2018 May

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsLetters to the editor with pictures since 0202. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.​​​

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(Ed: I’m sorry for just publishing the Coconut Telegraph. I thought today was Monday and I was to publish tomorrow. Memorial Day screwed me up. It’s now 1 am.)
[“Real estate agents or politicians lowest form of humanity”] That is a hard choice, but I go with real estate agents. Did you ever have a selling agent not show up at your closing because no checks were being issued and not even telling you that was her reason for not showing? She had previously been informed by the attorney but neglected to tell us and we showed expecting to get paid for selling our house. My agent, attorney and buyer’s attorney had no intention of paying us when we were selling our home but wanted us to sign over the deed, telling us we’d get our money in 5-7 days. Once we said call the buyer (in Indiana) and tell them the deal is off and all the money they’ve spent is down the drain as the contract (as do most) stated “Seller is to be paid in full at closing or this contract is considered null and void.” We had to fight for two hours to get the funds transferred into our account. Our agent was a total dirt bag. Don’t let anyone try to pull this off on you–only in the Keys!
[GM Killed Their Best Product Ever] GM had produced thousands of electric cars, and shredded them all! Video

[“Military standards”] I agree with Friday’s poster regarding the military’s right to dictate the standards for enlistee

s, rather than bending to the needs of enlistees. However, this has to be balanced against the challenges of an all-volunteer military.  Additionally, the majority of today’s youth are overweight or obese, making them ineligible for service. A recruiter’s job must be difficult.

[“Dangerous driver”] You all are lucky to be alive. Suggestion: Dial *FHP on your cell phone. The nearest Florida Highway Patrol dispatch will answer. Report the issue. The FHP will respond and put out a BOLO. On two occasions we got two drunk drivers off the Oversaes Highway. It works. Stay safe!
[New Deer Saviors in Town] Save Our Key Deer. We are primarily trying to make locals and the Refuge realize that there is a new organization here that is here full-time (unlike the original “Key Deer Alliance” that shuts down for half the year) with scientists and vets on-board (including vets from the Miami Zoo and prestigious universities such as Tufts). Myself and my company has had very long-term relationships with California Dept. of Fish & Wildlife, Oregon Dept. of same and many others around the country.

When my spouse and I moved here we assumed I could work with the local fed and state people in the same way.  I even offered serious funding to do, for example, an aerial IR deer count to really figure out how many Key deer there are. I was rebuffed, to my complete consternation.

[Memorial Day Ceremony] Purple Heart recipients killed in action were remembered in Key Largo on Memorial Day. Gathering at the Murray Nelson Government Center, citizens paid tribute to members of our Armed Forces killed in combat. State Representative Holly Raschien, County Commissioner Sylvia Murphy, Captain Don Fanelli, Sheriff’s Department Deputies, Key Largo Fire Departments, First Responders and an awesome Coast Guard Honor Guard; dignified the event by their presence.

Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 10211 provided a free Memorial Day treat to the public after the service. New management and kitchen at the VFW, along with a smoke free environment, created an enjoyable setting and celebration for everyone after the commemorative ceremony.

[“$8.99 Basa dinner at Hook’d”] And you’re getting “hooked”. Basa is farm raised crapfish from Asia. It like it’s crapfish “sustainable farmed” cousin Tilapia. In the United States, basa from Vietnam has been banned in Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama after it was claimed that illegal antibiotics turned up in samples of the fish. On its website,, the Vancouver Aquarium’s Ocean Wise Program does not recommend consumers buy Basa. Aquarium experts say open-cage farming in Southeast Asia is associated with disease outbreaks and infection of wild Basa populations. They also note there are also concerns about feed quality, farm operating standards and the biological impact of using wild stock for culturing.
Seafood is like anything else, you get what you pay for. Unless, of course, the restaurateur is substituting your “grouper” with one of these Asian varieties; and yes, it’s happened in the Keys and other parts of Florida, ask FWC.


