2023 August

Friday, August 18, 2023

The un-social media since 2002 with 60,000 followers.
Published on Big Pine Key’s garbage pick-up days,
Tuesdays and Fridays.

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[Summer] It was a perfect summer day in the Keys. Not a ripple to be seen. The sky was perfectly reflected on the water. It was truly glorious. It doesn’t get any better than this. (Just after I took this photo and was in Keys heaven, my propeller spun a hub ($750) and I had to limp back to the dock at 5mph. Just as the guru has said, “Don’t get too high because your bubble will burst.”
[Hidden Fees] Yesterday I got home from All Keys Yamaha and noticed a 3% “convenience fee” tacked onto my bill for using a credit card to pay. They should have told me beforehand and I would have paid cash. I guess I’ll have to start asking before I pay for anything from now on.
[The Richest People In The World] This list is the only way I could figure out who to invite to my lawn party this September. See if you’re on it! Link
[Friday Joke] My nephew up in Miami started going out with one of the young ladies that do the weather up there. I asked him how it was going, and he said it was nice to be dating a woman who was wrong over half the time.

Sleep deprivation may cause psychosis and steep mood swings.

[Favorite Movie] Math trick to reveal your all-time favorite movie. I love math tricks. This one really works and will only take you about ten-seconds. Amazingly it really works to reveal your all-time favorite movie. I’m pretty good at math so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities. Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it is my very favorite movie ever! Link
[Book Burning] School district uses ChatGPT to help remove library books. Faced with new legislation, Iowa’s Mason City Community School District asked ChatGPT if certain books ‘contain a description or depiction of a sex act.’ Link


Call Jimmy Buffett, I found it!

Prostate cancer is a silent foe, often without symptoms until it’s advanced, but it’s one you can outsmart by understanding its early warning signs. People are just finding out about these silent but very dangerous new symptoms. Don’t be a statistic – be a survivor. Link
Big Pine Library Book Club will be meeting Saturday, August 19th at 10:00 am to discuss Harlem Shuffle by Colson Whitehead. We always meet the third Saturday of the month. Full Menu > Big Pine Book Lovers Book Club
The Rolling Stones – Harlem Shuffle
We will be visited during the meeting by the new Branch Manager, Faith Price.  Faith is excited to work with us and is interested in hearing what books we would like added to the collection at the Big Pine Branch and the book club in the bag program.  Bring your suggestions.  She is especially interested in expanding the non-fiction selection!
Next week the shelves for the Friends book sale will be completed.   Please bring gently used books to add to our collection.
For September 16’s book club, the book is Aquarium by Ya’arah Shehori
Scientists made a Pink Floyd album cover from brain scans. By analyzing patients’ neural activity, researchers reconstructed audio from ‘Another Brick in the Wall (Part 1). Link
[Brown-outs] Why it is that people think electric companies love the hot weather? It causes more stress and complications and breakdowns on their antique infrastructures than you can imagine. I’m amazed it works as well as it does. Anyway, in Tennessee, I don’t miss the Keys’ brownouts. Wait till the whole grid dies, then we’ll have something to grumble about. (Go Otters!)


Testicular injuries in woman’s sports.

[Out Of Business] I grew up in the inner city and every neighborhood had a tailor, TV & radio repair shop, and a cobbler. All are gone now.


[Smell] Why your dog needs to smell the world. Let that powerful nose run free. Link

[Very Drunk Boater] 61 booze containers on crashed boat in Keys resulting in death — and parents outraged over minor charges. Fish and Wildlife investigator found 61 empty alcoholic beverage containers, an empty bottle of champagne and a half-consumed bottle of liquor on the boat after it crashed. Link
[Bees Block Entrance to Key West] Key West police diverted traffic in parts of the Southernmost City Wednesday afternoon from a large bee infestation “swarming” the area. The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office issued an online alert about the problem around noon. The bees were swarming around what locals call “the Triangle,” where the Overseas Highway leads into the city. “Visitors and residents in the area of the Triangle from 20th Terrance to North and South Roosevelt boulevards are warned to stay indoors. A large swarm of bees is in the area. The bees are swarming and likely to sting. Key West Fire Rescue is on scene and beekeepers are on the way,” Link
[Dome] I looked out my window the other day and saw a glass dome covering Marathon. Those poor people! Is it a glass dome or a really bad photo of a rainbow or another planet?
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[February’s Black History Month] What’s so important that we must celebrate a whole month for only 13% of the population? Why don’t we celebrate Latino history month or European history month, or Asian history month? This country was created by White Europeans (with the help of other ethnic groups). So now why must we placate this dark minority? I think if we don’t, then we shall be called racist and there will be rioting and looting. Thet doesn’t make any sense to me. It seems that we have become a nation of Lemmings in a hurry to get to the edge of the cliff.
[Friday Joke] Hollywood Squares:
Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married? A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’? A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A.. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
The current Coconut Telegraph was published on 8/18/23 at 9:46 am.