2016 June

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

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[Gated Resort to Protect the Rich from Us] If anyone wants to meet the folks who want to turn Dolphin Marina into a Destination Resort … let me rephrase that. A gated, guest-only destination resort should stop by the marina at 5:30 pm – 7:00 pm on Tuesday June 14th. The local company, Critical Consultants will be there to try and convince us that a closed, gated, rental community that would take away all the amenities of Dolphin Marina and begin the process of turning the Lower Keys into the Upper Keys should come.

What this means to the locals is, no fuel for your boat without going all the way to Summerland Key or No Name Key. No boat ramp (have you ever waited in line on St Road 4 on a weekend?). Traffic and turns into their parking lot just as you cross the bridge (they say they will let a few neighbors use the facilities until they change their minds in a year or two).

This will be owned and managed by the Little Palm folks so unless you are from the Czech Republic, Serbia, or Romania don’t even think of new jobs.

This would be the beginning of the end for the laid-back lower Keys lifestyle. Why? Because as soon as the hurdles are crossed on this project, there will be more, think Looe Key Resort, Sugarloaf Lodge, Sunshine Key, etc.

There are many reasons to stop this and the easiest is to show community support and put a halt to this project is to halt the rezoning request that the company must get. Be there if you care!

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[“Dolphin Marina gated prison”] That’s nothing. Remember when the pelicans were “pancaking”? Noble House was dumping corrosive industrial laundry products directly in the ocean because the treatment plant on the island couldn’t process all the water. At night they would pump effluent through the sprinklers too. That doesn’t sound healthy at all! I knew the original 5 owners when they had this dream about Little Palm, and it was a nice place back then and a nice place to work, but has been ruined by corporate mindset and complete disregard for our ecology.


There should be a margarita truck that drives around playing mariachi music in the evenings and we can run out with our money like an ice cream truck, but you know with margaritas!

[FKAA] A very insightful “Gentle Rebuttal” letter to the editor was published by the Citizen last Sunday and online by The Blue Paper Friday. This was in defense of the two plaintiffs requesting Circuit Court defense of their 14th Amendment rights and the upholding of County sewer connection laws against FKAA and the BOCC. It is a short, worthwhile read that includes a link to the actual court complaint. If you read the complaint for yourself, you will see how ridiculously false the allegations and how misleading the FKAA & County press release was that was the source for most news reports on the case. The press release was even printed verbatim by Konk Life, although authorship was claimed by the editor! Sadly, that’s the bubba system protecting its own. Link
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[Soft Target] I watched thousands of fans waiting to go through the security check to get into a soccer stadium in England. A terrorist could easily have terrored that waiting group without difficulty. Eventually, when terrorists figure this out, we’ll have two security checks, one will be just to get to the real security check! This is getting crazier and crazier.

[Aiding and Abetting] If an illegal alien come into a country and is supported by a citizen, isn’t that citizen just as guilty for harboring the illegal?

[Taking Up Space] I’ve been hanging onto 2 heavy volumes (for their historical value?), a Windows manual & Word 6 manual. I haven’t found them on eBay, so there’s probably not a market. Can you think of any reason I should not relegate them to my recycle receptacle?

How to launch a boat like a boss. Video
[“Gated development to keep out locals”] Noble House has every right to do whatever they wish with their property – yes, that’s the kicker:  their property.  They own it, they pay the taxes on it, they should be able to improve it as they wish.  Isn’t that the same right each of us wishes for our property?  It’s possible that the same people complaining about Noble House’s proposed upgrades are the same ones who didn’t want a grinder pump on their property.  Tearing down those shabby little cottages and building beautiful, new facilities is a much needed improvement.  Having higher-end vacationers spending lots of money here instead of Marathon or Key West is a plus for our local economy.  It appears the owners are reconsidering use of the boat ramp and gas pumps by the public, so hopefully they’ll come to an equitable way to satisfy the neighbors and do the upgrades that will improve our area.  Little Palm Island is a rare treasure – if the owners create something half as wonderful at Dolphin Marina, it will be a welcomed addition to the Lower Keys.
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Okay, “that” season is here again.  I dare not say the name of “that” season.  And I haven’t started my generator for a couple of years.  Natch, it won’t start.  Does anybody know of a decent, if not, good person or business that works on small gas engines and gen sets?   Help!

