Tuesday, October 10 (it’s really Wednesday, October 11)

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002
Published Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.​

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[Love the Keys] If you never imagined that a hurricane like Irma could happen to you then you don’t belong here. It happens. It’s how we live. It takes more than perceived wealth and a sense of superiority to understand why most of us are willing to risk everything we have to cling to these precious rocks in the sea every single year. Our souls are bound to these islands and our hearts that ache, ache for nothing seemingly replaceable. If you can’t understand that or find that irresponsible you should go. You are bothering people who have a lot of work to do mending what we are fortunate to have left, including ourselves. The Keys are not here to serve you. We are caretakers with love and yes, many of us who could do “better” someplace else will choose to face the hardship of staying simply because of who we are and how we love. Life is a series of corrections, maybe this is yours. Live deeper. Life Love Ocean Rock
The Wall will be built”, but is it a scam or another government spending spree? Has anyone told the government that Mexicans know how to row a freaking boat? Seems like this is another con game being pushed by the Fence Parts Manufacturers just like all the other government contracts
A special Ride for Relief helps the Keys community and Rotary Club of Key Largo.  Cartel Baggers Miami and Ft. Lauderdale held a special fundraiser and charity ride to the Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill to benefit families and first responders of the Keys community. Hundreds of bike enthusiasts rode to the Keys on Sunday, Sept. 24 to bring necessary supplies and collect funds for the Keys community. Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill together with the Cartel Baggers group organized the event soon after the Storm.

The event brought necessary supplies, food and water. Cash contributions were also collected during Sunday’s event. Larry Calvano, owner-operator of Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill donated the cash proceeds to the Rotary Club of Key Largo. Local families and community first responders received the food goods and supplies. Link

[The Tail That Wags The Dog] Having lived here for some time, I understand that Key West is the tail that wags the dog in Monroe County and that the Lower Keys, particularly Big Pine, is the red-headed step child that always gets the short end of the stick.  This storm, however, has exposed some things that make me fighting mad.

1.  Apparently for some time now we all have been paying a premium as part of our water bills to build and maintain a reverse osmosis plant in Key West.  Irma showed us that the apparent purpose of the plant was to let Key Westers flush their toilets, wash their clothes, and take showers while the those of us in the Lower Keys were peeing in buckets in the dark.

2.  There have been 30+ trucks from the Florida Department of Transportation in Key West for more than a week picking up tree limbs and other yard waste from the side of the roads.  Have we in Big Pine seen a single DOT truck doing so?  I haven’t and I doubt anyone else has either.  One would think that the hardest hit areas would be the ones getting the bulk of the services from the state government, but such is apparently not the case.


Moving sale this Friday, 5-7 and Saturday, 8am -noon.  Tools, artwork, electric range, paddleboard, outdoor furniture…30945 Ave A, BPK.

[Call Out The Army] I know I’ll get feedback about this, but why can’t the US Army, Navy and Marines help clean up our streets of all the debris and rotting vegetation before the rats and bugs drive us out of the Keys? They have the trucks and man power to help FEMA and the State! No?

The Big Pine Moose Lodge is open and serving all of your favorite refreshing beverages from 11 a.m. until 7 p.m. Monday thru Saturday and from 10 a.m. until 7 p.m. on Sunday.  Stop in and play a game of trivia on our big screen TVs and relax with a cool cocktail or soft drink (members only and their guests).

[Scalpers] My neighbor just got a price to clean his 80×100 foot yard of a few downed trees and damaged bushes for $11,000! I would have shot the SOB.

I just got back from 4 beautiful days on BPK cleaning up our property on avenue E. Everyone was very helpful, with tool and equipment loans. For the restaurant that were open, the food was great. Kudos to the Wells Fargo volunteers who cleaned up the yard in 20 minutes! Hang in there everyone. I saw a sign that best describes this. “You can’t drown a conch”
Be safe everyone!  ~Z

