2017 May

Tuesday, May 2, 2015

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures

I am a long time reader of the Coconut Telegraph. When I was younger I used to visit Big Pine Key and loved it! (I’m from Ohio, not New Jersey) I’m too old to travel now and I miss the Keys and the Key Deer! If you are fortunate enough to live in the Florida Keys count your blessings. My compliments to Deer Ed. Please keep this wonderful website going. Thank you. (Ed: Thanks, but it’s now up to the Alabama serial suer, Judith Haney, if I can afford to stay in business. I’ve already spent more than I ever made on my lawyer.)
[“Rank schools”] I read the article in U.S. News & World Report.  The top rated schools in the country were all private or charter schools.  Not a public school in the bunch.  Arizona, Texas, and Florida had eight of the top ten.  I wonder how the holier-than-thou, look down our noses at everyone else New Englanders took that news.



[Fishing] It’s exciting to see young & old folks catch a fish. It’s very exciting when it’s not only a big fish, but their first fish. I have been blessed big time in many ways, more than I can count. Being part of making memories is, for sure one of them.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store. Down town Pine Key. The fishing Capital of the World!

Gas on Big Pine $2.79. Gas at the Circle K in Big Coppit $2.60. Owens gas station in Key West $2.59. I believe that the Big Pine Tom Thumb ($2.69) is the most expensive out of all of their stores. Was it something that we said?


[Deer in Jail] I looked in the old road prison a couple of days ago and saw three deer inside. I can’t imagine they’re in any danger. At least they won’t get hit by cars.

[Expensive Water] I know this may be a worn-out topic however I have to complain anyway. I have a very small business here on BPK with only two employees and my water bill for washing hands and the occasional flush use to be about $12.00 per month. This month for a whopping 473 gallons of water I was charged $45.53. Looks like $38.30 is the base charge even if you use zero water, so peeing out back in the parking lot will not save much money. I am pissed!
Tor is free software for enabling anonymous communication. or is also used for illegal activities, e.g., to gain access to censored information, to organize political activities, or to circumvent laws against criticism of heads of state.

Tor has been described by The Economist, in relation to Bitcoin and Silk Road, as being “a dark corner of the web” and mostly funded by the U.S. Federal Government.  Isn’t that sweet? Link

Another week passed where I had no need for algebra.

[County Refuses Money] The internet transient rental booking site Airbnb wants the Monroe County Tax Collector’s Office to accept a $360,000 settlement to cover taxes for 2016, but, instead, the county wants names and addresses of the rental properties so they can shut them down. The company has seen 50 percent growth in Airbnb guests to Monroe County since last year.
[International Department] I think the sure way to settle this situation with No. Korea is for Mr. Trump and Mr. Un to meet and Sumo wrestle one time and get it over once and for all.
[Sick Minds] I’m finally convinced:I believe our country’s leader suffers from neurosyphilis like Adolf and Idi did.
Thank you to the person who shared the Good Cemetarian link.  What a great guy he is. Link
[Cinco de Mayo] Brake out the Don Julio Tequila and Rosarita Refried Frijoles. Where’s the Mariachi band. It’s time to Party Like a Mexican. What a time for a humongous party. Cities across the USA celebrate exactly what? Even in Habana Norte (Miami) the Cubans take to Calle Ocho for the longest block party ever. And why don’t the Mexicans party like we do in the States? Well folks, it’s the anniversary of a battle in the town of Puebla in 1862 where a group of ragtag Mexicans accidentally defeated the French garrison there. You could compare it to a national celebration for the Marines raising the flag on Mt Suribachi on Iwo Jima. All across the country–Mexico that is–it’s generally unknown. But in America it doesn’t take much to create a party. Down here in Key West they’ve created the party of the weekend. Got to keep the money pouring in. ¡Olé!



No Trespassing! Looks like the key deer have moved into the old shrimp farm on Summerland Key. There have been 2 of them feeding on the grass lately inside the fenced in area. This is the same property that they wanted to build the new multi-unit housing project. Here’s another reason to abandon that project

[“Term limits”] If he or her is an incumbent, vote for the other person, problem solved

If you think they are quiet about diving deaths. Then you hear even less about shark bites.

Not only is Wendy’s food superior to McDonald’s, but the Wendy’s in KW has the best music. Where else can you listen to Tom Petty, The Dead, and The Band, back to back, except in your living room!



[People With Too Much Money] You can buy this do-nothing plate that thaws meat in 10-30 minutes for a hundred bucks; or you can thaw the steak on your kitchen counter for the same 10-30 minutes – for free.