Does F.K.A.A. also stand for Florida Keys Alcoholics Anonymous?
slipper bunnyI went to Payless in KW to buy slippers. The woman asked what I was looking for and I replied, slippers. She then asked, “What kind? I need further information.” I said, “There is no further information necessary, ‘slipper’ is enough glansing at their limited selection of size 12’s.  She said, “Well they could be flip-flops.” I said, “Flip-flops are in a category of their own and not slippers.”

I know there are ballet slippers, opera slippers, evening slippers, bedroom slippers, and slipper socks, but I doubt Payless’s selection would include any but bedroom slippers–if they even had slippers in size 12.

Was I too semantic for the poor clerk or was this a case of tomato-tom-ah-to? I did get a chuckle from her a couple of times.

[Street Drugs] I love it when in Key West some douche bag asks me if I want to buy any weed. I always just say, “No thank you, Officer” not caring if they are a cop or not. Asking someone if they want to buy drugs, not even knowing them, is the ultimate order of a dumb-shit douche bag.
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Singularity University’s summit provided these key learnings. In 1998, Kodak had 170,000 employees and sold 85% of all photo paper worldwide.

Within just a few years, their business model disappeared and they got bankrupt. What happened to Kodak will happen in a lot of industries in the next 10 years – and most people don’t see it coming. Did you think in 1998 that 3 years later you would never take pictures on paper film again? Link

[Gated Resort to Protect the Rich from Locals] The developers of a proposed small gated resort on Little Torch Key will hold a community meeting Tuesday to address neighbors’ concerns about the potential loss of a fuel dock and boat ramp and other amenities that are currently available to the public. The waterfront property currently houses the docks for the ferry that runs to Little Palm Island, as well as a fuel dock, bait shop, boat ramp and roughly 10 small guest cottages.
[Sewers] Get your money together because pretty soon we’re going to have to connect to the sewers and for many of us, especially us old retired farts, it’ll be big bucks. It’s not like we didn’t know this expense was coming. I’ve known about it for 15 years, but still haven’t got my ducks in a row. How about some welfare money to get me going?
hit man with gun[Murder For Hire] I disagree with the Keynoter editorial of Wednesday, May 25, 2016 titled “Keys law enforcement shows its commitment to solve high-priority crimes.” I am a December, 2012 victim of a murder for hire plot by Dennis Zecca and “others” that the Keynoter extensively reported on.

While Dennis Zecca has pleaded guilty and is now in prison his “others” have never been revealed and remain free to do as they please in Marathon and the Florida Keys.

Where is the “high-priority” to solve this crime? Some so-called “leaders” of Marathon went on public record to comment on the good character of Dennis Zecca and even wished him well after his arrest. These people never reached out to me or offered to help me in any way. Some of these people have even attempted to discredit and criticize me for being upset about having been targeted for MURDER!

They have publically stated that I should learn to simply get over it and get on with my life. I am getting on with my life but I will never get over this still unresolved crime until the “others” are exposed and appropriately punished.

The Keynoter editorial is so very wrong, so very misleading. While I have always upheld and respected the law and the good people of law enforcement, there are some, a small few, I do not respect and now know to be corrupt. Dennis Zecca was a Coast Guard Commander and turned out to be corrupt. His “others” share these beliefs. Those “leaders”, who were quoted publically in support of Dennis Zecca, have never publically condemned him for bringing murder to Marathon. Why? Why does the Keynoter now write this editorial, ignoring an obvious lack of commitment to solving this crime?  ~Bruce Schmitt

[Fox Guarding Hen House] USDA’s New Poultry Inspection System (NPIS) now allows poultry processors to use their own employees instead of USDA Food Inspectors to “inspect” that poultry that shows up in supermarket coolers.

