Friday, July 1, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

(Ed: Tuesday, June 5, 2022’s Coconut Telegraph will be published later this morning due to a family emergency. We’re sorry for the disruption, please bear with me and come back later.)
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It seems that the mystery of the Dead Poisonwood along Key Deer Blvd. and the surrounding areas has been solved. In the last two years hundreds of poisonwood trees, Metopium toxiferum have been killed using herbicide by the National Key Deer Refuge. Even though poisonwood is a major component of the pine rockland ecosystem, the result of 5,000 years of nature plant succession on Big Pine Key and all the other Keys that have, or have had pine rocklands, they are being killed.

Thousands of poisonwoods were destroyed by Hurricane Irma along with 80% of the white crown pigeon population. The pigeons depend on poisonwood for their early season food supply. They also depend on black torch trees, Erithalis fruticosa, a small tree that produces small black fruit in June, that the pigeons love. That species is virtually extinct on Big Pine and No Name Keys as a result of years of severe over browsing by the Key Deer. This makes remaining native hardwood trees even more important.

I read in the News Barometer that the Refuge has a plan. That plan includes using herbicides to kill native trees, and using heavy machinery to clear habitat. There are also 19 species that depend on pine rockland vegetation, including white crown pigeons. The large forestry mulcher type machines that have been used to clear 133 acres of pine rockland habitat since 2016 not only grind up the native vegetation they also crack up a lot of the caprock.
Most people understand that once the caprock of a pine rockland is cracked and disturbed, it will never be the same. It is also more likely to be invaded by invasive exotic vegetation. In the areas where poisonwood was killed, invasive exotics like Brazilian pepper and Australian pine are present. The logic of this type of management escapes me. It would seem that leaving things alone would be much more beneficial to native ecosystem. It is also much cheaper. Destroying a rare habitat to save it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

[Airline Cancellations] A talking head said the massive cancellations were because airlines knew they didn’t have their normal capacity but kept selling tickets anyway. Telling us it’s a personnel issue is bogus. The issue is overselling—greed.
[Boom Cars] No more blasting the car radio across Florida. New law means fines for drivers jamming out. Link

[Friday Joke] The brain is the most amazing organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love.

The hassle over abortion rights is a mockery and is another tool to divide this nation. No person has any right to dictate what anyone can do with their life and body–period. The sickos on all sides need to wake up and smell Big Brother. There are just too many people already.


The public toilet in Serengeti National Park.

[Captain Doom and Gloom] Abortion is a joke. All a man or woman has to do is get their tube tied and have fun in the sun. [other insults deleted]
[Crime Deterrent] I just saw an article about a person that was arrested 100 times for shoplifting and then released again. Now there seems to be a problem with this situation. Why is there no punishment for this particular incident?  And why is it continuing. I think that an appropriate punishment after the first 50 arrests would be Chop off one of his hands. It this particular individual continues his crime romp then after the 75th  arrest , off goes his other hand. This punishment Might stop his shoplifting tendencies,, but then it might not if he finds a good prosthetic.


Holy Roller Bible.

Here are the Best Dressed Black Celebrities. Link
[The Karma of Snoring] The snoring of men is the karma of women. Women don’t shut up all day and men don’t shut up all night.
[More Iron Ore] U.S. Steel announced plans to upgrade its iron ore capabilities in Minnesota with a $150 million investment toward a system dedicated to producing Direct Reduced (DR)-grade pellets. The plant will be located at either its Keetac or Minntac facility on the Iron Range. Link

[Bugs Up Close] Macro portraits reveal the glamor and peril of endangered insects. Photographer Levon Biss captures the exquisite majesty of bugs—and the pressures that threaten them. Link

[“Killing protected poisonwood”] We finally found out who’s killing the poisonwood: the people hired to protect them -the US Fish and Wildlife Service. I think there are a lot of PHDs in Washington D.C. headquarters with nothing to do so they dream up ways to f**k with the land they should be protecting. Poisonwood is an important tree in the rock pineland that is exclusive to the Keys.
Sonny Barger, founder of Hells Angels, has died at 83. The iconic outlaw biker had a brief battle with cancer. Link
Eye drops are technically Blinker fluid.

