2019 October

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.

[Tiny Deer] Are Key Deer the smallest deer in the World? – Interesting Facts from Save Our Key Deer Inc. Key Deer are indeed the smallest deer in North America, but they are not the smallest deer in the World. That honor belongs to the elusive “Pudu Deer” (Mapudungun püdü ) that live in a relatively wide stretch of the Andes mountains in South America. There are 2 recognized separate species – Northern and Southern pudu. The smallest ones are the Northern ones, being only 13-14” tall and weighing in at 7-13 lbs. They are weird looking but CUTE – see attached pic. They are listed as threatened, mainly due to the usual loss of natural habitat, exacerbated by their very need for extensive forage ground: Pudus are very solitary, requiring up to 60 acres of territory until they momentarily come together to mate. The rest of the year they hide under thick bamboo forests and undercover.
On a related topic, what is/was the LARGEST deer in the world? That fame goes to an extinct species – the “Irish Elk”. That animal walked around @ 7,700 years ago on the European Continent from Ireland to Russia. It is not related to any present day European elks. There are numerous theories why this species died out – one of them blaming the seemingly way-oversized antlers…that spanned up to 12 feet (!!) across. The height of the animal was 7’ – about the size of the largest recorded moose. Perhaps another example of when “your big head gets too in the way”?
[Exploiting Oil Riches] We criticize third world countries for exploiting their countries’ oil or mineral wealth and not sharing any of it with its citizens. Why don’t we criticize our country for letting the oil companies rape our nation with no return to its people? We actually pay for their pipelines so they can make more profit. We give them all our oil and even pay taxes on it at the gas pump. I’m the only one who sees the injustice of this unfair practice. I’m all by myself on this. The only state that has democratized their resources is Alaska where every citizen gets money every year from the wealth extracted from their land. Why don’t the rest of Americans receive an oil tithe?

[Robo Calls] Can I sue the telephone companies for allowing all the junk callers to connect to my phones? Can I demand a free button to completely eliminate any number that I get and have it never call me again? I’m ready to rip the damn thing out of the wall and toss my cell phones in the trash!

Comcast stopped carrying AMC where I used to watch old movies. I hate Comcast.


[“Private water line through wetlands”] Who gave the resort permission to run water lines through the mangroves? Christ, if you even prune a mangrove, they send you to Hell! How can they remove all those mangroves and not get pilloried? Those wetlands are supposed to be protected. Do those pipes, through the wetlands, supply water to Cooks Island too? I can’t even get the sewer connected down my road because the road passes over wetlands, so how did Little Palm get permission to do it? Is it more corruption? Looks like it.

[Movies] In the movies they often murder someone by smothering them with a bed pillow. I can breath through my pillow so I wouldn’t die. Murderers must buy special pillows at the murder store that you can’t breath through.




[Apostrophe] How many can see part of the reason for the notoriously low academic standing of Florida schools by simply reading this Monroe County School District coffee cup?

[Boogers] Some men, I’ve never seen a woman do it, roll the tip of their thumb across the tip of their index finger absent-mindlessly while talking. It is very distracting because I assume that they are rolling a booger. Stop it.
[The First Crapper] The first flush toilet in recorded history was that of King Minos of Crete over 2800 years ago. In 1596, a flush toilet was invented by the Godson of Queen Elizabeth I, Sir John Harrington, for her royal… use. It never caught on at the time, what with limited piped water and all. The first flush toilet patent was in 1775, but the “Silent Valveless Water Waste Preventer” patented by Albert Giblin in 1898 that was marketed (not invented) by Thomas Crapper is the one most thought of as the original. The first toilet paper was the American “Gayetty’s Medicated Paper” in 1857 and the first toilet roll was by Scott Paper in 1879. Over 100 years between toilets and toilet rolls. One company is now making 12″ diameter rolls so you never run out.
[Spartacus] His body was never found. I think I saw him the other day walking with Hitler down Duval St.
Business Directory Updates:
Walton’s Pet Shop (moved out of BPK)
BPK Flea Market (done)
Hareen’s Suncare (flea market-done)
Sunglasses Shop (flee market-done)
Coconuts Closet (flee market-done)
NNK Prop. Owner’s Assoc. (defunct)
A Caribbean Dream Spa (gone out of BPK)
Cyndee’s Snip & Snip (gone)
(Ed: Thank you to Karen for taking the time to help update our Business Directory. What a nice person you are! Kiss, kiss,)




Beach Master

In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb stuff while completely sober too!
Why is “patience” a virtue? Why can’t, “hurry the f**k up” be a virtue? Guns N’ Roses — Patience


[Be Prepared] I became a Boy Scout after watching an episode of “Fury” (the black stallion) in the 1960 where the kid joined the Scouts. I was so excited because I was going to be eleven in a few months and I would then be of an age to join. It was an exciting time because I was going to be able to wear a uniform like the Hitler Youth and carry a hatchet and hunting knife and learn how to build a fire and boil water and camp. I loved the Scouts and never missed a meeting. One of the few things I remembered form the Scouts was when we went camping in the winter. It was below zero and the Scout master taught us a lot of really good survival tips. Useful to this day. Basically, Boy Scouts was all about survival in nature and always being prepared for anything.
Fury TV Commercial

Ray Bradbury’s Tales of the Bizarre – Series 1, Night Call Collect, Episode 1. Audio
[Injection Wells] Here is an interesting but disturbing article about injection wells: The Poison Beneath Us.



[Micro Brew] Man’s body brews its own beer after yeast take over his gut microbiome. Link

[Missing Hunters] A 72-year-old hunter was found by Pennington County, S.D. Search and Rescue less than two hours after he was reported missing. The hunter was reported missing about 9 p.m. Thursday. Rescuers, along with a thermal drone, were deployed. About an hour and a half later, a Pennington County sheriff’s deputy found the hunter. The Alexandria, S.D. man was in the Black Hills hunting for elk with friends.

Another hunter lost in the Black Hills is still missing. Larry Genzlinger of Howard, S.D. was last seen Oct. 1 near Deerfield Reservoir.

The Pennington County Sheriff’s Office suggests that hunters always have a cell phone. Even if you have no cell service in one location, you might be able to get to a higher point. Also, use a GPS-guided device that marks roads. Ensure you have some food, any necessary medications, and layers of warmth. Clothing should include something orange or another bright color that can be tied to you or a nearby landmark in case you get into trouble and need to be found.

The Virginia Class submarines only have to surface every 33 years to replenish the reactor’s nuclear core. They make everything else they need on board, like water and air. During normal operation they surface only to make repairs and replenish their food—which is the best of any Service. No periscope. They see using photonic sensors instead. In addition to the 4 torpedo tubes this boat has 12 vertical tubes containing Tomahawk missiles. This class is a fast attack boat used in anti-submarine warfare and intelligence gathering operations. At 2 billion dollars each, this submarine is a marvel of technology and imagination—and a very scary machine. Video
[Give and Take] It is obvious that whenever a politician tries to do good for the people, his efforts depend on whose toes he has to step on to shift the money to get the results he wants. It’s exactly the same as a pirate ship whose half of the crew wants more of the loot than the other half of the crew gets. The only way the captain can get his way is to have the biggest and baddest fighters, with big swords, on his side. Sound familiar? The swords in today’s skirmish are news media and spin.


[Do Dot Take With Alcohol] How come they never tell us which medications go really well with alcohol?

So far FantasyFest is about half of what it used to be this week before the parade and it doesn’t look like it will get any better. Too many fat chicks from NJ.