[Grinder Pumps] You would think, with all the praise and puffery we’ve had from the County and FKAA, that they’d be crowing about how great their grinder pumps did in the storm. Haven’t heard a peep of self-congratulation from them yet.  Anybody?
Citizens Insurance has representatives in the area that are able to advance payments for claims if you are displaced from your primary home, if you have the coverage available on your policy. Not a rental. They are located in different offices in the Keys between Marathon and Key West and will be moving around. They do not have to be in your agency’s office for them to service you. Please call your local agent and ask if they are assigned to that office. If not call another agency to find out where they are. They will do what they can to help you. No other company is providing that service.
[Civil Rights] If you have any interest in a Federal Civil Rights case against a Monroe County Deputy and a prominent Assistant State Attorney from Key West. A case that only in the last six weeks has exposed some ethics issues within the Prosecutors Office. A case that has stood up to the challenges of two teams of defense lawyers attacks, motions for lack of merit, motions for prosecutorial immunity, motions for law enforcement immunity and a host of other challenges. Thereafter Chief Justice Moore ruled for Mandatory Mediation and trial in May 2018.

Feel free to contact me, Joseph Thomas Hopp, Big Pine Key 609-501-3868. This legal proceeding relates directly back to an incident that took place on Key Deer Blvd right outside Winn Dixie Plaza at 10 am on Sat the 4th of July weekend 2013



Neither rain, snow, sleet, Irma…

[Mosquitoes] Have all the Mosquito Control pilots evacuated and decide to stay away? Where are they? they are certainly not flying above us preventing skeeters.
Where’s Mosquito Control when we need them? Or more accurately, where’s the no-see-um control? They’re killing me!
[Cheap Loans] I’m the SBA Disaster Assistance PIO serving Monroe County.  Please let me know if you have any questions or would like to schedule an interview. I can explain what’s available from SBA and how the process works.   SBA is the primary source of federal funding in disasters.  The SBA offers low interest disaster loans to homeowners, renters and businesses of all sizes.  As of this morning, we have approved more than $40 million in disaster loans in Florida. Link

I’m also attaching some materials, including a banner ad that can be posted on your website to directly link to the SBA application process.
Thank you, Tracy “Ray” HarbourPublic Affairs Specialist
SBA-Office of Disaster Assistance
Field Operations Center East
Cell:  404 695 6628

Stewart Dowds, aka the emperor is selfless, supportive, a true friend, a pro diver that does not kill but supports life in our waters, lost it all and gives to those who he cares for, so when the day comes, if he can re-open, rent boats or get his expertise on raising yours. Sea Monkey Adventures 305-619-7288. Trust me he’s the man, the man!
Deer 149 Pelican lane, Are you afraid of the dark? I will stop by and give you a night light if you’re afraid of the dark. Otherwise, turn your lights off at 10 pm like a normal person. You have nothing worth stealing so stop lighting up the entire block.
The Florida Keys officially reopens for tourists October 1. We look forward to seeing you! Video




[New Breed] Iguana with white accents.

What do you think about getting an air purifier for the house after the tear out of moldy drywall and installation of fresh drywall, just as a precaution? Overkill? Link
[Affordable Housing Scam] There truly is an affordable housing crisis in the Keys, and Irma has made it even worse.  Monroe County has permitted many, many affordable housing projects in the Keys, but what happened to them all?  Where are they?  Are they still around?  Are they actually affordable? Link
[KW Orchid Society] Yes, we’re having an October meeting, but not at the Fort. The grounds suffered a great deal of damage & the dungeons have mold so we can’t use the meeting room for a while. Our alternate venue for October is Key West Harbour restaurant where we’re had our recent holiday brunches.  Come at noon for brunch, which is free for members, only $15 for guests. There will be a meeting at 1:30.

To get to the restaurant on Stock Island take US1 to MacDonald Ave, which turns into Maloney Ave. Go all the way to the end, Peninsular Ave,  & turn left.  Pass the boat storage building & turn into the entrance driveway. The electric gate, if it’s working, will open. Then turn left to the restaurant entrance.

Bonus: a free catleya to each member, donated by Gail Miller.