[Winn Dixie] Weekly ad. Link

The AARP June calendar of events is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
[Powerful Medicinal Plants] Traditionally, mulberry fruit has been used as a medicinal agent to nourish the yin and blood, benefit the kidneys, and treat weakness, fatigue, anemia, and premature graying of hair. Link


[Spying] Amazon’s Echo personal assistant recorded a Portland, Oregon, family’s private conversation and then sent the recording to an acquaintance in Seattle. Link

[Bad Spam] The U.S. Department of Agriculture is recalling more than 228,000 pounds of Spam made by Minnesota-based Hormel after four consumers complained about metal objects in the food. Link
[Canal Debris] Does anyone know who or when the County or State is going to start cleaning up the canals from all the Hurricane Irma debris? It’s sad to see the state of our surrounding waters & canal systems. We are in an area of State Critical Concern–a Federal Sanctuary! Why hasn’t the government stepped in to help? There are no more fish, lobster or crabs in our canals, they all disappeared. here we go again, Hurricane season starts soon.


[Memorial Day] Its a day to reflect on those Americans who would rather die than “take a knee” showing disrespect to the millions of young Americans who sacrificed their lives so that you’ve got the ability to get rich in this country. Just imagine what your life would be like if you were born in Ethiopia (no offense to Ethiopia).

[Bad Europe] Couple’s pictures and comments of Paris today. An email showing cultural changes in Paris reminds us that, for better or worse, Europe as we know it is dying as a new Europe takes its place. Link
[KW Utility Board] I’m Beth Ramsay-Vickrey and I’m running for the KW Utility Board (aka: Keys Energy Board) because I care about your costs, our community and the conservation of our Keys. These aren’t empty campaign words, or a meaningless slogan, these are the actions I’ve demonstrated for more than 10 years now.

I am the Only Candidate who participated in updating the electric, utility, and conservation sections of our new 2030 County Comprehensive Plan.  Over that 3-year period, I attended more than 50 meetings, sent emails, and had numerous conversations with Keys Energy, FKAA, County officials, USFWS, and the Public Service Commission.

Most of my suggestions were incorporated into the new Comp Plan, including (1) clarifications on the autonomous nature of our electric utility (Keys Energy) and the legal inability for local County interference with utility regulation, (2) new grid-tie opportunities, (3) ROGO points for concrete cisterns, (4) water quality and canal restoration efforts, and (5) general quality of life issues we all care about. I wasn’t paid to work on updating the electric, utility, and conservation section of our new 2030 Comp Plan; I did it as a private citizen because I care about our community.

This year, for the first time ever, we (who live outside of Key West proper) finally get a representative on the Keys Energy Utility Board.  And I am the candidate for that seat (“D”) with a track record of more than 10 years successfully advancing our local electric, utility, and conservation policies, initiatives, and goals. I’d appreciate your consideration and vote on August 28th .

Thank you,
Beth Ramsay-Vickrey,





First storm of the year. Here we go again! Tropical weather outlook. Link

Get a life. There have been The Keys before tourism and there will be the Keys after the County Commissioners and the Tourists Development Council totally f**k up what is left. The Keys are about people and attitudes. Not about development or engineering more events to bring in tons of money. But that’s progress? Life isn’t about how much money you acquire but how much you enjoyed while you were alive.

We’ve only got one chance—why blow it. ~ Dr. Geno

[Veterans] This country has not seen and probably will never know the true level of sacrifice of our veterans. As a civilian I owe an unpayable debt to all our military. Going forward let’s not send our servicemen and women off to war or conflict zones unless it is overwhelmingly justifiable and on moral high ground. The men of WWII were the greatest generation, perhaps Korea the forgotten, Vietnam the trampled, Cold War unsung and Iraqi Freedom and Afghanistan vets underestimated. Every generation has proved itself to be worthy to stand up to the precedent of the greatest generation. Going back to the Revolution, American soldiers have been the best in the world. Let’s all take a remembrance for all veterans who served or are serving, peace time or wartime and gone or still with us.  ~Coconuts Bar & Liquor Store
[“Dangerous driver”] Your search was successful. All you need to do is activate your account to unlock and view your report instantly.
093QZW, Year: 2014, Make: Buick, Model: LaCrosse Leather, Body: Sedan 4D, Engine: 3.6L V6 SIDI, Full Report: Available
[“Dangerous driver”] Did you contact Monroe County Sheriff Dispatch? I would call that a very dangerous driver and I would have called 911 with a description. It’s amazing how quick they could meet them at the other end of the bridge or going onto BPK. MCSO will want to know your location (mile marker) and north or southbound. You do not need to give name, but can use Concerned Citizen, however leaving your name & number allows for call back. Dispatch for non-emergency is 305.289.2351
I was wondering who Irene U. Hooper was after the Pine Channel Bridges were named after her recently. It turns out, she was the founder of Seacamp on Big Pine Key. What a nice and fitting tribute.
[“Name that turd”] That turd is from a Key deer that is somewhat sick. Could be from bad stuff he/she ate or a gastrointestinal infection.  The progression is from pellets, to what your photo shows (stuck together), to (let’s hope not) semi or full diarrhea.  Lots of times it resolves itself.  If you find this deer progressing to diarrhea and it is on private land, please contact Save Our Key Deer. Link

