2018 July

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

Click here to send in a post or something else. Contact Us

[Hate] Guy in Miami beach Sunday got arrested for pouring hundreds of gallons of gasoline down the trash chute in one of those big condo buildings where he lived. He was hoping to kill all the Jews. He doesn’t like them. Security caught him carrying two more cans of gas. His storage unit had hundreds of gallons of gas in 5 gal containers. He was being evicted and his hate made him crazy (or the other way around). Unfortunately there’s no cure for crazy. Police are investigation if this was a hate crime. Duh! Link

[“Why so many candidates for the Key West Utility Board”] A Coconut Telegraph poster on Friday asked why so many candidates? and why such an effort towards winning the Key West Utility Board Seat D? I can only answer for myself. I’m running for the Key West Utility Board because I care about our costs, our community and the conservation of our Keys and I’ve demonstrated that over these past 10 years with my actions. I am the only candidate who has been working on, and advancing, our local utility and conservation policies and goals, and I’ve attended nearly 300 meetings to do so.

Over these past 10 years, I never saw one of my opponents at the public meetings I’ve been attending. I’m the only candidate who showed up and participated in the public process of updating our County’s new 2030 Comp Plan. As an unpaid private citizen, I went to over 50 meetings spanning 3-years! I’m the only candidate who participated in updating our County’s new 2030 LDC. I’m the only candidate who’s been consistently attending the Key West Utility Board meetings for the past two years. I’m the only candidate involved with our community in setting our County’s local utility and conservation policies.

For me, this isn’t about ego or money. I’m retired and could happily spend my days on my boat, but I’ve been very interested in our public utility for over 10 years. I love our Keys and share the same values you do. I think those values are our community, costs, and the conservation of our Keys.


[Freedom To Have A Desk] In September of 2005, a social studies schoolteacher from Arkansas did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal, and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom. The kids came into first period, they walked in; there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, “Where’s our desks?” The teacher said, “You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn them.” Link
[Keys Thinking About Styrofoam Ban] State law since 2016 has prohibited local governments from banning Styrofoam and other single-use plastics that often clog up local shorelines and the bellies of marine animals who mistake them for food. But that doesn’t mean local officials don’t support the idea of the ban. Link
[What Do You Think?] My fellow residents of the Lower Keys, I am your neighbor, Debbie Halama, and I am running for the County Commissioner seat in District 2 for us! Due to redistricting of a minuscule piece of land in Marathon, that was included in our Lower Keys district, we have witnessed years of neglect and have been treated like an unwanted stepchild to the County. Today I would like to hear from you, as I am not running just to win, I am running to make a difference in the quality of life in the Lower Keys.

For instance, I live in a subdivision that has not been paved in over 30 years. I want to hear how you feel the Lower Keys have been neglected. I want to hear if you are currently having problems, such as getting building permits, dealing with code enforcement, trouble with waste management, ect. I would also like to hear if you have any solutions or thoughts on solving our most pressing issues, workforce housing, canal clean up and restoration.

Call me, text me or email me.  I will listen! Website: Email:

[“Small engine repair”] I’m all for cordless tools since the Lawnmower Man went out of business on Big Pine. There’s no money in small engine repair since you’d have to charge around a hundred dollars to fix a $150-$200 tool. Most of us opted to just buy a new tool.



In 1804, Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton in a duel. Wouldn’t it be nice if politicians today started shooting each other again? Link

[Fish Kills Reported Along Most Of Keys] Dead fish began surfacing in Florida Keys waters on June 12, launching a streak of 28 fish kills reported to the state through July 2. Sites of the local incidents reported to the state’s Fish Kill Database range from Summerland Key near mile marker 25 to the Ocean Reef Club at the northern tip of Key Largo, a coastline distance of about 90 miles. Link
[Feel Good Wall] Lately there have been several posts with the old chant of “build the wall”. Let me try to explain to you in terms that you may understand. I have several dogs, with the combined IQ of a dead flashlight battery, yet they can always find a hole in the fence to escape into the neighborhood. See if you can find a hole to sneak through in the following borders and coastlines:
Land Borders:
Alaska, USA – Canada 1,538 miles
Canada – USA 3,145 miles
Mexico – USA 1,951 miles
Coastlines: 12,383 miles
Atlantic coastline: 2,069 miles
Pacific coastline: + Hawaii: 7,623 miles
Gulf of Mexico coastline: 1,631 miles
Alaska coastline: 1,060 miles


In the Keys most people, when home, tend to walk around their home au naturel, but when I tried it for a few days, I had to remove all the mirrors to stop scaring myself!

[Sissy Turtles] Climate change is turning sea turtle eggs female. What about alligators? If Professor Adam Rosenblatt’s hypothesis is correct, most of the tiny reptiles wriggling out of their manmade nests will be female, thanks to climate change. Link

[Junkie vs Druggie] Just because you take opioids prescribed by a doctor doesn’t mean your not a junkie. If you take any opioid every day, face it, you’re a junkie; or as you probably like to cloak it by telling yourself that you’re on “medication”. The word junkie means you get your dope from the street and not the doctor’s office. That’s the only difference.

When a man steals your wife let him keep her, because revenge is a dish best served frigid.


After reading that fish kill reports were up in the Keys, I went online to see where and when in the Lower Keys. There were 10 reported kill locations from Big Pine to Summerland, including Spanish Harbor and Niles Channel on June 20 through 22. That was 10 out of 12 total in June and July (about a 6 week period). Now to find the causative anomaly, and I think I know just where to find it. What’s your best guess?


Can you place a hummingbird feeder close to a regular bird feeder? Will the hummingbirds be frightened?

