Friday, July 10, 2020

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002. Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage days, Tuesdays and Fridays.


[Idiot Woman Driver] Sheriff Rick Ramsay, on the radio Wednesday morning told of a crash at MM 70 yesterday. A female driver saw an iguana at the side of the road and feared it would run onto the road and she would kill it.  So she slammed on the brakes. The box truck behind her couldn’t possibly stop that quickly. He had no idea the car in front of him would slam the brakes in the middle of open highway! The box truck swerved into the oncoming lane and crashed head-on into a Ram pick-up truck. The pick-up truck was driven by the father of the 8-year old girl riding in the passenger seat.  Both had to be extricated from the pick-up with life-threatening injuries and severe leg damage, and rushed by helicopter to a Miami hospital, along with the box truck driver.



I don’t think there are any more bubblegum machines.

[Deer Killer] I live in Eden Pines and I just watched a car speeding down my street hit a deer.  The driver did not slow down before the animal was struck nor did the vehicle stop after impact.  Just another reminder that some people are just absolute pieces of crap.
[Black Lives] What are you trying to say about the Floyd tragedy? Because he was a thug he deserved to be killed? His level of thugness is entirely irrelevant. What is your point? Why even bring it up? The man was defenseless, handcuffed, and brutally killed as he cried for his mother and air. You need to rethink your level of thugness.



[Peanut Butter] Viral hack will bring all the leftover peanut butter to the top of the jar. We just stepped up our peanut butter game. Link

Governor Ron DeSantis’ political team planned $25K golf games, $250K ‘intimate gatherings,’ memos say. Internal documents from DeSantis’ political committee provide a rare peek into the inner workings of the main political operation behind Florida’s top elected official. Link



How can Naval Command contact the ballistic missile submarines in case of an EMT attack frying all electronic communications? Each submarine has enough intercontinental ballistic nuclear missiles to destroy the world.

Another alternative news source trying to commit journalism.
[Friday Joke] While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in Sydney, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.” The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis”
The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”
The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”
The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My doctor wants to cut off my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid Australian docttah, always want opawate.
Make more money dat way. No need amputate!”
“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor, “Wait two week. Fall off by itself.”



I saw a flamingo in the back country in the mid-70’s and when I contacted the authorities to report it they said it was an escaped bird from Hialeah Race Track.

Senator Scott Jensen targeted by Minnesota Medical Board for speaking out about COVID-19. Could this happen to you by speaking out? Could they come after your business or license? Video
[Black Lives] “Floyd was a thug and his arrest record is evidence” I’ll assume you’re white because you completely missed the point that black lives matter. It’s not a person’s criminal record that is the problem. It’s the police’s lack of humanism and training that’s the problem. You don’t kill people for being a**holes. Poster, you are part of the problem and remain clueless thinking black people deserve to die if they are thugs. The police are not judges nor are they executioners
[Realtors] This is what I know about realtors. Ask lots and lots of questions before you hire a Realtor. Don’t just sign paperwork assuming they are all bred, raised and educated the same. The 80/20 rule applies to that industry as well. I believe you get what you pay for in Real Estate. If you don’t do your research than you are asking for potential problems. Learn from other peoples horror stories and not your own.



[Manure Gun] The perfect non-lethal weapon to combat rioting and looting.

Jeff Holland’s diary for 2020. Link


[“What is Moose fat called”] Deer and moose fat is also called tallow.

They say the civil rights movement was non-violent. That is pure bs. The blacks endured every form of White violence they could dish out.


[Parallel Universe] About seven months have gone by since I’ve began thinking that the whole planet has fallen down a black hole and ended in a parallel universe. It seems the same but there are things so out of wack that it makes you wonder what is happening. Not only in the USA, but everywhere else on the planet people are acting irrationally. Are we about to spiral downward back towards chaos? Are the barbarians at the gate?  Oh well, wake me when it’s over.

[Death of Intelligence] America, the nation where intelligence goes to die. America will be remembered as that nation just too stupid to survive. Link


[Friday Joke] How to kill mosquitoes. The mosquito thinks that the salt is sugar. When he eats the salt, he is going to get thirsty. Thinking the white tequila is water. He drinks it, gets drunk. He starts to walk away, but he trips over the stick, hitting his head on the rock and dies of head injuries.

[Real Estate Agent] How to file a complaint against a real estate agent. Link



[Martians] When you’re supposed to come and take over Earth but you end up in the Florida Keys and discover day drinking.