2020 March

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

The Coconut Telegraph Coronavirus Edition


[Supersized] Well, having Amazon Prime may cost a little extra, but it was well worth it to be able to supersize my toilet paper order and still get free 1 to 2 day shipping

[Counting Deer] I would like the management that is responsible for administration of the key deer census to explain to the public why they are refusing to allow the most accurate survey tools (thermal imaging) to be used for the current census. What are they afraid of? is it perhaps that the truth will show that the key deer population is greater then what is allowed to be qualified as an endangered species? or they, the refuge employees, might lose their cushy government jobs and have to go to work for a change? This could be the reason that they are using a method guaranteeing to be a wild-ass guess.



(Ed: Winn Dixie was mobbed this morning. The shelves were emptying faster than they could fill them. Judy said she’s never seen anything like it and she’s been there for years through thick and thin.)

The Marathon Seafood Festival has come and gone. The organizers, Marathon Chamber of Commerce, consider it the greatest money generating fund raiser of the year, so it would be unlikely that the organizers would cancel it.

Regretfully, people will not know if they contacted the virus from the Seafood Festival or not.  We’ll see what happens.  Maybe no one got a germ from the festival, maybe dozens got a germ.  We’ll see.  Hold on, reports will be documented in 2 weeks.


Eventually, everyone will be quarantined to their houses with no sports to watch. In 9 months from now a boom of babies will be born and we will call the group coronials.

You may live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension. ~Nikola Tesla -1898





This year’s Easter basket.

Old Piners don’t fade away, they just get forgetful.
40′ Corinthian Catamaran. Trailer included. Side benches and canopy frames included
Two 115 hp Yamaha 4 stroke motors included. Safety gear included. All new structure. New stringers. New fiberglass deck. New fuel tank. Overall size: 40’x 12′. Holds 49 passengers. US Coast Guard approved. Everything is there to finish up. Illness forces sale. My loss is your gain. All that is left to be done is cosmetic painting, mounting the console and rigging the motors. I have all associated parts to finish. Corinthian sells this catamaran for $149,000. Here is the link




Perfect picture for the tp hoarders

[Voting] Tuesday, March 17, 2020, according to the Supervisor of Elections voting will be taking place at all precincts today. She does not expect crowds for voting and extra precautions like sanitizing wipes and hand sanitizer will be available.


[“Feeding deer”] I really like the key deer articles the SOKD people send in, but I wish they were shorter, or in a couple of parts on different days. My attention span is very short. I need to see the “point” in the first paragraph. Those long tomes belong in a magazine or on their nice website.
So I guess it’s okay to feed deer cracked corn if they’ve eaten it before? Is that what their article said?

[Tsunami] 8 years after the March 2011 disaster in northeastern Japan, experts continue to learn new truths about the devastating tsunami. At first, the tsunami was clear. But it soon turned dark and muddy. The black water turned out to be far more destructive and dangerous to people’s health than normal seawater. Video



Little Palm Island is scheduled to re-open in April. I doubt it will happen.

[The Great Epidemic] In 1914 and 1917 my grandfather and his generation were called upon to potentially lay down their lives in the face of a great challenge. They responded in the millions. Then in 1918 many millions suffered under the great 1918 Spanish flu pandemic. In 1939 and 1941 the Greatest Generation, after suffering through the years of the Great Depression, were also called upon to potentially lay down their lives in the face of another great challenge to freedom. Again, they responded in the millions.
Today, we are facing another potentially lethal challenge and we get people saying things such as it is nothing compared to the ordinary flu. Yet, if we are unable to stop or slow it, the death rate and ability of Covid-19 coronavirus to rapidly spread will make the effects of a normal flu season pale by comparison. We also have people complaining because they might have to cancel their trip or give up their vacation. And others lining up to hoard things like water and toilet paper!No one is asking anyone to lay down their life this time, just to stay close to home for a while and avoid public gatherings and hopefully slow and ultimately defeat this virus. I am glad my grandfather and father are not alive to see this conspicuous display of self-absorption and entitlement. I would be so embarrassed at the reaction of so many of my peers.



In line this morning at the Post Office three people came in wearing face masks. We all panicked, then one of them said, “This is a robbery!” and we all calmed down.

[Payroll Deductions] To soften the impact of no paychecks for the lower classes, they want to remove the payroll deductions. That’s a fine idea, but how is and extra $25-20 going to help a burger flipper make ends meet when there’s no work?




[Run on TP] Back in my day there was so much toilet paper, people used to literally string it up in the trees of their enemies.

How long will the virus live on surfaces before they’re safe to touch.

Due to the Evolving Covid-19 situation, both Evening Science/Adventure Series programs at the Florida Keys National Wildlife Refuges Nature Center, scheduled for March 2020, including the Mar. 18. talk on Pine Rockland impacts from hurricanes by Dr. Danielle Ogurcak, and the Mar. 25 talk by Dr. Doug Mader regarding African Wildlife are postponed. We will re-schedule both of these talks in the future. Thank you for your understanding.

[“Deer count”] I read that the Fish and Wildlife Department who is in charge of the Refuge refused free help in estimating the deer count by thermal imaging. Does anyone know at what level of management the refusal was made?



There have been no mass shootings since the beer flu.

Key West’s premier resort Pier House is closing Friday.



Finally, a use for those overly long receipts from Sears and Kmart.

Understanding social distancing using simulations in the age of coronavirus. Link



Got the spider!