How long do you suppose the employee inspector will remain employed if he rejects much? I put “inspect” in quotes because chickens are allowed to whiz by at 140 birds per minute, so the inspector has to check 2.3 chickens per second for such things as abscesses, pus, and manure. Ewwww! “USDA Inspected” on the chicken packaging is not so reassuring anymore, is it? This is one more reason to make sure your bird is well cooked, and everything it touched is disinfected–including your hands. Or just go vegetarian? It is also another reason to reject reusable grocery bags for such items. Link

machine gun uziSo far there have been 5,950 gun related deaths in the US just until June. And still conservatives won’t let there be a discussion of the problem. They want the guns in case they have to kill Americans in an attempt to overthrow our government. That is their reason against a ban on assault weapons–in case they have to overthrow our elected government! Sick Americans, or deluded, to say the least.
[Canals] Monroe County just completed an air curtain installation that blocks weeds from entering Big Pine Key’s Canal #287, one of the Keys’ 131 “poor”-rated canals. This marks the end of the construction phase of the County’s original $5-million investment in demonstration projects that implemented four different restoration methods – air curtain weed gate installation, organic muck removal, culvert installation and backfilling– to restore six of the worst water quality canals in unincorporated Monroe County.

Water quality monitoring is underway to scientifically evaluate the results of each demonstration restoration. The three-year program, conducted by Florida International University and funded by the United States Environmental Protection Agency, included one year of monitoring prior to construction to set a baseline and two years of monitoring following the completed restoration to determine the success rate.

The initial post-construction monitoring results are promising. They show improved dissolved oxygen levels and clarity, as well as an increase in sea life.

dolphin-coconutsThey keep saying that sea levels are rising. It’s not to do with the icebergs melting, it’s because there’s too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple, basic science. I will do my part!  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store
There is only one reason to build a gated community in the Keys and that is to keep out locals.
doberman gate[Gate to Protect Tourists From Residents] The developers of Little Palm Island want to develop their land base, Dolphin Marina, and put up a gate to keep locals out. What happened to their good neighbor policy? This isn’t neighborly at all. Quite the opposite. Don’t waste your time going to their meeting, you already know the false promises they will make, but instead go to the County meetings and put a stop to them rezoning the marina to keep locals out and the money in.
[For the fallen in Orlando] We carve our way into time & space, we find a way, or we make a way. Hey, find your grace, don’t hide your face, let it shine, shine, shine. Lyrics
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[Joke] A new supermarket opened near my house. It has automatic misters in the produce section to keep everything fresh. Just before it goes on you hear thunder and can smell the scent of fresh rain. In the milk section you can hear the sound of cows mooing, and smell the scent of hay. When you approach the egg section you hear the cackle of hens and smell the aroma of bacon and eggs. The veggie department features the smell of corn.  I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore.

Speaking of which, I still love the politics elsewhere.

aluminum coinAluminum has long been linked to Alzheimer’s, especially in the presence of fluoride as is added to FKAA water, toothpaste, pharmaceuticals including antibiotics and “happy pills”, and more. Now, French researchers have linked it to breast cancers near that antiperspirant underarm and GI tract destruction of good bacteria with risk of inflammatory bowel disease. Aluminum is a common ingredient in baked goods, self-rising flour, pancake mix, vaccines, antacids, and more. Cooking in aluminum pots or in foil also ups your intake. Straight rubbing alcohol is a highly effective deodorant, but you still perspire–which may be a good thing. Here’s a link to a site with a good article on the new French research. Link
To the racist who wants a pure breed. I hope your owners castrated you before you we able to spill your toxicity to any other person. I wish you a good day and hope you broaden your horizons. I’m sure your cigarettes will kill you first.
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[Living in the Keys] If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. Be more positive and happiness will come your way. Don’t continue on your negative path, you tend to forget what brought you here in the first place. Focus on the positive!

