2017 July

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

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[Crooks] I just got a bill from my doctor for a 99213, MCCK, MCDS, and a INCK. We have no way of knowing if the doctors and hospitals are stealing from us or ripping-off Medicare. This is another thing wrong with health insurance. We have no way to know what we are being charged for! What the hell is a MCCK? Am I the only one who thinks this is crooked and intentional, in order to help the medical professionals commit fraud?
[Healthcare] How long until GoFundMe is our nation’s leading healthcare provider?




Save your bottle caps for these 28 clever ideas. Save the caps from your brewskis. Slide Show

[Lobster Crooks] It has started. I just saw my first boat out there working the lobsters in Cudjoe Bay.  I guess they were just easing into mini-season. If a wildlife officer just sat on one of the docks for a while he could probably catch all kinds of poachers.



It snows in Japan and gets really cold. Why did the ancients live in houses built with rice-paper walls? Even their “palaces” or “castles” were nothing to rave about.  They were made of wood planks and rice paper and very drafty.

[Ed: Dear Advertisers And Those Of You Who Want To Stand Out In This Area Of The World] In May had a record 62,497 Keys-heads looking at this site. That is more than when we were publishing 7 days a week! Since I retired a while ago, and then returned to only publish 2 days a week, I haven’t checked the statistics because I was scared they were going to be down to just a few thousand. What a nice surprise to see the number of visitors top those of when we were publishing 7-days a week.

If you advertise here, it’s like having over two thousand potential customers look at your store every day. Talk about a busy storefront! Where else are you going to get that much traffic for $19.95 a week? We have an audience of people who care about the Keys, visit here, live here, or do business here. If they’re interested in the Keys they’re probable visiting today. What you get for $20.

[“Trim tab removal”] To remove trim tab just remove the hinge pin in center of piano hinge just knock it out tab becomes detached from boat get part welded replace pin.



Tonight’s nightmare brought to you by… This giant-scale worm, which belongs to a species called Eulagisca gigantean and a family called Polynoidae, was found in the Antarctic Ocean at the depth of 1706-2198 feet.

[Privacy] You already bugged your own house years ago. If you’re unnerved at the prospect of an always-on mic in your home, then take a second to consider the ones that are already there. Link



Redneck ceiling fan. Now why didn’t I think of that!

[How Not To Sell You House] Photos that show what not to do when putting your house on the market. Link


[Epsom Salt] Here are four different ways to use Epsom salt to give your plants a boost and one way to keep pests off of your hosta plants. Link

[“Who is Bruce Schmitt”] Who gives a Schmitt?

[The Hippie Trail] In the 1960s and 70s, thousands of westerners travelled to India and Nepal by overland bus. They were searching for adventure, enlightenment and cheap hashish. Simon Watts talks to Richard Gregory, who did the Hippie Trail in 1974. Audio

[Bank Robber] Jonathan Robert Meyers, 45, of Nokomis, Florida, reportedly walked into Centennial Bank, 1229 Simonton St., around 9:18 a.m. yesterday and robbed it.  Whether or not weapons or a note or both was used in the reported robbery was not disclosed by police. He was arrested 20 minutes later
[The British Stiff Upper Lip] I am always frightened, and very much so. I fear the future of all engagements. It is not the fear of death, that is past, thank God. I fear defeat and its consequences. I do not believe a bit in the calm, unmoved man. I think it is only that he does not show it outwardly. Thence I conclude no commander of forces ought to live closely in relation with his subordinates, who watch him like lynxes, for there is no contagion equal to that of fear. I have been rendered furious, when, from anxiety, I could not eat, I would find those at the same table were in like manner affected.

~The doomed General Gordon under siege at Khartoum 1887



[Well Being] I have determined through extensive personal research that three glasses of wine and two bloody marys are equal to five servings of fruits and vegetables.

[“Who is Bruce Schmitt”] He a businessman in Marathon who a Coast Guard officer, I think Commander, hired a killer to murder him over some business deal gone wrong, or something like that.
Lighting struck William Wall’s Key West house in 1856 and ran down the conductor until near the ground when it left it and penetrated the wall of the basement and entered the dining room and broke the leg of a safe, injured the dining table and went out through the opposite wall. Bam!

I wonder what house he is writing about because I don’t know of any old house that had a basement. I wonder if he was referring to a dried cistern. Large cisterns under one or two rooms of the house were common back then, but not basements.

[Drunk?] I prefer the term “More fun than you.”


[Kidney Stones]  Rx: Ride a roller coaster! Kidney stones fly out of people on roller coasters, surgeon discovers. Link

[“Trim tab removal”] That’s a front yard fix. Drill through where the broken spot welds are. Use stainless pan head bolts and lock nuts.