Not only does it kill germs, it also prevents you from sticking your fingers in your eyes, nose, and mouth (and other places) a second time.

I highly recommend everyone view “Dirty Money” on Netflix. The first episode shows how the state of Massachusetts allows people to steal other people’s money. The second shows how Formosa Plastics was polluting Point Comfort, Texas’s bay for profit by a foreign company. The third is on the Wells Fargo farce of opening false accounts. Every episode is eye opening.


[“Raggedy-ass boats in front of Restaurants”] Back in the day, all we had was raggedy-ass boats. Now it’s all the rich folks with triple engines running out to the reef to catch their 10 fish limit of tiny-ass fish. I used to have a raggedy-ass boat in my yard, it was a garden planter – then Irma floated it away. Bye, bye garden!

[“What has changed in any of the photos since the 70s”] The number of people on the street and there were no tourists walking about.


[Cure] I came down with the rockin’ pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu.  I asked the witch doctor on 41st and Vine what to do.  He said, “Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all down.” Ting tang walla walla bing bang.  Corona with lime and feelin’ fine!

FBI’s top 10 most wanted. Link
I voted, but it wasn’t worth it. There wasn’t anyone on the ballot for the Independent Party. Although I’m not a member they made me vote as one. During normal times I might challenge that error. There was nothing on the Independent ballot but school funding.
[Case of Corona] I was sitting on my deck with a glass of beer and a sandwich enjoying the day when a friend stopped by with chicken soup and six rolls of toilet paper.  She said, “You said you were sick.” I replied, “I said I have a case of Corona.”




[Illusion Delusion] For 20 minutes I stared at this picture, before I realized that I wasn’t looking at some sort of “pig-goat” hybrid. Turn photo 90 degrees so its tail is at bottom.

Mexico considers closing its border with the United States. Great, then we could smuggle illegal Americans with COVID-19 into Mexico.


[Marathon Seafood Festival] I went to one once and paid too much for a seafood plate that was mostly rice and a few bits of seafood. The same thing happened in Key West. I went to Goombay once and overpaid for flavored rice. That is why I don’t go to these things anymore. Every food vendor seems to be trying to make an easy buck and not having to worry about repeat customers. Maybe things have changed, but I don’t know.

Don’t forget Key West is an international port for cruise ships and airplanes. Where are the health officials at the dock and airport?




When you lie on your resume but still get the job.

Where can I get one of those white cover-all anti-virus suites that government guys are wearing? If they are 100% covered, how the hell can we peasants be protected with just a face mask? This starts to make one think about what is really going on.
I drink lots of Medical Alcohol like Gin, Vodka, Rum, Bourbon, and whiskey. Will that protect me from the Beer Bug
Annual Easter Egg Hunt –April 11th @ 10am sharp, Big Pine Key Community Park

Celebrity Bagging– April 11th 10am-2pm at BPK Winn Dixie, we will be bagging groceries to raise money for the Lower Keys Independence Day celebration and Fireworks on 7/3/2020

Movie in the Park-April 11th, doors open at 6pm, movie starts at dark. We will have pizza, sno-cones, popcorn and drinks available for purchase. April’s movie is Dolittle. At the BPK community Park

Movie in the Park-May 9th doors open at 6pm, movie starts at dark. We will have pizza, sno-cones, popcorn and drinks available for purchase. At the Big Pine Community Park


This from a book titled End of Days written in 2008 by the Psychic Sylvia Browne. I could not find the original post, but I had copied the passage.

Coronavirus may already be in the Florida Keys. Video



Saint Patrick’s Day got pushed to the back burner this year. I even bought a green tie, but didn’t feel like wearing it.

[TD Ameritrade] As we’ve already seen, the COVID-19 virus has created uncertainty around the globe and within financial markets. The health and welfare of our clients and associates are our first priorities, and we’re doing everything we can to support both during these difficult times. As you might expect, volatility in the markets has increased the number of clients contacting us. Unfortunately, this has resulted in much longer than normal phone wait times, sometimes keeping us from delivering the level of service we are known for.


[Masks] There is no need to fear dying of Covid19 virus. This free mask will protect you 100% from any airborne virus, and you only have to wear it for a few minutes. You can find rolls of these free masks in the vegetable department of your grocery store. They are most effective if placed over your head and sealed around your throat with duct tape or a cord. Rest assured that you will not die of any airborne pathogen.

I will pay $100 for a roll of toilet paper tomorrow.
I think one of the first things I would shut down is any delivery service to homes and businesses, like the US Mail and UPS services to stop any spread of the virus


Is there a machine shop in the area? Not a welding shop, a machine shop?

[WiFi] When the light is on and the laptop is off, that is when the computer is mending and updating itself.


[Irony] 26 people in the US die from the corona virus and people lose their minds.  Over 650,000 die every year from heart disease and we put fried chicken between two donuts

[Cyber tips] Working from home because of coronavirus? Be careful what you download to keep cybersafe. Video





Here’s how my friend prepared for the pandemic.

If you want to know what it’s like to live in a Socialist society, I’d recommend that you watch the HBO miniseries “Chernobyl” where it doesn’t matter how things really are, it only matters how the state thinks they should be.



NY’s Governor Cuomo said today that the majority of calls he receives are complaining about bars being closed.

[Cancelled] The annual Easter Cantata concerts have been cancelled.  Rehearsals will resume in October for Christmas.  If you were thinking about joining the orchestra or choir, now’s the time to start practicing. ~The Keys Chamber Orchestra and the Lower Keys Community Choir.