2017 October

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

The-Coconut-Telegraph-w-CoconutsSince 2002
Published Tuesdays and Fridays. Letters to the editor with pictures.​

(Ed: Due to hurricane bs the Coconut Telegraph for Friday will be published in the afternoon. Sorry for the delay.)


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[Dead] Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers was an appropriate name for he who died of massive coronary thrombosis. It was a heartbreaker. Bye Tom, your music lives on!

[Generator Loan] Habitat for Humanity has generators and mini-fridges available on loan at no cost to those in need.  We have a temporary distribution center set up at the Big Pine Moose Lodge, 3681 Wilder Road on Big Pine Key which will be open 9am – 3pm daily through Friday, October 6th.  (additional dates and hours may be added as needed.)
[“$50 book telling you where to live”] you BIASED sack of shit—–i used to be a piner—my post was not a scam ——i wrote a booklet i sell on line—–that info was and is not free—-the next time you edit or comment remember all the people who are STUCK there and might have wanted to leave that overpriced HELL HOLE  —-i was trying to help—-your trying to play god or HITLER—your a heavy handed BIASED editor—i hope you never get internet OR power OR water–(just you)  ~the author (Ed: tsk, tsk!)
As our mission closes today, we wanted to write a small thank you note to all of the citizens of Big Pine Key.  Chris and I have been responding to disasters for more than twenty years and from the moment we arrived, the people of Big Pine Key warmly welcomed us as part of their family.  We came to help provide communications so that the public could get online in the form of a Wifi hotspot, internet café, access to FEMA, and phone calls.  We were invited as a member of the Coalition of Hope response team.    The geography of the keys and lack of places for those responding to sleep has impacted dramatically what normally happens in response to disaster, this has made the clean up process so much slower.  I know everyone is working to the solve the problem.  Chris and I just wanted to say thank you for the warm welcome and we wish we could stay with you all longer.  We will continue to help in any way we can from our offices in Virginia.  If any local services need a wifi hotspot, or any other communications services feel free to send us an email at  For now, we are sending you all hugs and our love.  Hang in there and stay hydrated!

Cat and Chris, Humanity Road.



Devotion to symbols without embracing underlying values is both empty and dangerous.

The invasion of our privacy by tele-marketers on our phones, TV, Radio, and all other media has to stop. What type of person buys from such a low class merchant that hammers you day in and day out to buy their over-priced debris? There should be an international law stating that you can Op-Out from any and all incoming connections without having to pay for the privilege! (Ed: received this 3 times. Oops, I mean 4 times, I just got another one.)
My neighbors’ tiki is in the canal and no one has been by since the hurricane. I think the house is in forclosure. Is it possible for the Corp of Engineers to pull it out? Thanks.

It is in the canal on Sunset Dr. in PPH.

[FEMA] Brand new Disaster Recovery Center opening up in Marathon. Tuesday October 3rd. See you there! Marathon Park, 3911 Overseas Highway, Marathon, FL 33050, Hours: 8:00am – 8:00pm seven days a week.

Kevin T. Sur, Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA)
Department of Homeland Security (DHS), Washington, DC

Disaster: 4337DR-FL
Cell: 832-784-7298


Forget the Community Theater of Marathon (not really) and tell us if the movie theater at Marathon will be up and running?

It’s gone now, but did you know there was a ‘booth’ with free wifi, phone calls, internet café, and access to FEMA at the flea market? They never put out a sign telling everyone. How odd.
[Hurricane Relief Variety] Why are there so many different hurricane relief sites? And different disaster websites. Can’t they all just link off It’s so confusing at a time when we don’t need confusion. I would think they would be more coordinated. And stop calling it disaster # bla, bla, just call it Irma!
There is a new UPS store in the Winn Dixie plaza next to the gym. Heidi, the nice lady that operates the store, is offering a lower rate on their mailbox service. That may help if you have been impacted by Irma and need a place to have mail and packages sent. They also have many other services that may be useful in getting things sent to Insurance companies. Hope this helps anyone trying to recover from the storm. Good luck everyone! Together we will make it through this sad time.
Hedges and perimeter foliage are not good because the police cannot view your property well, when they patrol your ‘hood.
[Property Values] Contrary to what another poster said, I believe the property values of the houses that were left standing (with only minor damage) will go up in value, as they have the distinction of surviving a Cat 4 hurricane.