[Movies] Why do some movies completely fill your TV’s screen and others are just as wide but shorter? I can see why in years past, when screen were several different sizes, the confusion, but now the screen sizes all have the same ratio, I think.



Affordable housing comes to Cocoplum Drive in Marathon. Attend the meeting, get the details first hand.


[Sandbar Gatherings On Rise] The fastest-growing segment of Florida Keys boating activity seems to be one where people don’t go anywhere.

Dropping anchor or tying off at shallow sandbars has, in the last quarter-century, mushroomed at dozens of gathering spots from the Upper Keys to the Marquesas, a new state report says. Link

[Historic Buildings Only 40 Years Old] Marathon’s comprehensive land use plan states the city should conduct a survey to identify architecturally and historically significant sites looking at structures 40 years old and older. Link



The volume a rooster’s crow can reach–about the same as what you’d hear standing just 100 feet away from a running jet engine. So how do these ear-piercing poultry not go deaf? When roosters open their beaks, their ear canals actually close, protecting their eardrums while they crow.

[Movies] Why don’t they hold pot smoke in when they smoke it in the movies?
[The Buddha] Enlightenment was just the beginning of  Buddha’s spiritual ascent, which was spectacular by any measure.  Buddhism caused an earthquake in the spiritual life of India, crushing the privileges of the Brahmin caste [the highest caste] and raising even the despised untouchables [the lowest] to spiritual dignity.  Buddha blew through the temples like a strong wind and with the simplicity of genius reduced the human predicament to one key issue: suffering.

If suffering is a constant in every life, he said, then until there’s an end to suffering, enlightenment is pointless. Equally pointless is talk of God or the gods, heaven and hell, sin, redemption, the soul, and all the rest.

[Hurricane Needs] The first thing we need is drinking water. The next is ice to keep food and beer cold. And the third necessity is mobile internet service. Just about every aid group tells you to go to their website for more info or to register. Duh!
Bucktooth Rooster is hands-down the best all-around family restaurant in the Lower Keys (with Bobalu’s right up there).
[Key Largo Fishing Tournament] Grab up one of the last known bargains in the Keys! Only 70 spots are available in the Rotary Club of Key Largo’s fishing tournament, with fees this year still only $125 per angler, $60 for kids, and $30 for kids 12 and under.

Registration includes an awards banquet catered by Doc’s Diner; a performance, moisture-wicking t-shirt; a Friday night captain’s party with appetizers, and the opportunity to win unique trophies created by artist David Wirth for the largest redfish, snook and trout caught during the weekend.

If you’re not a backcountry a-”fish”-cionado, you can show your support by buying a $45.00 ticket to the awards party with dinner and one of the most impressive silent auction offerings in the Upper Keys. The event will be held on Sunday, September 30 at 6 pm at the Elks Club in Tavernier.

Tournament proceeds support vocational scholarships for Upper Keys residents of all ages, and Take Stock in Children scholarships for financially-challenged, college-bound Upper Keys youth. The Florida legislature doubles every dollar donated (so a $500 donation becomes $1,000 in scholarship money). A limited number of sponsorships are available; contact Dennis Caltagirone at 305-331-0525. Link

[Colossal Poop] Man loses feeling in his legs and nearly dies due to colossal poop! Next time someone says, “You’re full of shit”, you can say, “I’m not, but I know someone who is.” Link
[Commercial vs Recreational Fishing] Two different commercial fishermen boohooed the makeup of the South Atlantic Fisheries Council in Fridays issue of the CT because for the first time since the inception of the council there has been no Florida commercial fishing representative.  They did not say that the council is still heavily weighted by commercial fishing reps from the other represented states.

In the off chance that a little bit of balance will be instilled in the division of resources for the recreational sector, I for one am grateful. By the divisions of the past it was common for the season of some fish to be closed to recreational fishing, while it was open to commercial fishing.  As far as I am concerned there should never be even a moment in time that it is legal for a commercial fisherman to catch tons of fish to sell me when I can not go onto the water and catch just one for my self. If there are enough to sell there are enough for me to catch for my dinner.

[Idiots] He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.  ~Groucho Marx



It is so hot, there must be a way to air condition my garden so I can work out side. Anyone have suggestions?

​[Keys Utility Board Seat D] Walt is by far the most qualified candidate for this position, but he is up against some very politically connected individuals also vying for this seat. Will the right person win? or will the bubba system prevail?
[Mistake] Know what’s awful? When you mix coffee and tee together by accident! Yuk

[Getting It Right] 9 out of 10 humans are right-handed. It doesn’t matter what country you are from or what time period in history (going back as far as 2 million years ago) you lived, most everyone is right-handed.

[“What does being a member of the Key West Utility Board get you”] Free TV, free HH[?], free parking, free, Imodium.
[Woman Are Bad] When are we going to learn that woman cannot run countries without getting emotional and letting illegals take over and destroy that counties freedoms? Wake up world!
[Begging] Why is it that when a homeless person asks for food or spare change they are mostly ignored?  But when a bible thumping televangelist, who lives in a multi-million dollar estate and flies around in his private jet, asks for money (to keep it all) so many people open their wallets and checkbooks?
[“Keys pay only $12 per hour”] Gee, I only made $17.50 per hour for 30 years fixing airplanes. With that I got to own a home, got a wife, new car, ate well, dressed well and also moved to the Keys 30 years ago and never had any problems until the NWO scum took over the retail businesses for Keys tourism. Go figure!
Submit anything but National Politics to For National Politics go directly to that page, log in, and post your comment. NATIONAL POLITICS

national politics an(Click here)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *