2022 August

Friday, August 12, 2022

Letters to the editor with pictures since 2002.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Coloring Book Drawing Contest] The Marathon Branch of the Monroe County Public Library is running a creative contest that may interest you. The prize is a ticket for two to the Marathon Movie Theater. There are 3 categories: Children (age 6-12), Teens  (13-18), Adults (19+)
Draw a coloring page that relates to our Library in our beautiful community. It can be as simple as you want. Final work must be hand drawn, black ink on white paper. You may sign it. Bring it to the library to give your contact information for the drawing at the end of the month. If chosen, it will be copied for kids to color-in and may be displayed on our web page and social media. It will be considered a creative donation to the library.
The contest drawing is at end of this month and submissions need to be in by the 27th of August. Email me or call Ms. Gen at the library (305-743-5156) if you have more questions.
Can’t wait to see your work and have fun!
Maria Gonzalez, Sr. Library Assistant, Marathon Branch, Monroe County Public Library, gonzalez-maria@monroecounty-fl.g

[Marriage] These are the only times when wives will admit they’re wrong and apologize.

Samsung announces new Galaxy Z folding phones. Open two pages at once side-by-side. Link

[Mars Vehicles] A fleet of vehicles will be required to deliver rock samples from Mars to Earth in the early 2030s.

When Neil Armstrong was pondering what his first words on the Lunar surface would be during the Apollo 11 landing, Command Module pilot Michael Coliins, jokingly suggested: “If you had any balls, you’d say ‘Oh, my God, what is that thing?’ then scream and cut your mic. “

[“Don’t legalize it”] “Medical ok, not otherwise” Medical means you get high but don’t feel ‘good’? Is that your thinking? A piece of paper (prescription) stops the pot from getting you high?
[Spam] Getting all that foreign spam and unblockable junk email is awful. So just forward it to the White House, Congress, and to your ISP.
[Fascinating things on old tombstones]
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903–Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up and no place to go.In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid, We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw
[Medicare Part G] The Gun option. Don’t do all that work to get bennies, just go to Mexico or Cuba then wash up on a Keys beach for free everything

[Healthcare] Over 500 Canadian doctors protest raises, say they’re being paid too much (yes, “too much”). Link

[“Don’t legalize it”] Mind your own business. We live in the Keys, but both of us are retired from NY state. How about returning to NY state. We have been here in the Keys for decades and don’t care what you want just because you just moved here. I wish we could make it illegal for New Yorkers to move here (and a few other states too).


Typical happily married couple.

[Friday Joke] That morning, I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday,’ and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ‘Happy Birthday. ‘I thought, well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids, they will remember. My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat dejected.

As I walked into my office, my handsome boss, Rick, said, “Good morning, pretty lady, and by the way Happy Birthday” I felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, “It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch just you and me.”
I said, “Thanks Rick, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.”
We went to lunch, but we didn’t go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each, and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office Rick said, ‘it’s such a beautiful day; we don’t need to go straight back to the office, do we?” I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?” He said, “Let’s drop by my place, it’s just around the corner”.
After arriving at his house Rick turned to me and said, “If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.”
“Ok,” I nervously replied. He went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes he came out carrying a huge birthday cake followed by my husband, my kids, my parents, and dozens of my friends and co-workers all singing ‘Happy Birthday To You.’
And I just sat there on the couch—naked!

I’m not a financial biggie, I don’t really know how the stock market really works.  I lost a lot of my retirement money last month when the market went way down. It’s up again. Yesterday, I got my monthly report from TD Ameritrade and I made $40,000! That’s just by leaving my money in the stock market for the long haul. If you do that you’ll never lose a dime. It always goes up and down, but historically the market always goes up. Like me, if you don’t know what you are doing, just leave your money there and it’ll always go up.
America is one of the best countries in the nation!
Pizza doesn’t do well down here, guys. Go up to Phlly and learn about real pizza!
[“Slow pokes”] I see Mario Andretti seems to be in a hurry to get somewhere in the Keys.  Mario believes that the roads are built for higher speeds than what is posted by FL DOT. Most law enforcement agencies in Florida have a written policy for officers not writing a speeding ticket unless they are over 7 miles per hour (MPH) or more (check website under General Orders).  The radars that law enforcement uses are very accurate and most officers set a higher standard than 7 MPH because they couldn’t get anywhere with all the speeders.  Have you noticed all the empty patrol cars parked on the side of the road now trying to get drivers to slow down? In my humble opinion, the speeds have increase and this is the fault of the Florida Highway Patrol for not writing more tickets or at least stopping violator(s) and warning them about their speed. Furthermore it seems most officer’s want to make a good case instead of a chicken-manure-case before the court.
Mario doesn’t understand that two things kill motorists:  Alcohol and Speed.  So, with this in mind and the fact that the last speeding ticket I got and deserved was over 45 years ago.  Mario you can depend on me to keep driving the posted speed limit with my cruise control.  Lead the pack. Drive the posted speed limit.  Have a nice day. Video
[Hates The Keys] The only thing that is not overpriced or garbage is the Keys exit sign.

The best job on a ranch is the bull’s. He doesn’t work, he just eats and has sex. What a job?

[“Slow pokes”] A Deputy told me they don’t give tickets unless the driver is going 10 mph over the speed limit. Anything less is unenforceable in court due to speedometer fluctuations. That’s the main reason everyone (except the very old) drive 5 mph over the limit.
Letter to the EPA and FDEP from 30 Florida organizations concerned about water quality in the Florida Keys.  Our thousands of supporters from both the Keys and around the state feel this issue is critical and newsworthy.  Will you help us get the word out and educate Keys citizens?
Ann Olsen, Spokesperson for FOLKS 847-513-4734 Shallow Sewage Well Problems 8-4-22

New from Ronco, Bluetooth jumper cables! Find them next to the Ronco Turn Signal Fluid.

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAaaahhh!, a talking muffin!”
[Buffalo] Between 1872 and 1873 over three million buffalo were killed. The result was to destroy the basis of the way of life of the peoples who inhabited the area where the annihilation took place.  In the southern plains, everything the Kiowas had, came from the buffalo. Our tipis were made of buffalo hides. so were our clothes and moccasins. We ate buffalo meat. Our containers were made of hide or of bladders or stomachs from the buffalo. Buffalo were the life of the Kiowas. Killing the buffalo meant killing the way of life and livelihood of the indigenous people in order to make them dependent on the government. It’s good to remember what the US government is capable of to get what it wants.
[Can’t see latest CT?] The Coconut Telegraph was published at 10:37 am this morning. If you have trouble accessing the Coconut Telegraph on your phone, please hit the refresh icon in your computer’s browser or phone’s browser: In your phone’s browsers’ address bar >  type: > click the menu’s 4 bars or dots in the upper right > Click the refresh icon – an open circle with an arrow at one end.

This primer is using an android browser, but Safari is similar.
Open any site (CT) you want. To the right of the address bar is the menu (bars or dots). Touch it. Then touch the refresh icon (circle with arrow at one end). That’s it.