[Running Race] I was driving on U.S. 1 both days that the Keys 100 runners were out last weekend. Most of them didn’t look too happy. No wonder – some of them were doing 100 or 50 miles – all in a near constant rain. I had to admire their perseverance

[Pressure Points] Pressure points to relieve pain, dizziness and skin problems. Video


[Lunula] Fingernails indicate health issues. If you look at your fingernails, you’ll notice light areas at the base. Their change in color, shape, or size can indicate not only the presence of a disease but also the predisposition to it. For instance, if your lunula is black or gray, you need to see a doctor immediately! Video

[Robo Calls] Forward text to 7726 to help block robo calls.


[“Name that turd”] Looks like raccoon turd to me.  What do I win?  ~Gary Zasuwa



[Ticks] It’s going to be hot this summer and the deer ticks will be on the attack. Wash your pets with anti-everything weekly, especially if you live on Big Pine Key

[Clown Wasn’t Funny] Little Caesars worker fatally shoots attacker wearing clown mask. Video
[“$8.99 Basa dinner”] To the poster who is enamored with the fresh fish found in LA.  I hate to break it to you but that fresh Bassa is the same cheap, Asian, farm raised, always frozen, catfish fish sold here.  Your picture of your plate looks just like what was sold at the Big Pine Restaurant for years. I am not saying that it doesn’t taste good, just that you know little about fish.




Follow the Coconut Telegraph on Facebook! (Ed: Well, what do you know, we’re on Facebook! Little did I know.)

[Disaster] I Thought the Irma disaster was just the physical event. It turns out that the aftermath of rebuilding, replanting, repairing, repaving—was the real disaster!




Be safe out there

Could all the hurricanes be man-made? Didn’t the Germans and Chinese try to develop weather control? Link
The sad thing about real stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it.



[Tomatoes] It is said that May is the best month for tasty tomatoes.

[Blending In] Almost all the sedans in LA are Toyotas or Hondas, with a smattering of Mercedes and BMWs thrown into the mix. And almost all of them are silver, grey, or white.




[M*A*S*H*] Okay, raise your hand if you feel old!  How about Klinger, now 83 years old.  Hot Lips Hoolahan is 80.

[“The dangerous  driver”] It really upsets me to read articles like that. You’re probably one of those drivers who go 35 mph on US1 and block traffic for 5 miles behind you. You put people’s lives in danger because some people actually have jobs or have something important to do, while you’re fiddling around. We only hear your side of the story. How dare you post that information and want everyone to assume that she is a bad guy, when it’s probably your doing (you have to be over 60).
Friday’s ostrich video reminded me of being chased like that by a skinny waitress at MM 19 because I didn’t tip her!


[Toothpaste] Colgate Advanced Whitening hardens in the spout and in the sides of the sink. You need a chisel to get it out. Save your money and buy Aim for a dollar. It has the same claims and approvals as the expensive stuff but at a third of the price. Don’t be fooled by advertising.

[Captain doom and Gloom] The County Commissioners, the Tourist development Council, and all those big buck tourist resorts and t-shirt shops were anticipating making lots of money over the Memorial Day weekend. Too bad Mother Nature had other plans. It’s so special watching all the tourists filling up their shopping carts in Winn Dixie because there’s nothing else to do. Hopefully, Mother Nature has more surprises upcoming.
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