2017 July

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

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This jewfish is always at Looe Key Reef. He’s been there for the last couple of years and doesn’t seem to be afraid of humans. I’ve swam with him many times. There used to be two of them. It is somewhat frightening when he opens his mouth and I look down his big maw. Look at the remora attached to his side

[“Sunscreen may kill coral”] People will quit wearing sunscreen on the reef at about the same time they quit feeding the Key deer, texting while driving, and tailgating on the highway.



This pack of tropical wolves, commanded by the wolf queen, were holding this swimmer at bay until she paid tribute to the Tarpon Belly queen.

[“Deer in trunk”] Those weren’t poachers. Evidently you aren’t aware that they just legalized Uber in the Keys? Those deer had ordered a driver to take them to Stock Island. They wanted to go party with the stock. Evidently Uber needs a better training program. You don’t have to tie up your clients. I’m sure with the proper training we won’t be witnessing these kind of incidents anymore. Go Uber!
[“Crazy doves”] After hearing that the black collared doves [ring-necked] are falling down dead at an alarming rate, and that no one’s going to try to figure out why because they are an invasive species, I wonder if my crazies managed to throw off whatever is killing most off. They are black collared indeed, and mating at present. Not acting quite as drunk.  Hope whatever it is does not infect the other species.
Trees dancin’ in the breeze
Hawks scootin’ with such ease
Livin’ on the islands there is no
May I stay here for a while, please?
Sun’s shining, the water’s warm
Fish everywhere like a swarm
Livin’ in the Florida Keys
May I stay here for a while, please?
Who is Bruce Schmitt?  There is a Schmitt Realty and I get real estate updates and info and have since I sold my house in Eden Pines from Beata Sharpe who works for Schmitt Realty. This person has a bad hard-on for the Sheriff and it seems many/most officials in Marathon. Same Schmitt? Any info/enlightenment you can provide? If not, I understand and will continue to scroll past Schmitt’s postings.  ~Ed/Upstate


The White Crowned Pigeons are back in full force and eating the poisonwood berries. They are the most elusive birds I’ve seen around here. The are camera shy to the extreme.

My wife and I were on our first cruise and she asked, “If the ship was sinking and there was only one life jacket what would you do?”  I said, “I’d miss you a lot and think of you often.”  That’s when the fight started.
[Joel Rosenblatt Mystery] I was wondering about who posted that update about Joel Rosenblatt.  It surprised me because it didn’t correspond to the information I had.  When he retired and knew he was going to New Mexico to live with one of his sons and I received information that he passed away several years ago in New Mexico.  The person that provided the post sounded like they knew what they were talking about, but how did Joel wind up in Indiana from New Mexico and was the report of his death several years ago wrong?
[Reef Rape] Six good ol’ boys from Alabama and one from Georgia, including two sets of fathers and sons, face hundreds of charges: 586 first-degree misdemeanor counts for possession of out-of-season lobster and wrung tails, two third-degree felony counts for possession of more than 100 undersized lobster, 14 second-degree misdemeanor counts for possessing speared lobster, out of season stone crab, undersized stone crab and reef fish not landed in whole condition.



My port trim tab needs welding, but it’s 5200’d to the hull. I know I can pry it off, but I’d like to keep the hull for a while. Does anyone know how to soften the 5200 or remove the plate from the hull? Heat? Sawzall? Yipes!

[Buoy Etiquette] It’s easy to spot the informed experienced captains at the reef, they are the ones who know how to tie up to mooring properly and safely by adding their own line. If you see somebody with the buoys yellow pickup line tied directly to their boats they are inexperienced with our local customs and regulations, help them out and tell them to use their own line and follow your example of good seamanship  & explain to them: Run your boat’s bow line through the loop of the yellow pick-up line. Cleat both ends of your bow line to the bow of your boat. Never tie the yellow pick-up line directly to your boat as it puts undue stress on the mooring anchor. Video



George Neugent congratulates new Big Pine Pine and Lower Keys Rotary Club President, Steve Miller — with Past President, Steve Estes — at June’s Installation Banquet.

[Summertime Algae] I may be imagining this, but is seems the waters around Cudjoe have gotten greener. Is anyone but the FKAA monitoring water quality around here?  I fear the shallow well discharge and sewer leaks under Niles Channel are polluting the waters. Too bad they just didn’t just require upgrades of individual septic systems- it would have saved us a lot of money in the long run, but been a lot less lucrative for the FKAA and the commissioners supporting them.
So far this morning, the only thing I have done correctly was getting out of bed.  And now I am even questioning that.



Name that plant, please. The birds love the berries. There were 2 woodpeckers, two cardinals, one tweety bird and 4 White Crowned Pigeons feeding on this bush Sunday afternoon (at different times). Today the bush is bare of and berries.

Jersey girl‘s version of Olympic high diving. Video
[The Mahdi, Sudan, Africa 1800s] Mohammed Achmed, who called himself the Mahdi, or the last of the prophets, whose mission was to convert the world to Islamism, was a native of Dongola. He was born in 1848 near New Dongola, Sudan, along the Nile and was also the son of a carpenter.

