2016 November

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002. Published Tuesdays and Fridays
Letters to the Editor with pictures


[Moose Suffragettes] Please let all who are Moose members, especially here on BPK, that the Woman Of The Moose, lady members who work and volunteer nonstop, are not allowed to vote on any lodge issues. For Pete’s sake, the national and state organizations need to catch up to the current times. Women are no longer chained to their stoves. They run companies, many families, our lodge, and now most likely our nation. I cannot believe preventing women from voting has never been updated and changed in the Moose organization. If women stopped volunteering for one month at any lodge what do you suppose would happen? We deserve to vote!

I attempted to connect to on my Windows 7 laptop and instead got “Error 404 – Web app not found. The web app you have attempted to reach is not available in this Microsoft Azure App Service region.” Link
zombie_deerTo the man who hopes all the Key Deer die in hopes that the BPK speed limit gets raised to 50 MPH. That’s just an inappropriate, sick, please-just-leave-our-party joke right? Or are you really that insensitive and stupid? Have you seen one of these animals in the end-stages of screwworm?  I propose we meet, and I shove a few of the screwworm maggots up your sorry kulo. Then I’ll keep you around for about 10 hours.  After that you will exceed your desired 50 mph speed limit screaming and just running on your feet. No need for signs.

To the person suggesting that grinder pumps are the breeding ground of screwworm: Please, since you have internet, can you just Google the screwworm fly lifecycle and learn some concrete facts about these parasites? Why post a totally stupid post that ignores all the facts known for a century about screwworm infections. They do not eat garbage. They eat living tissue! (Review your horror DVD library).

Ughhhh, are the Lower Keys just a place for people with sub-IQ’s and unwilling to learn anything new to aggregate and die.

[Vote No on Solar Amendment 1] Utilities — including Florida Power & Light Co. — have spent upward of $20 million trying to get the amendment on the ballot that would make solar users pay for lost revenue the utility companies lose because of alternative energy.
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[Screwworm Treatment Update] Friday we treated 65 deer, 24 males and 41 females.  This was in region 4, southern Big Pine Key area.  We are moving our manned neighborhood station times on Sunday to accommodate daylight savings time.  Morning stations will be manned 7 am -9 am, and evening stations from 3-5 pm.  You will be able to keep your treatments overnight if you check it out in the evenings. (Just keep it secured from pets and people, out of sunlight, and not refrigerated, and 85°F).

Please return data sheets and left over treatments the following day. Reminders for data sheets:
Only record deer that you treat
Only record one deer per line
Mark the location of the deer on the attached map.
Return data sheet that day or the following day, but if you hold overnight, please email with your results each evening.

That is it for now, please keep me posted with any questions or comments.  ~Kristie Killam, Park Ranger/Visitor Services



[Name that Building] Is this the former Bank of America building on BPK? If so, what was it before it was a bank?

[The Times They Are a-Changin’] 1998: Don’t get in strangers’ cars. Don’t meet people from the internet!
2016: Literally summon strangers from the internet to get in their car.
elian-gonzalezI just read this morning that Janet Reno passed away. Janet was a Florida girl who is remembered as being the 1st Female US Attorney. However, Janet’s most important action taken on her watch was to send Elián González, the “illegal alien” back where he came from. There was extreme pressure from the Government and the Cuban population of Miami to let Elián González stay in Miami with his grandparents. Elian’s Father and Elián himself wanted him to be back in Cuba. Janet will be known for following the law. Too bad our current Justice Department apparently doesn’t get it. Link
A guide to news as reported by our newspapers.
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles
USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand The New York Times.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could find the time — and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.
The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it.
The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the subway.
The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state, and would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.
The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy.
The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.
The Philly Enquirer is read by people who own parrots and canaries that read and Democrats who like comics!
The Key West Citizen is read by hippies, heads, snowbirds, gays, fat chicks from NJ, and other near-do-wells who live in their own Conch Republic closets.
dsc_0054[Emergency Sale] This boat was on the highway near Springers the Saturday before last. It seemed the guy needed money–fast; and I was told it could be bought for $23,000 cash! What a deal on a hundred thousand dollar Grady-White. It was soon gone. Someone got a really great bargain.
[Screwworms] As of Friday, more than 16 million sterile flies had been released. They are designed to mate with wild flies, which result in the offspring not surviving.
Samsung‘s recalls of the Galaxy Note 7 smartphone estimates its loss of at least $5.3 billion as it discontinued the model, which overheated and caught fire.
coconuts-liquor-shelvesCoconuts Bar & Package store is open from 7 am to 4 am, 7 days a week. For 33 years, we have enjoyed serving Big Pine Key. Thank you for your support. Piners do Rock! Remember we always have our ‘well’ brands of Rum, Vodka, & Gin on sale for $7.99 a liter. This price is as good or better than Walgreen’s or W/D. Stop by or drive thru and check us out, we want your business and will work hard get and keep it. Thanks again Piners for 33 years of Rocking US Right at the Light.  ~The “NUT”
Does anyone know who made the sign “Island’s End” on No Name Key?