[Magic] It’s enough to drive you to drink! For all wine lovers, this trick has me stumped. Can you explain how he hides the bottles? or the glass? where do so many come from?  I’ve got to get some of those tubes! Video




[“CT being sued”] Luckily for Deer Ed, he hired the best.

[Cahoots] During my many trips I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! I may have been in Continent, but I don’t remember what country I was in. It’s pretty warm there, especially when I sneeze.
~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key. Thanks for the support. Without U there is no US
A grain of sand from a Mideast desert is windblown and rounded by tumbling over and over. It won’t compact so it won’t hold a plant. You can’t grow stuff in it. Because each grain is rounded, desert sand cannot be used in construction to make concrete. Desert sand is only good when used in hour glasses–it can’t compact and stop the flow of time. That’s why India’s rivers are being removed of their sand–river sand is faceted and will compact beautifully. Dubai has created a large illegal industry in India stealing river sand at night and shipping it to Dubai. Yes, selling sand to the Arabs because India’s grains are faceted and Dubai’s are round and are no good for construction.
[Waterworld] I wonder what the world would be like if all cities and military installations everywhere were turned into very deep fresh water lakes? Peace on earth with lots of farmers.




“Clearing Skies” by Henry Peter

[City Refuses Money] Airbnb estimated that the Monroe County Tax Collector’s Office would have received $360,000 in hotel room taxes from transient rentals rented through the company’s website if the county had an agreement with the company. The city refused the offer?
With everyone suing everyone for anything the best way not to get sued is never state a fact, always form your post as a question asking for people to respond with their opinions.


Did Underseas Dive Shop move or close up? They called me several times offering a discount if I reserved dive gear for mini season and I thought that was a little weird. Glad I didn’t bite!

Miami men charged with illegal dumping on Big Pine Key. The cops came but had a hard time figuring out what was dumped and what belonged there. They arrested everyone anyway!
[“Deer Ed being sued for libel”] To do something, however small, to make others happier & better, is the highest ambition, the most elevating hope, which can inspire a human being.  ~John Lubbock

Deer Ed, Thanks for the freedom of speech on the Coconut Telegraph!

[“Yankee restaurant owners using instant grits”] Nah, we feed grits to our gold fish and other stupid creatures that eat that stuff!
[“How many diving deaths”] I used to be an Instructor, before that a Dive Master, before that, well I grew up diving in Florida! Here’s the deal on diving deaths – most are caused by diver’s health in the Keys. Most of what we see are tourist snorkelers – old, out of shape with unknown cardiovascular disease – coming here and getting in the water. I’ve seen them panic when feeling slight current. I’ve seen them not listen and get too far from the boat. Panic and dog paddling don’t mix.

As far as SCUBA incidents, they are minimal, but usually the same thing–out of shape, they get scared, panic, heart attack and drown. The shark expert who died on a rebreather knew the risk, he took the risk, and lost the bet. The real deal is this, more people dive and return for another dive, than those who dive and die. Get off your butt and take a local class, it’s legal fun!

Why I stand up when the National Anthem plays. Link

Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store, down town Pine Key!

[Writers Group] Greetings, writers and aspiring writers. As always, all genres and levels are welcome. We’ll meet at the Big Pine Key library from 1-3 pm. Optional meet and greet for lunch at Bistro 31 at noon (arrive no later than 11:45 am if you want to order breakfast, 11:30 am even better). See you there! Full Menu > Ongoing Events
Stupid is that stupid does is so true, so why don’t life and health insurance companies void your policy when you do really dumb things like ski diving, mountain climbing, diving, eating fast food and anything else that will kill your dumb ass?


[Autism Society of the Keys] Photo by Carol Ellis Photography. Photo caption:  Left to right – Craig Campbell, Kelly Gusta, Jill Campbell of ASK and Ocean Reef Community Foundation Grants Committee Chair, Janie Sims

Hey, FDOT! Here is an idea. How about hiring engineers that can get it right the first time so you don’t have to waste so much goddamn money redoing projects.
When nothing is sure, everything is possible.  ~Margaret Atwood


[Free Magazine] Computer Power User. Link

Vanishing ocean floor in the Florida Keys worsens risks from sea rise, study finds. Link
[Conch Republic Days Parade 2017 by Larry Blackburn] Doesn’t he take pictures of anyone under 60 and old drag queens? Seems like Key West turned into Wrinkle City retirement home. Rename is AARP Key. Old drag queens never die, they just blow away!



Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.  ~Samuel Johnson (1709 – 1784)

A friend in my favorite bar said that old quip: “Nothing’s scared.” I replied, “That is the truest statement you’ve ever made!” He’s not religious anymore!
[Box Office Hits 1 Billion For SiFi Flick] It’s sad when a stupid movie makes more money than most large businesses do in a year.
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