to keep it open?
Second, the Road Prison treatment plant is licensed for 0.01MGD (10,000 gals/day), yet they are reportedly being charged 302 EDU in connection charges which equates to 50,434 gal/day of wastewater. What have they been doing with the extra 40,434 gallons of wastewater every day? (see fourth item below)
Third, neither BPK North or South collection system permit applications appear to have included the 302 EDU for the Road Prison, nor any allowance at all for the Road Prison. (Oops! System not designed to handle that much flow? Guess we need to close it?)
Fourth, where did the 302 EDU come from? The Discharge Monitoring Report filed with DEP for Nov 2016 shows an effluent of only 0.00083 mgd average which is only 830 gal/day which equals 5 EDU, not 302. 5 EDU is what the FWS on Watson Ave was assessed and FKAA bypassed them even though it was about 1/5 of the average cost per EDU to connect them. (Fishier than Fish & Wildlife.) The prison’s peak day was 1,740 gals which equates to 10 EDUs. Still nowhere near 302.
Fifth, how come Little Palm Island was assessed less than a half million dollars in connection charges, but their plant is twice the size of the Road Prison? How come the Road Prison, with a plant half the size is charged 3 times as much? By the way, the collection system got hit with about a half million dollar change order increase to accommodate the flow from Little Palm Island.

Does anybody but me smell a rat here? or a family of rats?

[Crooks] Oceanside Marina/Hotel (paraphrased comments sent to the KW Blue Paper) The stench from the Planning Commission meeting continues like a foul smell blanketing the breadth of the entire Keys. Like third-rate magicians in a backwoods town, the developer and his attorney bamboozled the Planning Commission. Why not? At worst, they’ll pay an insignificant fine and continue business as usual since he will never be required to close it or tear it down. There is no punishment.
Here is an event coming to your area the Wings of Freedom tour that I highly recommend. You’ll realize that the young men that flew these war birds had kahoonas the size of elephants (almost no amour plating). If you can afford it take a flight in one of the old birds, I was lucky enough to fly in the B-17.
Marathon, FL, January 30 at 12:00 pm – February 2 at 12:00 pm. Call 978-562-9182 for flight reservations.
Walk Through Tour Times (no reservations needed):
1/30/2017 – 12:00 PM till 4:00 PM
1/31/2017 – 9:00 AM till 4:00 PM
2/1/2017 – 9:00 AM till 4:00 PM
2/2/2017 – 9:00 AM till 12:00 PM
$15 Adults / $5 Children 12 and under.Flights take place before and after tours.
30-minute flight on the B-17 or B-24 is $450 per person
30-minute flight on the B-25 is $400 per person
30-minute flight training on the P-51 is $2,200
60-minute flight training on the P-51 is $3,200
Good job on the posts here lately. Some of you are way too angry. Lighten up. None of us gets out of this thing alive.
[“Closing Road Prison”] I wish government entities had to abide by the same rules as the rest of us. As a tax payer and manager of a local business, it irks me to hear that the Big Pine Key Road Prison is closing because “it’s too expensive” to hook into the sewer or maintain their property.



[US Drug Cartel]And all this time we thought that the citizens of Mexico were the only ones being terrorized by drug cartels.

[Coconuts resurfacing their parking lot]  Thanks from the Tuesday night gang!


The least chronicled chapter of Ernest Hemingway‘s life is the 20 years he spent in Cuba. The political stand off with the USA meant that scholars were denied access to his home. Audio

[Goldman Sachs] The Trump campaign lambasted global financiers, led by Goldman, as having “robbed our working class,” but Gary Cohn, Goldman’s president, named to lead the National Economic Council, and Steven Mnuchin, named as Treasury secretary are hardly anti-establishment figures, Mr. Mnuchin is the son of a Goldman partner who worked his way up to partner himself. Now a hedge fund manager, he has a net worth estimated as high as $500 million and, like Mr. Cohn, has no public policy experience. Mr. Mnuchin failed to disclose about $100 million in personal assets to the Senate committee vetting him last week (“an oversight,” he called it), as well as his role in an investment fund registered to a Cayman Islands tax haven. In his hearing, Mr. Mnuchin acknowledged that OneWest, a subprime lender he bought and rebranded, foreclosed on military veterans and widows in the aftermath of the housing crisis. Still, he said, he’s “proud of our results.” Link
[“Don’t get high from opiads”] Of course you do, but it’s in the other direction. You don’t become aware, it’s just the opposite. Why do you think people steal them if they don’t get high?