[FKAA] On the heels of investigation by that discovered that FKAA’s Big Coppitt sewer plant was unable to adequately remove even the nutrients it is required to remove for most of its first year of operation, the Washington Post has published an article about the very harmful unregulated chemicals commonly found in public drinking water. It includes this quotation. “In North Carolina, environmental officials published a report earlier this year detailing a year’s worth of sampling for 1,4-dioxane within the Cape Fear River basin. It highlighted numerous “hot spots” for the contaminant located immediately downstream of wastewater facilities… Current water treatments don’t effectively remove the chemical.”
Actually, even AWT plants let most chemicals ride on through. That Splenda sucralose that you may have sweetened with is partially retained by your body in harmful fashion, but most goes through you and the treatment plant to become a convenient means of identifying that wastewater is present in surface waters. Considering that the Cudjoe Regional sewer system has collection systems permitted by DEP that were estimated to deliver a full third more sewage than the plant was designed to handle, is there any hope that the plant will adequately treat sewage to even minimum standards? The other question is why did DEP officially permit more collection system than the plant could treat? That is very much against their own rules and certainly is not environmental protection. Maybe DEP simply accepted the FKAA engineer’s attesting that the plant had adequate remaining capacity, instead of actually adding up the permits already issued? “I trust our engineers” is a misguided local politician’s quote that comes to mind and will continue to haunt him as evidence of possible delusion or collusion. Link
[Evacuation] Deer Ed’s got it right on the money for hurricanes. It takes too long to get back in to the Keys to fix whatever’s broken.



Alas, the green market no longer comes to the Elks Lodge in Marathon.

[Conspiracy Theory] Saudi Arabia gets 70% of its revenue from oil. Unless oil prices rise soon the powerful Saudis will be bankrupt in five years. So oil prices will  rise!
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[“Jury duty”] Unlike a recent contributor, while I am eligible to avoid jury duty by playing the age card I choose not to do so. I am not so lazy, demented, feeble or disinterested that I am unwilling to exercise the privilege of providing my peers the right to a fair trial. I hope that we all, regardless of age, will continue to be allowed to serve our community by being granted the opportunity to serve as jurors.

[Fighting Lyme Disease in the Genes of Nantucket’s Mice] 40% of Nantucket residents suffer from Lyme disease. Genetic modified food, mosquitoes, now GMO mice! Where will it end? Link


[“Tammy Fay Baker] Shamans are different, cut out of the general population. Their calling is very difficult. They enter transcendent states via tried and true rituals: psychotropic herb combinations, drumming, chanting, dancing and/or fire ceremonies – depending on each shaman’s tradition. The drift throughout the film suggests the first shamans were, and even shamans today are, inspired by extraterrestrial beings, as opposed to supernatural beings. Either method of inspiration is possible and happens.

A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
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Cataracts is the third biggest cause of blindness. Religion and politics remain the first two.
[Major Development] I agree with the people who do not want development of the Dolphin Marina. I say no to any more development. How much more of our natural resources are we going to sell off for the almighty dollar. Besides the additional traffic between the marina and Lucky’s Landing, which is not even one quarter developed because the sewers are not in, will make that intersection dangerous. On the west bound lanes you are coming off the bridge with a right hand de-acceleration lane and a short left hand turn lane–not even 100 feet off the bridge. This will be a serious accident waiting to happen. I personally am tired of our commissioners selling out our community for the almighty dollar. I know that our district contributes the least amount of tax money in the county, but that is not a good enough reason to keep selling us out. Besides tax money what does Nobel House contribute to our community? If you are tired of the traffic in season, the increase in your auto insurance rates due to the accidents, the stress on our water supply, and infrastructure of roads, medical services and fire services tell your county commissioners no to the development of Dolphin Marina. Not that they will listen, but that we told them no. It is time to take our community back!
stab-stick-figure[Burglar Stabs Big Pine Key Man] A Harbor Lights Road man was treated for stab wounds to his leg after he interrupted a burglary of his home Friday night, according to the Sheriff’s Office. The 61-year-old victim said he went to bed at 9 p.m. at his home and woke up around 11 p.m. to find a man in his bedroom, near his dresser, reports say. He said he jumped on the man’s back and the man fled. Afterward, the victim discovered he’d been stabbed in the leg and on the arm, reports say. He told Sgt. Evan Calhoun he found money gone from his wallet. His wallet was on the dresser next to several knives. Later investigations indicate the victim may have been stabbed with his own knife.
Why don’t birds get lost? They may have mastered quantum mechanics. Link
[Drug Testing] First they were only testing kids in school if they participated in sports. As if, only kids participating in sports do drugs. As a boat captain I am required to be drug tested because I carry passengers for hire. Are cops tested for drugs? I do not have a problem with having to be drug tested. What chaps my ass is that I have to pay for it, drive an hour to provide a sample, and if they call me up, drive an hour again to provide another sample. I would gladly defecate in a bowl on the Coast Guard commander’s desk if he suspects me of drug use, but for the life of me, I do not understand why it is I have to pay for it
In U.S. drinking water, many chemicals are regulated — but many aren’t. Link
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[Sick-o Department] New baby-themed fetish store infuriates Illinois town. Link