[Lone Vulture Returns October 1] I saw my first turkey buzzard Sunday on BPK. We were wondering where the vultures where. There’s so much food for them, I’m surprised there aren’t a million of them here eating all the drowned bodies

[Disaster Pessimism] I’ve been realistic and singing to my mate, Mose Allison’s old, “I don’t Worry About A Thing” (because nothing’s going to be all right). Video


A whole group from a Florida Army National Guard Engineering Bn. Combat Heavy of Lake City, Fl stopped by for a photo op after doing all the heavy lifting deposited by Irma. I’m in the red t-shirt and the SF Boonie hat. 77 years old, 80% military disabled, retired Army M/Sgt, that served in an Army Eng. Bn. Combat Hvy in ’74

[All The Leaves Are Brown] Some leaves are returning after 2 weeks, particularly the green buttonwoods. I think it’ll look good in six months, but never the same!
The Mamas & The Papas – California Dreamin






We need chainsaws, people to use them, someone to haul the debris to the road, but none of these groups could help us. I even offered to pay them.
Baptist – big promises of laborer, but none ever showed.
National guard — 5 giant trucks, bigger promises, but no laborers or chainsaws.

I hear that the Mormons are here and will do actual work. I hope so.

Why are there so many different hurricane relief sites? Can’t they all just link off It’s so confusing at a time when we don’t need confusion. I would think they would be more coordinated.




[The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain] The celebrated ensemble of all-singing, all-strumming ukulele players who command a cult following. They’re no as good as Coconut’s Ukulele Orchestra, but they’re still pretty good. Audio

Does anyone else feel nausea after drinking the bottled water? I do. (Ed: it’s odd you wrote that because my disaster helper has been complaining about just that malady.)
Dear Congress, We can get thoughts from philosophers, and prayers from religious leaders.  How about action from you?

More and more birds are coming back. I saw a red wing blackbird type bird, but smaller. When it landed it seemed to puff up its wings revealing red spots circled with white.

(Ed: I’m publishing today at the library because corporate headquarters’ cable is still out. Not only do I have to use this crappy $118 laptop, but the library’s wifi keeps going out. AaahHH!)

Inspect your ceiling light fixtures for water from the rains. We had a closet light explode when we turn it on! Glass all over the place from the bulb and globe.

Don’t wait for your ship to come in; swim out to it!
Which charities have received the most donations from around the country? The Red Cross?  The United Way? I’m sure they’re doing something with that money but the most visible organizations who have been giving out food, meals, survival gear and most important of all, free labor, seems to be religious organizations. Military groups and just ordinary folks bringing supplies to hand out to the needy. It would be nice to see those groups of volunteers funded by donations as well as the big charities.



How does a wet/dry vacuum work? Can the filter get wet? My 18V vac sucks water real well and then gradually worsens. I suspect it’s because the filter gets wetter and wetter.

[Space Wanted] Single person with no pets or children looking for permanent place to park 31′ RV for living in with power and water available in Lower Keys.  Please send contact info to
[Free Disaster Supplies] Habitat for Humanity is offering free supplies to assist with Hurricane recovery to those in need in the Lower Florida Keys.  We have a temporary distribution center set up at the Big Pine Moose Lodge, 3681 Wilder Road on Big Pine Key work gloves, rubber boots with steel toes, 2000 sq. ft tarps, safety glasses, Tyvek suits, dust masks, spill absorbing cloths, powered drink mix, alcohol wipes, reflective vests, hand sanitizer, waders, “Men Working” signs.

All of the above items will be distributed for free while supplies last. Please provide proof of residency or ownership of property located in Monroe County. For additional information, contact Susan at or 305-294-9006 ext 3

Hugh Hefner will be laid to rest next to Marilyn Monroe. It’ll be the 1st  time in decades he’s slept near a woman his own age.
[Free Housing] The Rotary Club of Key Largo board of directors voted unanimously to help support displaced families of the Key Largo School district severely impacted by Irma during their board meeting Thurs. Sept 28.

Monroe County Schools in the upper keys re-opened on Mon. Sept 28. Initial student attendance reports are positive, but concerns remain high for vulnerable communities and families that were entirely displaced or significantly impacted by Hurricane Irma.

“We have been trying to help our families in need. We estimate that up to 20% of our students were severely affected and/or displaced. We have also received new students from other places that lost their homes to Irma. We are providing food and clothing to address immediate needs. Tarps, cleaning supplies, toiletries and diapers were also in high demand. Monetary donations allow us to provide gift cards for families that can get to the store themselves. For those without transportation, we can provide the actual supplies needed” said Laura Lietaert, Principal, Key Largo School.