From his youth, he had a taste for religious studies coupled with the ascetic extravagances of a too emotional nature. He acquired a great reputation for sanctity. Religious devotees gathered around him and followed him to his retreat upon the island of Aba in the White Nile. In 1881, he first announced his claims as the true Mahdi. He was a vigorous and captivating preacher, ever ready with apt and telling quotations from the Koran. His early teaching was decidedly socialistic, including a command for the overthrow of the then existing civil state. His principles have been summed up officially as “an insistence upon universal law and religion—his own—with community of goods, and death to all who refused adherence to his tenants.

The misrule of the Pashas, the burden of over-taxation coupled with the legal suppression of the slave trade, and the demoralization of the Egyptian forces enabled Mohammed Achmed to rebel successfully. Troops sent against him were defeated and annihilated. Towns capitulated to his arms and within a period of two years the inhabitants of the Soudan were hailing him as the true Mahdi, their invincible deliverer. With the capture of Khartoum, on the morning of the 26th of January 1885, and the abandonment of the Soudan and its population on the Egyptian frontier.

Success killed him with his excesses. For a season, he gave himself up to a life of indolence and the grossest lust. In 1885, less than six months after the British and Egyptians capitulated the land to the Mahdi, he dropped dead. It appears he partied to death? I wonder what Moslems say to that?

[420] What happens if you smoke marijuana every day? I’ve been doing a study on it since I was 15; I am 62. Works for me.
Potheads everywhere use, April 20th, 420, as an informal celebration of what it means to smoke, eat and vape marijuana. Today is not 420, I know. Everyday is 420 at my house.


[Contrails] Oh no! The blimp is the cause of the deadly contrails the conspiracy theorists try to alert us about!

[Love Dolls] When they perfect the sex robot, the human race will be doomed to extinction.  Why bother with negotiating sex when all you have to do is turn on a switch?  And the sex robot won’t nag you, run off with the pool boy or turn into a behemoth. The Japanese have been one of the main drivers behind this technology. I guess the Japanese women aren’t into sex. Video
[Seed Bank Melted] This past winter, a string of days 60 and 70 degrees warmer than normal baked the North Pole, melting the permafrost that encased Norway’s Svalbard seed vault — a global food bank nicknamed “Doomsday,” designed to ensure that our agriculture survives any catastrophe, and which appeared to have been flooded by climate change less than ten years after being built. Link
Winn Dixie digital coupons. Link


This tourist was crossing the reef instead of going around it. It took him quite a while to pass as he kept running out of water. Notice the dive flag up while he destroys the reef. The flag up, while no divers in the water signals that he is a cool guy. The reef was packed and all the other boats were behind me on mooring buoys. A moment later another tourist followed him over the reef.

Who pays for the fuel and maintenance on the cruisers that the adult them park security guards (Key West Police) drive to their home’s in Big Pine and further.


What are the benefits of eating banana peels? They call it mellow yellow. Link

The correct way to get out of a swimming pool without getting your feet dirty. Video
[Oral sex spreading unstoppable bacteria] Well this just sucks! Link



Be a hit at your next funeral!

Dear Bruce Schmidt,
Just sell your house and upgrade to something even better on the ocean with minimal neighbors and stop antagonizing the bullies who seem to run this place. Some of us have also been terrorized by bullies which seems to be the norm here. In fact, we have never seen so many gossipy men who’s hobby appears to be picking on people ten times better than they are. Try to be the grown up and simply ignore them. They are making you look bad when in fact, they are the bad guys who seem to be the winners down here. I strongly suggest that you move and consider a better town with nicer folk, like yourself.
[Another Diving Death] A 70-year-old Houston man died while diving offshore of Key Largo Saturday afternoon while on his second dive of the day.

When you get old you have to stop SCUBA diving. Most diving deaths are old people. Old people shouldn’t let their egos outweigh their common sense.

It’s Stuff the Bus season again. Help UWFK collect school supplies for students throughout Monroe County. Last year, UWFK collected over $30,000 worth of supplies to be distributed directly to children in need. Thank you! To donate to this year’s campaign, click Link
It is still possible to live
in the Florida Keys?
It might take some balls and
at times you might be on
your knees.
But it is still possible to live
in the Florida Keys.
The fishing is great and
the eating is better.
And sometimes you
couldn’t get no wetter.
But it is still possible to live
in the Florida Keys.
The best locals and friends
in the world; your
Conch flag unfurled.
And when the storms
come you know that
your hair will get curled.
But it is still possible to live
in the Florida Keys.
I don’t hate the upper 48,
but if you aren’t here yet,
it might be too late,
Because it is still possible to
live in the Florida Keys
The Lower Keys Chamber wants to say a huge “THANK YOU” to everyone who helped make this year’s Underwater Music Festival a success:  US 1 Radio who, along with local celebrity Bill Becker, broadcast underwater from 10am – 2pm with music and editorial on how & why we need to preserve our reef.
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