These things are all over the bathroom at my local watering hole. I found a couple in my underwear when I got home. Should I call Orkin or just buy a flamethrower?

[Muslim Medicine] Faith is the drug that is supposed to cure the Arab; whatever his complaint may be, he applies to his Faky or priest. This minister is not troubled with a confusion of book-learning, neither are the shelves of his library bending beneath weighty treatises upon the various maladies of human nature; but he possesses the key to all learning, the talisman that will apply to all cases, in that one holy book, the Koran. This is his complete pharmacopoeia: his medicine chest. No other is needed.

The Faky receives his patients. No. 1 arrives, a barren woman who requests some medicine that will promote the blessing of childbirth. No. 2, a man who was strong in his youth, but from excessive dissipation has become useless. No. 3, a man deformed from his birth, who wishes to become straight as other men. No. 4, a blind child. No. 5, a dying old woman, carried on a litter; and sundry other impossible cases, with others of a more simple character.

The Faky produces his book, the holy Koran, and with a pen formed of a reed he proceeds to write a prescription—not to be made up by an apothecary, as such dangerous people do not exist; but the prescription itself is to be SWALLOWED! Same cure for all maladies: eat a line of scripture.

[“Building permit website”] I wonder if they got a permit for their under-construction page? If so, it’s going to be a long time, and a lot of money, before we will ever see that page. If ever!
[The Wife] Last night after dinner I left the kitchen and went to the den to watch a baseball game.  About half an hour later my wife came in and said, “Why don’t you ever get the dishwasher loaded?”  I said, “Well, because you don’t drink.”  That’s when the fight started.
Free self-guided tours are available at the Tennessee Williams Key West Exhibit at 513 Truman Avenue from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday and from noon to 5 p.m. on Sundays.  Visitors will learn about the life and work of the great American playwright who lived and wrote award winning plays and films in Key West for thirty-four years. This permanent exhibit showcases the largest collection of Tennessee Williams memorabilia available to the public. It includes an extensive collection of photographs, first edition plays and books, rare newspaper and magazine articles, videos and a typewriter used by the author. Curator led tours are available by contacting Dennis Beaver. More information online. Link
[Slow Service] After not going to Bistro for couple of years I decided to give it a chance again. 45 min for a hamburger! Never again.
Winn Dixie Weekly Ad. Link



I’m not sure if tequila is the answer but it’s worth a shot!

[Writers Group] Greetings writers! Keys Writers Group will meet this Wednesday, 1-3 pm, at the Conference Room of the Big Pine Key Library. If you are in the Keys for the summer, please RSVP. I’ll tally the responses and email again Tuesday evening so attendees will know how many copies to bring. Optional meet and greet at Bistro 31 at Noon. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
[Book Review: A Jamaican Conspiracy] The Blacks are a thinly veiled incarnation of the Beckwiths themselves, but as any good writer knows, you write what you know. The similarities between the couples are striking at times, and some of the adventures they have are so obviously based on real events that it made me wonder more than once if perhaps David might be more fun to hang out with than I realized.

Personalities aside, as an avid reader I tackled “A Jamaican Conspiracy” with the same kind of relish that I do all books. I expect to learn something new and interesting with every novel or nonfiction work I read, and this book did not disappoint. The detailed descriptions of life in Jamaica had me craving jerk chicken and rum while wondering how on earth a country can run and function the way this island nation seems to.

The gist of the story is that Will and Betsy Black, from “LA” (for you non-Southerners, that means “Lower Alabama,” not that other place out west) and now living comfortably in quirky Key West, move to Jamaica for several months so Betsy, a bank executive, can straighten out a mess at the company’s branch involving a large loan to a quasi-governmental entity building part of a massive highway project through the country.

The Highway 2000 project is real – I Googled it – and although Beckwith only focused on a portion of the project at its inception, he certainly captured the essence of it, fictionally describing real-life events involving corruption, theft, deception and even murder. When government money is involved, greed seems to quickly follow, and the Blacks are hounded, harassed, threatened and assaulted as they try to get to the bottom of the mysterious handling of the bank’s loan money by various suspicious individuals and shell companies.

The Blacks don’t scare off so easily and, with the help of friends, are able to uncover some pretty shady political and criminal activities. As they navigate from one nail-biting event to the next, they also meet colorful characters and visit delightful places, the descriptions of which will make you want to book the next flight to Montego Bay.

Beckwith does a good job of describing the various aspects of life in Jamaica with its bright colors, spicy food, crazy drivers and questionable politicians.

“A Jamaican Conspiracy” is a great beach read or a fun escape-from-reality-for-a-while novel. Immerse yourself in the book and the culture, and you will find yourself hopefully having an “irie” day.

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