Do not bow-ride! This guy was lucky when he slipped off the bow, went under the boat and got chewed up by the prop. That’s why bow-riding is outlawed.

[“Killing native Posionwood”] Perhaps the Refuge should perform a Section 7, an environmental impact study, that is usually required by the Endangered Species Act before conducting management that results in permanent environmental damage to critical habitat
[Police Escorts] Miami and Key Biscayne are now giving police escorts for bicyclist. Anyone ever try to traverse the Overseas Highway on a bike? You take your life in your hands. If not for a littered, broken glass-strew highway — it’s the maniacs driving. One time I did a mini peddle from Key West to the UPS center on Rockland Key. Never again.  I almost died many times


Serious fishing.

[Friday Joke] A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. He was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: Pastor’s Ass Out Front.
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: Bishop Scratches Pastor’s Ass
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing the news, posted the following headline the next day: Nun Has Best Ass In Town. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: Nun Sells Ass For $10
This was too much for the bishop so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: Nun Announces Her Ass Is Wild And Free
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is that being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and just cover your own, you’ll be a lot happier and live longer.

[Inflation] Independence Day sales start tonight at midnight at Winn-Dixie liquor store.

[Whistling Scrotum] 72-year-old was baffled by his ‘whistling scrotum. He discovered air was hissing out of his sack. A 72-year-old man from Ohio walked into an emergency department with a ‘whistling scrotum’ caused by air trapped inside his chest escaping from an old surgical wound. (Ed: I can usually find an appropriate picture or animation for anything, but a whistling scrotum eluded my vast resources.) Link
[Romulus and Remus] Returning wolves could be the answer to Rome’s feral hog problem. Rome is overrun with wild hogs weighing up to 200 pounds, and some wildlife officials believe the increasing wolf population could help. Link
[Roe v Wade Kaput] Congratulations to all rapists! You now have the freedom to select whatever woman you want to have your baby. Pick out a beauty.
Turmeric is one of the most effective natural nutrition and health products, and is hailed as a new super food by many nutritionists. Curcumin is the most important active ingredient in turmeric. The curcumin content in turmeric is about 3%. Oxidative stress is one of the causes of aging and many chronic diseases. Curcumin is a powerful antioxidant that can remove harmful free radicals in the body, protect cells, effectively enhance the body’s antioxidant capacity, and delay the aging process of cells. In addition, curcumin has good anti-inflammatory and anti-tumor properties. Many chronic diseases are related to long-term inflammation, such as heart disease, cancer, metabolic syndrome, Alzheimer’s disease and various degenerative diseases. Consuming 3 to 5 grams (1 tablespoon) of turmeric powder a day is very good for your health. You can buy turmeric powder online, which is very cheap.
Okinawa has 68 centenarians for every 100,000 residents, which is more than three times the population of the same size in the United States. The regular consumption of turmeric by its residents is the main reason for their health and longevity.
[S.H.I.T.] During the 16th and 17th centuries, all trading goods  were transported by ship. This was before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. Manure was shipped in dry form as it weighed a lot less than when wet. Once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began. It’s  by-product was methane gas. As it was stored below decks in bundles,  you can imagine what could and did happen.  Methane began to build-up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern – BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined what was happening.   The bundles of manure were then always stamped with the instruction “Stow High In Transit”. This meant for sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this “volatile” cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘ , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and remains in use today as a well-recognized slang word. These sailors definitely would have been in “deep shit” (meaning in trouble) if someone had taken a lantern below.
[Friday Joke] The customer tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to apologize because he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, “No problem at all, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.”

(Ed: For those of you keeping track for testing purposed, the CT was published at 9:31 am today.)