God, please save our country from these two politicians. May lightning strike them both and let us have one of their vice presidential candidates be President!

Regarding how much FKAA cares about the importance of central treatment and environmental protection, I saw last week that FKAA is finally connecting another of their septic tanks in Marathon to the city sewer. I believe they still have two aerobic systems, a septic tank, and a cesspit to go, and they got Notice to Connect in about 2009. Also, right next to the cess pit is a shallow well for direct injection of waste from the 1 MGD water treatment plant across the highway. The inspector said that when drilling that shallow well, there was a huge cavern encountered- I think he said about 30′ deep. Ironically, that old Navy cesspit is used by the main FKAA wastewater office, among others, and has such a direct connection to the ocean that it is also used for drainage from the Transmission Booster Pump Station that would be prohibited from connection to sanitary sewer. So FKAA needs to re-plumb the Booster Station to separate the two systems. After about 7 years and counting, they are obviously not in a big hurry. Because frankly, they don’t give a damn, Scarlet.
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Biggest supermoon in living memory set for November 14th – and you won’t get to see anything like it again until 2034. Link

[Credit Cards] The psychological trick that makes it harder to pay off your credit cards. Unlike your typical mortgage or car loan, credit cards are a door to open-ended debt. There exist no standard repayment plans, no deadlines to keep you on track. Beyond a token minimum each month, you’re free to mail in as much or as little money as you like. Link
CheapShots will be in the Keys this coming weekend, starting in Key West on Fri. Sat, we will be in Key West, Big Pine and Marathon. Sun, we will be in Key Largo. Go to or call 305-390-0325 for more info. There are still a couple of openings for our annual holiday dental special available.
paperwork-pile[DYI Vote Counting] Bev Harris of Black Box Voting gives step-by-step instructions for how to get an accurate vote count from voting machines. All it requires is that you tale a blank USB flash drive to the Election Registrar’s office on the day after the election and ask that it be loaded with digital files called ‘ballot images’. The law requires that your request be honored. What you do with those files is not complicated, but the process will be feasible only for those with fair computer skills. Link
Genetically Modified Organisms can soon be expected to be found in so-called “organic” foods now, thanks to sleazy US Legislature voting and the sleazy President who would not veto the Stabenow-Roberts bill, nick-named the DARK act for Deny Americans the Right to Know.
This was a big payback gift to huge corporations like Monsanto, Dow, and Bayer chemical and huge food marketing associations including the Organic Trade Association (OTA, which has had Board control seized by “Big Food”) as well as the Grocery Manufacturers Association and others.
Remember when Obama was first running for President and he promised to see that GMO food was labeled as such? Just another of his many lies. Carlos Curbelo voted for the Dark Act in spite of many thousands of written and phoned citizen requests not to, so it is a matter of influenced voting, not political party. It’s not just crops that are GMO anymore. Now it’s vitamins, enzymes, cultures, and more.
More details and a citizen petition via the Organic Consumers Association (OCA, not OTA) to the National Organic Standards Board (meets Nov 16th and could still possibly block GMOs) can be found at the link
I don’t know about you, but l’ve had enough of politics and political commercials and robocalls. So here’s a little pallet cleanser. Ozzy Man Reviews: Yanet Garcia and Mexican Weather part two. Warning, copious amounts of adult language! Video



[Keys Disease] Another Piner takes a dirt nap.

For people not familiar with Key West, Conchs are what white people born here call themselves. I can’t say I have ever heard a black person born here volunteer being a Conch, although when I asked black people born here if they were Conchs, they said they were. One black friend said white Conchs don’t view black Conchs, as Conchs.


The human being is unbelievable: It’s the only creature that cuts down a tree in order to make paper on which to write: “Save The Trees“.