Reasons to use coconut oil daily. Link
Johnsons-ad 4.12.2016
Another corruption scandal at FKAA being exposed? More subterfuge? More “funny business” with FKAA contracts? How could that possibly be? I heard that a certain FKAA executive who was hired about the time all of the suspicious contracting began has completed his mansion on the mainland. Maybe the FBI should be looking at who paid for the materials and subcontractors on that mansion? It’s great that we have a few people investigating suspicious activities. Link


[Hopalong Cassidy guns] I had one when I was little. It was made of pot metal that when I broke it, I could see the crystal-like shiny metal inside. Link

[“Great Wall protected from Mongols”] On that Mongol thing, how did that work out with China?
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Who is the new Deer Ed & is the old Deer Ed doing okay?  There could be a Coconut Telegraph is every city in America. If I had any brain cells left I would try to start up my own Coconut Telegraph.  Hope that he sold the website for big bucks.  Get it.  Big “bucks”.  Nothing like big bucks.

[FTR] WOWSER!  Just for the record, the picture of Ms Hillary that accompanied the FTR post on Friday was not selected by this Olde Fart, FTR.  I suppose our Deer Ed is the culprit. But Photoshop or not, the picture sure does give us a pretty good idea why Bubba kept his boys the hell away from Hill and why Monica looked so good.
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[Nightclub Jihad] As long as people continue to believe in the myth of a supernatural entity, there will be murderous nuts with guns.

Deer Monroe County,
The taxpayers and voters would have you explain how $2.7 million dollars were taken from the Monroe County infrastructure tax fund intended for a complete and fully funded sewer system, which the voters approved to be extended to 2033, and given to the State of Florida to repair their Infrastructure. How does the State of Florida’s Infrastructure become a tax burden of Monroe Counties taxpayers? The CRWS is not complete and must not be fully funded as the BOCC and their partner, FKAA, are attempting to take property for installation of the Counties infrastructure. The County’s own ordinance mandates the location, however the BOCC does not want to spend our tax money as the voters mandated. It appears that the State of Florida’s property is more valuable to the BOCC than their voters’ wishes.

[Sarcasm] I sleep so well at night knowing that those electronic billboards FDOT installed years ago and inform the public that “alert drivers can avoid accidents” don’t you? It’s difficult to pick which department of transportation idea was the biggest waste of money, there’s just too many. Slower traffic should keep to the right? Who’d have thought that would be necessary on a two-lane road?

Here’s your June newsletter from the Key West Orchid Society. Our meeting is this Sunday, June 19. It’s at the Martello Tower at 1 pm as usual. No regular program this month since it’s our last at the Fort until fall. We’ll have our annual end-of-season Pizza Party, and don’t forget to bring your blooming orchids for Show & Tell. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
Medical experts now say the Zika virus can be spread through oral sex. The only prevention is to use a condom or get married.