The Rotary Club of Key Largo has been receiving communications from other Rotary Clubs nationwide with offers to help. “Rotary is also a humanitarian organization, and we are charged with the coming to the aid of our community when faced with such a crisis,” said Cris Beaty, past president of the Rotary Club of Key Largo during the recent board meeting.

Our Rotary Club has two fundraising events each year that generate funds for the Take Stock in Children Program and local vocational scholarships.  The event was scheduled for Sept 22-24 and due to Hurricane Irma is canceled. The Storm impacted the families of children who financially qualify for the Take Stock Program and other public assistance programs.

An initial monetary donation was made to Key Largo School to assist with immediate needs such as the gift cards and essential daily supplies. Rotary will continue to work with the district schools to assist the local families as needed.

The Rotary Club of Key Largo is accepting donations online to help in the rebuilding process of our community. Funds will be directed to humanitarian needs as identified by schools in the district and vital student educational scholarships. Please visit

[Hi, Are You Still Single? – Find Your Next Date Today!] Sorry Boris, I’m busy trying to clean up!

[Key Deer Deaths] You write, 60 percent of the herd is gone?  You must be seeing a lot of deer carcasses?  Where have you seen these dead deer?  They have relocated to a different part of the island and are running in groups.  Deer swim and they are not starving.  The overpass fencing is down and it makes it easier for them to go from one side of the island to the other, just like they used to do before the fence was put up.  Oh, and to the person who thought we should do a helicopter drop to supply the deer on Little Palm island, I just shake my head at you

[“Watering deer“] Kudos and thank you to the husband and wife who are putting out water for the key deer. Keep up the good work and I hope more will do the same!
[Hates The Keys] It is just not worth it to live in the Keys. Half of the year our boats are in dry dock as the waters are choppy and cold. The abuse from the government combined with sky high taxes and insurance premiums make living here impossible for most of us. Our neighbor had no insurance on his now-lost boat, despite us warning him that someone could fall or a storm could come. His adult children are struggling to pay the over-priced rent, when they should be saving up to buy a house. Some of these poor people are staying in the Keys, damn it,to help rebuild a place they cannot afford to live. And who would want to? The population of loud-mouthed New Yorkers, drug addicts, and drunks do not make for good neighbors. Save yourselves a whole lot of trouble and just relocate somewhere nice, with lower costs of living and normal people who are not disgusting Eastern seaboard criminals / con-men & women who are here now, like vultures. The rent is too damn high and it truly is not worth it, as paradise does not come easy – in fact, for many, it does not come at all. Life should not be that hard. Salt life has ruined many people’s lives and they know for sure a better life exists far away over those turquoise bridges. The Keys were a nice place to visit back in the day. Tourist attractions are better left for the tourists. Good luck to those who lost it all and need to find some peace. It won’t be in the Keys. Cut your losses and run
[Relief Food] Pale tannish disks accompanied by two flattened cylinders with sponge-like cheese-ish stuff inside. Both had been fried at one time. That’s the last meal I’ll eat from the Baptists. I thank them, but I do wonder if they have progressively worse meals as the disaster goes on, hoping to wean us from their free food handouts?
[Be Prepared] Oh, for Pete’s sake, I start preparing for hurricane season every year in May and pack the house with supplies and prep the property and the business, but when one like this hits and a tornado puts your neighbor’s house on, and all over, yours—wtf!

Try to be kind. Try to be helpful. Locals know this from experience. I lost my business and a large portion of my property/house to others’ lack of preparing and yet I work my ass off every day to help those in need. Look at the little things. The first thing I do is feed the birds who are starving and its migration time. I put out water for the animals. I get joy from a new leaf on what’s still standing. Get over your selves and be strong. We have a very special chain of islands. This was the first time I ever evacuated since 1987 and I’m glad I did. I’m so happy to be back rebuilding without any help. I’m a single 58 year old woman who’s bruised and tired under a roof leaking over my bed, but I’m still aware that it will be okay

Irma did a job on Cudjoe Gardens, but the real disaster is the newbies buying in and fencing everything, bringing in barking dogs, screaming brats and loud vehicles to degrade this adult oriented million-dollar home community, down to a low rent slum, like the rest of the Keys. I think I will give my property to some minority, IRA, ISIS or bicker gang, or refugees, then move out!
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