I didn’t realize how many voters are non-partisan in Monroe County. I see that as a good thing. From Supervisor of Elections site:
What does the Supervisor of Elections do to earn a paycheck when there are no elections? I might want that job!
Civil War Research Guide. Link
Key West Orchid Society November newsletter is here. Full Menu > Ongoing Events
tesla-super-charger[Electric Cars] Tesla Motors has decided to stop offering unlimited free use of its 734 fast charging stations worldwide, just months before it’s scheduled to start selling a mass-market electric car. I wonder what advantage there is to buying a costly electric car if you have to pay at the electric pump. Isn’t it more efficient to buy or a cheaper gas car and pay at the gas pump? Do the disadvantages of electric vehicles still outweigh the advantages? High costs, scarcity of charging stations, limited miles before recharge, expensive battery replacement?
[Don’t Vote] Every four years my wife goes bonkers with this voting crap. She will not learn that is does not matter and that she, as well as millions of sheeple are just using up fuel to get to a so-called voting station and vote for some Manchurian candidate who is controlled by the rulers, bankers, big business and above all big brother. What will it take for people to wake up and smell the BS? We are all slaves of the totalitarian masters who started this chess game way back when some smart guy thought of an easy way to get food and make the dummies hunt for him. Ask who really owns the dirt under your feet in America. Ask who runs the European and Oriental countries. The same old world families that took control of the lands and still control all today! It will not change and there is no way for us peasants to make any changes. Just wake up, go to work, get your pittance and buy your food, cause there isn’t anything you’re going to do to change it!
[Horror Movie] The Stone Tape. The sexism in this drama isn’t simply reflective of the time, it’s absolutely part of the narrative.  The house is built on an ancient site – the direction at the end makes the walls of the cellar resemble a stone circle, suggesting an element of ritual sacrifice to the deaths in the cellar.  The misogyny and mistreatment of the heroine is absolutely part of this – throughout the narrative she is slowly crushed, undermined and discarded by the alpha male. Video
model train tracks


The Key West Model Railroad Club will hold its seventh annual Key West Model Train Show on Saturday, Nov. 19, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Moose Lodge.

[Kids Say The Darnedest Things] How did God make mothers? God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of? They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.  ~Voltaire
flag-girl-sparkle-dressAmerica’s national anthem was written by a lawyer, Francis Scott Key, after watching the British navy bombing Fort McHenry in 1814. It was set to an English social men’s club song and recognized as the national anthem in 1889. Notoriously difficult to sing, and traditionally played at public sports events and orchestral concerts, the anthem has inspired emotion and attracted controversy. We hear from Dr John Carlos who along with Dr Tommie Smith, raised their fists on the Olympic podium in the Mexico City Olympics in 1968 as the anthem was played; Jose Feliciano who sang the anthem at the 1968 World series and provoked criticism; members of the Coldstream Guards band who played the anthem at the changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace the day after 9/11 and Leon Hendrix, Jimi’s brother, who was in the army at the time of Woodstock, and was put on ‘potato peeling duty’ because of the ‘dishonourable’ version his brother had played. Audio
[“Screwworm Theory”] In deer it’s screwworms in humans it’s the crabs! Nature’s way works. Too many people, deer, cats, dogs, etc. Nature’s Way – Spirit



[Drink Like A Fish] If you don’t think like a fish you cannot drink like a fish.

I heard the commanding officer of Coast Guard Station Key West the other day refer to PWCs as motorcycles on the water. What a ‘tool’, he’s obviously never been on a motorcycle.
The Orchid Society November 13 meeting speaker is Dr. Martin Motes just returned from Thailand with new Vandas to choose from and learn about. As always, plants for sale, raffle plants and more are on hand. All are welcome, 1pm, W. Martello Gardens, Higgs Beach. KW. For info contact Marie at


[“The Screwworm is nature’s way of controlling the deer population”]  We can only hope that this will also work on the thundering herd of Jersey girls headed our way.  That herd needs to be thinned out, in more ways than one. And a reminder, as with the deer, don’t feed or pet them!

[“Honda pickup truck tailgate hinged like a car door”] Every Honda Ridgeline (since 2007, I believe) has had the feature of the 2-way tail gate and the locking trunk.  It was the deciding factor in our decision to buy a Ridgeline and we’ve never looked back

The Crow Indians count four seasons in the year; namely, green grass, yellow grass, leaf falling, and snow falling. Here in the Keys we count two seasons; summer, winter.

DEF: Life n, the irrelevant existence of dysfunctional protoplasm
DEF: Death n, the end of everything you thought mattered
DEF: Movies n, time wasting flashes of light occupying reality
DEF: Computer n. the most deadly invention ever conceived besides babies
DEF: Fantasy Fest n, a grouping of galloping gonads going goulash
DEF: Bars n. a watering hole for barstool fungus procreation
DEF: Age n, time spent doing nothing important for ones self
DFE: Tools n, manipulation devises that collect rust and dust
DEF: Dog n, a useless creature that responds unlike a cat
DEF: Politics n, that which oil companies sponsor for laughs


Being an adult and being happy are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.

Welcome to the Greedy Keys (and get used to it). These islands will soon turn into the new world disorder of low rent carney types and wall to wall tourist traps before collapsing into private gated mansion communities for the rich and infamous! I give us 5 years.
no-spam-2I am making a list of all the junk email addresses I get. When it gets to 1000 I will send them all the email addresses of all the DC politicians, the White House, FCC, FTC, and any other bureaucrats if find to see how they like it!
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