Please remove the “95 year old”from my Mormon post. Thanks
I am missing your CT.  I surely wish the internet service would return to the Keys
[1887 Arab Woman’s Hair] Her hair is rendered somewhat stiff by the solids thus introduced, it is plaited into at least two hundred fine plaits; each of these plaits is then smeared with a mixture of sandal-wood dust and either gum water or paste of dhurra flour. On the last day of the operation, each tiny plait is carefully opened by the long hairpin or skewer, and the head is lovely. Scented and frizzled in this manner with a well-greased tope or robe, the Arab lady’s toilet is complete. Her head is then a little larger than the largest sized English mop, and her perfume is something between the aroma of a perfumer’s shop and the monkey-house at the Zoological Gardens. This is considered “very killing,” and I have been quite of that opinion when a crowd of women have visited my wife in our tent, with the thermometer at 95 degrees C, and have kindly consented to allow me to remain as one of the party.


[Irma wiped out Helen Goodiski] Please help her. Helen Goodiski, lovely senior lady who most recently worked at Winn Dixie until she couldn’t and former owner of The Cracked Egg on Big Pine, can use help.  Link

Key West storm debris removal takes on epic proportions. Link
[Typhoid or the Plague] What will it be like if the piles of debris are not taken care of ASAP? Well, Wilma showed us that they will be the perfect places for rats, bugs and other vermin to have a happy home life and breed, breed, breed! I suggest the Keys get the Army Corps of Engrs to move this mess and/or have some contractor -more of our limited tax money – spray all the rotting foliage to kill everything. Ever hear of something called Typhoid, the Plague, Attack Palmettos? KW and the rest of these islands could turn into a wasteland, or is that what the developers want? Not to mention what our real estate values have crashed to!
[Crooks] Someone is trying to file a FEMA claim on a house I sold last year using my girlfriend’s name, so better watch out for such scams. Perhaps a sign of identity theft. Don’t know more yet. Scumbags are out there.
[No Wifi for Deer Ed] Here’s a possibility for connecting to internet. We usually use a Verizon jetpack (also called Mifi) to connect as needed. It has a limit of 15 gigs per month before we would pay extra. Since we are Verizon customers the device itself was free and we pay $20 per month to keep it in service. Right now we are staying in Key West because our house is uninhabitable so I can’t show it to you.

If you are a Verizon customer and if the MiFi has enough data capability for you it might be a stopgap measure. There’s no contract with the MiFi




Squirrel tries to hide nut in dog. Video

[Things to “Know Before You Go” to Key West After Hurricane IrmaVisitors are starting to trickle back into Key West after Hurricane Irma swept through the islands just one month ago. The boil water alerts are over, and we’re no longer joking about building fires with pieces of driftwood from smashed boats and adding in the tears of the homeless because there’s no electric and no one’s brought a tarp for the roof. Link

The new iPhone costs $999. The entire Cracker Barrel menu costs $887.71. Make smart choices

[Reason] To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.  ~Thomas Paine 1776
[Separation of Church and State] People have noticed a large amount of religious organizations posting news online saying they are responsible for helping thousands of people during the hurricane disasters, but in reality they seem to only help with their verbal bs to make people think organized religions are the main stay in the Keys, Texas and now Porto Rico. Do not be fooled people. These are for profit, and they are just that, are there to take control of you, your properties, and your life and money! Don’t let them get hold of the political structure of your area or you will lose the freedoms to do have now. It’s the same old playbook to take control and tell you how to live. Watch your six!
This is for our repugnant next door neighbor psycho who threatened to “stone” our dogs which barked when someone came on to our property. Our dogs did not bark that much. He doesn’t like noise. Some folks cannot tolerate noise. After multiple calls to the police and one involving his arrest for battery, he has been the laughing stock of the ‘hood. We just wanted to say greetings to the little fella and we hope that it enjoys all the generator and construction noise for the next six years and hope that it gets on some medicine which stops him from hollering at all his neighbors. We also wanted to give a shout out to the convicted shark poachers as well and it was lovely to see them in the AP. Remember when you mess with Mother Nature, she will retaliate. Add in some rotten karma and there’s your sign. Middle Finger to awful neighbors
I told my neighbor across the canal he could cut down all the ugly mangroves and drag them to the street for pick up, but he’d have to do it at night when the Holy Spy Satcom couldn’t see him. Also I asked him to tell his pretty young blond wife that it’s ok to leave the curtains open.
I wish I didn’t have so much to do.
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