[Uke Nite] Rock’in ya Right at the Light for more than 30 years. We must be doing something right. 54 reviews from our TripAdvisor Community. 4.5 of 5 stars and 54 reviews!  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store

[Restaurant Review] I went to Porky’s in Marathon the other day and ordered a beef brisket sandwich.  I got a stew meat sandwich.  I know the difference; I’ve cooked stew before.  Now you know.


[Beer Holster] What every man needs! Link

[Truth In Politics] That’s a joke, right? Political parties are cults, aren’t they? Religions, yes?
dick-ramseyDick Ramsay was a Marathon politician by choice. Dick Ramsay died of a “medical episode” as reported by the Florida Highway Patrol in most newspaper accounts. Dick Ramsay’s death was unexpected and certainly a shock! Dick Ramsay’s family deserves respect and sympathy for their loss of a loved family member. Their loss will always be with them. Time will help somewhat but this loss will always be with them. Rest in Peace, Dick Ramsay. Life and love are more important than politics and power, no matter how death comes knocking on your door. This, I have learned. Link
50 dead and 50+ wounded. What is it going to take to wake up American citizens to the reality of being invaded?
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I recently finished a women’s sailing class at the Key West Community Sailing Club that was fabulous. Heidi and Graham were the best instructors. Their teaching was clear and encouraging. The ladies’ classes will begin again in September. In the meantime, they are beginning their children’s summer classes. If you have a child who has a free week this summer, I highly recommend this program. Nothing can be a better confidence builder then a child learning to harness the wind to propel them forward.

50 people killed and 55 injured makes walking down Duval Street look very dangerous now! Hope the local politicians are keeping eyes open in KW!
[Divorce Settlement] Does Guinness Book of World Records have a section for bimbos who got the most money from a divorced sucker?
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I hear there will be a new Monroe County beauty contest for “Miss Appropriation“.

[Plumbing Mix-up] Here I am, an individual, who can’t figure out if am female? Am I male? I think I’ll go to that Oregon Court and have this deluded Judge declare that I’m non-binary. Then I’ll leak this to the mainstream media and continue holding the country hostage to this distraction. Will the populous ever wake up. No
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I saw this year’s first white crowned pigeon Monday. Video

With Commissioner Kaufman‘s plans for affordable housing/one human family/mosque/church/synagogue/welfare center/illegal alien processing center/ and garden shop, what did he forget? Oh yes, whether the freaking Keys citizens want their property values to crash. The Holies want to turn these islands into a religious pit of loser occupied shacks just so their egos are satisfied. Over my dead tax statement!
[“Visitor Center”] The Refuge wants to build a new visitor center on US1, a stone’s throw west of the traffic light from where traffic already backs up for miles during winter. Talk about throwing gas on a fire! A worse location could not have been chosen. As Mencken observed: “It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.”
flageaglelibertyTo the folks I offend by supporting Donald Trump, I am sorry. It is not my intention. I feel strongly that the powers that be are not looking out for America’s best interest. We can no longer think everything will be Ok, it won’t. We need business men running the business of America & our warriors allowed to be warriors.
American exceptionalism is not just a phrase. It’s real and it has been chained up and locked away for way too many years. We must unleash the great America & allow her to run free. Yes, I support Trump. Don’t sit this one out. Vote! I would also ask you to vote for Trump. Blessing to you, all the family, loved ones & friends of the folks killed & wounded in the Orlando night club shootings. If nothing changes–nothing changes.   ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store
[“More laws need to be passed for conformity to maintain some dignity in nice areas”] This is probably the same person who complains about all the rules and regulations until the lack of them affects him.
What is the best way to stay safe in America? Join the police force, the military, or the mob. They have all the weapons and will strip the rest of us clean.
ftr from the right 75hHillary has no shame. No shame whatsoever. Indeed she has disdain for the intellect and reasoning of her followers and for those that she hopes to seduce.

She has just released a blistering attack, a tirade, against those Arabic states that offer succor to radical Muslims and to the terrorism that they spawn.

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