[“Forever stamps”] The reason the stamps are called “Forever” is that if there is a price increase you can still use the Forever Stamps regardless of when purchased. This was done to avoid having to purchase additional cent stamps when rates go up. It’s that simple. Therefore, if you have 71 Forever stamps you can still use them. You’ve made a savings of $1.42. Always purchase Forever stamps and you’ll avoid any future increase until your next purchase of them.

[Parking] I am glad the new restaurant on Big Pine is doing well however, it is now nearly impossible to find a parking space at the Post Office. They should enforce to tow away zone sign out front.
[Microsoft vs Big Brother] The U.S. Justice Department wants a judge to throw out a lawsuit from Microsoft and keep a law that prohibits technology companies from telling customers when the government demands their electronic data. Microsoft says its customers have a constitutional right to know when the government collects private information. The company says the law also violates its First Amendment right to speak with customers.
So what is going on at Stock Island and the hotel over-development?
Hell, hath no fury like a woman who found out you didn’t use the coupons she gave you.


The road prison on Big Pine already has a complete picnic area with many shelters, bathroom, etc. Do you think they would let the public use it after they close? Or do you think the BOCC will divert more of the sewer penny tax money to build another park?

I hope Mrs FTR’s pain meds theft has turned out alright!  I’s suprising that there isn’t a pain clinic somewhere in the Lower Keys? It would sure beat driving to the mainland once a month.   I go thru the same ordeal, but my clinic is only 12 miles from my house.   There must be some clinics in the Lower Keys. Good luck
Computer Power User. Online magazine for January–free. Start reading now
[Chile Cook Off] Here’s a little look at ABATE’s 14th Chile Cook Off. I think this year is our 16th event. ABATE & Coconuts work very hard to make this one of the biggest & Best Chile Cook Off’s in the world, well maybe not the world, but America for sure. It’s on Jan 29th, a Sunday and it’s a hoot. Great chili, music, cold beer and soda. Eclectic cooks will be deriving ideas, styles, and tastes from a broad and diverse range of sources. Yah, that’s it. Video
[“Backup alarms”] The only reason they have them is because of lawsuits. Thank a lawyer for the backup noise. He is concerned about your safety–and his bank account.
[“Coconuts is the only pool room in the Keys”] Have you been living under a rock? Stick and Stein died many, many moons ago.


I’m going into the tree stump business.

[“Rumor”] Not really, I witnessed everything I’m saying. I’ll swear under oath on any bible you have
Sloan is our islands’ resident victim. Nobody can say one good thing he’s ever done for the Keys. The good news is he has finally figured out he has worn out his welcome in the Florida Keys. Maybe a mental health evaluation and confinement to south Florida version of Arkham is in his near future? He makes the Joker seem like husband material.

[Tough Cookie] When asked about what he thinks about General Mattis being considered for Secretary of Defense, Rob O’Neill (the man who killed Bin Laden) said, “General Mattis has a bear rug in his home.  It is not dead it is just afraid to move.”

[Hates Tourists] You must think that you’re someone special that everyone should drop what they’re doing and kiss your butt, coming down to BPK from your plastic dog-eat-dog world. You’re judging us by your urban standards, yet for some unexplainable reasons, come Thanksgiving and your paradise turns repulsive and you escape from there bringing your urban lifestyle and attitudes with you. If our (those who escaped your utopia) little piece of sanity is so objectionable, why do you continue to return complaining on how repugnant us Piners? If you don’t like BPK the way us Piners live, leave & take your crappy attitudes with you. We don’t need your money.
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